Unusual Phobias: Exploring the Fear of Everyday Objects

[hypnagogue]

Sounds logical. And it's certainly in keeping with the diathesis-stress model. Of course, the first time I noticed this "quirkiness" about myself, I was around 10 years old, and I don't know what I would have been stressed about. I went through these "symmetry" compulsions. If I scratched the right side of my face I had to scratch the left. If I tapped on something with my left foot, I had to tap with my right. Everything had to balance. And I don't know what I thought would happen if I didn't follow through on the side for side matching, nothing specific, just that I felt so uneasy and miserable if I didn't follow through on the action on the opposite side. Weird, huh? It didn't persist into adolescence, though.

That's incredible-- I experienced the same kind of 'symmetry compulsions,' also at about the same age. I wonder if it's somewhat common. The only difference I can discern from your description is that for me, balancing things out felt more like a kind of game I played than something I did to avoid bad feelings (although if I left something unbalanced, I did have a slight tinge of uneasiness or incompleteness which I would usually address). I'm also not aware what connection this has with stress in your case (or the general case), or if my own symmetry compulsions had anything to do stress (I don't recall experiencing such a connection, though perhaps one might have existed subconsciously).

 

[zoobyshoe]

I do have what I guess you could call perfectionist tendencies (did anyone else notice that I misspelled 'creak'?). Maybe it's more than that, maybe Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, but I'm not sure - and I'm wary of the self-diagnosis thing anyway.

This list is my, I don't know, sixth attempt. It was originally part of my self-directed therapy, but as I worked on the lists, I realized that I probably can't handle this on my own anymore. This newest list is just to give to my therapist when I finally go to one, because I don't want to go unprepared and waste time or forget something and get a wrong diagnosis, etc. I'm having a lot of trouble making the list come out right, but how many problems can I deal with at once? I may just give up on the list-making.

Sixth attempt? Don't want to go unprepared and waste time or forget something and get a wrong diagnosis? Lot of trouble making the list come out right? It's like I'm reading straight out of the DSM-IV section on OCPD.

 

[honestrosewater]

Yeah, ego-dystonic, that's it.
I will remain open to medication.

Sixth attempt? Don't want to go unprepared and waste time or forget something and get a wrong diagnosis? Lot of trouble making the list come out right? It's like I'm reading straight out of the DSM-IV section on OCPD.

Well, on the bright side, I do realize that it's excessive and counterproductive at times. But this stuff is ego-syntonic - it's just like too much of a good thing. And I did put my cap out of alignment after I wrote that post. It's out of alignment right now and I'm okay with it!11
The CT you mentioned - is that mostly identifying cognitive distortions?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Well, on the bright side, I do realize that it's excessive and counterproductive at times. But this stuff is ego-syntonic - it's just like too much of a good thing.

I don't really know what this means: ego-syntonic.

And I did put my cap out of alignment after I wrote that post. It's out of alignment right now and I'm okay with it!

That's a start. Tomorrow put another cap out of alignment, and build up from there.

The CT you mentioned - is that mostly identifying cognitive distortions?

Not hardly. Learning to identify them when they come up is just the first step. The rest is learning and practising all the strategies for weeding them out.

 

[honestrosewater]

I don't really know what this means: ego-syntonic.

Sorry, I saw it when I looked up ego-dystonic.

Ego-Syntonic -
The opposite of ego-dystonic, this term refers to behavior or mental acts, such as thoughts, feelings, and desires, which are seen as acceptable to the aims of the ego and the related psychological needs of the individual. The individual usually fails to see this behavior as a problem and simply considers it as part of their identity.
- http://www.sparknotes.com/psychology/abnormal/personality/terms.html

That's a start. Tomorrow put another cap out of alignment, and build up from there.

Woot! Er, is that really better - going around putting pen caps out of alignment? They'll throw me in the loony bin for sure.
(I know what you mean.)

Not hardly. Learning to identify them when they come up is just the first step. The rest is learning and practising all the strategies for weeding them out.

Okay, I guess it won't be so easy then. Oh, well, no pain, no gain, or whatever they say...

 

[zoobyshoe]

Woot! Er, is that really better - going around putting pen caps out of alignment? They'll throw me in the loony bin for sure. (I know what you mean.)

I've been doing it to pens all over the place for years. I often grab them out of peoples shirt pockets and do it. No one bothers you.

Okay, I guess it won't be so easy then. Oh, well, no pain, no gain, or whatever they say...

I didn't find it painful at all, just hard work at times. You have to keep doggedly at it whenever you realize you feel disphoric or worse. It's worth it because you end up feeling much better. If you don't run a bad feeling through the process, it just stays bad. So, there's always incentive.

 

[honestrosewater]

I've been doing it to pens all over the place for years. I often grab them out of peoples shirt pockets and do it. No one bothers you.

You sure it isn't the ape suit that makes them back off?

I didn't find it painful at all, just hard work at times. You have to keep doggedly at it whenever you realize you feel disphoric or worse. It's worth it because you end up feeling much better. If you don't run a bad feeling through the process, it just stays bad. So, there's always incentive.

Okay, I'm already surprised. This pen thing is one of the silliest things that I do, and I noticed twice tonight that my cap was back in alignment - but I didn't even remember moving it! It isn't loose enough to have just slipped into position or for me to have bumped it accidentally - and becoming perfectly aligned twice by mere coincidence? I don't think so.
It may seem like a pretty stupid example, but it makes me wonder how many things that I thought I was doing and could easily correct have actually become habits.

 

[zoobyshoe]

You sure it isn't the ape suit that makes them back off?

I'm not wearing an ape suit. This is what zoobies look like. Large, hairy, bipedal creatures.

Okay, I'm already surprised. This pen thing is one of the silliest things that I do,...

You wouldn't apply any of the techniques to the issue of pen caps, per se. It would be a matter of working through any bad feelings that might result from the general thought of not achieving perfection and seeing how those feelings are generated by a series of unsubstantiated cognitive distortions you are taking for granted. The work entailed is the result of the fact that there are usually several layers of these to dig back through and replace with realistic thoughts.

You actually sit down and do it on paper, if you can, and it can take a minute or five minutes, depending. At first, of course, you have to be doing this all day long, because your negative feelings are so habitual. Eventually you can do it in your head very quickly.

While you may characterize perfectionism as ego-syntonic in general, it really must be true that the thought of not getting something done perfectly provokes anxiety, and that is where you'd apply the CT.

 

[honestrosewater]

While you may characterize perfectionism as ego-syntonic in general, it really must be true that the thought of not getting something done perfectly provokes anxiety, and that is where you'd apply the CT.

Sure, it provokes anxiety. Maybe this will change, but at the moment, I can't imagine accepting the idea that I shouldn't try to do my best or aim for perfection when it's possible; That goal is just so 'not me'. I do think that I need to redefine what 'my best' really is and when perfection is actually possible. Um, and figure out how those two goals are different. Eh, they seem different... somehow.

I understand the rest of what you're saying; I just hadn't thought much of the habitual aspect.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Sure, it provokes anxiety. Maybe this will change, but at the moment, I can't imagine accepting the idea that I shouldn't try to do my best or aim for perfection when it's possible; That goal is just so 'not me'. I do think that I need to redefine what 'my best' really is and when perfection is actually possible. Um, and figure out how those two goals are different. Eh, they seem different... somehow.

I've stopped thinking of things in terms of perfection or my "best". What I shoot for now is more like "success": did I successfully say what I meant?, did I successfully accomplish what I set out to do?

If something comes out better than I expected, it's "excellent", not "perfect". Alot of things aren't as successful as I'd hoped, but are still acceptable. Some things just didn't work at all, and have to be redone, or edited.

 

[honestrosewater]

Yes, that sounds like a good approach.