How much should you spend on an engagement ring?

[Kurdt]

I was 20.

 

[Evo]

I was 20.

Way too young!

 

[Kurdt]

She engaged me first. Didn't get further than that anyway.

 

[Moonbear]

My personal opinion on this is that if you really feel a ring is important, then spend whatever you reasonably think you can afford and ignore what other people tell you. Chances are, if you know the person you are about to propose to well enough to be proposing to her, you already have a sense of her expectations on this matter...is she very into "the ring" or is she more into you and your life together regardless of the ring? When you get married, what are your plans for the wedding? Will you be inviting tons of relatives that will be expensive, or will it be a small, private gathering that's fairly inexpensive? This could factor into how much you want to spend on an engagement ring vs. how much you'd rather save to spend on the wedding, a new home together, a cushion of savings for your future together, etc.

 

[lisab]

...is she very into "the ring" or is she more into you and your life together regardless of the ring?

...and that's the core of the issue.

Now, granted, I don't wear a lot of jewelry...well I do like cheap ear rings ...but, come on! What's really important here? If a woman is upset that the ring cost $1000 when she wanted a $2000 one...wow...that is so unimportant, in the course of a lifetime together. If she feels that way, it's a major red flag! Run away, run for your life!

(I'd have been mortified if I was given an engagement ring, btw!)

 

[Moonbear]

...and that's the core of the issue.

Now, granted, I don't wear a lot of jewelry...well I do like cheap ear rings ...but, come on! What's really important here? If a woman is upset that the ring cost $1000 when she wanted a $2000 one...wow...that is so unimportant, in the course of a lifetime together. If she feels that way, it's a major red flag! Run away, run for your life!

Absolutely! If she refuses to marry you because you didn't spend enough, consider it a VERY SMALL price to pay for the truth and to save you from the even greater expense of getting married and later divorced.

(I'd have been mortified if I was given an engagement ring, btw!)

I still would be. I don't believe in symbols of possession. One of my cousins got a horse instead of an engagement ring...that was pretty cool (her husband used to work as a horse trainer and she always wanted a horse).

 

[Astronuc]

http://www.australianblackopals.com/images/frontnew1.jpg

I have black opal like the one on the bottom - mostly dark blue and green, with some black. I have another one which is bright with irridescent pink, orange, green and blue. There are lots of stones like that in Australia.

 

[Raizy]

Slap her in the face and tell her to get reality check.

oooh... wait a second.

No, no, ...no, slap me in the face for having an EQ score of 60 points below average.

 

[Cyrus]

Get the little mrs something special,

Anyways, that's a pretty nice washer. I'd be happy to have that. Anyone want to buy me that washer? (You can throw in that big metal thing too).

 

[~christina~]

This sums it all up for those who can't make up their mind.
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http://img12.imageshack.us/img12/9448/98574037.jpg
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[Cyrus]

Hahahah!

 

[Danger]

Remember that engagement rings, at least of the diamond variety, never existed until the great depression when the diamond merchants proposed (so to speak) the concept in order to bolster sales. They're still a stupid idea. Any woman who demands one is not worth having as a wife.
My mother's wedding band was a chicken ring. For anyone never exposed to a farm, that's a coloured plastic ring similar in shape to a simple key-ring, that is used to band chickens around the leg for identification purposes. Once married, she donned her mother's wedding ring as her own, but the plastic one was my father's symbol of his love and all that he could afford.
My commitment to W is wearing my father's wedding ring from his first marriage, which he left to me, and she still wears her ring from her last marriage in which she was widowed. Materialism be damned; it's what the symbols mean to the participants that matters.

edit: I just realized that I posted this after page 1, without realizing that there was more to come. My point about the diamonds and DeBeers seems to have been pointed out already.

 

[Chi Meson]

I think I mentioned this a few years ago. My engagement "ring" to my wife was made of aluminum and Prestige chro-molly steel.

 

[Evo]

I wonder if there is any correlation between the size of the diamond a women insists on and how soon a couple will divorce. The bigger, the sooner?

 

[turbo]

I wonder if there is any correlation between the size of the diamond a women insists on and how soon a couple will divorce. The bigger, the sooner?

Could be. An administrative assistant at a former place of work was quite a looker (and used that pretty shamelessly to her advantage). One day, she showed up with a huge rock on her hand (over 3 carats) and flashed it around quite conspicuously. I think that marriage lasted about 2 years, though the thrill might have been gone long before that. That woman was always "on the hunt".

 

[Ivan Seeking]

"Financial problems" is listed as one of the major causes of divorce. It seems reasonable to assume that young people who make foolishly expensive purchases are destined for financial problems.

 

[Monique]

Again, stick to your own budget and buy what you like. I don't see what's the problem with buying a nice ring, as long as you're not not doing it out of pressure from your environment.

 

[OAQfirst]

Haha. When I was a kid I thought the typical engagement ring hovered around fifty grand.

 

[Evo]

I would say to realistically look at what the financial implications would be and what a sensible amount, based on your current income, would be. Then if after discussing this with her she still insists on spending more, tell her that you are fine with her pitching in the extra amount. You need to find out what means more to her and if she is financially irresponsible, is that going to become a problem down the road.

As Monique says, it's your decision, but you did ask for our opinions.

 

[turbo]

Again, stick to your own budget and buy what you like. I don't see what's the problem with buying a nice ring, as long as you're not not doing it out of pressure from your environment.

Nothing wrong with it. The guy that married the administrative assistant was in the Merchant Marines and he always seemed to be flush with cash. He was gone a lot (a recipe for disaster with that woman) and that was a second marriage for him. I would be really surprised if he spent less than $40,000 on that engagement ring. His fiance knew that I faceted stones, and when I commented on her new bling (how could I NOT notice with her hand waving around?) she took it off and handed it to me. It's not possible to accurately gauge the color of a mounted diamond, but it was very bright and white, and I could just manage to see some tiny inclusions with my 10x Hastings triplet (and yes, I always have one in my pocket). $$$$$$! Pretty good pay for staying married (part time, at least) to somebody for a couple of years.

As for "pressure from the environment" - that was certainly the case in this instance. She told me that she didn't want her boyfriend spending "all that money" on her, but he insisted. Right. I never mentioned the cost of that rock to her - just told her that it was a very high-quality stone. When she hit the road, he probably just dusted off the Vette and went shopping for another trophy female.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Here's the guideline I've been looking for. She does 6 feet, 3 1/2 inches in the high jump and gets a 1.5 carat diamond. Add $100 for the ring and setting I guess. Now just tell us far your girlfriend can jump and we'll do the math.
http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/9410602/?MSNHPHCP&GT1=39002"

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I was amazed to find the difference in price at a good diamond dealer as compared to the typcal retailer. And the fact is that a diamond considered to the lowest quality can look just as good as one having the highest quality. Again, who cares if a jeweler is the only one who can tell the difference? Of course you never want to get into that with the fiance. It can be your little secret.

FL (Flawless) - IF (Internally Flawless)
Flawless Diamonds reveal no flaws on the surface or internally are the rarest and most beautiful gems.

Internally Flawless Diamonds reveal no inclusions and only insignificant blemishes on the surface under 10x magnification.

VVS1 - VVS2 (Very, Very Slightly Included)
Very difficult to see inclusions under 10x magnification. These are excellent quality diamonds.

VS1 - VS2 (Very Slightly Included)
Only looking through a 10X loupe can pinpoint the inclusions in this category and are nearly impossible to see with the naked eye. These are less expensive than the VVS1 or VVS2 grades.

SI1 - SI3 (Slightly Included)
Diamonds with inclusions easily identified under 10x magnification. Finding flaws in this category with the naked eye is difficult. The gems in this category maintain their integrity, depending on the location of the inclusions.

I1 - I3 (Included)
Diamonds with inclusions which may or may not be easily seen by the naked eye. The flaws on the stones in this category will have some effect on the brilliance of your diamond.

http://www.jewelbasket.com/aboutdiamonds.html

The first time I bought some somewhat expensive diamond earrings for Tsu, I remember that my aunt was jealous because she too got diamond earrings for Christmas, but Tsu's were significantly larger. My uncle and I compared notes and I had actually paid less than he did. On paper it was crystal clear - my aunt's diamonds were higher quality.

 

[turbo]

Oh, yeah. Good color and freedom from inclusions can drive the price of diamonds WAY up. Step up a grade in either classification and watch the prices soar. Again, though, the metric is defined by what deBeers will allow on the market. As long as they throttle back quality, stone size, and total weight of the parcels they release to the cutters, they can control the retail prices. I hope and pray that there are some really high-producing Kimberlite pipes discovered and exploited in the next few years. The only way that deBeers can keep a strangle-hold on the industry is if they buy ALL (or at least the vast majority of) commercially-mined diamonds. I'd love to see what would happen to their monopoly if a couple of new large mines came on-line and they couldn't afford to buy up all the gem-quality rough.

 

[Danger]

I'd love to see what would happen to their monopoly if a couple of new large mines came on-line and they couldn't afford to buy up all the gem-quality rough.

Three cheers for northern Canada. It looks pretty promising.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Oh, yeah. Good color and freedom from inclusions can drive the price of diamonds WAY up. Step up a grade in either classification and watch the prices soar.

From my point of view, you don't want to sacrifice on color too much. I could tell the difference there.

IIRC and looking at the scale, anything above G - the bottom end of nearly colorless - was acceptable to my eye.

 

[Evo]

I buy smaller, higher quality diamonds. I worked for a jewelry store for awhile and learned a lot. We sold upper end jewelry. And I do have a jeweler's loop.

 

[turbo]

From my point of view, you don't want to sacrifice on color too much. I could tell the difference there.

IIRC and looking at the scale, anything above G - the bottom end of nearly colorless - was acceptable to my eye.

Certainly. And if you're going to mount the stone in a yellow-gold setting, the color of that setting is going to overpower the color of the stone so that H and I are perfectly acceptable.

A good friend of mine had come into some money years back and he got some "advice" from another friend who is a financial advisor. I hope that he never followed it. The "advice" was to buy certified 1-ct diamonds, D-color, FL. I tried to explain that deBeers could destroy his investment at any time, and though I'm not a fan of precious metals, there is no similar monopoly in Platinum, Gold, and Silver, so if he wanted tangible hard assets, he'd be safer there. He responded by sending me a nice book on diamond investing, so I just let it go.

EDIT: The book is "The Diamond Book: A Practical Guide for Successful Investing" by Freedman. Not surprisingly, the author was president of the Gemstone Trading Corporation, a company that derived its profits from "helping" investors get into diamonds.

 

[Danger]

I do have a jeweler's loop.

Is that for lassoing stray stones, or do you mean a loupe?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I buy smaller, higher quality diamonds. I worked for a jewelry store for awhile and learned a lot. We sold upper end jewelry. And I do have a jeweler's loop.

Yes dear, but we are talking about what a man buys here.

As I said, you don't want to get the fiance involved in this discussion.

 

[Evo]

Yes dear, but we are talking about what a man buys here.

As I said, you don't want to get the fiance involved in this discussion.

I had to stop my ex from buying me jewelry, the prettier the salesgirl was, the more hideous the jewelry.

 

[turbo]

I had to stop my ex from buying me jewelry, the prettier the salesgirl was, the more hideous the jewelry.

The salesgirls in the nearest large jewelry store were hired for their looks, as was the sales manager. I took a couple of flats of faceted stones there to see if they would start stocking my stones, and the sales manager turned up her nose at them. I took the stones to a really high-end old jewelry store in the state capital and the owner practically cleaned me out at some very fair prices. Years later, I was approached by the owner of the first store to help him buy an investment-grade English shotgun and I told him that I was pretty disappointed that his store wouldn't buy from a local faceter when the old gent that did his custom-castings and mountings was recommending me to others. Then when I told him that I sold all my output to the old high-end store, he went ballistic. I imagine that his sales manager got her butt chewed out when he got back to the store. It doesn't pay to disrespect a guy who shows up in flannel and jeans when he's offering top-quality calibrated stones.

 

[Danger]

Poetic justice, Turbo. I sort of feel for the old guy, but I hope that he fired that *****'s *** and got back on good terms with you.

 

[WhoWee]

The rule of thumb used to be 1 month's salary.

I personally think buying an expensive engagement ring is ridiculous. I used a small diamond that was in my mother's original engagement ring and had it set in a plain brushed gold band, I paid for the rings myself, cost me about $100.

It's really a personal matter, but it is foolish, IMO, to spend so much when you are young and just getting started. If she wants something big and flashy, get her a cubic zirconia. If she takes it to a jewelry store and has it tested, I would run away.

Listen to Evo.

 

[Vanadium 50]

I wonder if there is any correlation between the size of the diamond a women insists on and how soon a couple will divorce. The bigger, the sooner?

I knew a young lass who dumped finace #1 when his diamond was too small, and immediately took up with fiance #2. To my mind, finace #1 really got his moneys worth out of that diamond. (Like the old joke "Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!")

 

[mheslep]

...My wife chose her ring for herself and then I bought it.

Same here Jimmy.

Graven: Consider finding yourself a small, private jeweller with whom you can trust and build a relationship. You can save yourself 30% easily this way. If the Mrs to be has her eye on a particular setting at a name store, get a catalog/picture as any good private jeweller can duplicate it with high accuracy. Even better, if you have the good eye, the private jeweller can help you design the ring and the statement 'I had designed it for you' will go a long, long way.