My Romantic Woes: A Story of Failed First Dates

  • Thread starter FlexGunship
  • Start date
In summary: Can we just go?" She nods, and we head back to my car.In summary, the protagonist met a local girl through a dating website and they got along well. They decided to meet for their first date at a local sports bar and the date went well. However, Harriet's overweight friend was sitting at the bar and she was jealous. The friend invited them over for a double date and things started going bad. The date ended with Harriet yelling at the protagonist and him leaving. The protagonist met the ex-girlfriend of the protagonist's date at the bar and she didn't know why Harriet was flipping out. Harriet and the protagonist left and the protagonist paid for the drinks.
  • #141
FlexGunship said:
So I don't count that as being important since I don't think she ever believed Harriet. EDIT: Although, it should give you an idea of some of Harriet's personality traits if her best friend knows she's capable of lying about that.)

I suggest that you contact her. Ask how she's been. Tell her you're just seeing how she's doing.

Ask her if, Harriet's issues aside, does she like you? You're not sure if your date got a fair shake. And can she see past Harriet's problem?


You might spur her into saying to herself 'Gee, who's life is it anyway?'. If she does come around, she will likely get Harriet to fall in line. (After all, that 'best friend' door swings both ways.)

It would be a shame if, because you didn't give it every chance, this died before it got started.

You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
 
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  • #142
DaveC426913 said:
I suggest that you contact her. Ask how she's been. Tell her you're just seeing how she's doing.

Ask her if, Harriet's issues aside, does she like you? You're not sure if your date got a fair shake. And can she see past Harriet's problem?


You might spur her into saying to herself 'Gee, who's life is it anyway?'. If she does come around, she will likely get Harriet to fall in line. (After all, that 'best friend' door swings both ways.)

It would be a shame if, because you didn't give it every chance, this died before it got started.

You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Well, it's a good idea. Maybe I'll give it more time? I hate the feeling of begging for attention. Since the last time I got any word from her ("good luck!"), I must've sent her 10 text messages and tried to call twice.

To be fair, most of it was me telling her about bowling and asking her how things with Heather went before I caught on to there being a problem. So, I sent her one the day after asking what was up, another text the day after that asking if we could talk (then a follow up phone call), and finally I sent her a simple text on Saturday.

I think I've made an attempt. I was going to let it cool off and MAYBE try one more time. But, I dunno... the message is clear.
 
  • #143
10 text messages about bowling - that changes things to me. One would do. She could felt flooded. And I am deadly serious.
 
  • #144
I said it seemed needy and a bit intense about two pages back.

Given the new info, it does seem like you over did it.
 
  • #145
Borek said:
10 text messages about bowling - that changes things to me. One would do. She could felt flooded. And I am deadly serious.

jarednjames said:
I said it seemed needy and a bit intense about two pages back.

Given the new info, it does seem like you over did it.

Uhh, maybe. Again, kind of out of context. Boy, I feel like I'm painting myself as some sort of inept dater.

Examples: she used to text me every morning to say "good morning, xxxx" (where xxxx was a pet name), and we used to text through the whole work day. I would come back to 15 texts from here about how annoying some guy on the phone was. I dunno... it was the dynamic. It wasn't unprecedented, and I would carefully argue she was much more prone to it than me (I got a small narrative about her shopping for a brush or something... she couldn't find them, the lady was rude, they didn't have the one she wanted...).

And I said 10 total... that's only like 4 or 5 about bowling.
 
  • #146
FlexGunship said:
Uhh, maybe. Again, kind of out of context. Boy, I feel like I'm painting myself as some sort of inept dater.

...

And I said 10 total... that's only like 4 or 5 about bowling.

Text messages about bowling? I can't imagine why anyone would think you're some sort of inept dater. At least you managed to avoid the mistake of telling her she had beautiful eyes.
:smile:

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=272763&highlight=pick-up+lines&page=3
 
  • #147
BobG said:
Text messages about bowling? I can't imagine why anyone would think you're some sort of inept dater. At least you managed to avoid the mistake of telling her she had beautiful eyes.
:smile:

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=272763&highlight=pick-up+lines&page=3

Sigh... point taken. Just for the record, she asked to come be my cheerleader the night of our date (it was going to be our second date).

Grr... okay, I officially give you guys permission to rip me apart. I guess we're at the point now.
 
  • #148
FlexGunship said:
Grr... okay, I officially give you guys permission to rip me apart. I guess we're at the point now.

Oh crap, we're supposed to wait for permission? :rolleyes:
 
  • #149
FlexGunship said:
Well, it's a good idea. Maybe I'll give it more time? I hate the feeling of begging for attention. Since the last time I got any word from her ("good luck!"), I must've sent her 10 text messages and tried to call twice.

To be fair, most of it was me telling her about bowling and asking her how things with Heather went before I caught on to there being a problem. So, I sent her one the day after asking what was up, another text the day after that asking if we could talk (then a follow up phone call), and finally I sent her a simple text on Saturday.

I think I've made an attempt. I was going to let it cool off and MAYBE try one more time. But, I dunno... the message is clear.

Who's Heather? Oh, do you mean Harriet?! D'OH, cat's out of the bag!
 
  • #150
lisab said:
Who's Heather? Oh, do you mean Harriet?! D'OH, cat's out of the bag!

Nice catch!
 
  • #151
You know, I usually bail out fast :shy:, but what the heck give it a last try. I am sure it'll be a no, but you can prove me wrong.
 
  • #152
lisab said:
Who's Heather? Oh, do you mean Harriet?! D'OH, cat's out of the bag!

Fark! There's no point fixing it now. :(
 
  • #153
Cyclovenom said:
You know, I usually bail out fast :shy:, but what the heck give it a last try. I am sure it'll be a no, but you can prove me wrong.

Yeah, well, I happened to see her online today on the dating website we met on. So, maybe ill give it some more time. We had a genuine connection, so maybe I'll wait until she has a bad date or two.
 
  • #154
FlexGunship said:
Yeah, well, I happened to see her online today on the dating website we met on. So, maybe ill give it some more time. We had a genuine connection, so maybe I'll wait until she has a bad date or two.
Good idea. Trust me, seeming needy will put you firmly in the loser category. Get on that site and start looking around, she might get jealous and contact you. I know when I brushed a guy off and he immediately moved along, it made me think that maybe I was too hasty and I should take another test drive.
 
  • #155
Evo said:
Good idea. Trust me, seeming needy will put you firmly in the loser category. Get on that site and start looking around, she might get jealous and contact you. I know when I brushed a guy off and he immediately moved along, it made me think that maybe I was too hasty and I should take another test drive.

I actually do pretty well at "picking up chicks." If guys on this site haven't read The Game and The Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss (?), then I'd recommend it. I'm not implying you're a "chick", Evo! Judging by the manner in which you present yourself, you're a downright lady!

But, yeah, the idea of treating "bad behavior" (i.e. breaking up, getting mad, etc.) with disinterest is well understood. Women like to think they devastate us men. Even if they don't like the guy, they hate the idea that we wouldn't be destroyed by them leaving.

That said, I'm not into games with girls I really like. However, I will certainly wait a bit. A week or two, anyway.
 
  • #156
FlexGunship said:
Yeah, well, I happened to see her online today on the dating website we met on. So, maybe ill give it some more time. We had a genuine connection, so maybe I'll wait until she has a bad date or two.

I'm willing to be the Tank Turner from My Best Friend's Girl played by Dane Cook. I'll go out with her and she'll come running to you :biggrin:
 
  • #157
cronxeh said:
I'm willing to be the Tank Turner from My Best Friend's Girl played by Dane Cook. I'll go out with her and she'll come running to you :biggrin:

Hah! Gesture appreciated but not necessary.

As it turns out, I can get in touch with Harriet. It'll be one-way since its on the same dating website. I was thinking of letting her win. It's a totally asymetric power relationship, and I need to get on her good side just to get a shot at Melissa.

Like someone said before... nothing to lose. I was thinking of just apologizing. I know its not attractive. I know it shows weakness. I know it could backfire. But... this is the first girl in a long time that I feel is worth it.

I was thinking of this:

"Harriet, Melissa tells me that I upset you during our date. I'm really sorry about that. I was nervous with the two of you there and trying really hard to make a good first impression on you both. Somewhere along the way my nerves got the better of me and I behaved in a manner unbefitting a guy dating you best friend.

I know how valuable your opinion is to her, and I was hoping that if I extended this apology you might encourage her to give me a chance at another date. Furthermore, I want you to know that I see how close you two are and I would respect your friendship.


Flex"
 
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  • #158
DUDE

DO NOT APOLOGIZE

Jebus crap are you kidding me?! You need to put her back in her place or she will do this to someone again. Man I wish I was in your place when this went down.. ! *blood temperature rising*

If you send that to her, you will lose any respect she may or most likely did not have for you
 
  • #159
Its not that simple! I've dated plenty of girls that I didn't give a **** about. Well, here's a counter-example. Its like flying the shuttle into space on a tether pulled by a grumpy old man. I'm going to have to listen to stories about penny-candy to get into orbit whether I like it or not. Is it optimal? Of course not!

I just have to get my foot in the door. I'm a door-to-door vacuum salseman. The important part isn't the greeting, its the sales pitch that comes next. Once I'm in the door, I can be Flex again. But if I don't play the game right, I'll never get inside.
 
  • #160
cronxeh said:
You need to put her back in her place...

And again. This is the way to lead a well-adjusted life... :rolleyes:



If I wrote this in a story, they'd accuse me of filling it with character cliches.
 
  • #161
Not to hijack the thread... but any thoughts on the note? I don't mind help. I'm putting the question out there because I respect the community.
 
  • #162
If you do decide to send the apology, just know it's a Hail Mary pass (lol, no pun intended). I'd give it about a 10% chance of working.

But it seems the path you're on now is close to a 0% chance of working, so what do you have to lose?
 
  • #163
lisab said:
If you do decide to send the apology, just know it's a Hail Mary pass (lol, no pun intended). I'd give it about a 10% chance of working.

But it seems the path you're on now is close to a 0% chance of working, so what do you have to lose?

Lisa, that is EXACTLY how I feel. And, if it doesn't work, I'll probably kick myself afterwards for trading my self-respect for a 10% chance at a girl I only think I know.

Still... it seems worth it.
 
  • #164
Besides... Ivan will have plenty of ammo next time we butt heads. <looks into the aether> I know you're watching, Ivan.

(When Ivan reads your posts it feels like a sneeze that you can't quite get out.)

EDIT: I hope its clear that I meant that in good fun.
 
  • #165
Well, I tried the "Hair Mary" play. I got a response, but nothing good. I wish she could've at least been mean to me or something. You know? Oh well.
 
  • #166
FlexGunship said:
Well, I tried the "Hair Mary" play. I got a response, but nothing good. I wish she could've at least been mean to me or something. You know? Oh well.

Was it all Harriets fault? Or was there some other reason?
 
  • #167
jarednjames said:
Was it all Harriets fault? Or was there some other reason?

She said: "Thanks for the note. I don't think we can see each other again."

So, I don't know.
 
  • #168
FlexGunship said:
She said: "Thanks for the note. I don't think we can see each other again."

So, I don't know.

Flex, I'd be open to the possibility that Mary has already decided that she isn't interested in a relationship with you right now and doesn't know how to tell you.

[Overly-speculative opinion]

This whole situation is beginning to reek of high school, passive-aggressive games. I think Mary lied to you about it being Harriet's fault that you two can't date each other, and I think Harriet is avoiding you because she's afraid of an interrogation that would expose their game. It's easier for Mary to chuck the blame for rejecting you onto someone with whom you won't communicate, that way, she can feel guilt-free when you two text/talk/etc.

[/Overly-speculative opinion]
 
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  • #169
Yeah. I guess it could be. It just can't figure out why the act needed to be carried so far? Why bother tell me I'm a good kisser the night of our date? Why plan more dates? Why ask for another picture two days later?

Frankly, it's ****ed. I don't know what else to say. I just hate the whole idea that I can meet someone, share such a crazy connection, have such a good time... and just have it be a trick or a game.
 
  • #170
FlexGunship said:
Yeah. I guess it could be. It just can't figure out why the act needed to be carried so far? Why bother tell me I'm a good kisser the night of our date? Why plan more dates? Why ask for another picture two days later?

Frankly, it's ****ed. I don't know what else to say. I just hate the whole idea that I can meet someone, share such a crazy connection, have such a good time... and just have it be a trick or a game.

Please, don't take my observations/opinions as facts in this specific situation, but keep them in mind while this thing plays out. I mentioned the possibility of game-playing in this situation because it's strikingly similar to what I've seen in the past. I see patterns, not verifiable evidence.

Hopefully I'm wrong and things will work out someday.
 
  • #171
Dembadon said:
Please, don't take my observations/opinions as facts in this specific situation, but keep them in mind while this thing plays out. I mentioned the possibility of game-playing in this situation because it's strikingly similar to what I've seen in the past. I see patterns, not verifiable evidence.

Hopefully I'm wrong and things will work out someday.

Meh, it seems to be the best explanation at this point. Maybe it makes me feel really vulnerable. I can usually read people, maybe this is proof that I can't and that I can be totally dead wrong.
 
  • #172
I want to clarify something else.

I'm not using the word "game" to imply that two people would premeditate some elaborate scheme strictly for their own amusement. I use it in the sense that when someone hasn't learned healthy techniques for communication/confrontation, they'll resort to methods (games) to avoid having to deal with situations in which they're unfamiliar with handling appropriately. In that sense, the game is a defense mechanism, not something that is set up beforehand for amusement.
 
  • #173
Sounds like something happened on that date that you did not catch or realize... the friend got a bad vibe off of you and the girl is going to trust her opinion. You will reek of desperation and border on the creepy if you make a plea to the friend.
 
  • #174
Easy come, easy go. Time to move on.

Have you considered asking Harriet for a date?

Or would that be too much of a passive-aggressive response to Mary?
 
  • #175
BobG said:
Easy come, easy go. Time to move on.

Have you considered asking Harriet for a date?

Or would that be too much of a passive-aggressive response to Mary?

Hah, not playing that game. She's not my type.
 

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