Responding what when someone calls you

[BobG]

Now that I think about it John was definitely rude. He should have said something along the lines of "Excuse me Bill can I ask you something?" or "Pardon me Bill...?" perhaps some other variation. I mean really, what sort of response does one expect when they simply call out ones name?! John certainly has no room to complain.

I agree.

All of this assumes both are in the same room. The only time it's appropriate to just yell out the person's name is when distance or noise make holding a reasonable conversation impossible. In that case, a yelled one-word response might be appropriate. It shows the person has heard the caller and is ready receive hand signals or to move to a more appropriate place to hold a conversation.

In my office, if we want to get the attention of the person sitting at the next desk, we just e-mail them.

 

[Evo]

We all work in cubicles and can hear each other, so I might say "Mark?", and if he's there and can respond, he'll say "yes?".

We have IM between us, but it's easier to just talk, and more fun.

An ealier question resulted in everyone quoting from "The Princess Bride", then of course playing parts of the movie.

 

[DaveC426913]

We all work in cubicles and can hear each other,

Speaking of rude irritating behavior in an office setting, I'm contracting in an office right now that is one giant warehouse floor of desks - not even cubicles. The culture here has various people playing their music as they see fit (usually one at a time though). Earlier today, a TV sitcom was playing on a projector screen with the sound on.

I just don't understand what they're thinking.

 

[BobG]

The best reason not to respond "What?":

Jules: Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: What country are you from?
Brett: What? What? Wh - ?
Jules: "What" ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak English in What?
Brett: What?
Jules: English, ************, do you speak it?
Brett: Yes! Yes!
Jules: Then you know what I'm sayin'!
Brett: Yes!
Jules: Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: What?
Jules: Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you ************, say what one more ******* time!

 

[Redbelly98]

As long as a person knows how to convert from square kilometers into square miles correctly, I am not bothered by how they respond when called.

 

[Coin]

I have an extremely common first name. When I hear my first name called I am often not specifically certain that anyone was trying to get my attention at all. So sometimes I will say, "what?", as if to communicate, "did someone call my name?"

 

[OAQfirst]

You call it evolving; I call it degenerating. People have become accustomed to more and more disrespect. Just because it's become common doesn't make it OK.

You can find the disrespect only in one's intent. This isn't mere ignorance of the historical application. Call it what you want, it's a given change to our use of language. A clear predominance of that use without intended disrespect, at least in some localities, will be a strong defense to anyone's taking offense to this use.

Because it is common makes it OK. Because that's how it's used and as such the intent is clearly conveyed.

That's one way language evolves.

 

[Proton Soup]

Speaking of rude irritating behavior in an office setting, I'm contracting in an office right now that is one giant warehouse floor of desks - not even cubicles. The culture here has various people playing their music as they see fit (usually one at a time though). Earlier today, a TV sitcom was playing on a projector screen with the sound on.

I just don't understand what they're thinking.

heh, "been there, done that." and the visual noise of people moving around was maybe worse to me than the back-and-forth banter. eventually they did put in cubicles, but they still left up the public address system that ran through the whole plant. they weren't shy about using the PAS, either. that place made me physically ill.

 

[DaveC426913]

You can find the disrespect only in one's intent.

What about plain-old thoughtlessness? That is a form of disrespect.

"I meant no disrespect when I ran you over with my car, I was distracted by my phone."

Saying "What (do you want)?" can be construed as the thoughtless divulgence of one's inner feelings about being interrupted (like muttering under one's breath). In a public setting such as an office, to get along one would only want to divulge thnigs one wants to "make a big deal" about.

 

[Evo]

I took a poll in my office and all agreed "yes?" was the most appropriate, and they only asked "what?" if they needed you to repeat a question. Of course this is an office where most people are at least in their 30's.

 

[BobG]

What about plain-old thoughtlessness? That is a form of disrespect.

"I meant no disrespect when I ran you over with my car, I was distracted by my phone."

Proper etiquette dictates that one flash his lights and honk his horn before running over pedestrians. (http://wjz.com/sports/donte.stallworth.accident.2.973187.html )

 

[OAQfirst]

What about plain-old thoughtlessness? That is a form of disrespect.

"I meant no disrespect when I ran you over with my car, I was distracted by my phone."

Saying "What (do you want)?" can be construed as the thoughtless divulgence of one's inner feelings about being interrupted (like muttering under one's breath). In a public setting such as an office, to get along one would only want to divulge thnigs one wants to "make a big deal" about.

You tie distraction to thoughtlessness? Distraction are obstacles to attention. When I respond with "What?", you have my attention and any thoughts I may offer.

Any response can be construed to mean anything if you're so bothered according to your own conventions. This is silly.

 

[MissSilvy]

I can see where some people may consider the following rude:

Mark: Bill, can you do this for me?
Bill: What?

But someone people also get their panties in a wad over this:

Mark: And so I said we should cut the funds and double the production schedule.
Bill: *didn't understand what Mark just said* What?

Personally, I usually say 'pardon?' to the latter but I think 'what' is only offensive if it's said rudely or as a reply to some longer statement made to you. So in the case of "can you do this for me, Bill?" I think 'what' would sound like a stupid reply because it's a monosyllabic response to a polysyllabic question. Am I getting my meaning across?

Communication is something like only 10% literally what you say. How you say it and how you physically react is generally the bulk of your image to someone else, so quibbling over nuances is quite silly.

 

[OAQfirst]

I took a poll in my office and all agreed "yes?" was the most appropriate, and they only asked "what?" if they needed you to repeat a question. Of course this is an office where most people are at least in their 30's.

You were supposed to ask them what they thought of Highlander - The Source.

 

[DaveC426913]

You tie distraction to thoughtlessness? Distraction are obstacles to attention. When I respond with "What?", you have my attention and any thoughts I may offer.

I'm saying being distracted such that you don't address someone properly is rude. "What?" Is short-hand for "What do you want?" If I called your name and you responded "What do you want?" I would immediately question (justifiably) whether I am irritating you.

In most polite circumstances, we try not to leave others with the impression that they've irritated us.

Anyway, it is clear that it doesn't bother you but it does bother other people. If the world worked such that we all only worried about what bothers ourselves and dismissed what bothers the rest of the world, well, it would be a pretty unhappy place.

And now you know "what" bothers a significant portion the population, you can conduct yourself accordingly.

 

[DaveC426913]

You were supposed to ask them what they thought of Highlander - The Source.

In a slightly astonishing coincidence, as I read this post, I am watching Highlander.

 

[Moonbear]

In my office we often call out the name of a co-worker to ask a question. If someone responded with "what?" it would be considered rude, it would come across sounding like they are annoyed. I have never heard anyone I work with respond with "what?".

Don't you think tone of voice has a lot more to do with it than the word chosen? I'm pretty sure that if I'm annoyed, answering, "Yes?" would come across sounding just as annoyed as, "What?"

 

[rootX]

I never heard anyone saying "what" in response at my work/school, "yea?"/"yes, what's up?" are used more often.

 

[Moonbear]

"What?" Is short-hand for "What do you want?" If I called your name and you responded "What do you want?" I would immediately question (justifiably) whether I am irritating you.

Why? I would assume that if someone is calling my name, they do indeed want my attention for something, so why is it rude to immediately inquire what it is that they want? Is it that it violates the silly rule of bringing up three unrelated topics before getting to the point of what you really want to ask someone?

Of course, it may be situation-dependent. If one of my coworkers hollers my name down the hallway to catch my attention, I don't think there's problem with hollering back down the hallway, "What?"

On the other hand, if someone were at a customer service counter at a store, and dings the little "ring bell for service" bell, and the person behind the counter responds, "What?" instead of "How may I help you?" then yes, that would be rude. Then again, under such circumstances, I'd consider the response, "Yes?" to be rude as well.

That has to do with the level of familiarity one has with you. I figure if someone knows you by name to call you, you have an established level of familiarity to not have to worry about formalities such as "How may I help you?" In fact, I'm pretty sure if one of my coworkers hollered my name down the hallway, and I responded with a formal, "How may I help you?" they would be sure I was mad at them for something that I was being so sarcastic.

 

[DaveC426913]

Why? I would assume that if someone is calling my name, they do indeed want my attention for something, so why is it rude to immediately inquire what it is that they want?

Immediately inquire what they want with "yes?".

 

[Moonbear]

Immediately inquire what they want with "yes?".

"Yes" is a response in the affirmative, not a question. I'm not answering "Yes," until I know what they want. As it is, the custodian on my floor already gives me grief because everytime he knocks on my door, I answer, "Yes?" Now when I know it's him (I can usually hear the wheels on the trash bin rolling down the hall), I answer, "Come in." But, hey, sometimes I want to know who's at the door before I invite them in.

 

[Astronuc]

If someone was to call upon me, I would probably respond "Yes?" as an acknowledgment. If however, I didn't catch the initial call immediately I might respond, "Pardon me" or "Excuse me".

My parents taught me to say "I beg your pardon", which I used until I shortened to "Pardon me", which seems more common in the US.

 

[alxm]

Immediately inquire what they want with "yes?".

So answering "Yes?" regardless of how you say it, is not rude, whereas answering "What?" is rude regardless?

That's plain ridiculous. It also undermines the whole reason that was stated for why 'What?' would supposedly be rude.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Anyway, it is clear that it doesn't bother you but it does bother other people. If the world worked such that we all only worried about what bothers ourselves and dismissed what bothers the rest of the world, well, it would be a pretty unhappy place.

I think a lot of people are unhappy because they allow things such as this to bother them regardless of the intent. If more people stopped trying to assign intent to words instead of the person they might be able to get along with others better.

 

[Moonbear]

I think a lot of people are unhappy because they allow things such as this to bother them regardless of the intent. If more people stopped trying to assign intent to words instead of the person they might be able to get along with others better.

Very well stated!

 

[DaveC426913]

I think a lot of people are unhappy because they allow things such as this to bother them regardless of the intent. If more people stopped trying to assign intent to words instead of the person they might be able to get along with others better.

Move the onus back one step. Let's speak politely, then no one will have to assess intent.

 

[Moonbear]

Move the onus back one step. Let's speak politely, then no one will have to assess intent.

But how one defines "politely" is based on their assessment of intent.

 

[DaveC426913]

That's plain ridiculous.

You give no reason for this.

How many phosphor trees were cut down so you could post this waste of screen space?

Elaborate.

 

[Huckleberry]

Move the onus back one step. Let's speak politely, then no one will have to assess intent.

If I had to choose between the two I would rather speak freely than politely. Assessing intent is a vital social skill even without language. It's unavoidable regardless of the words that are said. I'd rather someone be genuine in their expression than formally polite. Politeness can also mask malicious intent. The formality of a greeting does not negate the need for assessing intent.

If I were speaking to someone older, or in a position of authority, or in most cases any stranger, I would use a more formal approach. From my experience people who are older than I am seem more comfortable with a formal response. People in authority become bothersome if they have any reason to believe they aren't receiving respect. It can sometimes be difficult to know how strangers will respond to informal speech. So in these cases I stick with the formal politeness, though I don't particularly care for speaking that way.

If I'm talking with someone I know then "what?" is a perfectly acceptable response, though I usually say "yeah?" or "What's up?". The tone of the response trasmits the message behind the words. In fact, I could just grunt at them and they could know my general mood and level of interest in whatever they had to say. When it comes to expressing or interpreting intent, words alone are meaningless. Communication is contextual referencing. I enjoy the diverse ways that language can be connected to meaning. I don't see informality of speech as a degradation of language or politeness at all; merely an unfamiliar linguistic or cultural evolution.

 

[Evo]

When the only thing you have said is the person's name, an inquisitive "what?" would sound out of place, it would infer that hearing their name confused them and they need clarification. A plain "what?" comes across as "just tell me what you want". If you say someone's name a simple "yes?" signals that they are available and ready to hear your question. These are very basic verbal signals.

To me answering "what?" means "what do you want?", if that's the person's response to me, I'd respond "nevermind".

me: Dave?
Dave: What do you want?

or

me: Dave?
Dave: yes?, I'm listening

 

[Oscar Wilde]

This is interesting. Sometimes words can be misunderstood; the other day I had an awkward experience when I replied "huh" to a question I thought was from a peer...it was the teacher. The intentions are perfectly fine, I'm sure not many who respond "what" are actually trying to be antagonistic.

 

[WhiteTim]

Peccadillos make us who we are?

To illustrate that point, spitting in many areas can carry fines. I doubt the use of "What?" could ever be punished.

Responding what when someone calls you is merely (and unequivocally!) bad manners. I never said that it is a crime.

 

[WhiteTim]

Yet, as far as I can tell, people still know how to write and speak and spell and behave towards everyone.

No; A lot of people don't...That's why I posted this thread.

I've seen "What?" used in movies, books

Yes; in movies and books characters often respond "what?" when someone calls them because they are depicting people as (possibly inadvertently) acting rude. People in real life speak rudely too. It's a realistic depiction. I've seen robberies, murders, and all types of crimes in movies too, but I don't think that means that robbing someone is not a crime.

courtrooms...

I haven't.

 

[WhiteTim]

In my office we often call out the name of a co-worker to ask a question. If someone responded with "what?" it would be considered rude, it would come across sounding like they are annoyed. I have never heard anyone I work with respond with "what?".

I'm glad some people here agree with me.

 

[WhoWee]

Rude...YES...but at least they're listening (I have kids).