REAL girl trouble i feel horrible

[Lisa!]

The question to be asked is how many of the women here have dated young women? That should show flat out their experience level.

According to that, the 1 who dated more young women have more experience and well must be a better person to take advice from! Eh, but if they knew the stuff, they wouldn't have a history in dating.

That's going to be pretty funny. Men only can learn alittle about woman's emotions,... after being with them for a long time. But for sure women don't need to learn about themslves and other females, they already know themselves.
I guesss what he's saying works BUT only if you're going to date immature gals. And no being immature isn't all about age, period!

 

[Moonbear]

The question to be asked is how many of the women here have dated young women? That should show flat out their experience level.

Right, because women are just too stupid to know what it is we want for ourselves, we need the men to figure it all out for us and tell us what we want. Do you realize how completely patronizing you're sounding?

 

[Astronuc]

The question to be asked is how many of the women here have dated young women? That should show flat out their experience level.

No, the question is "How many women here are or have been young women?" I suspect probably all of them.

On the other hand, no one person can define or determine the needs of others, nor can one person stand as accurate example for a larger population. Everyone is individual with unique thoughts, feelings and needs.

The process of dating is a means to explore the thoughts, feeling and needs of the other person, rather than simply a means of entertainment, although it seems to me sometimes that some poeple think of others as objects for their own personal pleasure

In a relationship with another person, one must be honest, truthful, forthright and respectful.

 

[zoobyshoe]

In a relationship with another person, one must be honest, truthful, forthright and respectful.

Would this include telling a spouse you have a crush on another woman, a woman online, say?

 

[Lisa!]

Would this include telling a spouse you have a crush on another woman, a woman online, say?

Huh? Are you cheating on me both in real life and virtual world?

 

[Astronuc]

Would this include telling a spouse you have a crush on another woman, a woman online, say?

Technically, yes.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Huh? Are you cheating on me both in real life and virtual world?

I guess you waited too long to flash the green light.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Tell her to read your original post; avoid talking with her on the phone for a while. Let time heal all wounds.


AND, use the GIRL TROUBLE thread next time :!)

 

[dav2008]

I guess you waited too long to flash the green light.

post deleted^^^

 

[Evo]

What is this "members gone wild"? Sudently members are locking each others threads and now deleting other member's posts. tsk tsk, what is this world coming to?

 

[Math Is Hard]

post deleted^^^

dav2008 deleted!

 

[zoobyshoe]

Technically, yes.

"Technically" is a very useful word in many situations.

Off topic: when a boy scout earns his "wolf" badge, I wonder if you could then say he was a wolf in boyscout's clothing?

http://www.geocities.com/~pack215/wolf.html

Jeez, I must sound spaced out and babbling. I guess it's shock from the recent news that Lisa! and I are married in her mind. She never even PM'ed me!

 

[Astronuc]

"Technically" is a very useful word in many situations.

What can I say? I'm an engineer.

Off topic: when a boy scout earns his "wolf" badge, I wonder if you could then say he was a wolf in boyscout's clothing?

I suppose one could.

Jeez, I must sound spaced out and babbling. I guess it's shock from the recent news that Lisa! and I are married in her mind. She never even PM'ed me!

Congratulations! Best wishes!

 

[rocketboy]

Ok, I was at work all day which is why I haven't made a post all day.

I don't know where to start with all the replies I've had since my last post...

I like zoobyshoe's thinking. That's why men's focus is escalating physically. You don't choose to stop, she does, and it doesn't mean you can't escalate later on (be seconds, minutes, hours or days). Don't wait too long. Also, remember never force her, just be smooth.

I don't think I've seen a stop light yet. Back when we got to see each otehr more often and our spark was still bright, she would rarely stop me... and we went almost all the way. The only two times that I can remember her stopping me were when a) it was that time of the month and b) when she thought I was going to have sex with her and she said "not without a condom". I actually wasn't going to have sex with her at that point, but in hindsight I guess that was actually her basically telling me she's alright with it in the right situation.

My greatest fear with sex is her not being ready and thinking I'm just another sex-crazed hormone-driven teenager. That's why I never tried taking things to that level, and why her hints didn't get through to me... if they were hints in the first place.


In reply to all the "game" talk... I've never played mind games wiht any of my girlfriends and I'm not going to start now. In my opinion playing games does not maintain a relationship, even if it does get the girl running back to you. It is trickery not love, and I would rather be single then have a relationship based on mind games.


In reply to the talking to my dad... I thought about it, but I don't think I could. He told me before prom "make sure you are a gentlman and treat her well" and I told him "dad, come on you know I always do". It hurts that I didn't, and I don't think I could let my dad down like that. And I wasn't lying, I have never mistreated a girl in my life, and I didn't expect to that night. My parents raised me to be respectful and treat the girls/women I go out with like queens, and I always have.


I still don't know what to do. Concentrating on work was difficult today... I couldn't stop thinking about this, and the extremely hot girl working across the room from me who shares the same name as my gf didn't help, for some reason she reminded me of my gf.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Rocket, did you try calling her again? Or emailing her? Or has she called or emailed you?

 

[rocketboy]

I read most of everyone's replies and think everyone is overanalyzing. Hey, Rocketboy, the true for every relationship is that they most evolve, sometimes they just get caught on tecnicalities and die off. That's something you must understand. By the way, when i mean evolve is move to the next step (more commitment, and the final step being marriage).

Here's some general advice by me:

1) Don't take advice about relationships in your youth from girls (no matter their age)

2) Don't bother yourself about escalating relationship-wise. Men escalate physically (make her feel comfortable, create a connection, etc...). Therefore, you agree to get in a relationship only if you feel like it.

3) Be prepared for relationships to end (relationships go forward, and if they can't go on, they will die). You don't know when it's going to happen, but it will happen!. Frankly, what i do to ease the pain, it's to always keep some possible girls around and definately have fun with your buddies.

4) Always look your best (workout, dress with your own style, etc...). Focus on the big triangle (Wealth, Health and Happiness)

For your relationship:

Well, i still stand by 50-50. It means you've to let her chase. Anyway here what i will do in your case. I will go to her and tell her:

"You know I've been thinking recently about us, about our relationship, about what's to come. I know what we have is like a beautiful spark that keeps on shining. I know we should fight for this, fight to keep this special love we have for each other. Trust me, no matter what's to come, our love will survive." or something like these, be careful with what you say, you don't want to make it look, like you'll wait around for her forever.

After you say something along those lines in a comfortable setting (a surprise outing, perhaps?), break contact with her (let her think things throught, and then make a decision). She knows your stance. Well, Good luck.

I like zoobyshoe's thinking. That's why men's focus is escalating physically. You don't choose to stop, she does, and it doesn't mean you can't escalate later on (be seconds, minutes, hours or days). Don't wait too long. Also, remember never force her, just be smooth.

Here's something that works for me. It's called the two forward and one backwards. When you're "escalating", and she blocks you (grabs your hands, push them away, etc...) you go back to what she was letting you do, give it a couple minutes, and proceed not to where you were at, but the next place on the list.

I go out with friends a lot, and I workout every other day and I eat healthy.

I have never had trouble "escalating" with her, I don't think that's the problem.

I am constantly expecting the relationship to end, so if she called right now and dumped me I probably wouldn't be surprised. That's not to say I wouldn't care, that I wouldn't be hurt, devestated.

You say "keep possible girls around"... I have lots of possible girls, I don't want any of them though... sure they're good looking, fun... but they aren't my gf, and I do not have feelings for them, and even if my current relationship ended I still wouldn't.

As for taking advice from women... i think the women on this forum have some valuable advice. Like Astronuc said, they were young once too.

I think you may be right that I am overanalysing...then again maybe I'm not. I'll see what my friend who is friends with her has to say tonight, he would have seen her at school today.

 

[rocketboy]

Rocket, did you try calling her again? Or emailing her? Or has she called or emailed you?

She hasn't emailed me in about 2 weeks. She used to email me quite often, I sitll have them all because they were littered with sentences that made me smile, I can't even explain how happy it made me to read those emails. Once she wrote an email with a list of (I don't know how many) things she loved about me. Stuff like that, creative and "hot" emails. She also used to send text messages to my cell phone from msn, random short text messages saying things like "i love you" or "jon's a hottie". I haven't received one of them in quite awhile. Those little things showed she cared.

I emailed her yesterday, I thought it was a pretty creative and well written email. It was before I even started this thread. It was short, and sweet. I haven't heard from her back yet but I didn't expect to, she is rarely on her computer, and they only have 1 computer in their house.

 

[rocketboy]

Tell me this is not an email that would make you weak at the knees. THat was in april.

HEY HUNNIE! how's it going? omg I am sooo proud of myself, i went for a nice run today, and i think I am going to go for another one soon, i don't know why but i have sooo much energy right now, so i was thinking, i bet you have NO idea how unbelievable crazy i am about you, so i thought, well maybe i should try to give you some kind of idea, so here are just a few of the things i love about you

- i love how you are always in a good mood

- i love how you are so patient with me

- i love kissing you

- i love having your arms wrapped around me

- i love the sound of your voice

- i love when you yawn because its sooo cute

- i love your sleepy voice

- i love how nice you always are

- i love how respectful you are

- i love your hair and how perfect it always is

- i love your eyes

- i love every physical feature about you

- i love your personality

- i love how you make me smile even when I am in the worst mood

- i love spending time with you

- i love hugging you

- i love talking to you on the phone even when we are both quiet, in bed, and almost sleeping

- i love being with you, i think you are soooo perfect and i realize i may sound like a crazy stalker but that's alright because i absolutely love you. but yes i have to go now lol, my rents will be mad if i don't get off the computer, so ill ttyl hun, LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS MUAH!

love (my gf) xox

 

[Cyrus]

Kids...

 

[rocketboy]

Kids...

It's not the kinda email that one's wife would send them, but it gives you an idea of how she used to be so into me. The last email I got was almost 3 weeks ago, which is around the time she started becoming more distant. I don't know I'm hoping that that is the connection.

I'm going out with some friends, she's at soccer she's not going to be calling me, I'm going to take previous advice and go have some fun.

 

[Cyrus]

I think you need to stop sitting by the phone and computer waiting for her with a box of tissues. (No offense, but really it's time to mature. Relationships go bad, deal with it and move on.)

 

[zoobyshoe]

It's not the kinda email that one's wife would send them, but it gives you an idea of how she used to be so into me.

That was a terrific e-mail. I think you had triple green lights, bud. From the other stuff you said it's clear she was more than ready to go forward.

You seem somewhat ill-at-ease with your own sexuality. One thing that might make you much more comfortable with it is to know that girls and women are very sexual. They really, really like sex. (Good sex, that is.) The consequences of not being careful are so enormous for them, though, that they have to be super careful. In some cases this carefulness can take the form of adopting an apparently critical attitude toward men's sexuality. Believe me, it's not men's sexuality they dislike, but the fact guys are more willing to be careless. You needn't feel the least bit bad about wanting to have sex with her. Girls love sex. (Good sex, that is.)They just don't want to be raped, made pregnant, or given diseases. A guy who feels down on his sexuality is not something any woman wants to deal with. If they want you, they want you to openly enjoy it so they can let go and openly enjoy it.

 

[Astronuc]

It's not the kinda email that one's wife would send

Wanna bet!

Some wives send such salicious emails that it is necessary to leave work and rush home.

I could show you some emails, but you're too young.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I'm going out with some friends, she's at soccer she's not going to be calling me, I'm going to take previous advice and go have some fun.

I'm really glad you're doing that. Thank heavens for friends! Back when I was about your age and tear-dropping over a guy, my friends were kind enough to come over on a "Rambo" mission, bust in my apartment, and drag me out to have some fun. I hope you have some good buds like that.

 

[rocketboy]

I went out. I had fun. I came home. I feel like sh!t. I can't take not knowing, just sitting here thinking "is it over? or is this just a temporary setback? or am i just letting my imagination run away with my heart? does she really give a rats ass about me? or is she just really busy and stressed? or is she confused as well? is she, like me, going crazy not knowing what is going on? where we stand? maybe my prom made her realize that I won't be here in september? maybe she doesn't realize that I would give anything not to end when I leave. maybe she doesn't realize that I don't care if she holds me back from seeing girls in university, that I want her. then again maybe she isn't confused. perhaps she really is bored of me, lost interest in me. did i mess it up? did i miss my chance to take our relationship further? did i fvck things up? or was it going to happen anyway? maybe i did everything i could and we just weren't meant to go any further than this, any longer than this? what can i do? is there anything that i can do?

edit: cyrus is right. i need to get over it.

 

[rocketboy]

OK now I KNOW its ****ing bad. i went on myspace, it says when ppl last logged in. she logged in yesterday which means she was on her computer which means she got my email which means she ignored it and didn't reply or anything which means she doesn't give a **** about me. she still hasn't replied to the comment i left on her myspace about a week and a half ago. i hate girls. why can't she just end it so i can get over it and move on? why does she have to mess with my head/heart like this? stupid it's so goddamn stupid and heartless and immature. she's ****ing playing games wiht me, i thought we were more than that. she's messing with my head and she probably enjoys it. she probably goes to school and has a great laugh with all her friends. she probably spends her free time planning what she can do next. watch, she'll call me and pretend she loves me and all that bull **** and then be cold toward me the next day and cause me to go insane again, evil that's what she is she's ****ing evil.

edit: here's a question for u girls, why do you drag relationships on and tear the guy apart when you obviously don't care about him anymore? why do you give him hope? why do you bring him up just to drop him from a greater hight? is it fun? do you get a kcik outa seeing him fall?

 

[Astronuc]

You need to stop dwelling on it and beating yourself up.

The purpose of life is to have a really wonderful time!

You have to live your life and not get stuck in a holding pattern, regardless of whether you get back together or not.

And as I said - no ill feelings!

. . . why do you drag relationships on and tear the guy apart when you obviously don't care about him anymore?

Um, someone seems to be jumping to conclusions here.

 

[Omega_6]

OK now I KNOW its ****ing bad. i went on myspace, it says when ppl last logged in. she logged in yesterday which means she was on her computer which means she got my email which means she ignored it and didn't reply or anything which means she doesn't give a **** about me. she still hasn't replied to the comment i left on her myspace about a week and a half ago. i hate girls. why can't she just end it so i can get over it and move on? i can't end it so long as there is the tiniest bit of hope left... I'm soft like that i guess.

Take it easy man. First off, I would like to say that you did nothing wrong at your prom. You did think of her. The fact is, you would have made sure that she would have a good time at her prom. You should expect the same from her. The fact that you are apologizing for something you shouldn't be shows how much you care. See how things play out, but remember that you deserve to be happy as well. Please don't torment yourself with a girl that isn't worth it (i'm not saying that she isn't, I have no idea what is really going on here). Please realize that girls are perfectly capable human beings...they should show you the same care and respect that you show them.

 

[Astronuc]

OK now I KNOW . . .

No, you don't know, and this is the problem. What have you been smoking?!?

You are working yourself up and letting your negative emotions get the best of you.

she's messing with my head and she probably enjoys it.

Um, no, your messing with your head - this is self-inflicted torture.

Stop it already!


And btw, she's not evil, she's just a teenage girl/young woman.

 

[KingNothing]

if you never have fights you don't have a real relationship!

 

[Math Is Hard]

I agree with Omega. You've busted your tail to be a good boyfriend. You have done nothing wrong.

I think you need to have a talk with her. You deserve an explanation. BUT you've got to calm down first. If you seem upset, she could back off, and leave you as confused as you are now. You need to get to the truth of the matter, and be prepared that you might not get the answers you are hoping for. Even if it's bad news, isn't it better than days of wallowing in this mental torture you are going through?

 

[Math Is Hard]

And I should say that I don't mean to imply it will be bad news. Case in point: I dated a guy for about three months and things started to cool off on my side. I was putting him off because I had to spend long hours at work. He sat me down one day and told me he was feeling much the way you are describing. That was kind of a wakeup call to me, and I started making more time for him. We dated for about two years after that and it was a great relationship. We eventually had to break up because we had different goals (he wanted to have kids; I wanted to go to school), but we are still very close friends.

 

[Moonbear]

OK now I KNOW its ****ing bad. i went on myspace, it says when ppl last logged in. she logged in yesterday which means she was on her computer which means she got my email which means she ignored it and didn't reply or anything which means she doesn't give a **** about me. she still hasn't replied to the comment i left on her myspace about a week and a half ago. i hate girls. why can't she just end it so i can get over it and move on? why does she have to mess with my head/heart like this? stupid it's so goddamn stupid and heartless and immature. she's ****ing playing games wiht me, i thought we were more than that. she's messing with my head and she probably enjoys it. she probably goes to school and has a great laugh with all her friends. she probably spends her free time planning what she can do next. watch, she'll call me and pretend she loves me and all that bull **** and then be cold toward me the next day and cause me to go insane again, evil that's what she is she's ****ing evil.

Why are you playing guessing games? You're just going to drive yourself nuts with all this. There are reasonable explanations, including that she did get online, maybe even saw your email, but before she could reply, she got called away from the computer. Or maybe she thinks you're the one ready to dump her and is sitting there wondering what's going on herself. You've given her plenty of time to think things over, just call and ask her outright if she's purposely avoiding you lately.

edit: here's a question for u girls, why do you drag relationships on and tear the guy apart when you obviously don't care about him anymore? why do you give him hope? why do you bring him up just to drop him from a greater hight? is it fun? do you get a kcik outa seeing him fall?

Neither sex has the exclusive rights to that one. Actually, in my experience, more often than not, it's the guy who let's things drag on, might even have found a new girlfriend before he finally informs his former girlfriend/wife that he's no longer interested. But, really, both sexes do it. The only solution is to be direct and ask the questions you don't want to ask, otherwise you're just as guilty of letting it drag on when you're convincing yourself more and more that it's over. Now get a grip on yourself and talk to her. An in person visit is probably better than either a phone call or email. It makes it harder to get your courage to face her when you're already convincing yourself of the worst, but it will also make it easier to sort out any misunderstandings that may be contributing to the problems that can be worked through.

From that email she sent you, at least when she wrote that, she was quite madly in love with you. I've only written emails (and letters) like that to one man in my life, the only one I truly loved. They're also the sorts of letters my grandfather wrote for my grandmother...he'd leave her little notes like that once in a while right up until he died. Heck, who knows, maybe she's sitting there thinking you're the one who has lost interest in her because your reactions to her have been so weird too (in her view). The easiest way to resolve it, for good or bad, is to ask. Don't beat around the bush, just tell her how you've been feeling like she's been distant or avoiding you and won't talk about any of it with you, so you just want to know if she's lost her interest.

It would be a shame, because it sounds like you made such a wonderful couple, and her parents' reaction to you really helps endorse that. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you that it's just a silly misunderstanding. I do agree that not knowing really does feel worse than getting an answer, even if the answer is not the one you want to hear. I'd rather have bad news than no news.

And, if it doesn't work out, soon you'll be moving off to college and will meet a whole new set of people. Someone else will come along soon enough if this one wasn't meant to be.

 

[Moonbear]

And I should say that I don't mean to imply it will be bad news. Case in point: I dated a guy for about three months and things started to cool off on my side. I was putting him off because I had to spend long hours at work. He sat me down one day and told me he was feeling much the way you are describing. That was kind of a wakeup call to me, and I started making more time for him. We dated for about two years after that and it was a great relationship. We eventually had to break up because we had different goals (he wanted to have kids; I wanted to go to school), but we are still very close friends.

Yes, the situation was similar for me. He wanted to get married and settle down, and I was just about to start looking for post-docs, knowing I had years of moving from state to state ahead of me. I started to seriously consider alternative careers that would allow me to stay near him, and he responded with the greatest act of love anyone has ever shown me...he let me go because he knew I would never be as happy settling for a different career, and didn't want to hold me back from my dreams. We're still great friends too. (He's also the only guy I ever dated that my parents liked...they only met him a few times, but absolutely adored him.)

 

[GeorginaS]

Awww. Moonbear just made me teary.