My Romantic Woes: A Story of Failed First Dates

[ephedyn]

Whether you'd want to date a girl who drink-drives is another question...

PF needs a 'Like' button.

 

[Borek]

At least she has a cute forelock.

 

[rhody]

Thank you, I appreciate that.



Well, Rhody, I appreciate the advice, but those aren't the girls I'm interested in. I like to go climbing and I race my car (in season). Frankly, I'm just plain not interested in dating people from those pools. That's not to say I haven't done it, they're just never "my type." Furthermore, I have no interest in dating myself. I don't want to date someone that's like me (I get enough of me as it is!). I want someone that's starkly different.

I've never felt the anxiety or stress that other people talk about while on a date. In fact, I've always thought: "If I can't be myself around the person, there's not much of a point to being around them."

And that's the clincher... Mary (I always type the real name first and have to delete it) is one of those super rare girls. And we had an awesome time! It's like spending your life looking for an incredibly rare animal, finding it, capturing it, only to have it eaten right out of your hand by some sort of obnoxiously common animal.

By the way, I've gotten angry enough about this over the course of the day to become moderately spiteful. So I found a picture of Harriet to upload... weirdly pale, eyes too far apart, and teeth that could by a potato through a picket fence. Now imagine this looking at you just generally being bitchy.

EDIT: Harriet has darker hair.

Flex,

You just made my day... I had to scroll to see the picture, and I lost it, very well done, best of luck in whatever strategy you choose...

Rhody...

 

[FlexGunship]

Flex,

You just made my day... I had to scroll to see the picture, and I lost it, very well done, best of luck in whatever strategy you choose...

Rhody...

Thanks Rhody.

 

[DaveC426913]

Hm. Flex, glad to say your pic kind of matches the image in my head.

And sad to say, Harriet's does too.

 

[FlexGunship]

Hm. Flex, glad to say your pic kind of matches the image in my head.

Damnit, I hate being a stereotype.

 

[DaveC426913]

Damnit, I hate being a stereotype.

Nah, no stereotype. I just guessed that your username indicated a 20-something.

 

[FlexGunship]

Nah, no stereotype. I just guessed that your username indicated a 20-something.

Hah! Well you're wrong, Dave... I'm not 20-something, I'm 20-five!

Er... 25.

And a half.

 

[Pyrrhus]

I like the advices so far, especially Wasteofo2.

Here's what I'll do. Keep yourself BUSY with other girls, and then ask her out again.

Btw, could you tell if she likes you?. That's useful to know.

 

[ThomasT]

Hi Flex, still fuming? I agree with the others who have suggested finding a few other girls and taking showers with them. It will get your mind off, well, most everything. Including what's her name. See, I forgot already.

 

[cronxeh]

Oh Flexy, this doest bring back memories..

Frankly I don't approve the backdoor deal to get rid of the bald fat guy, but karma seems to have gotten you back (I don't believe in Karma, for what its worth).

Also, if someone like Harriet was trying to corkblock me while I was trying to kiss a girl I would ever so not politely tell her in not so many shades of tone of voice to stfu. I have done it before, and yes there is a chance you will be slapped, but she is a girl, how hard can it be, really?

Moving on. Some girls are just not worth the effort, and it is best to move on and not waste your time. Frankly a 3 strike policy would be the best approach. During the date, keep track of strikes against her, and just walk away on the third strike. Doesn't matter if you leaving her in the middle of the ghetto - just walk. Away.

 

[DaveC426913]

During the date, keep track of strikes against her...

Oh yeah. This is the way to lead a well-adjusted life...

 

[Pengwuino]

Oh yeah. This is the way to lead a well-adjusted life...

As much as I think everything cronxeh says and thinks is wrong, I don't think this is a bad idea. I've noticed that the people who are just awful human beings in my life will raise multiple red flags that must be taken seriously fairly quickly. On the other hand, people who are fine won't raise many in quick succession.

 

[DaveC426913]

As much as I think everything cronxeh says and thinks is wrong, I don't think this is a bad idea. I've noticed that the people who are just awful human beings in my life will raise multiple red flags that must be taken seriously fairly quickly. On the other hand, people who are fine won't raise many in quick succession.

He doesn't say take 'red flags seriously'; he says 'keep score during the date'.

It's one thing to be able to recognize when something is a lost cause, but going into it ready to tick off boxes is looking for it to fail. And whaddya know - it will!

 

[cronxeh]

I know this one woman for about 2 months now, and I have yet to give her a single strike in my mind

I'm sure I've accumulated a few strike in her mind though

 

[DaveC426913]

I know this one woman for about 2 months now, and I have yet to give her a single strike in my mind

Well you keep lookin'! It'll turn up if you just look hard enough.

 

[cronxeh]

Well you keep lookin'! It'll turn up if you just look hard enough.

Are you kidding, this one is a keeper.

 

[JaredJames]

Well you keep lookin'! It'll turn up if you just look hard enough.

Blinded by love?

 

[Pengwuino]

Are you kidding, this one is a keeper.

What's his name?

 

[cronxeh]

What's his name?

Haven't you heard? Cyrus is getting pinked soon, you don't have to call him a him anymore

 

[FlexGunship]

Btw, could you tell if she likes you?. That's useful to know.

Yes, she liked me. I know you have to take my word for it, but all the signs were there: extended eye contact, she laughed at my stupid jokes, she kissed me on the cheek when I wasn't looking a lot, she would hold my hand or stroke my arm while we talked, we made plans for a second date before the first date even ended, and whenever we walked she would hook her arm in mine.

Proof? No, of course not. But that seems like a lot of trouble to go through for no gain.

 

[FlexGunship]

Frankly I don't approve the backdoor deal to get rid of the bald fat guy, but karma seems to have gotten you back (I don't believe in Karma, for what its worth).

Well, it was a hard decision to make. I felt bad for the guy, and Harriet was NOT interested in him one iota. I guess I figured the "plan" would be the easiest way for him to leave but without feel too hurt or embarrassed.

Also, if someone like Harriet was trying to corkblock me while I was trying to kiss a girl I would ever so not politely tell her in not so many shades of tone of voice to stfu. I have done it before, and yes there is a chance you will be slapped, but she is a girl, how hard can it be, really?

Well, I did speak up, but I don't express my frustration and anger through violence or yelling. Its usually counter-productive. However, I think that fact that I said ANYTHING AT ALL is what set Harriet against me.

Moving on. Some girls are just not worth the effort, and it is best to move on and not waste your time. Frankly a 3 strike policy would be the best approach. During the date, keep track of strikes against her, and just walk away on the third strike. Doesn't matter if you leaving her in the middle of the ghetto - just walk. Away.

I'm not about to adopt a 3-strike policy. I would probably rack up 3-strikes before the meal arrived. Furthermore, I certainly wouldn't abandon a woman (no matter what the condition of the date) alone in an unsavory place. I just wouldn't do that, I feel like it would degrade my character.

 

[cronxeh]

I just wouldn't do that, I feel like it would degrade my character.

And that is why you go home alone, and as my homeslice P!nk sang it, "It's just you and your hand tonight. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh"

 

[FlexGunship]

And that is why you go home alone, and as my homeslice P!nk sang it, "It's just you and your hand tonight. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh"

Umm, we were talking about abandoning your date in a bad area (as per your description). Given the premise, I'm going home alone either way, but in one case I'm not an *******.

 

[cronxeh]

Umm, we were talking about abandoning your date in a bad area (as per your description). Given the premise, I'm going home alone either way, but in one case I'm not an *******.

I used to see your point,

but after a 3rd strike she is no longer your date, in my book. Just a total stranger. In the ghetto. Wasting your time. While you could be with someone of substance. Getting it Marvin Gaye

 

[GeorginaS]

I'm trying to see whether or not women have said a whole bunch in this thread. For what it's worth, I'll offer a bit of perspective from the dark side.

Flex, you were on a first date with a woman you'd only just met. Mary has been friends with Harriet for who knows how long. At that point in a relationship, it's a question of loyalties. Do you have your friend's back the way you normally do? Or do you tell her she's on her own and go off on your merry way with some guy who could very well end the evening with, "That was great. I'll call you soon." and then doesn't ever call again?

Then, you've let your long-time friend (however weird that friend may be) down for the sake of a few hours with a relative stranger. I can appreciate the balancing the situation required on Mary's part. She wants to think of just herself, and yet, friend.

[Caveat to say that, I also think that half-way decent friend would understand that you're on a first date and do their best not to intrude. Harriet has a whole bunch of points going against her.]

Certainly, the whole thing was annoying [Sorry, Flex, I'd love to be able to say "weird" for you, but in the world of my youth, your scenario only made the "annoying" grade. "Weird" had the potential to end with someone stripped to their underwear, tied to a chair and left in a phone booth on a busy street, late at night. Y'know?] and didn't make the best first impression of Harriet, I think it made a decent first impression of Mary because, if nothing else, you know she's loyal and someone you can count on. That's worth something.

Now, if this situation was, say, six months down the road, and you guys had been seeing each other for some time, and things were pretty solid, and Mary maintained her friend-time with her friends, and her you-time with you, then *something* would need to be done about Harriet and/or the relationship with Mary.

See, Flex, I rather admire younger women today for getting their priorities a bit straighter and not immediately dumping their friends at the curb the moment anything with a different-side opening pants zipper wanders by. Women routinely did that back in the "olden days" and harmed their long-term friendships really badly.

I seem to recall (having waded through this entire thread and noted that you called and left a message but I didn't note the times and dates relative to this point) that you left a message for her. Give her time to respond. I don't always get my texts or phone messages right away. I turn my phone off when I'm busy or involved in something with someone. Sometimes people need to be patient and wait to hear back from me. So give it some time. And when you do hear from her, have concrete plans for some kind of get-together, involving the two of you exclusively (ie: I have reservations for two at such and so restaurant), don't mention Harriet, and see how it goes from there.

If Harriet constantly commandeers Mary's life with drama and bs, and Mary allows that, then, as suggested previously, run.

 

[JaredJames]

but after a 3rd strike she is no longer your date, in my book. Just a total stranger. In the ghetto. Wasting your time. While you could be with someone of substance. Getting it Marvin Gaye

Stranger or not, male or female, I wouldn't abandon someone and I don't think very much of anyone who feels that is the right thing to do.

 

[JaredJames]

I turn my phone off when I'm busy or involved in something with someone.

I don't think that's the sort of thing he wants to hear right now with everything that's going through his mind.

 

[GeorginaS]

Oh! I just recalled something else Flex wrote. That "knight in shining armor thing"? No. Just, no. Don't go there, don't think that, don't even try, don't even think that's a good idea or something you want to do or be.

There be dragons. Just trust me on that one. Go with someone who can stand on their own two feet every single time. You don't want someone trying to "change" or "save" you, so why think that someone else would be up for that.

Plus: dragons. Nothing but bad stuff. Really. Can't stress that enough.

 

[GeorginaS]

I don't think that's the sort of thing he wants to hear right now with everything that's going through his mind.

Bleh, okay, you're right, Jared. That's bad phrasing on my part. I don't mean "involved/involved", I just mean if I'm doing something that involves being face-to-face with someone. See, I think it's polite to pay attention to the living, breathing, in-the-flesh person in front of me. I think it's horribly rude to be answering phone calls and responding to text messages while, say, having lunch with a friend.

I'll leave my phone on if I'm waiting for a specific, important call from someone, or there are things at work that someone may need to get in touch with me about, or if I'm wandering about on my own. Otherwise I give all of my attention to the person who's in front of me and that does not automatically assume said person is any sort of competition.

 

[JaredJames]

I just mean if I'm doing something that involves being face-to-face with someone.

That's right, keep digging!

I do agree though, I don't mess with texts/email/phone when I'm with someone in person. That's just impolite.

 

[GeorginaS]

That's right, keep digging!

Okay, I'll cry "uncle" now. You win.

 

[cronxeh]

Stranger or not, male or female, I wouldn't abandon someone and I don't think very much of anyone who feels that is the right thing to do.

What others think of me is none of my business

Also, why would I hold her hand treat her with kid gloves? She picked that bar to go to, hence she takes responsibility for whatever harm might befall on her if she is left alone by herself. And if she is an objectionable character, then she will be left alone by yours truly, and I would not even think twice about it.

And look at it from my side of view- if I invited her out, my intentions are that she is going to end up in my bed tonight, not alone in the bar. Obviously her intentions were different if she decided to dump her emotional garbage all over me during our date and accumulate all the strikes against her. Hence, her intentions were to use me for whatever personal satisfaction and in the end to be left alone.

I'm just a lone swimmer, in the sea of acid, looking for my way home, surrounded by others just like me, swimming vehemently for days alongside of me

 

[FlexGunship]

I'm trying to see whether or not [...] Harriet constantly commandeers Mary's life with drama and bs, and Mary allows that, then, as suggested previously, run.

Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just so freakin' rare to meet a girl like her. And I feel like if Harriet hadn't intruded, we'd be getting along famously well right now; on our third date and planning a Scrabble party (we're both board game addicts).

Grr... now I'm worried that I'm ONLY attracted to crazy chicks.

 

[FlexGunship]

The problem is that I've worked hard to cultivate a very reasonable and powerfully rational mind which means I have no tools for dealing with women.