I want to sleep with my Professor

[turbo]

A sister of one of my oldest friends was about 2 years older than me. My math teacher was visiting her at home (supervised) for a while before she graduated. They have been married for over 40 years, and he is the most winning basketball coach in school history and probably in state history. When they met, he had just graduated and she was a HS Senior. Not a bad situation if you've got a bit of time to wait and know each other.

 

[lisab]

For goodness' sake, I'm not advocating a perfectly balanced power structure - that's absurd. Straw man much?

It's a bad idea to 1) date your boss, 2) date your professor, 3) date your commanding officer...etc., the list goes on.

In many cultures this falls squarely under "common sense". But I've realized that not all cultures have this point of view, so if you disagree, don't go on the attack. Simply recognize it as a cultural difference and try a drop of tolerance.

One reason is it wrecks morale of others in the group. For that reason, the person with the higher authority should exercise good judgement, self-restraint, and self-control -- that's one of the reasons those qualities are sought out in leaders.

 

[MarcoD]

It's a bad idea to 1) date your boss, 2) date your professor, 3) date your commanding officer...etc., the list goes on.

Prove why it's a bad idea. I know a lot of women who found it a great idea. (It's in general a lousy idea to start any relationship. Doesn't mean people don't do it.)

One reason is it wrecks morale of others in the group. For that reason, the person with the higher authority should exercise good judgement, self-restraint, and self-control -- that's one of the reasons those qualities are sought out in leaders.

Why would it wreck morale? The only people I know who objected were those outside of the group...

A university isn't a military school.

(I am sorry, you'll have to do better than this. These to me look like the same reasons as given against interracial relationships.)

 

[netgypsy]

Yeah well, that makes two of us. I am not very well known for changing my opinions and I don't do it very often; I don't think I'll change my opinion on this one. Especially since in this case, I am the expert.

As am I also. And it may well be that your perception of balance is not the same as mine.

People stay in dysfunctional relationships, damaging relationships, dangerous relationships, but this doesn't mean they are in a "successful" relationship. Sticking it out is not the same as finding great joy in sharing the company of someone and a life with someone you think is truly spectacular and they are equally enamored.

If one party makes 80% of the decisions and the other, 20%, that doesn't mean there is no balance. IF both are perfectly content with the decisions. If one generally initiates romantic encounters again that doesn't mean there is no balance. When there is no balance is when one person's will is imposed upon another who is unwilling but forced by some sort of threat, be it psychological, physical, monetary, etc. And saying I'll go to the ballet if you'll go to the Indy 500 is not a threat. Barter is fun. Bantering is fun. Play S & M is fun. None of these mean there is no balance.

Signs there is no balance in a relationship. One party is always apologizing. It makes no difference what the problem is, they are always saying "I'm sorry." Two friends who finally got out of really nasty relationships (one was shot, the other, beaten black and blue) said it all the time and one still does although she's no longer physically threatened.

Another one - one party always belittles the other, reverses their decisions, and so on. Sooo dumb - after all - they chose the person.

And the most common one I think is spending large sums of money without any input from the partner. Because money is power.

Balance is shown by equal respect, kindness, consideration, not by who does the dishes or pays the bills. In a balanced relationship when a partner needs a little help, it's there. When they're crabby they don't blame each other. Both parties are happy and confident in each other. They have each other's back. Other than that there are all sorts of differences. Some may even be bizarre but who cares (unless they are both serial killers or something really nasty). The point is, there is earned trust and value in the relationship.

Yes there are some mother/son and father/daughter types of romantic relationships but they may fail when the dependent partner grows up although sometimes the other will adjust. Of course sometimes the older one dies first since there is frequently an age disparity in these. But they can still be balanced in the sense that the deferred to partner always considers the desires and opinions of the other and the submissive partner really appreciate and values the partner's expertise. This is still balanced.

So all this excess verbiage is saying is that a balanced relationship does not mean identical or equal in anything other than the amount of value each places on the other and on the relationship. If this isn't both equal and fairly high, there will be problems.

 

[MarcoD]

Netgypsy, it all sounds reasonable, and I tend to agree, but there are no absolute truths in relationships. I find that a good thing.

For most people, if there's nothing to nag about anymore, the relationship also ends. So I don't think people should strive that much for 'balance,' unless they're over fifty-something.

I don't think I have anything interesting to say on this subject, actually, so I'll give up on discussing it.

 

[netgypsy]

You're on a physics forum and you don't understand balance. I hope you realize I'm joking. There are two types of balance - static and dynamic. You can have either in the physical world but in a relationship it's the dynamic type, like balancing a pencil on the point. If it starts going off a bit one partner steadies it before it goes too far off center. It's anything but boring. There's almost no nagging in most good partnerships unless they both enjoy it. Anything's possible as long as it's fun for both and not too illegal. Why have a relationship if it's not really really fun. Not worth the trouble.

Which reminds me, in a power balanced relationship, if one gets bored, the other will check out too. Who wants to stay with someone who is more like a sibling. Speaking of the 50's and up, go visit the Villages in Florida. Younger people have a very great misconception about relationships among older people. :-)

 

[MarcoD]

Nah, I'll comment again on it. There was nothing the matter in this particular instance. Worst case, I could have had a problem with my employer -if he would have decided against it,- which I hadn't. In that case, I guess I would have resigned, which would end me one job less and a young girlfriend more. That's about it.

But people rationalize certain problems into it, where there are none. You will not find better arguments than that it goes against tradition, like an interracial relationship in the fifties, or going to work in a dress being a man. From that perspective, it just isn't a good idea.

 

[netgypsy]

Definitely valid. In the 50's people disappeared for going against tradition but that was before the internet and cell phone cameras. Today, whatever you do in public that is peculiar according to observers will end up on youtube and of course you can lose your job as several teachers have. Until I read "The Power of Postive Thinking" I fought tradition quietly whenever I could as a teen and later but when I read that book I realized you do have to pick your battles so they get you where you want to go. a very life changing and funny book. (not religious - just sensible) But a good argument is always fun unless someone gets angry.

 

[nucleargirl]

ah, don't sleep with your professor! its only fun when its all in your head and flirting. Once you actually do it, it would be like bad cosplay characters - not even close to how it looks on paper/tv/in your head! They are only human! But when they are your professor they seem like perfect humans... but its all an illusion.

 

[Doby]

Hahaha the second I saw this board, I wanted to comment. I'm actually dating my former teacher. He's no longer my teacher though. I made sure he wasn't married (was single when I met him) and was into me not just for physical stuff. He does share feelings for me and is the first guy I've met who treats me with respect. I'm not ever going to take classes with him ever again because he teaches English classes while I am taking math, science, engineering classes and have finished my English requirements. On top of that I'm transferring out of my current college to NJIT soon anyway.

Now if he were married I would never have thought of dating him. I remember when I took a class with a pretty 30 something year old professor who was married and had kids. The male students would still try to flirt with her! She would just pretend like she didn't notice they had crushes on her. I'm pretty sure she was used to it.

 

[mathwonk]

i'm never sure how seriously to take these "entertainment tonight" threads, but if you are serious, find someone else.