Why does my social life suck so much?

[Cyrus]

I third having female friends first. In fact, I strongly recommend this.

 

[proton]

Simply put, the secret to a good social life is to be able to take initiatives without caring too much about the consequences.
do you have to lose?

well, i don't want people to think I'm some desperate loser

 

[Cyrus]

People will think whatever you project to them of yourself. Be it conscious, or subconscious. You can say, "Im going to walk in there like John Wayne". Well, if in the back of your mind your shaking in your undies, its going to be OBVIOUS that your NOT John Wayne and doing a horrible job acting the part. Its going to take time until you REALLY do think your John Wayne.

 

[Huckleberry]

I see it differently. I see proton pretending to be something he is not right now, and if he cared less about what negative reactions people might have towards him he might discover who he really is. At this moment he is letting other people's impressions guide his actions. In an effort to be well-liked by all there is some part of his self respect that suffers.

It's not all bad. I think this view shows a tendency towards a peaceful, contemplative nature. It is good to be aware and compassionate of your actions and how they affect others. But it is also important to take care of oneself. Act in the manner that you believe to be appropriate, and avoid lowering one's measure of self to appease others. Be open to criticism and critical examination of one's principles, but live life to one's own expectations, not one's self-imposed, perceived expectations of society. Basically, don't allow the fear of failure to prevent you from action, or you will never succeed.

 

[pivoxa15]

well, i don't want people to think I'm some desperate loser

Here are my tips:

1. I find that I can talk to girls best when I treat and act towards them as if they were male. Hence just treat them as an ordinary friend first.

2. If you can't find a good opportunity to talk to her that dosen't appear as if you are desparate (i.e can't find a genuine non direct way) then just talk to her directly about what's on your mind. I actually think she will appreciate it - especially when she does science and maths as well?

If only I had the discipline to follow my own advice. Hopefully I will soon.

 

[Napolean308]

Im kinda in the same boat as proton here, except I got one more problem. I am 5 foot five. I can't seem to find any decent clothes at the major retailers. Any short guys here with advice?

 

[gravenewworld]

Easiest way to pick up girls...LEARN HOW TO DANCE. It doesn't matter if you are fat, short, a terrible dresser, or a nerd, if you can dance well girls love it. One of my buddies is a really good dancer, every time we go out he must dance with a dozen or more girls in one night and they all come up to him; he literally doesn't have to do anything except dance. You'd be surprised how good you could be at dancing if you just simply stopped caring what other people think about how you move. Dancing is a powerful aphrodisiac for women. A guy that can move definitely grabs attention.

 

[rewebster]

Dressing up may help--and maybe not---

Some women are like some men--your hair color has to be the 'right' one, you have to be the 'right' body shape, you have to etc., etc. Others can be interested in you as a person. So, even if you get turned down, it may not be YOU---she (or he) may have different 'requirements' ---so try not to fret it too much if it doesn't work on one particular person. That person may have an 'interest' in someone else for that week, and may be available next week--or any of a thousand other reason that day--tomorrow may be different. And as you go along, your tastes will develop too.

 

[Cyrus]

Easiest way to pick up girls...LEARN HOW TO DANCE. It doesn't matter if you are fat, short, a terrible dresser, or a nerd, if you can dance well girls love it. One of my buddies is a really good dancer, every time we go out he must dance with a dozen or more girls in one night and they all come up to him; he literally doesn't have to do anything except dance. You'd be surprised how good you could be at dancing if you just simply stopped caring what other people think about how you move. Dancing is a powerful aphrodisiac for women. A guy that can move definitely grabs attention.

Knowing how to dance is good. But thinking this will get you women is flat out wrong. It does matter if you are fat, short, a terrible dresser, or a nerd.

Just last night I was at a very nice club. Three guys went up to a group of three girls dancing to my left. They were full of energy, 'come on' grabbing their hands trying to get them to dance. Those women just told them to f' off. They got hard core rejected.

 

[Moonbear]

Yeah, dancing can make you MORE attractive, but it won't make you attractive all by itself. I've had good dancers, but clueless, dull, obnoxious guys, latch onto me on a dance floor. They might be good at dancing, but it's all I can do to get away from them. I've even had to resort to asking another guy (one who was out with another of my friends) to just pretend to be a jealous boyfriend for a few minutes to chase off one who was horribly persistant.

WATCH the woman you're talking to/hitting on. If she's looking all around the room and not at you, get the hint and go away. Find someone else to talk to, she's not interested.

 

[Azael]

Proton nothing will matter one bit as long as you label yourself as a geeky nerd and anticipate failure everytime. Change the way you think about yourself and everything else will fall into place. I used to think exactly like you and it took me many years to figure out what had to change.

 

[rewebster]

women can also think that their life sucks (nothing going on/stuck in a rut)--if you find the right thing out of your life that you have an interest in, and include it in conversation with her, she may find it interesting (and you also)

 

[pivoxa15]

WATCH the woman you're talking to/hitting on. If she's looking all around the room and not at you, get the hint and go away. Find someone else to talk to, she's not interested.

Sure? She might be a contrarian, much like myself.

 

[Cyrus]

Yes pivoxa, very sure.

 

[Moonbear]

Sure? She might be a contrarian, much like myself.

Yes, I'm sure. Would you stare all around the room if someone you were interested in was right in front of you? I sure wouldn't, I'd be focused on talking to them. But if they're annoying/repulsive/unattractive, and they've just latched onto me on the dance floor, I'm looking everywhere, trying to catch ANYONE'S attention to come over and "rescue" me. Y'know, only once have I had someone clue into this and come over and cut in. If I wasn't in a city far from home and leaving the next day, who knows, I might have pursued something with him further, but I sure did appreciate his intervention and did chat with him a while.

 

[proton]

so it wouldn't seem extremely awkward if a total nerd like me took, say, a ballroom dancing class? i'd be one of the few guys there. and if i befriended the girls there, they would find out that i have no friends and took the class since I'm a desperate loser, right?

 

[cristo]

so it wouldn't seem extremely awkward if a total nerd like me took, say, a ballroom dancing class? i'd be one of the few guys there. and if i befriended the girls there, they would find out that i have no friends and took the class since I'm a desperate loser, right?

I think this post sums up your entire problem. You are using the term "nerd" in a derogatory way towards yourself. Now, there's nothing wrong with being nerdy, if you're happy like that, but you're clearly not and so need to do something to change that, instead of complaining and saying how hard life is for a "nerd like you." I don't know how old you are, but you sound old enough to realize that no-one will hold your hand and help you through life. If you are unhappy, and you realize WHY, as you have done, then it's upto you to change that. No-one, male or female, will want to be friends with you if all you are doing is bringing them down, and talking about how much of a "loser" you are. It's like a vicious cycle, and reminds me of the old saying "no-one will love you if you don't love yourself."

So, you mention ball-room dancing; why not give it a go? You many meet some interesting people, and start socialising with them. Or, you may find that you really have a talent for dancing, or that you really enjoy it, in which case you have a new hobby.. and new friends who are interested in that hobby too. Or, you may find that it is totally not for you. But.. how will you know if you never give it a try?

 

[Poop-Loops]

Yes, I'm sure. Would you stare all around the room if someone you were interested in was right in front of you?

If I was very nervous? Yes.

 

[juniorb0y007]

When i was in high school, I was very shy. I was making good grades, and one day, i decided to be more socialize. There was a hot girl in our school that i went out with for the first time. From junior year to senior year i made worst grades ever. I was going out and didnt concentrate toward my grades. Now that you are in college, have fun with others and try not to be shy. This is my first year in my college, and i try to talk to my classmates all the time. Sometimes i go out for lunch and to the movies with them. It's very nice talking to people. Most of the time people will like you if you can talk with them for long time. Try to enjoy and focus toward your education. YOU HAVE TO HAVE FUN.

 

[Cyrus]

If I was very nervous? Yes.

Thats not good...

 

[rewebster]

so it wouldn't seem extremely awkward if a total nerd like me took, say, a ballroom dancing class? i'd be one of the few guys there. and if i befriended the girls there, they would find out that i have no friends and took the class since I'm a desperate loser, right?

If you get hungry enough, you'll find something to eat----

you're not hungry enough yet

 

[Evo]

so it wouldn't seem extremely awkward if a total nerd like me took, say, a ballroom dancing class? i'd be one of the few guys there. and if i befriended the girls there, they would find out that i have no friends and took the class since I'm a desperate loser, right?

No, if you enjoy dancing and the girl enjoys dancing, you automaticaly have something in common. Having other friends means nothing. So you've not found anyone yet you care to be friends with. How do you know the girl isn't the same?

 

[Moonbear]

No, if you enjoy dancing and the girl enjoys dancing, you automaticaly have something in common. Having other friends means nothing. So you've not found anyone yet you care to be friends with. How do you know the girl isn't the same?

Exactly! If she's taking ballroom dancing lessons on her own and not with a partner, she's not seeing anyone either! Of course, if you're determined to believe you're a loser for not having any good friends yet, you'll never find friends. When you're determined to be someone's friend, you'll find friends.

 

[pivoxa15]

If you get hungry enough, you'll find something to eat----

you're not hungry enough yet

The point of eating is to absorb nurition but what is the point of getting a bf or gf?

 

[binzing]

Biologically, to find a mate. Psychologically, to find a companion.

 

[pivoxa15]

Unfortunately or funtunately it's not as essential as eating. Makes sense biologically as preserving the self is more important then preserving or creating others.

 

[Cyrus]

The point of eating is to absorb nurition but what is the point of getting a bf or gf?

To get herpies. Silly questions get silly answers.

Unfortunately or funtunately it's not as essential as eating. Makes sense biologically as preserving the self is more important then preserving or creating others.

What? You have some wild rationalization to tell yourself its O.K. to not have any social skills.

 

[proton]

sorry to revive this thread, but i was able to get the phone number of that girl i was interested in, by setting up a study session with my other friend in the class, me, and her. did i look too desperate by asking her to join us when we've barely spoken to each other? by the way, i think i appeared shy and hesitated when i spoke, as if that matters

 

[Cyrus]

of course it matters. My advice, have friends that are girls first.

 

[Huckleberry]

sorry to revive this thread, but i was able to get the phone number of that girl i was interested in, by setting up a study session with my other friend in the class, me, and her. did i look too desperate by asking her to join us when we've barely spoken to each other? by the way, i think i appeared shy and hesitated when i spoke, as if that matters

That's terrific! Don't think it didn't occur to her that you might be asking her to get to know her better. That she accepted doesn't necessarily mean that she is interested in you, but it means she probably doesn't dislike you. It's a good place to start.

I suggest the first few study sessions you just stick to studying, and not worry about asking her out. This is the perfect opportunity to get to know her better and feel more comfortable in her presense. If you two get along then you will see that it will become easier to ask her out.

Good luck.