Help, I've fallen for an astrophysicst

[Nebula815]

Darnit Evo, now you've got me dying to know who this science guy was!

Anyways Klute, glad to hear you got the date, good luck :)

 

[Borek]

Good luck

for the penny to drop with him

After my struggle with the flesh I am afraid to ask what THAT could mean

 

[Equate]

Good luck



After my struggle with the flesh I am afraid to ask what THAT could mean

Here you go:

A "Penny Drop" is a term used by the belligerent people of the middle class society. This word is used to define a situation that arises when a supremely...

- http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Penny Drop






Just kidding!

It means it took him a couple of minutes to "get it".

 

[Klute]

You had to stick something wet in his ear before he clued in, didn't you?

Astrphysicists...

Well I had to ask a couple of times over each time getting less subtle until he finally got it. He went a bit quiet for a second and for an awful moment I thought he was going to say no but then he broke into a big smile and accepted ... phew!

Thanks again everyone for the advice and good wishes. I'm looking forward to it and I guess we can just see how we get on and take it from there but I have a really good feeling about this guy and I'm glad I took the chance to ask him out.

 

[Borek]

Well I had to ask a couple of times over each time getting less subtle until he finally got it. He went a bit quiet for a second and for an awful moment I thought he was going to say no but then he broke into a big smile and accepted ... phew!

I wonder if that means you will have to be bold to push things further.

- Will we meet next week?
- ...can't remember radius of Betelgeuse, but...

 

[arildno]

Remember Klute, that within the mathematical sciences, it is perfectly common that the "next-door colleague" won't be able to understand your work, and vice versa.

He'll be used to being surrounded by people who don't understand his work, and if he is a fairly normal guy, he won't expect you to understand any of it, either.

Not out of a patronizing attitude, but because he knows how much science he himself doesn't understand, and how few really understands his work.

 

[DanP]

Good luck



After my struggle with the flesh I am afraid to ask what THAT could mean

Bend over the table and let her do terrible things to him :P

Just kidding, mainly means "untill he got the idea". You know , like when somebody tell you a joke and you don't get it for the first 10 secs or so.

 

[DanP]

He'll be used to being surrounded by people who don't understand his work, and if he is a fairly normal guy, he won't expect you to understand any of it, either.

.

Well, where I come from, it's a very bad idea for a man to take out a girl on the first date and start to wave stories about the theorems he proved and microwave radiation. Not only he shouldn't expect her to understand the work he does, as you pointed out, but he shouldn't make a conversation out of the details of his work in the first place.

 

[Borek]

You know , like when somebody tell you a joke and you don't get it for the first 10 secs or so.

Ummmm, can you repeat?

 

[DanP]

Ummmm, can you repeat?

Bend over the table and let her do terrible things to him

 

[arildno]

Well, where I come from, it's a very bad idea for a man to take out a girl on the first date and start to wave stories about the theorems he proved and microwave radiation. Not only he shouldn't expect her to understand the work he does, as you pointed out, but he shouldn't make a conversation out of the details of his work in the first place.

I agree.
That doesn't mean, however, that physicists and mathematicians are very good at not slipping into "bad form".

Particularly if they are in the same room together, totally forgetting that there are others in the room, but they start discussing abstruse points only they are passionately interested in.

Klute:

I know quite a few Ph.D's, for none of them is their work "just another way of living", it is also a vocation. (Otherwise, if they hadn't gotten emotional kicks out of their work, the grinding mental work involved in it would have been unbearable).

Thus, if your relationship develops into something you hope for, it might be prudent of you to expect that some of his associates WILL be incorrigible, in that they will start discussing work with your boyfriend, and he will forget himself, leaving you outside feeling silly.

Since these persons might well be some of his best friends, precisely because they are enthusiastic about the same abstrusions, it would be futile of you to try to improve their manners.

 

[DanP]

I agree.
That doesn't mean, however, that physicists and mathematicians are very good at not slipping into "bad form".

Particularly if they are in the same room together, totally forgetting that there are others in the room, but they start discussing abstruse points only they are passionately interested in.

True. I guess in a bigger or lesser quantity we all have this trait in us, after all our passions is what make us "vibrate" and feel alive.

Since these persons might well be some of his best friends, precisely because they are enthusiastic about the same abstrusions, it would be futile of you to try to improve their manners.

This has "The Big Bang theory" written all over it in capital letters. Perhaps if this is the situation, the person which has more social skill in the relation should try to make the other one a little more social savvy. I do *not* mean change the other person, but make him become aware of some social realities.

After all, more often than not, a successful long term relation is a long chain of negotiations. I like to think at the realities emerging from said negotiations not as compromises, but as new things which add value to our lives.

 

[arildno]

This has "The Big Bang theory" written all over it in capital letters. Perhaps if this is the situation, the person which has more social skill in the relation should try to make the other one a little more social savvy. I do *not* mean change the other person, but make him become aware of some social realities.

One thing is to have a legitimate concern over one's own boyfriend's manners, another is to seek to impose them on his friends as well, or come with demands that your boyfriend restrict social interaction with them if they can't "behave".

There are several ways to get around that:

1. When inviting "suspect" friends, always be sure to include OTHER friends you know YOU can concern yourself with and enjoy the company of. That such a party at one time will develop into two zones, the "nerds" and the "non-nerds", will then not be much embarassing for either group.

2. Plan on having a "night's out" for yourself and your friends after dinner, so that your boyfriend&colleague can get into nerd-mode on their own.

 

[DanP]

... another is to seek to impose them on his friends as well, or come with demands that your boyfriend restrict social interaction with them if they can't "behave".

.

Hopefully none will do something like this to his significant other. Its gross and only a control freak could have such demands, IMO.

As you said, there are solutions.

 

[Evo]

Well I had to ask a couple of times over each time getting less subtle until he finally got it. He went a bit quiet for a second and for an awful moment I thought he was going to say no but then he broke into a big smile and accepted ... phew!

Thanks again everyone for the advice and good wishes. I'm looking forward to it and I guess we can just see how we get on and take it from there but I have a really good feeling about this guy and I'm glad I took the chance to ask him out.

Oh, I think this is our first date resulting from our new "relationships" forum!

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[/URL]

 

[Dembadon]

Well I had to ask a couple of times over each time getting less subtle until he finally got it. He went a bit quiet for a second and for an awful moment I thought he was going to say no but then he broke into a big smile and accepted ... phew!

Thanks again everyone for the advice and good wishes. I'm looking forward to it and I guess we can just see how we get on and take it from there but I have a really good feeling about this guy and I'm glad I took the chance to ask him out.

Great news!

Have fun and be yourself!

 

[arildno]

Oh, I think this is our first date resulting from our new "relationships" forum!

Yeah, the old "Flirtation Alerts" never worked, did they?

Or, did the alerts work too well??

 

[Moonbear]

Well I had to ask a couple of times over each time getting less subtle until he finally got it. He went a bit quiet for a second and for an awful moment I thought he was going to say no but then he broke into a big smile and accepted ... phew!

Okay, this bit of advice will serve you well for a long time:
Don't be subtle with men. Tell them directly what you want or need or are asking or they won't get it.

If you fail to be direct, and inadvertently try to communicate something through subtle hints, don't get mad at them for missing what you thought were blatantly obvious hints. It's not their fault. They really do try, but they're just missing that gene.

Definition of subtle: Anything short of bludgeoning them over the head with a sledgehammer to make your intentions known.

 

[turbo]

Good one, Moonie. It has taken over 30 years, but my wife now understands that subtle hints don't work on me. I'm nearsighted, too, so unless I'm wearing my glasses and she is in a well-lit area, I don't "get" body-language, either.

 

[DanP]

It's not their fault. They really do try, but they're just missing that gene.

We are missing loads of genes. For example, the genes who gives you the patience to storm stores for 3 hours searching for a dress, then cross back in the opposite side of the city to the first store, and buy the very first dress you tried in the that day.

But we are cute and considerate and pay for the dress, so we really do deserve a break for our efforts :P

 

[jtbell]

We are missing loads of genes.

We do have a few extra ones, for example the TV-sports gene. Or the one for what Dave Barry called Male Genetic Dirt Blindness syndrome.

 

[DanP]

We do have a few extra ones, for example the TV-sports gene. Or the one for what Dave Barry called Male Genetic Dirt Blindness syndrome.

I agree. And I also blame male inability to solve the Toilet Seat Cover problem to genes.

 

[Moonbear]

We are missing loads of genes. For example, the genes who gives you the patience to storm stores for 3 hours searching for a dress, then cross back in the opposite side of the city to the first store, and buy the very first dress you tried in the that day.

But we are cute and considerate and pay for the dress, so we really do deserve a break for our efforts :P

Even I'm missing that gene. I think my sister got a double dose though! That is one thing my boyfriend and I get along VERY well about...neither of us "shops." We BUY. In other words, we don't go to a store unless we know exactly what we are going for, head straight to that department, buy it, and get out. None of that running all over town looking for a bargain while spending twice as much in gas for the few dollars difference in cost between the first and last store.

Surprisingly, I'm the one with more tolerance for dirt and clutter than my boyfriend. Then again, we differ on cleaning approaches. I sort of go for the whirlwind of cleaning once a month approach, while he goes for the hire a housekeeper approach. I'm a bit torn on the housekeeper idea. While I LOVE the idea of someone else doing the cleaning for me, I'm not so in love with the idea of going on a scavenger hunt for my own belongings after the housekeeper has put things away. He does know how to clean, and does leave the seat down. Though, then I'd drive him mad by also always putting the lid down. Having a cat who likes to drink from the toilet rather than her water dish has changed my perspective a bit. Currently, I just leave the lid up, but when she was in that stage when she'd dunk her toys in the toilet water and splash the seat while retrieving them, for a while I was the one who left the seat up just so it wouldn't be sopping wet with toilet water when I needed it. I think that may be the only reason he likes my cat.

I'm laughing at the whole "paying for the dress" part. It's been a while since my boyfriend has bought me anything. The last time he bought me something was over a year ago when he sent me flowers because I got a new job (same university, new department). I honestly don't mind, because our relationship isn't built on buying stuff for one another. But, just this week, we were talking about vacations and lifestyles, and spending habits, and amidst all of it, I commented that it would be nice to be spoiled with first class tickets to go some place warm and tropical for vacation (he ALWAYS travels first class...mostly because he always has enough frequent flyer miles with his business travel for it). He said I didn't like being spoiled so he didn't do it. I about died laughing. Whenever he does something nice, I thank him and tell him he doesn't HAVE to do that for me. And, it's true, it's not something I expect or demand. But, I had to explain to him that I certainly don't MIND if he does nice things for me, and I certainly do LIKE it when he spoils me, I just would never be so superficial as to expect it or demand it or require it. I mean, really, who doesn't enjoy being spoiled rotten by their significant other?

 

[DaveC426913]

They really do try, but they're just missing that gene.

We are missing loads of genes.

We used to have these genes. Those genes were where communication, manners and sensitivity were encoded.

But after Grok and Thag had one too many drunken falls from the Stegosaur, that chromosome got a corner busted off. Now it looks like a Y.

 

[DanP]

.
Surprisingly, I'm the one with more tolerance for dirt and clutter than my boyfriend. Then again, we differ on cleaning approaches. I sort of go for the whirlwind of cleaning once a month approach, while he goes for the hire a housekeeper approach.

My mother use to take the housekeeper approach. She jokingly instructed me that if I hire hands for housekeeping work Ill better make sure they have a degree, or else Ill end up with dirt hidden under the bed and so on, you got the idea. I guess her cleaning lady never loved her too much, she was better than an army drillmaster in finding even trace amounts of dirt left uncleaned. I mostly take your approach to cleaning, but I do hire a cook. I never have too much mood to waste time with cooking, and I find the restaurant food pretty much unsavory. My girlfriend wouldn't touch the stove with a three meters pole.

Having a cat who likes to drink from the toilet rather than her water dish has changed my perspective a bit.

This explain why that furry cutie in your avatar wields a gun shooting through the window at ppl in the streets. Must be something in the water

Whenever he does something nice, I thank him and tell him he doesn't HAVE to do that for me. And, it's true, it's not something I expect or demand. But, I had to explain to him that I certainly don't MIND if he does nice things for me, and I certainly do LIKE it when he spoils me, I just would never be so superficial as to expect it or demand it or require it. I mean, really, who doesn't enjoy being spoiled rotten by their significant other?

I used to be the same. Several years ago we had an event important to the both of us, we where a bit tight on the money and with a lot of expenses, so we decided we won't buy gifts for each other. Guess what, I didnt buy anything and she made me a pretty considerate gift. You can imagine how I felt :P I started somehow slowly understanding that "you don't have too" doesn't mean she doesn't really enjoy gifts :P

 

[DanP]

But after Grok and Thag had one too many drunken falls from the Stegosaur, that chromosome got a corner busted off. Now it looks like a Y.

And doesn't the Y feel damn good ?

 

[Hurkyl]

Even I'm missing that gene. I think my sister got a double dose though! That is one thing my boyfriend and I get along VERY well about...neither of us "shops."

The comic freefall has a half-dozen or so strips on the issue. It's an amusing read.

Start here.

 

[Moonbear]

The comic freefall has a half-dozen or so strips on the issue. It's an amusing read.

Start here.

Those are great! I really like the one that says, "Great! You just gave an engineer a problem that can't be solved with duct tape. Now we're going to be stuck here all day."

 

[turbo]

Every time I see the title of this thread, I want to add "and I can't get up!"

 

[Borek]

Those are great! I really like the one that says, "Great! You just gave an engineer a problem that can't be solved with duct tape. Now we're going to be stuck here all day."

There are probolems that can't be solved with duct tape?

Ah, you mean those that require WD40?

 

[kramer733]

Ok here for the love of god. DO NOT ASK HIM OUT. THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING TO DO. I don't care who you are but you are seriously taking away his manliness. Give him a lot of IOI (indicators of interests)

Here's a list of IOI you can do with him

http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/list-of-iois-vt36387.html

If he still isn't biting, give up because a real man would see these IOI and ask you out already unless he's just generally not interested in you.

ASK HIM OUT TO GO CLUBBING WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. Then atleast become intimate there. Get drinks

Honestly if you really have fallen in love with this astrophysicist, have sex with 12 guys and if you still want the astrophysicist, then proceed and get him.

 

[Dembadon]

Ok here for the love of god. DO NOT ASK HIM OUT. THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING TO DO. I don't care who you are but you are seriously taking away his manliness. Give him a lot of IOI (indicators of interests)

I don't understand how asking him out would take away his "manliness".

If he still isn't biting, give up because a real man would see these IOI and ask you out already unless he's just generally not interested in you.

Are real men not shy?

ASK HIM OUT TO GO CLUBBING WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. Then atleast become intimate there. Get drinks

How do you get intimate in a club?

Honestly if you really have fallen in love with this astrophysicist, have sex with 12 guys and if you still want the astrophysicist, then proceed and get him.

Is this a serious suggestion?

 

[kramer733]

I don't understand how asking him out would take away his "manliness".

Because the men are supposed to ask the women to date. You never see this happen. It just does. This coming from my cousins (25+ years old) and my brazilian jiu jitsu instructor. It just doesn't make you manly.

Are real men not shy?

Real men have confidence and an incredible amount of mental strength to overcome anything. This in my opinion is what defines a man.

How do you get intimate in a club?

.. Have you never been in a club before? One thing leads into another and before you know it, you're in bed. He can call you back if he's interested. He'd have already broken the ice so it won't be as bad.

Is this a serious suggestion?

Yes. I'm quite serious. Read the book "the game" by neil strauss.

USE THE INDICATORS OF INTERESTS.

 

[Evo]

Ok here for the love of god. DO NOT ASK HIM OUT. THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING TO DO. I don't care who you are but you are seriously taking away his manliness. Give him a lot of IOI (indicators of interests)

Here's a list of IOI you can do with him

http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/list-of-iois-vt36387.html

If he still isn't biting, give up because a real man would see these IOI and ask you out already unless he's just generally not interested in you.

ASK HIM OUT TO GO CLUBBING WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. Then atleast become intimate there. Get drinks

Honestly if you really have fallen in love with this astrophysicist, have sex with 12 guys and if you still want the astrophysicist, then proceed and get him.

That has to be the worst advice I've ever seen

 

[turbo]

That has to be the worst advice I've ever seen

Is kramer a Cyrus sock-puppet?