How many hours a day do physicists spend with their girlfrields?

[turbo]

Hah! You won't believe how many good ideas I get during the drive home from work.

When I was writing custom application programs, I would keep a tablet and pencil on the shelf of the bed's headboard. Often, I would have a vexing problem on my mind, and once I got relaxed and ready for sleep, I'd see a way around it and jot down enough to remind me where I had been going wrong. I got pretty good at writing in the dark, legibly enough so I could understand it in the morning. Other times, I'd be doing yardwork, chopping firewood, or something, and "aha!".

 

[BobG]

Basically, you need to decide your priorities. If career is more important than your relationships, your relationships will suffer. If your relationships are more important than your career, you may be slower to promotion but happier at home. Or, seek out someone who shares your goals. If you find another workaholic, you may get along well.

Are you saying that all successful physicists have unhappy wifes?

I think she's saying you need a relationship with someone who's priorities are similar to yours.

You can have a couple that each have a pretty intense passion about their job, research, etc, but want someone to share their success, frustration, etc with. They just make the most of whatever time they can find for each other (whether you use my original wording or humanino's original wording).

You can also have a couple that don't share the same priorities about life. Those are going to turn into some unhappy relationships.

As far as categorizing interests, saying this particular interest should get some particular special treatment because that particular interest is special - that's not going to work. You think physics research is much more important that Worlds of Warcraft, but a person that doesn't have a passion for either isn't going to see much difference. You have an interest (doesn't matter what it is) that is much more important to you than her.

You're still just telling her that she takes second place to the one really important thing in your life. At least, you should be telling her and then let her decide if that's good enough or not. If it's not, then it's kind of pointless to keep the relationship going.

Or, you can't end the relationship because it does mean so much to you and you decide being famous isn't so important. After all, this is a dream you've been chasing since you've been 9-years-old. I would hope that you've occasionally re-evaluated where you're going and that you're not letting some 9-year-old's decision dictate your life.

Besides, maybe improving the time you spend together is more important than the actual amount of time. A pretty nice evening could be had just painting her toe nails and feeding each other Godiva chocolates. About 3 or 4 hours of that can be worth at least 12 or 16 hours spent just watching TV together.

Of course, that would probably mean you'd have to actually research the subject on the internet and actually learn how to paint toe nails, which is going to take at least another half hour out of your time; then actually buy the supplies, which would take more time.

 

[Hurkyl]

You're still just telling her that she takes second place to the one really important thing in your life.

That's not fair. There are at least two problems:

(1) Importance is not synonymous with imperativeness

(2) The importance she has to him is only loosely correlated with the importance of each of her individual wants and desires.

 

[zoobyshoe]

There are at least two problems:

Joy, we're overloading the word "problem".

 

[Redbelly98]

But what was the story when they were still dating?

More importantly, what does his wife think about the current situation? Maybe she is very unhappy and he's clueless about it.

Good point.

But even more to the point, this is really something the OP has to figure out for himself (or he and his gf have to figure it out together). Taking a poll representing the average physicist is not the way to base your own personal life decisions.

The most important fact here is that the gf would like to spend more time together. The advisor's relation with his wife is irrelevant. What the average responder to the poll says is irrelevant.

Either spend more time with her because it would make her happy, or don't and see if the relationship still holds together. If it doesn't, one has that experience to draw on with the next gf.

 

[Moonbear]

I think she's saying you need a relationship with someone who's priorities are similar to yours.

You can have a couple that each have a pretty intense passion about their job, research, etc, but want someone to share their success, frustration, etc with. They just make the most of whatever time they can find for each other (whether you use my original wording or humanino's original wording).

Exactly! My boyfriend and I see each other for about a week every few months. We both have intense careers and live in different states. We do make time to talk on the phone or by video chat once a day, though how much time can vary anything from 5 minutes to an hour, depending on what else we're doing. We are happy together and this works for us. But, it's really rare and hard to find someone who can tolerate a workaholic. I've dated other men who got frustrated and annoyed with me when I couldn't spend time with them when they wanted to see me. They were nice guys, but we just weren't compatible so we didn't stay together.

 

[rootX]

I just noticed something funny:

http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/4228/69193649.jpg

All the google ads are about Asperger Syndromes ...

 

[zoobyshoe]

I just noticed something funny:
All the google ads are about Asperger Syndromes ...

Yeah, you just mention a thing and the adds change.

Let's try this: cement, concrete, construction, rebar. Cement, concrete, construction, rebar.
Cement, concrete, construction, rebar. Cement, concrete, construction, rebar. Cement, concrete, construction, rebar. Cement, concrete, construction, rebar. Cement, concrete, construction, rebar.

Lets see if the adds change to that subject.

 

[jackhamm]

I'm married and so I spend a lot of time being in the rough spatial area of my wife. In terms of, what I think you are getting at, quality time - maybe 1 to 2 hours a day. That said, my wife is a med student and we sometimes go two or three days without meaningful conversation. I think this is a good amount of time for a married couple to talk; I always tell her not to talk too much now - we don't want to run out of things to talk about when we retire :-)

Seriously though, if a girlfriend or spouse is giving someone a hard time about school, work, etc then there needs to be a conversation about the overall goals of the relationship. My wife and I decided to do school simultaneously so we could get this period of stress and hardwork over with early. It is important to have frank conversations lest resentment build and ruin the relationship.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[BobG]

I'm married and so I spend a lot of time being in the rough spatial area of my wife. In terms of, what I think you are getting at, quality time - maybe 1 to 2 hours a day. That said, my wife is a med student and we sometimes go two or three days without meaningful conversation. I think this is a good amount of time for a married couple to talk; I always tell her not to talk too much now - we don't want to run out of things to talk about when we retire :-)

Seriously though, if a girlfriend or spouse is giving someone a hard time about school, work, etc then there needs to be a conversation about the overall goals of the relationship. My wife and I decided to do school simultaneously so we could get this period of stress and hardwork over with early. It is important to have frank conversations lest resentment build and ruin the relationship.

Just my 2 cents.

Did the spatial area around your wife become rough before or after you told her not to talk so much?

 

[physics girl phd]

Did the spatial area around your wife become rough before or after you told her not to talk so much?

Maybe Hurkyl's "assume a spherical cow" was taken poorly.

 

[JasonRox]

Whenever I meet a girl and she's says her bf is a Physicists, I just say... "Since you're free this weekend, let's go out."

Then again, there aren't many such girls.

Note: I still stand by what I said before. If your gf is trying to determine how much she means to you from the quantity of time you spend with her, that's a problem. You have already been putting 4 hours a day with her. That's a LOT! My guess she has nothing going on in her own life and that amounts to the question... why would you date such a girl who has nothing going? (I mean something going as other than just a job. Something like a hobby, her own life basically.)

 

[Redbelly98]

Maybe Hurkyl's "assume a spherical cow" was taken poorly.

 

[Lisa!]

Physics is the real spouse of physicists and they spend whole their times with her/him!

 

[Moonbear]

Maybe Hurkyl's "assume a spherical cow" was taken poorly.

That'll get a lump to the head every time!

By the way, are only heterosexual males and lesbians physicists? And I suppose none of the males actually get married? Or maybe they're married but are required to always have a mistress on the side? Strange lot you physicists. I'm glad I'm a biologist...we're allowed to have significant others of either sex, and can get married or choose to remain unmarried. (Sorry, this question always rattles around my head when I see thread titles like this one. It's one thing if someone is asking about how to find a girlfriend if they are talking about themself and their own preferences, and another when these general questions get asked.)

 

[Count Iblis]

How many hours a day do physicists on my level spend with their girlfriends?

Why not compute the answer using causal set theory...