What Do You Do If You Were a Rock Star?

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you take a roll full of pictures and when you get the film developed, they all have the phrase "don't make me destroy you" in black letters on a white background?

Oh! YOU got that roll of film!
I'll PM you where to send it because I really need that back. I have really enjoyed the pictures you took as well. Must have been a wonderful vacation. Let me know what you want me to do with them.What do you do if you receive a bill in the mail from the Institute For The Advancement Of Institutional Advancement, Progress, and Redundancy asking or you to make good on the pledge you made during their fundraising drive on Satellite channel 7895B which according to their records was a promise of $5.31 monthly for one year, but you have never subscribed to satellite, have never seen a satellite, and in fact, are not sure you believe there is such a thing?

 

[phoenixthoth]

tell them that their error is due to a recent development resulting in God becoming malevolent and that if they don't mind their own business, God will smite them.

what do you do if the government starts randomly testing you on that penile maching they'll test on kobe bryant and locks you up for 25-life for your deviant thoughts?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if the government starts randomly testing you on that penile maching they'll test on kobe bryant and locks you up for 25-life for your deviant thoughts?

Where do you think I'm posting from?What do you do if you go out on your way to work and notice that the members of the 1980s band, The B-52s seem to have crashed in the bed of your truck?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you go out on your way to work and notice that the members of the 1980s band, The B-52s seem to have crashed in the bed of your truck?

Hand them the Bill!

What do you do if you haven't seen a "what do you do if" like all of this in a "what did I" NOT "do if" amount of time?

 

[sandinmyears]

What do you do if you haven't seen a "what do you do if" like all of this in a "what did I" NOT "do if" amount of time?

A: You correct Mr. Robin's grammar and punctuation and move on.

Q: What do you do if you find 2 robins flying around you in stereo?

 

[J-Man]

Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: What do you do if you find 2 robins flying around you in stereo?

Shoot them before they "shoot" on you, then apply for a government grant (couldn't hurt.)

What do you do if you find a $20 bill laying on the sidewalk, pick it up, spend it on a hotdog, add a little ketsup (catsup?, ketchup?), some mustard, hold the relish, eat half of it, feed the rest to a stray cat, go home take a shower, dress in something "frilly", have a night out-on-the-town, get divorced, find God, lose God, have another hotdog, then get arrested for counterfeiting?

 

[phoenixthoth]

i make a call to the air force to send out the b-3 bombers (barry bonds, bobby bonds, and billie dee williams) to knock them out of the bed of my truck.

what do you do if the harlequin you have sitting on your wardrobe starts talking to you saying, "NOTHING is the key to the universe; a FOOL sees NOTHING?"

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if the harlequin you have sitting on your wardrobe starts talking to you saying, "NOTHING is the key to the universe; a FOOL sees NOTHING?"

A harlequin is a very specific kind of clown, and like all clowns, they tend to talk too much. This has been a problem for some time. Witness Hamlet's advise to the players:"And let those that play your clowns speak no more than is set down for them: for there be of them that will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too; though in the mean time some necessary question of the play be then to be consider'd; that's villainous and shows a most pitious ambition in the fool that uses it." So the next time your harlequin babbles like this take a baseball bat to it.What do you do if you wake up in the dead of the dark night to find the Halloween pumpkin you brought home sitting at the foot of your bed just staring at you?

 

[phoenixthoth]

it depends on whether it's giving me "the look" or the look. in other words, i'd try to determine if it wants to have sex or fight me. then i'd consider other options like maybe it's just curious and wants to observe. i'd ask it for its name and if it wants a beer.

what do you do if you realize that God has always been at the corner of your bed, just staring at you?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you realize that God has always been at the corner of your bed, just staring at you?

Put that old song by the Police, Every breath you Take, on the stereo, see if he takes the hint and leaves you in privacy.What do you do if you're rummaging through some old boxes at a flea market and suddenly find an original edtion of Special Relativity with the following inscription in Einstein's hand: "Fur mein guter Freund, Max. Es macht kein Sinn, aber es macht viel spass zu lesen! Erfreut dich daran!"

 

[sandinmyears]

What do you do if you're rummaging through some old boxes at a flea market and suddenly find an original edtion of Special Relativity with the following inscription in Einstein's hand: "Fur mein guter Freund, Max. Es macht kein Sinn, aber es macht viel spass zu lesen! Erfreut dich daran!"

Antwort: Für meinen lieben Freund, ZoobySchuh: dieses ist ein Spaßspiel.

Q: What do you do if you really see a horse fly?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by sandinmyears Q: What do you do if you really see a horse fly? [/B]

Report to the Skepticism and Debunking forum immediately for a personal debriefing by Ivan Seeking.What do you do if Ivan determines that what you believed to be a flying horse turns out to be a run-of-the-mill extra terrestrial space craft?

 

[sandinmyears]

What do you do if Ivan determines that what you believed to be a flying horse turns out to be a run-of-the-mill extra terrestrial space craft?

A: If it's just "run of the mill," ignore it. It isn't worth the bother, but if it's fashionable, hire the space aliens and their spacecraft to be at your next Halloween party.

Q: What do you do if Freud meets the aliens and determines that the flying horses are their alter-egos?

 

[phoenixthoth]

tell freud to stop using so much cocaine and going around telling people paranoid schizophrenia results from homosexual panic.

what do you do if Freud publishes his analysis of God and determines that God is a paranoid schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if Freud publishes his analysis of God and determines that God is a paranoid schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur?

Buy him a mirror, and show him what he just found!

What do you do if you just found out that you really do exist, and CAN prove it!?

 

[phoenixthoth]

i'd start creating a universe.

what do you do if you create a universe but there is a lot of suffering in it?

(inspired by this thread, i now have a similar one on my discussion forum: http://207.70.190.98/scgi-bin/ikonboard.cgi?;act=ST;f=1;t=47 )

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you create a universe but there is a lot of suffering in it?

Consult the Programmers Bible

What do you do if you cannot find your programmers Bible?
(and the code is running nuts)

 

[phoenixthoth]

start hacking your way back into the system to take control again and return things to an orderly state.

what do you do if the encryption you set up is preventing you from getting in until someone invents the quantum computer and all you can do is watch the amokness helplessly?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if the encryption you set up is preventing you from getting in until someone invents the quantum computer and all you can do is watch the amokness helplessly?

Amokness? Sudivision of chaos theory? Just be sure you document for insurance purposes.What do you do if on Halloween nght the doorbell rings and you open it to find several small children in malevolent God costumes chanting "Kill the goat bi*ch! Kill the goat bi*ch!" ?

 

[phoenixthoth]

i'd be sure to keep my malevolent God costume on so that they can't see that I'm the goat biatch.

what do you do if those aren't costumes?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if those aren't costumes?

Kiss your goat bi*ch a$$ goodbye!What do you do if it turns out all the little malevolent Gds really wanted was to make you change your underwear?

 

[phoenixthoth]

that is indeed quite malevolent for i would have to take off my malevolent God costume. i'd tell them they forgot to say "trick or treat" and slam the door.

what do you do if once you slam the door, you find yourself outside and the "kids" can be heard from within your house, killing all your goats?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if once you slam the door, you find yourself outside and the "kids" can be heard from within your house, killing all your goats?

Light the Bar B'Q, and toss the Salad...

What do you do if you missed that episode of Oprah® and you don't really know the meaning of "Tossing your cOOkies"?

 

[phoenixthoth]

i'd do an internet search which would lead to something to do with my browser 12% of the time and porn 88% of the time. having no idea what it means, i'd just stick to tossing the salad even though i'd get porn if i searched for that.

what do you do if the unwelcome gets meant the other "tossing the salad?"

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if the unwelcome gets meant the other "tossing the salad?"

Make an addendum to your programmers Bible, and a password.

What do you do if your password is "password"?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if your password is "password"?

I can only imagine the sheer terror that would inspire in the bravest of persons and so I recommend you just block it out of your mind and forget it ever existed.What do you do if you're ambling down the street minding your own business and the window of the store you are passing disintegrates into shards simultaneous with the sound of a rifle shot from the other side of the street?

 

[phoenixthoth]

i'd find it curious that the pellets went all the way through me and quickly return fire with my glock unless the assailant was wearing a malevolent God uniform, in which case, i'd use my death ray spell.

what do you do if you accidentally loaded the ammo for the death ray spell into the glock and the ammo for the glock into the death ray spell?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you accidentally loaded the ammo for the death ray spell into the glock and the ammo for the glock into the death ray spell?

Use the Death Ray spell to fire the Glock.

What do you do if you are not walking down any particular street, and a young girl kisses your knee, just when you are about to as that really nice looking woman, at the candy counter, out on a date, and you realize that she is now going to turn you down because she saw the lipstick, from the young girl, on your knee?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you are not walking down any particular street, and a young girl kisses your knee, just when you are about to as that really nice looking woman, at the candy counter, out on a date, and you realize that she is now going to turn you down because she saw the lipstick, from the young girl, on your knee?

Do your best tobring attention to the lipstick rather than hide it, and if you see she notices it, use this to tell her the amusing story of how you were just accosted by the kissing munchkin queen. Believe me, it will win her heart.What do you do if a glance at your Lorenz attractor clock reveals that the expected flip of the polarity of the magnetic poles of the Earth is almost three hours overdue, and you're impatient to reset all the compasses in the house?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if a glance at your Lorenz attractor clock reveals that the expected flip of the polarity of the magnetic poles of the Earth is almost three hours overdue, and you're impatient to reset all the compasses in the house?

Give your Foccault pendulum a great big push as to get it over the edge, then reset your compasses, clocks, mind, health, happiness, life, cat, dog, rest of the beasts, planetary surface, kitchen floor (and hallways too) and hope that the next reversal happens on time!

What do you do if The next reversal is also late, you call the Bureau of Reversal Managment (@ 1-800-555-switchback) and they tell you that the tax department cut the bugdet, so the reversal is underfunded, and might only happens if the election results get rigged, (again) which is actually your job to do, but you forgot to, as the reversal was needed for you to keep your wavefunction occurring in this end of that universe, and it's now dissapating, due to the waveform, that is writing this, action's?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if The next reversal is also late, you call the Bureau of Reversal Managment (@ 1-800-555-switchback) and they tell you that the tax department cut the bugdet, so the reversal is underfunded, and might only happens if the election results get rigged, (again) which is actually your job to do, but you forgot to, as the reversal was needed for you to keep your wavefunction occurring in this end of that universe, and it's now dissapating, due to the waveform, that is writing this, action's?

No worries. Since chotic systems re stble no mttr homework mch thy dsntgt pty sn thy stat to reintegrate and dis order will be fully restored in no time.

What do you do if the fine Halloween pumpkin you recently freed from its freedom in a large, military/industrial Pumpkin Patch in Camp Pendleton, Ca. USA turns out to be one of the reverse engineered extraterrestrial aircraft created at Area 51 crossed with vegetable DNA and also, strangest of all, liverwurst?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the fine Halloween pumpkin you recently freed from its freedom in a large, military/industrial Pumpkin Patch in Camp Pendleton, Ca. USA turns out to be one of the reverse engineered extraterrestrial aircraft created at Area 51 crossed with vegetable DNA and also, strangest of all, liverwurst?

Call a friend, and EAT!

What do you do if you find that you would have known what to do, but that, somehow, went past your own head, in the rectified limelight that has now submerged the entire space, you are in, in a bathing glow of 'foxgloved' light, that is eminating a subtle, but unmistakable, reflection of the mirror that just went up in front of your face, as to explain to you why you can't do, what you would have done, if?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you find that you would have known what to do, but that, somehow, went past your own head, in the rectified limelight that has now submerged the entire space, you are in, in a bathing glow of 'foxgloved' light, that is eminating a subtle, but unmistakable, reflection of the mirror that just went up in front of your face, as to explain to you why you can't do, what you would have done, if?

The past, a check already cashed and spent, a meal digested, a can recycled, is no longer available for editing your colored bold improvements into, no longer accessible for the insertion of parenthesis or quotaion marks, the excision of the odd extra letter, is not graspable by fat human fingers for appending superfluous clauses unto. So if the foxglove fits you must wear it or quit.


What do you do if you haven't the slightest idea what you just wrote means?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you haven't the slightest idea what you just wrote means?

Consult with an expert in the field of "Unknowns, and Unknowable things" cause they will likely know!

What do you do if someone advises you to quit your day job so you can take up your hobby, as a full time job, but you have never-ever, even so little, as had a job, (so's you haven't a clue what that means) and the paycheques had stopped coming, years back, so your rent is in arrears up to, well, your rear, and the person with whom you would be wishing to communicate this with is an irrelevant irrespectable ignorant slob who just happens to be the current occupant of the Office of Prime Minster of Canada, so the phone never gets answered, and in all of this, you suddenly realize that zoobyshoe hasn't a clue what is being asked, by these very intuitively instinctive questions that eminate from within the sphere of these realms?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if someone advises you to quit your day job so you can take up your hobby, as a full time job, but you have never-ever, even so little, as had a job, (so's you haven't a clue what that means) and the paycheques had stopped coming, years back, so your rent is in arrears up to, well, your rear, and the person with whom you would be wishing to communicate this with is an irrelevant irrespectable ignorant slob who just happens to be the current occupant of the Office of Prime Minster of Canada, so the phone never gets answered, and in all of this, you suddenly realize that zoobyshoe hasn't a clue what is being asked, by these very intuitively instinctive questions that eminate from within the sphere of these realms?

Clearly your only hope of paying your rent is to gather an army of henchmen about you, storm the Government Offices, accomplish a swift, decisive coup d'etat, award yourself a salary sufficient to pay the rent and begin paying off the back rent, and lead Canada forward to its manifest destiny! Under the Maple Leaf and Parsons! What do you do if your coup d'etat fails and you are arrested and put into a situation such that you now resemble your former avatar?