Is It Overprotective to Limit a Partner's Friendships?

[Mentallic]

Well I don't see how "I don't come by gays very often" is giving everyone the impression that I never come by gays That is a qualitative term which can just as easily represent 1 in 10-20. And remember that I can't spot a gay from a mile away, many are discrete about their sexuality.

 

[tikay]

Do you live in an underground bunker or something?

hehehe
~Thats what I am wondering, maybe Utah? Some heavy morman state?
(pun intended)

;~})

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Huck: I think that we are just coming at this from different directions and more or less see things similarly so I'm figuring on dropping the discussion unless there was anything I had said that you are particularly interested in having some clarification on.

Well I don't see how "I don't come by gays very often" is giving everyone the impression that I never come by gays That is a qualitative term which can just as easily represent 1 in 10-20. And remember that I can't spot a gay from a mile away, many are discrete about their sexuality.

I do not remember if you mentioned your age but I get the impression that you are fairly young, in the vicinity of 18 maybe? I can not think of anyone I knew of in high school (that is, actually at school) who was out of the closet. It was not until I had a social life outside of my school mates that I started meeting people who were openly gay. Hanging out at a coffee house probably had something to do with it too.

Just ask people what they think of Liza Minnelli. Madonna works too but results may be more mixed.

 

[tikay]

Of what size city and what country?

I live in a Megatropolis in Canada and I would say 1 in 20 is low*. And that's not even counting the fact that I have the worst gaydar on the planet.

*I'm sure being the home of one of the largest gay pride parades in the world had nothi9ng to do with it



There are some men who are attractive no matter your persuasion.

I would have George's children.

Silverlake has a nice little gay parade yearly, the turn-out is MARVELOUS DaRLink~

George Michael?

I am considering becoming a bi-sexual person lately, the pickin's are slim here for good guys.

 

[DaveC426913]

Just ask people what they think of Liza Minnelli. Madonna works too but results may be more mixed.

Or Streisand...
Or Abba...

 

[DanP]

No accounting for taste on my part apparently, but yes, I think he's a sexually attractive man. No, I'm not gay, but I've been called that before several times.

Ok, You are probably an atypical man then. The overwhelming majority of man I know would not describe another man as "sexy" or "sexually attractive". Its probably an angle of the problem they aint capable of seeing.

I hope that one day it won't be necessary to add a disclaimer such as 'not that there is anything wrong with that' to differentiate between an unfavorable practice and an association of that unfavorable view towards a person.

It is necessary nowadays in a public space. Minorities of any kind are becoming a bit too sensitive, and any comment will be interpreted negatively by the more sensitive members of the said minority.

What I hate is insecure machismo, mostly because it threatens to punch me in the face or belittles me in front of my relatives any chance it gets. As of yet, no homosexual has ever threatened me in any way because of their homosexuality. Live and let live.

Well, next time it threatens you, punch him in his face. I guarantee you it will never ever again threaten you.

But one observation. It is not homosexuality or machismo who threatens a man , it is another man.

 

[DanP]

I am considering becoming a bi-sexual person lately, the pickin's are slim here for good guys.

And you think the pickings for good girls will be wider ?

 

[DanP]

Madonna works too but results may be more mixed.

Bisexuality is wildly different by homosexuality IMO.

 

[DanP]

There are some men who are attractive no matter your persuasion.

I would have George's children.

Run George, run !

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why, you see them all the time? I live in an average suburb, do you live in a gay club?

I live in an average neighborhood and, yes, I see gay people all the time. They are not the least bit rare.

 

[zoobyshoe]

And you think the pickings for good girls will be wider ?

Man, you wouldn't believe it. Every girl is half lesbian nowadays. The most common reason given: men are clueless in bed.

 

[DanP]

Man, you wouldn't believe it. Every girl is half lesbian nowadays. The most common reason given: men are clueless in bed.

Whatever floats their boat =)

 

[Huckleberry]

Huck: I think that we are just coming at this from different directions and more or less see things similarly so I'm figuring on dropping the discussion unless there was anything I had said that you are particularly interested in having some clarification on.

I'm still not sure if I correctly interpreted what you meant by platonic as strictly and definably seperate. I took a guess based on what you had written in that post and went with it. Other than that I think we are good.

Ok, You are probably an atypical man then. The overwhelming majority of man I know would not describe another man as "sexy" or "sexually attractive". Its probably an angle of the problem they aint capable of seeing.

It is necessary nowadays in a public space. Minorities of any kind are becoming a bit too sensitive, and any comment will be interpreted negatively by the more sensitive members of the said minority.

I normally wouldn't describe another man as sexy because it instantly raises the question of sexuality while casting doubt on preference. If I want someone to consider my or their own sexuality in relation to gender then I might.

I've dealt with a small amount of hostility just because a few people thought I might be gay, and I find it somewhat disturbing. I can only imagine that someone who is gay would have to deal with that sort of hostility on a regular basis. People have rights because someone is willing to fight for those rights. So I understand the sensitivity, but yeah, it can be a nuisance sometimes when it is misplaced. I wouldn't know anything about that.

Well, next time it threatens you, punch him in his face. I guarantee you it will never ever again threaten you.

But one observation. It is not homosexuality or machismo who threatens a man , it is another man.

I came to the conclusion that this is the thought process that went through their minds when they decided to threaten me. Nah, rarely do I think what a conflict needs to be resolved is a punch in the face. I may not always be appreciative of other people's views, but I accept and expect that people will have views that differ from mine. I'll stick with live and let live until someone's life is threatened. Then I turn to survival of the fittest and the rules of society no longer apply. I despise intimidation and that carries over somewhat to the men who favor it.

 

[DanP]

I came to the conclusion that this is the thought process that went through their minds when they decided to threaten me.

Not necessarily. Some persons are innately bent on being abusive.

Nah, rarely do I think what a conflict needs to be resolved is a punch in the face. I may not always be appreciative of other people's views, but I accept and expect that people will have views that differ from mine.

Sometime it takes 30 secs to save 2 years of future belittling. Unfortunately those persons won't stop to act aggressively on you if you take the high way. So it boils down to a personal choice: will you let another person to act aggressively towards you constantly in the name of "social accepted ways of behavior" or speak to them a language they do understand to make them stop.

 

[Huckleberry]

Not necessarily. Some persons are innately bent on being abusive.

Well, next time it threatens you, punch him in his face. I guarantee you it will never ever again threaten you.

But one observation. It is not homosexuality or machismo who threatens a man , it is another man.

I don't know how innate it is. Perhaps the person's brain is not normal and that leads them to abusive behaviour, but their brain may have developed that way because of experiencing abusive behaviour, or it could be an entirely genetic disposition. Still, I'm not sure, but I believe abusive behaviour is normally a learned behaviour that a person uses to achieve their desires.

I think what happens is that the abuser feels threatened when there is no threat. Their insecurity with their own view makes them threatened by anyone who expresses an opposing view. Rather than confront their own issues with the opposing view, they direct their hatred towards the man expressing it. The man becomes an innate representation of the opposing view. To resolve their own insecurity they decide that punching the other man in the face will remove the threat. It makes the abusers viewpoint more secure because they can suppress the viewpoint of the other man by intimidating him.

Sometime it takes 30 secs to save 2 years of future belittling. Unfortunately those persons won't stop to act aggressively on you if you take the high way. So it boils down to a personal choice: will you let another person to act aggressively towards you constantly in the name of "social accepted ways of behavior" or speak to them a language they do understand to make them stop.

My reaction depends very much on what I think their reaction will be. I didn't think my 70 year old great uncle was going to be physically violent to me. Punching him would have been an extreme over-reaction. His gossiping brought more conflict into his life than it did into mine. He had an argument with his brother, my grandfather, that did not go very well for him. One of my uncles asked me about it while he was drunk and I was driving him home from a wedding party. He's the one who told me about my great uncle's sexual behaviours. While my uncle viewed women with the same macho viewpoint as my great uncle, he wasn't insecure in his own viewpoint so there was no conflict between us. I never noticed any reaction from my direct family, and I don't speak to most of my other family members so I have no idea what their reaction was. I think they lost interest in including me in their gossip a long time ago. Out of sight, out of mind.

The whole thing started with a sexual joke with my aunt and uncle who I was staying with at the time. I was talking in what I call a tranny voice like Jim Carrey from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SF6Ed--Dxg8" They thought it was funny and we all laughed. So when I moved to Phoenix I stayed with my great uncle while I got a job and saved money for my own place. We were watching TV one night and something from a commercial reminded me of the of the time with my aunt and uncle. So I used the tranny voice to make some joke about the commercial. Well, he didn't think it was funny at all. He asked me what I said, haha, so I stupidly said it again in the tranny voice. Then he got up and went to his room. The next day he said I had a week to move out because he had some relatives coming to visit. The relatives were my grandfather and my step-grandmother, and there was an empty room. I had been at my great uncles place less than 3 weeks when he told me I had to move out.

So I moved out and was staying at a studio apartment that I payed by the week in west Phoenix because that was all I could afford at the time. I had spent a few hundred on new tires for my car because my aunt and uncle lived 5 miles down a rocky dirt road that I used to drive almost every day. I would replace them with tires from a junkyard because, between the mesquite thorns and terrain they seemed to last as long as new ones on my Ford Escort on those roads. The glass in my hatchback shattered, probably from the summer heat, though I had my windows open a crack. I just had it replaced with the entire hatch from another junkyard car. I ended up living not far from the junkyards.

I was looking to get into a place with affordable rent so I could save money for school. A guy I knew from work had a friend who was looking for a roomate. He seemed reasonable enough when I met him, and I was desperate, so I agreed. The guy was a 250 pound, muscular black man that turned out to be not reasonable at all. I was working 12 hour night shifts 5 or 6 days a week so I was barely home anyway. Then his son came to visit for a few days and he had to work. He seemed agitated after that. Then I was coming home one night from a party and my roomate was in the apartment with some woman. I was a little drunk and tired and they had sex in the next room while I played playstation with the headphones on until they were done and I could get some sleep. I think I was playing one of the Final Fantasy games. Anyway, after that he became aggressive towards me and seemed to think I was gay. I probably shouldn't have told him about the incident with my great uncle, or my 'not so great uncle' as I referred to him while he was living.

Luckily, as that conflict came to a boil and he finally threatened to kill me I was making plans to move into the school dorms. So one day while he was at work I took all my things, including the cable TV I was paying for, and left. I went to the apartment manager about a week later to get my security deposit back, but he couldn't give it to me because it had been paid by my roomate in cash. So we went to the apartment and woke my roomate up and I demanded my money. He of course denied that I ever gave him any money. I didn't expect to get it, but it was worth seeing his reaction. When I went to my car he came out to the parking lot, but the manager intercepted him. If the manager hadn't been there I probably would have been hospitalized at the least. So yeah, solving that problem by punching someone would have been a poor decision too.

Sadly, none of this is unusual in my life. I understand the anger and propensity towards violence, and I still disagree with it. People need to focus more on controlling themselves and less on controlling others that are not posing a genuine threat to them. Punching someone doesn't remove the cause of a problem if the cause resides in one's self. It masks a symptom by removing the effect. Just like invading someone's privacy doesn't resolve the real issue of trust that resides in the person who invades privacy. Insecurity is ugly.

 

[DanP]

He asked me what I said, haha, so I stupidly said it again in the tranny voice. Then he got up and went to his room. The next day he said I had a week to move out because he had some relatives coming to visit. The relatives were my grandfather and my step-grandmother, and there was an empty room. I had been at my great uncles place less than 3 weeks when he told me I had to move out.

Not that I defend your great uncle which is a bit of an *******, he should have loved you even if you where gay. Family above everything. But I believe I know where this kind of men came from. I've seen it before with guys in their late 50s to 80s. They all grew up with the wars, some seen military, others had a lot of relatives fighting in WWII and Korea. A lot of veterans, and they grew up looking up to them. Later they seen an era of powerful industrial development. In their times, there where no straight man who wore earrings, shave their chest hair, or wear makeup, or even worst, (like it happens today) appeal to cosmetic surgery to get chest implants. Gay man where not so openly accepted as today. There where no moronic magazines with articles written by idiots asking man to be in touch with their "feminine sides" and be sensitive like a flower.

Nowadays those things are common in the straight population too. And for our guys, when they see all this, the past becomes the time when "man where man".

What is considered manly today is quite different by the view in the 50s when they grew up. Times change, but anyone sees the world through their experiences. I think it's not surprising many of those guys think that there are a lot of guys today which plainly fit the "kitty" description of the 50s. Its not surprising that they see many of the guys today more feminine like 30-50 years ago. Of course, their final reaction toward all this is wildly different. But I do think that many man from that era share a lot of this as common view.

As I said, I don't defend your uncle. For me family is important. He is a piece of **** for kicking you out if this (what you wrote ) was his reason alone. Please forgive me for talking like this about someone from your family.

 

[Huckleberry]

As I said, I don't defend your uncle. For me family is important. He is a piece of **** for kicking you out if this (what you wrote ) was his reason alone. Please forgive me for talking like this about someone from your family.

I wouldn't say anything quite so strong myself. He had some good qualities that I didn't mention, but you formed an opinion on what I told you. No worries.

He enlisted in the Navy at the end of WWII and served in Korea. He was in the submarine service during part of the cold war. After retirement he became a geologist and worked in the SW of the US and retired from that too. He worked hard, loved his country, and was very intelligent. He led an admirable and interesting life, and I would have enjoyed knowing him better if we could have gotten along.

 

[TubbaBlubba]

Silverlake has a nice little gay parade yearly, the turn-out is MARVELOUS DaRLink~

George Michael?

I am considering becoming a bi-sexual person lately, the pickin's are slim here for good guys.

No, must be George Clooney. Even heterosexual men can see that he's a sexy beast.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I'm still not sure if I correctly interpreted what you meant by platonic as strictly and definably seperate. I took a guess based on what you had written in that post and went with it. Other than that I think we are good.

I decided to look up the actual definition and the seemingly closest to what we are discussing, "Platonic Love". is not really what we are discussing (from what I can tell). What I am referring to is perhaps something closer to a "platonic ideal" or a pure abstract thing which is absolutely identifiable and definably separate from anything else. So to me a "platonic friendship" is a sort of puritan cultural device which necessarily denies that there is any sexual element at all to said friendship, that it is "pure" and "untainted" by any form of sexual attraction on the part of either person involved. A relationship "strictly and definably separate" from any sort of sexual relationship.

My objection is based on the idea that what we, as humans, find attractive in another (in general) is rooted in our instincts for sexual attraction. Those of a more Kinsian bent may even extend this to our attraction (as friends) to those of what ever gender we do not generally consider ourselves to be sexually attracted to. I've been considering that last bit, and it does seem to have some validity, though perhaps because of my own heterosexuality I tend to view them as having a separate nature. Perhaps I am being culturally biased as well.

 

[rewebster]

Well I don't see how "I don't come by gays very often" is giving everyone the impression that I never come by gays That is a qualitative term which can just as easily represent 1 in 10-20. And remember that I can't spot a gay from a mile away, many are discrete about their sexuality.

did you resolve the problem(s) with the GF?