Responding what when someone calls you

[OAQfirst]

Responding what when someone calls you is merely (and unequivocally!) bad manners. I never said that it is a crime.

Can you follow a conversation? I wasn't referring to anything you wrote.

No; A lot of people don't...That's why I posted this thread.

You think I was covering every single person around?

Yes; in movies and books characters often respond "what?" when someone calls them because they are depicting people as (possibly inadvertently) acting rude. People in real life speak rudely too. It's a realistic depiction. I've seen robberies, murders, and all types of crimes in movies too, but I don't think that means that robbing someone is not a crime.

This looks like a strawman.

Please consider the context that I wrote these posts - in reply to DaveC426913

I haven't.

I have.

 

[WhiteTim]

So, does this mean I've been rude to people 24,040 times in my life?

Yes.

"What?" is so predominant now, it's hard to rationalize it as a rude response anymore.

Nonsense.

I've never thought anyone was being rude to me with that reply.

If you didn't know it was rude for you to respond to people with it, I kind of figured that you wouldn't think someone was being rude to you with that reply.

 

[WhiteTim]

Because it is a great stretch for me to see it as rude in any way. Related to the regional social environment and experiences, I suppose.

I don't think so.

 

[SticksandStones]

How the hell is replying "what" rude? My god if this is all people have to worry about no wonder the world is like it is.

 

[Evo]

How the hell is replying "what" rude? My god if this is all people have to worry about no wonder the world is like it is.

It's abrupt and dismissive. When you work and live closely with others, rules of etiquette are important.

 

[Huckleberry]

If you didn't know it was rude for you to respond to people with it, I kind of figured that you wouldn't think someone was being rude to you with that reply.

If both people in this conversation don't imply any rudeness from it, then it isn't rude. It may be bad manners, but many people have no desire to adhere to custom amongst their friends and peers. What people say amongst themselves is their own business and doesn't relate to you personally besides as an indication of changing customs. Bad manners aren't inherently malicious.

If someone speaks to you this way and you make it clear that you perceive it as rudeness, and they continue to respond similarly, then you can be sure that their intentions are malicious. This is more than just bad manners. It would be fair to consider it a personal attack.

The intent is unchanged, but the standards that define it change. The accepted way of doing things tomorrow will not be the same as they were yesterday. Today we deal with the conflict inherent in change. Every generation has its day. Because travel and communication are made so much easier today you can expect culture to change rapidly worldwide. Personally, I'm far more concerned with people's intentions than the standards we use to define and influence their behaviour. I don't think the new generations like being defined and influenced by the older ones. You can dance around it or stumble over it, but you can't stop the world from changing.

 

[BobG]

Personally, I like the "manners" lesson that takes place in the barber shop in "Gran Torino".

 

[OAQfirst]

Yes.

This is all assuming that it is rude to begin with. As you apparently haven't noticed, there are some here who don't share your opinion. Where two people use the same word in reply, would you still describe them as being rude to each other?

Nonsense.

As you apparently haven't noticed, there are some here who don't share your opinion.

If you didn't know it was rude for you to respond to people with it, I kind of figured that you wouldn't think someone was being rude to you with that reply.

This is all assuming that it is rude to begin with. As you apparently haven't noticed, there are some here who don't share your opinion. Where two people use the same word in reply, would you still describe them as being rude to each other?

I don't think so.

As you apparently haven't noticed, there are some here who don't share your opinion.
I know where you stand. You know where I stand. Anything else?

 

[Huckleberry]

Personally, I like the "manners" lesson that takes place in the barber shop in "Gran Torino".

Great scene! Now that's love.

 

[Jack21222]

One could say the same thing about spitting on the ground. It is so predominant now it's hard for people to remember when spitting was a vile, disgusting and unhygienic habit.

Oh wait. Some of us haven't forgotten.

No, swallowing my sinus drainage is the disgusting and unhygenic habit.

I had gastrointestinal problems for years growing up because my parents wouldn't let me spit out the mucus that was draining from my sinuses into my stomach. After a pediatrician told them why I was likely having these problems, they didn't have a problem with me spitting.

What alternative do you suggest? Do I jeopardize my own health so random strangers (whom I'll never see again in my life) don't think me "disgusting?"

EDIT: I didn't mention that I have chronic seasonal allergy problems, I'm allergic to nearly everything they test for. My sinuses are constantly bedeviling me.

 

[SticksandStones]

I can't even begin to understand how anyone could possibly find spitting or responding "what" as rude. I continue to be glad I wasn't born in a time of such insanity.

 

[lisab]

I find the sight of people ridding themselves of bodily waste products in public both rude and disgusting.

 

[OAQfirst]

I can't even begin to understand how anyone could possibly find spitting or responding "what" as rude. I continue to be glad I wasn't born in a time of such insanity.

You weren't?

 

[SticksandStones]

You weren't?

That was a bad wording. I should say "I'm glad people around the same age as I largely don't seem to care about such unnecessary worries."

If someone spitting on to the ground outside is enough to cause you disgust I suggest you find something else to fill your time with. I for one am too busy to care about such things.

 

[DaveC426913]

That was a bad wording. I should say "I'm glad people around the same age as I largely don't seem to care about such unnecessary worries."

If someone spitting on to the ground outside is enough to cause you disgust I suggest you find something else to fill your time with. I for one am too busy to care about such things.

Flash forward a decade or so. You're walking down the street with your wife and some kid flings dog poo at you. You are disgusted - he says "Big deal. It's commonplace. That makes it OK."

 

[OAQfirst]

Throwing feces is a long way from using a particular word. But you might admit that http://www.zazzle.com/i_fling_poo_tshirt-235753561265816907" is adorable anyway.

 

[DaveC426913]

Throwing feces is a long way from using a particular word. But you might admit that http://www.zazzle.com/i_fling_poo_tshirt-235753561265816907" is adorable anyway.

Actually, Sticks & Stones was talking about the spitting.

You know what a slippery slope is?

 

[Proton Soup]

man, people are uptight. i get the feeling that most who get upset by this must have teenagers.

 

[OAQfirst]

Actually, Sticks & Stones was talking about the spitting.

Yes. And S&S was responding to your post on the spitting.

You know what a slippery slope is?

Yes.

 

[DaveC426913]

Yes. And S&S was responding to your post on the spitting.

Right. So you're following where I'm going then.

He thinks that it's silly to get irked about spitting. He's grown up used to it. Flash forward and he will find himself in a situation where others are inpinging on his sensibilities. And they're thinking he's all uptight about something that "everyone does".

 

[OAQfirst]

Right. So you're following where I'm going then.

He thinks that it's silly to get irked about spitting. He's grown up used to it. Flash forward and he will find himself in a situation where others are inpinging on his sensibilities. And they're thinking he's all uptight about something that "everyone does".

Oh, I follow. But even spit is nothing near the category of dog poo. People spit on people all the time. That's commonplace. And if we go back a few posts, where I wrote "Because it's common it's OK," this is an axe driven into my argument.

On the other hand, had I known that the examples used would be so extreme, I would have written that more gingerly. I'm talking about language. Words. Replies.

 

[DaveC426913]

Oh, I follow. But even spit is nothing near the category of dog poo.

Which is why I checked to ensure you knew what a slippery slope was. They are different only in degree - and a subjective one at that.

Spitting was once almost universally agreed to be a quite disgusting behaviour. Frankly, when you get right down to it, on a scale that ranges from perfect behaviour to perfect sociopathy, firing spittle and firing dog poo are actually right next to each other.

Are you yet getting that you will be in my shoes in a short few years? Manners will continue downhill. They will cross your threshold of sensibilities.

 

[OAQfirst]

Which is why I checked to ensure you knew what a slippery slope was.

Spitting was once almost universally agreed to be a quite disgusting behaviour. Frankly, when you get right down to it, on a scale that ranges from perfect behaviour to perfect sociopathy, firing spittle and firing dog poo are actually right next to each other. (Did you know that human saliva is highly unsanitary? Given the choice between the two, take dog poo over saliva.)

Are you yet getting that you will be in my shoes in a short few years? Manners will continue downhill. They will cross your threshold of sensibilities.

I take it you don't kiss very often? Now should I still take this seriously?

-Oh. I guess I should take your edit as a retraction about the poo and saliva?

 

[OAQfirst]

Which is why I checked to ensure you knew what a slippery slope was. They are different only in degree - and a subjective one at that.

Spitting was once almost universally agreed to be a quite disgusting behaviour. Frankly, when you get right down to it, on a scale that ranges from perfect behaviour to perfect sociopathy, firing spittle and firing dog poo are actually right next to each other.

Are you yet getting that you will be in my shoes in a short few years? Manners will continue downhill. They will cross your threshold of sensibilities.

If spit and poo are so evenly balanced on your teeter-totter, I guess. But I bet you'll have a hard time finding many who will get on both sides of that ride.

I'm sorry that you're so bothered by "What?", but I just don't share your pessimism about the downslide of manners in the future.

 

[DaveC426913]

I'm sorry that you're so bothered by "What?", but I just don't share your pessimism about the downslide of manners in the future.

Yep, and that's what I was saying to my parents 20 years ago!

 

[Jack21222]

firing spittle and firing dog poo are actually right next to each other.

Alright, I thought you were a reasonable person, but you can't tell the difference between "spitting into the grass" and "spitting in your direction."

I'll give you a hint... It's not a difference of degree, it's a difference of kind. It goes from an issue of "sensibilities" to an issue of "potential physical harm."

I'm a bit surprised that you're a bit fuzzy on the difference.

 

[OAQfirst]

He is a reasonable person.

 

[DaveC426913]

He is a reasonable person.

Why thank you. Likewise, it is quite refreshing to have a disagreement with someone without either side getting emotionally bent.

Alright, I thought you were a reasonable person, but you can't tell the difference between "spitting into the grass" and "spitting in your direction."

...into the grass? Luxury. I dream of these lunkheads spitting into the grass.

 

[Jack21222]

...into the grass? Luxury. I dream of these lunkheads spitting into the grass.

Or into the street, I guess. I spit from my car window on the freeway. If a trash can is nearby, I spit there. As I said, the alternative is to swallow it, which makes me ill.

He is a reasonable person.

I'm sure he is. He was using hyperbole, so I responded in kind.

Anyway, as long as somebody isn't spitting in such a way that it's getting on you personally, I don't see how it's a big deal at all.

EDIT: I'll nitpick myself. It's not hyperbole, per se, but I don't know the correct term for it.

 

[OAQfirst]

I'm sure he is. He was using hyperbole, so I responded in kind.

??

Anyway, I also thank you Dave for your patience with me.

*blows out candle*

 

[Jack21222]

??

Anyway, I also thank you Dave for your patience with me.

*blows out candle*

Oh, that part wasn't sarcasm. I was literally saying I am sure he is a reasonable person. I didn't literally mean he wasn't reasonable, I was exaggerating for effect. *shrug*

It seemed he was exaggerating the "dog feces = spit" part, so I decided to join in on the exaggeration.

 

[DaveC426913]

It seemed he was exaggerating the "dog feces = spit" part,

But I'm not saying they're equal I'm saying there is an inexorable slide down the slippery slope of what's tolerated. Today, dog poo is disgusting. Just as a decade or two ago, no one spat.

(Personally, I blame high-profile baseball pros and their wads of 'baccy.)

 

[Jack21222]

Just as a decade or two ago, no one spat.

I was alive both a decade and two ago, and plenty of people spat. I'm 26 now, and my mother yelled at me when I was approximately 4 or 5 for spitting. She claimed I was just emulating the teenagers next door. Therefore, two decades ago, the teenagers living next to me spat.

Fast forward to a decade ago. I was 16. I wasn't the only person spitting in public. It was fairly commonplace then, especially among smokers or people with a cold. I don't smoke, but constant sinus infections and allergies will have a similar effect.

Perhaps you meant 3 decades ago, I wasn't alive then, so I can't really refute your claims if you just push it back one more decade.

 

[lisab]

I was alive both a decade and two ago, and plenty of people spat. I'm 26 now, and my mother yelled at me when I was approximately 4 or 5 for spitting. She claimed I was just emulating the teenagers next door. Therefore, two decades ago, the teenagers living next to me spat.

Fast forward to a decade ago. I was 16. I wasn't the only person spitting in public. It was fairly commonplace then, especially among smokers or people with a cold. I don't smoke, but constant sinus infections and allergies will have a similar effect.

Perhaps you meant 3 decades ago, I wasn't alive then, so I can't really refute your claims if you just push it back one more decade.

Believe me, all this spitting really is fairly new. But maybe you grew up in the epicenter of this spitting craze, and so were exposed to it from an early age.

Seriously, it's your bodily waste, you should not dispose of it within sight of others. And you don't have to swallow it, that's what tissues are for. Some extremely low class people blow out their nostrils in public...omg, that's so, so, so disgusting. And just <that> far away from spitting, really, when you think about it.

Suppose you went over to your neighbor's house to talk to them about something, and in the middle of the conversation, you turned and spit on their porch. Now that's not polite, is it? You're thinking, of course not (I hope). It's rude. And if it's rude to spit on someone's porch, why is it OK to spit in a park? On a sidewalk? Anywhere where you share space with the public?

 

[Huckleberry]

I see responding to being called by saying 'what' more like misusing who rather than whom in a sentence. I can understand if people don't appreciate it, but at least it won't make you ill or ruin your clothing. If throwing poo at each other is the custom of the day, then that's what it is. You might be able to convince people that it could make them sick. You could convince them that it will save them time and effort of cleaning their clothing. You can tell them that you don't appreciate it when they throw poo at you. I don't think anyone will be convinced that they should change their behaviour amongst their friends and peers because you don't approve of it personally.

There's a lot of straw in that poo. It suggests to me the belief that manners is equivalent to intelligence, and that without manners our ability to communicate is no better than a bunch of chimps who fling poo at each other because we are limited in our capacity for expression.

It's time for me to take a shower. I'm glad that custom is in fashion at the moment.