I want to sleep with my Professor

[turbo]

Thanks, lisab, for the help in flattering his secret out of him.

And now, with the key to Snyder's MOJO, I shall take over the WORLD!

Muahaaaaaahaaaaahaaaaa!

Ah, you need a flair for the sardonic, too. Hope you didn't miss that.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Ah, you need a flair for the sardonic, too. Hope you didn't miss that.

I'll have a sardonic retort to that in a bit. My processor is still on step one: locating an old joke with a similar premise to plagiarize.

 

[StevieTNZ]

I wouldn't sleep with any Professor I've had. Yuck. Old men.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I wouldn't sleep with any Professor I've had. Yuck. Old men.

I wish I could show you your future.

 

[Office_Shredder]

I fail to understand why a University would take such a hardline against seeing students if they are no longer in your class. It would be like a corporation saying that employees can't sleep with former clients (which, according to my research watching The Office, is acceptable). And corporations are suppose to be more conservative entities!

This thread is disappoint.

There are a lot of universities that allow faculty-student relationships as long as they aren't in a position for a conflict of interest.

Also your analogy isn't very good, because the students still attend the school. It would be more like a corporation can't sleep with clients whose accounts are being handled by other employees

 

[EternityMech]

im in sweden, and i haven't seen any rules on dating...i think its fair game.

 

[zoobyshoe]

There are a lot of universities that allow faculty-student relationships as long as they aren't in a position for a conflict of interest.

When I was in college in the 1970's student-faculty relationships happened all the time. I don't recall ever hearing anyone complaining about it. It was neither prohibited nor frowned upon. It was understood that girls who could interest a professor went up in status among their peers, and professors who landed a pretty coed had their status raised among their peers. No different than the jock and cheerleader relationship.

Years later I heard colleges were starting to prohibit it, the reason being that it had been recast; no longe an exchange of status, but a kind of prostitution where girls were allegedly offering themselves to professors in exchange for top grades. I thought that was sad.

 

[ArcanaNoir]

I wish my professors were young enough to date! They're the only ones who think my enthusiasm for math is cool. I say wait until the grades are final, then go for it. Wouldn't want to find out she thinks you're whack when your grade was still in play. After that, I'd say it's safe to find out. If there's some policy against it, she should know about it and tell you if necessary.

 

[widereader]

High school teachers usually have students that are of minor age. It is against the law for a person who is aged 18 and above to have a relationship with a minor.

 

[Loess]

When I first started uni, a teaching support staff guy from my department sent me an email in my first week of the course. He said he thought I was beautiful and wanted to get to know me. Now he's a lecturer at the same uni. i turned him down at the time as I was in a long term relationship. I don't know if its right or wrong but I think I would have had to keep our relationship secret if I decided to pursue it. I'm now single and sometimes think about contacting him but its been along time now.

 

[Moonbear]

Since the OP is asking about someone he wants to do a PhD with, the answer is clearly, NO. It's unethical, and a conflict of interest for her to have a relationship with you if you are her student.

As for general rules against dating students who aren't in your class, as long as they are at the university, there is a potential they could wind up in your course and become your student. There's also the possible conflict that a faculty member dating a student could put undue pressure on colleagues to boost grades in classes,etc.

I've been told since I was TA, "If it's true love, it can wait until they graduate."

 

[netgypsy]

Reminds me of the time a family member was asked by a student if she had ever posed for a poster. Since she was well over 40 at the time she was quite flattered. There are ways to let a professor know you're interested without risking a smackdown, and once you've graduated - who knows?

 

[jedishrfu]

funny movie short as the SXSW movie festival a few years ago about this:

Female student enters the Profs office looking very seductive and says "I'd do anything for an A"

The prof says: "Would you, would you, would you..." as she leans ever closer "READ the BOOK!"

 

[turbo]

I wanted to sleep with one of my profs, too. Unfortunately, her husband was my student adviser, so that wasn't going to happen. Also, one of my classmates had the hots for him and would have ratted me out in a second if I managed to get close to his wife.

She'd wear those slim tapered skirts (think Mad Men) and elastic head-bands, which were pretty retro by 1970. Pretty, and a bit geeky!

 

[Chronos]

This whole idea is highly unethical. A person in a position of authority should never have a personal relationship with someone under their current jurisdiction. It is, at best, a prejudicial relationship in the eyes of all others subject to that authority. If you hide the fact, you are merely fueling the gossip fires.

 

[netgypsy]

So true, but it doesn't stop one from drooling or fantasizing.

 

[Galteeth]

This whole idea is highly unethical. A person in a position of authority should never have a personal relationship with someone under their current jurisdiction. It is, at best, a prejudicial relationship in the eyes of all others subject to that authority. If you hide the fact, you are merely fueling the gossip fires.

What if you wait till the class is over?

 

[Loess]

The guy I started to see fairly recently was my course tutor. We are not seeing each other now as he messed me around, ignoring me and 'not knowing what he wanted'. We didn't start seeing each other until 4 weeks after the course ended when I left that establishment. I did fancy him when he was my tutor, but I didn't let him know then. All I can say is I try to think why did I fancy him? And I think I fancied him because of the knowledge he has of the subjects I love and and I would love to have that knowledge myself. He didn't respect me for my knowledge that's for sure, he didn't even want to discuss with me the subject area I was studying with him.

I am now going to take a break from men and concentrate on my studies.

 

[Antiphon]

All I can say is I try to think why did I fancy him?

You fell prey to the well-known Podium Effect.

It's why millions of women go nuts for Rock Stars. Take the microphone away from the average rock star and what do you have? A blue-collar working-class man with bad manners and a sordid history with drugs and lots of women. What's attractive about that? Nothing- until he's on stage being adored and respected by others.

 

[Galteeth]

You fell prey to the well-known Podium Effect.

It's why millions of women go nuts for Rock Stars. Take the microphone away from the average rock star and what do you have? A blue-collar working-class man with bad manners and a sordid history with drugs and lots of women. What's attractive about that? Nothing- until he's on stage being adored and respected by others.

Couldn't it also be that people find the capacity to create art attractive?

 

[MarcoD]

This whole idea is highly unethical. A person in a position of authority should never have a personal relationship with someone under their current jurisdiction. It is, at best, a prejudicial relationship in the eyes of all others subject to that authority. If you hide the fact, you are merely fueling the gossip fires.

You confuse tradition, or ritual, with ethics.

 

[MarcoD]

The guy I started to see fairly recently was my course tutor.

Girl, if you would be the kind of woman to sleep with your professor, you would have done it.

 

[netgypsy]

Except it's a guy wanting to sleep with his female professor. :-)

 

[MarcoD]

Ah, I thought Loess was the original poster. Whatever, comment still holds.

 

[lisab]

This whole idea is highly unethical. A person in a position of authority should never have a personal relationship with someone under their current jurisdiction. It is, at best, a prejudicial relationship in the eyes of all others subject to that authority. If you hide the fact, you are merely fueling the gossip fires.

I agree with you. An imbalance of power is *never* OK in an intimate/sexual relationship. It's a recipe for disaster all around.

But I've learned from my PF friends who aren't in North America that this belief is highly influenced by culture.

 

[MarcoD]

I agree with you. An imbalance of power is *never* OK in an intimate/sexual relationship. It's a recipe for disaster all around.

Two points: a) By that reasoning, people shouldn't get married. And b), in the case of -say- Clinton, it is highly debatable who had power over whom.

And a last point: Professors have authority over students? Don't make me laugh.

 

[lisab]

Two points: a) By that reasoning, people shouldn't get married. And b), in the case of -say- Clinton, it is highly debatable who had power over whom.

And a last point: Professors have authority over students? Don't make me laugh.

You may disagree over whether an imbalance of power is a big deal or not - like I said, that's mostly a culturally influenced point of view. But to think that there is no such thing approaches willful ignorance.

I won't chase your Clinton straw man.

 

[MarcoD]

You may disagree over whether an imbalance of power is a big deal or not - like I said, that's mostly a culturally influenced point of view. But to think that there is no such thing approaches willful ignorance.

I won't chase your Clinton straw man.

I am saying all relations have an imbalance of power, so that point is moot.

God, I even lived together with a student. She was my partner and some people objected to that. But, sorry, when looking at the relation, none of the rational arguments stuck, and I don't think there are any.

It seems to boil down to feeling, mostly.

 

[netgypsy]

The Clintons have a balance of power which I suspect is the reason they are still married.

I do remember a comic in the newspaper showing Hillary, Bill and Buddy at the veterinarian's office. The vet looks at Hillary and asks her "Which one is here to be neutered?"

People do stupid things and this includes very intelligent people. I did like Monica's comment though when she was being asked about their dalliance. She said something like I didn't think it was anyone else's business.

Of course the big problem here was, as is the problem with the person who originated this thread - he was married and they did not have equal power.

I would hope the young man who posted this question would look at all the trouble this caused and stick to fantasy at least until graduation.

I personally know three cases of students who actually married their teacher. The first was a young single male teacher and coach. He met the student working on a student newspaper. He somehow obviously found out the interest was mutual and immediately went to her parents. She was a senior at the time. The only times they saw each other was at her house with her parents there. She was a high school senior when they met. She went on to college and they continued dating and married after she graduated. They are still married 30 years later. This is the way it's done right.

the second one, the teacher was female and married. A real good looking woman. She knew the student as she taught him and worked with him as he was the student body president. She was married to an older man. The story was, the older man had "problems" and he refused to deal with them. She eventually divorced him and in a year or so began dating the former student who had now graduated from college and worked for a mortgage bank. They are still happily married after 15 years. Another one that was done right.

The last case was a 15 year old young man and his female teacher. They were caught in the proverbial compromising situation. They did marry but people who know them well say there is a power problem in this one.

So if there really is potential for a lasting relationship a few years doesn't make much difference.

 

[netgypsy]

I am saying all relations have an imbalance of power, so that point is moot.

Respectfully disagree. I know many many marriages/partnerships where the power is equal. There can be division of labor or not but there is total respect for the partner and a willingness on both parts to do 100% when needed with no asking and no complaining. They see a need and fill it.

The men in this type of relationship are very very secure in their masculinity and the women, in their femininity meaning they know they are smart and attractive and many make the effort to stay healthy and attractive regardless of age. These are the ones who are still mountain biking together in their 70's.

The cultural "differences" in power balance are interesting. I lived in a third world country for a couple of years and worked there and when I left to go over there, people in the US told me that the women in that country were essentially powerless. I found it to be quite the opposite. The middle and upper class women were more empowered and independent than women in the US at the time and the working poor women were also very much empowered and valued by their spouses. Birth control was widely available and free in many cases 35 years ago in that country so women had control over their reproduction and therefore their economic situation. Of course there were those who were not in balanced relationships but people come in such a wide variety of types that's going to happen everywhere.

A male relative once told his brother he would never marry a woman smarter than he was. A number of my nerdy male friends feel the same way. But my male chemistry professor told all the guys in my huge lecture class - find the smartest woman who will have you and marry her. You will NEVER be sorry. And this was a million years ago. I stills mile when I think of him. Great teacher too and very happily married.

WOW I haven't even had any coffee yet and am seriously running on at the mouth.

 

[MarcoD]

The men in this type of relationship are very very secure in their masculinity and the women, in their femininity meaning they know they are smart and attractive and many make the effort to stay healthy and attractive regardless of age. These are the ones who are still mountain biking together in their 70's.

Well, you didn't convince me with that. I could rephrase it as to that I find it meaningless to talk about 'balances of power' within adult relationships. Unless it's a totally abusive relationship, you'll never figure out what balance of power exists, whether the concept itself is an illusion, or whether other people just project it into a relationship.

If it would be about 'balance of power,' I propose we only condone same sex marriages.

 

[netgypsy]

Same sex marriages have the same problems as hetero. If one is more powerful they will bully the other in one way or another. I hope you realize I don't mean physical power. If that were true people would never be able to ride a horse - yet they can. Power is knowing the other person's currency and having what they want. When both parties can walk away, neither will bully the other if they both care enough to want the relationship to continue.

I'd love to know if you feel the same way in 30 years.

 

[I like Serena]

Many relationships start out or end up with unequal power.
I think that the key to a successful relationship is that you find a balance.

Any two people are different and each has his/her strong and weak spots.
Plenty of opportunity to (re)balance a relationship (or end it).
I believe there's no real reason to avoid a relationship just because it may start out unequal at some points.

 

[netgypsy]

When it starts out you don't really know if it will ever balance. This is the point of dating. To see if there are points of contention that are deal breakers. A friend started going out with someone who smoked. it was a deal breaker. he quit smoking. Another friend married a smoker and she quit but started back five years later. It's a huge problem.

Sometimes one party hides their real self because they want to marry the person for a variety of reasons. After the marriage the deal breakers start showing up. Another friend dated her fiance for five years before they married. She said he became a totally different person once they were married. She divorced and is now happily married to a guy she worked with for quite a while before they even went out so she knew what he was like for real.

Studies say you have two years to change a new spouse. After that - forget it. But it's a lot better if you're both honest and upfront from the beginning. It's also a bit easier if neither of you is so good looking you turn heads wherever you go. I know really good looking men and women who deliberately play down their appearance because it's annoying to have people drooling over you all the time. Not that I have any personal experience with this but I have relatives and friends who have. Caused them a lot of problems.

The mother of one of these "drop dead gorgeous" girls told me that when her daughter went to school on the first day of the fourth grade and came home to report on it her mother said well how did it go. The 9 year old sighed and said - it's the same as always - all the boys like me. the daughter actually turned out to be a very nice person but her mother worried about her all the time.

 

[MarcoD]

Same sex marriages have the same problems as hetero. If one is more powerful they will bully the other in one way or another. I hope you realize I don't mean physical power. If that were true people would never be able to ride a horse - yet they can. Power is knowing the other person's currency and having what they want. When both parties can walk away, neither will bully the other if they both care enough to want the relationship to continue.

Well, that's my point. I don't think balance is a useful metric. What should it be? 50/50, 20/80, 80/20? Even in a very traditional marriage where the man works enormous amounts of hours, and the woman stays at home with the kids, you'll never find out what the balance is, or whether it is good for them.

IMO, in order for a relationship to be wrong, somebody needs to be 'hurt' somewhere. Like real hurt, intentional by the other party and not self-inflicted. If not, there's not a lot you can say about anything when two consenting adults get involved into any transaction, giving stuff away, having sex, having relationships, getting into SM, whatever. It's a free country. (Which is why I think you'll never find an argument. It may not be wise, it may also not be very traditional, but that doesn't make it 'wrong.')

I'd love to know if you feel the same way in 30 years.

Yeah well, that makes two of us. I am not very well known for changing my opinions and I don't do it very often; I don't think I'll change my opinion on this one. Especially since in this case, I am the expert.