Is an Age Gap a Deal Breaker in Dating?

[alt]

Ah I'm ok these days, it took a while to get out, but I got out. I'm probably quieter and more reclusive than your average person but I don't think I'm mental, and I'd like to think that at some point, I should start dating again. :)

The more I think on this, the more I think I'll just take it easy and see how things develop. I don't know her so well anyway, there's time for regular conversation, and there's the work thing too - I'll be there for at least most of this year until I graduate, and if it did turn sour that would be annoying.

Nah .. you've taken it easy for too long. The longer you leave it, the harder it will get.

 

[MarcoD]

Not sure what you're concluding here .. that age differences are linked to promiscuity ? If so, I disagree.

Nah, just if that in the US, forty-fifty year age presidents can be married and have twenty year age lovers, and 'half' the actrices date people at least ten years older, I don't see where the problem can be. And that's the top of the iceberg.

I googled a bit. For marriages, Nicholas Cage & Alice Kim, married 40-20, Bo Derek married 18-48. Phil Collins & Cevey 44-22. So stable is normal too.

I don't think you should worry about age difference; nobody seems to care anyway.

 

[CaptFirePanda]

I'm not sure if Hollywood stars and US presidents should be used as a proxy for "normal".

 

[turbo]

I'm not sure if Hollywood stars and US presidents should be used as a proxy for "normal".

Probably not. Demi Moore went for an older partner not all that long ago, and then wen't 'way younger. People with money and public recognition often don't have conventional relationships age-wise or otherwise.

 

[MarcoD]

Well, why would different rules apply to them? But, seriously, I've seen it a lot, and I am pretty sure that if you would visit some small town in Texas you will find something like a mechanic who ended up marrying his twenty years younger administrative help. Seriously, it happens everywhere because where people meet, romantic interests arise, and love is blind.

The only thing I know is that it usually doesn't last. Two friends I have ended up very unhappy because, well, they wanted to stay at home where the partner would want to go clubbing at that age, and those were the more serious relations. It's usually an infatuation for women at that age anyway.

(But sometimes it does work out. I've two, maybe three, acquaintances with larger than ten year age difference.)

 

[turbo]

Age differences shrink as the partners get older. When I was in college, I moved in with a grad student several years older than me (she came on to me). None of my friends had a tut-tut party about that. They were pretty jealous for the most part. If we were still together, the "age difference" would be non-existent.

 

[rvce]

age wouldn't matter for her,if she is into u, she wouldn't even care if u are a boring sod. give it a try a see so later u won't keep thinking what if i had taken chance. my boy friend is 8 yrs elder to me. actually my ex. we broke up recently. all the while our problems weren't on age or he being boring. go out and try. you never know what its like on the other side unless u seen it.

 

[nucleargirl]

is it me or does adyssa sound totally hot? But also totally far away cos you are in Australia :p Anyway, I think you have nothing to worry about in terms of girls! Girls love slightly reserved guys! who take the time to get to know them - we don't friendzone every nice guy, come on!

 

[Borek]

 

[lisab]

I'm not sure if Hollywood stars and US presidents should be used as a proxy for "normal".

True that.

 

[MarcoD]

True that.

Hmpf. Personally, I think it only shows what goes on 'behind the curtains in a society', which is usually an awful lot more than anybody feels free to admit. I like to think I am not that hypocritical.

 

[Vagrant]

is it me or does adyssa sound totally hot? But also totally far away cos you are in Australia :p Anyway, I think you have nothing to worry about in terms of girls! Girls love slightly reserved guys! who take the time to get to know them - we don't friendzone every nice guy, come on!

Especially one with a reformed bad boy aura! Very hot!

 

[Adyssa]

Oh stop it haha! I've left out the ugly bits.

So, she came into work yesterday in a summer dress with her hair out, I almost died. As if she could be any more perfect. I love a girl in a dress, just above the knee, sandals, most things left to the imagination, a little breeze to blow it around some.

Sigh... <3

 

[MarcoD]

Oh stop it haha! I've left out the ugly bits.

So, she came into work yesterday in a summer dress with her hair out, I almost died. As if she could be any more perfect. I love a girl in a dress, just above the knee, sandals, most things left to the imagination, a little breeze to blow it around some.

Sigh... <3

Oh great. Can you now please go and find out whether she's interested? The gap ain't that big to really worry about, but you just might be too old for her to be interested in. So be a good boy and find out, and then stop swooning about it.

Sheesh.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I can't advise it. I'm 61 now, so you wouldn't think it would be such a big deal for me to go out with someone 9 years younger than I, but even in my case, my wife says no way.

 

[MarcoD]

I can't advise it. I'm 61 now, so you wouldn't think it would be such a big deal for me to go out with someone 9 years younger than I, but even in my case, my wife says no way.

Ah. You're one of those. (In Dutch, labeled 'the man -holding the bags- behind the housewife,' taken at a convention for household appliances.)

 

[Adyssa]

^ haha! I know 'that guy'.

Oh great. Can you now please go and find out whether she's interested? The gap ain't that big to really worry about, but you just might be too old for her to be interested in. So be a good boy and find out, and then stop swooning about it.

Sheesh.

A man can swoon, can't he? :)

I will see her at work in a few days and try to gauge her interest, if I can stop my knees from wobbling!

 

[mcknia07]

Gosh we all want to know already!

 

[turbo]

Gosh we all want to know already!

Such a little age-difference and such a potential for attraction...

 

[alt]

Oh stop it haha! I've left out the ugly bits.

So, she came into work yesterday in a summer dress with her hair out, I almost died. As if she could be any more perfect. I love a girl in a dress, just above the knee, sandals, most things left to the imagination, a little breeze to blow it around some.

Sigh... <3

Oh Blimey ..

Your posting sounds like those lovely lines out of McCarthur Park ..

"I recall the yellow cotton dress, foaming in the breeze, on the ground around your knees
Birds like tender babies on your hand, and the old men playing checkers, by the trees" ..

You better grow a pair and go get that girl, buddy, else, ..

"I't will take too long to bake it, and you'll never find that recipe again" !

 

[Adyssa]

Oh c'mon it wasn't that bad, I was just gushing a bit. I don't do romance novels!

I just spoke to her briefly at work, we talked about pesto >.< She's lovely!

It appears she's going overseas soon, so I don't know what that means, but yeah .. attempting to grow a pair, I'm sure they're tucked away somewhere. I hate to build up the suspense, but it's been a long time you know. :P

 

[alt]

Ah well ..

maybe you should just pop over to that other thread where things imagined / dreamt, etc, may as well be real !

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=582154

 

[MarcoD]

Yeah. I doubt she'll be very interested in a swooning 'old' guy anyway.

 

[CaptFirePanda]

Like a pack of wolves closing in on weak prey.

Or is this just the "tough love" approach?

 

[MarcoD]

Pfff. You think young women don't know how to give older guys the brush-off? Young women aren't weak, know perfectly well what they are doing, and usually make their own choices between a rather infinite number of willing supply. There's nothing weak about them.

 

[CaptFirePanda]

No, you read me wrong. I mean, you guys are descending on him like a pack of wolves now that he's shown his vulnerability.

 

[MarcoD]

Oh, I really don't care about it. The swooning part is not too manly, but people come in all sorts and flavors. They're both adults, nobody is being murdered, so whatever happens, I really don't care. Best of luck, I guess.

 

[CaptFirePanda]

Real men don't swoon?

 

[MarcoD]

Well, some do. I just don't find it too manly. Or rather, I prefer to swoon after everything went wrong, or right. I never care(d) about women until after I ended with yet another lousy deal. The swooning usually helped me accept that. (Great, I guess I should say this is a joke. Okay, with some truth to it.)

(But whatever. Man I really don't give a hoots what people do. As long as they are adults, he can drool the whole day about it.)

 

[alt]

Yeah. I doubt she'll be very interested in a swooning 'old' guy anyway.

It's not the 'swooning old guy' that's the issue. Swooning is good. It gets you going. It's that that guy (old, young or whatever) appears to be backward in coming forward. A pity.

Also, I've found that girls / women (at least the ones I've encountered) are actually quite interested in guys older than themselves.

 

[alt]

No, you read me wrong. I mean, you guys are descending on him like a pack of wolves now that he's shown his vulnerability.

Gee, where did you see that ?

As he decided to bring the issue onto an internent forum, I'm simply taking him at his word (assuming he's not trolling) and encouraging him to make a move on the gal - a gal he's expressed great affection for, and one that he's said has reciprocated such affection to some extent.

Heck, even the fact that she told him she's going overseas, could well be her saying to him "Get a move on .."

 

[MarcoD]

Also, I've found that girls / women (at least the ones I've encountered) are actually quite interested in guys older than themselves.

Hehe. I am pretty sure that there are even lots of women who'ld like the swooning part. Gives them some ROI, and it's flattering. It's just not something I do.

As for women, yeah of course. Lots of them are even very aggressive in pursuing their interests. They don't really differ in anything from men.

 

[CaptFirePanda]

Heck, even the fact that she told him she's going overseas, could well be her saying to him "Get a move on .."

I think it's more like "Don't get too attached as I'm on my way to sample the men of Europe!"

 

[MarcoD]

I think it's more like "Don't get too attached as I'm on my way to sample the men of Europe!"

Ah man. She might be frigid, she might have an affair with the entire county, she might just be a nice girl who would take an interest. Whatever, guy should just find out if she's interested.

Interestingly, I found out that in the US you can get married at sixteen. Most countries allow relations between consenting 'adults' from anything from in between fourteen to eighteen. I think that settles it. Girl is twenty-one, so for hoots sake, she's an adult, nothing is the matter.

 

[lisab]

Ah man. She might be frigid, she might have an affair with the entire county, she might just be a nice girl who would take an interest. Whatever, guy should just find out if she's interested.

Interestingly, I found out that in the US you can get married at sixteen. Most countries allow relations between consenting 'adults' from anything from in between fourteen to eighteen. I think that settles it. Girl is twenty-one, so for hoots sake, she's an adult, nothing is the matter.

Actually, there is no official marriageable age in the US -- it varies from state to state.

From Wiki:

United States: 18 (two exceptions: 19 in Nebraska and 21 in Mississippi). Most states, however, allow minors below 18 to marry (generally they have to be at least 16 but sometimes lower) with parental and/or judicial consent, and some states allow female minors below 18 to marry without parental or judicial consent if she is pregnant.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriageable_age