Why does my social life suck so much?

[Cyrus]

I walked up to a woman like 'that', said something, she gave me the once over turned around and started talking catty about some other woman. It makes you think for a minute or two, then passes. She may not have been there to meet anyone, and my impression was just-- what a snoootttie immature girl (not a woman).

It's hard sometimes at someplaces to find people to talk to that are open enough to say hello then a conversation---that may be where 'did you get lucky?' came from---were to lucky enough to find someone wanted to converse and more. That's why 'new' places to go can be fun.

---It seems the younger you are, the field is larger due to not having a niche yet.

You said something that she was not impressed by.

 

[billiards]

Actually, I've never read a self-help book. I'm guilty of using a rather cheesy metaphor, so perhaps I deserved that slight dig!

The point is, you could be the best dressed person in the world, but if (a) you don't make the effort to get to know people and/or (b) you're an *******, then you aren't going to have any friends.

When I went to America I was actually shocked by the attitude that a lot of people had. I made friends with a girl who was obsessed with material things, she thought a guy was hot because of his car or because of the metro style clothes he wore. She took me shopping and I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes (taking advantage of the weak dollar and the fact that I was living on expenses), hoping to discover this fantastic new animal magnetism that I could just buy and put on. Alas, it didn't work for me; I bought into all the brands, from shoes to hats, even boxers, but it didn't make the slightest bit of difference. I still felt exactly the same inside, and was having as much luck with women as usual (i.e. none).

When I got back to England I went out in my regular clothes and *bang*, I met a girl, just like that. She even turned out to be a dress designer, but it wasn't my clothes that she was interested in. I'm not denying that fashion is important, but I think that other factors are far more important -- having the right attitude and personality will strike a much deeper chord with a person than simply looking the part. To over stress the importance of fashion is, in my view, to lose sight of why you want friends in the first place; to me you are sacrificing your integrity as a true friend if you focus more firmly on your appearance than you do on conveying your desirable personality traits.

 

[chroot]

When I got back to England I went out in my regular clothes and *bang*, I met a girl, just like that. She even turned out to be a dress designer, but it wasn't my clothes that she was interested in. I'm not denying that fashion is important, but I think that other factors are far more important -- having the right attitude and personality will strike a much deeper chord with a person than simply looking the part. To over stress the importance of fashion is, in my view, to lose sight of why you want friends in the first place; to me you are sacrificing your integrity as a true friend if you focus more firmly on your appearance than you do on conveying your desirable personality traits.

I agree entirely, which is why I began my involvement in this thread with suggestions like "join Habitat for Humanity" and "try the school's outdoor-activity program."

The truth is that I have never once (consciously) attempted to make friends with someone because of their clothing. I have definitely been attracted to women by their clothing, though it's a short-lived effect. After five or ten minutes of conversation, I don't really much care about her clothing anymore -- but that's what everyone is saying here. If you dress nicely, you might get more opportunities to have those five or ten minute chats during which real (non-superficial) interest can blossom.

- Warren

 

[Evo]

Or how much time you could save taking them to a dry cleaner. Maybe that's why all the guys I know get their dress shirts dry cleaned...they don't want to be bothered with ironing AND starching.

Actually, they should be getting them laundered, starched and pressed, not dry cleaned. The dry cleaners do that for shirts. I know, I had to drop off and pick up my ex's shirts for years.

 

[Cyrus]

Having clothes != having women.

I never said it was the be all end all. But walking around in a hoddie is not appealing. I agree most with your last sentence warren.

 

[waht]

I don't know anything about fashion. I have very nice clothes, and cheap clothes in my closet. I'm not sure what should fit what. I just wear what I'm comfortable in and project confidence that goes with it, so far I had positive experience.

 

[rewebster]

I agree entirely, which is why I began my involvement in this thread with suggestions like "join Habitat for Humanity" and "try the school's outdoor-activity program."

The truth is that I have never once (consciously) attempted to make friends with someone because of their clothing. I have definitely been attracted to women by their clothing, though it's a short-lived effect. After five or ten minutes of conversation, I don't really much care about her clothing anymore -- but that's what everyone is saying here. If you dress nicely, you might get more opportunities to have those five or ten minute chats during which real (non-superficial) interest can blossom.

- Warren

That reminded me of a party while at college. Groups rented houses next to college, and next door was a group of nicer looking women that invited us to a party. I wasn't in a great mood and after about two hours of standing around talking, I said I was leaving. One of my other house mates said aren't I (me) going to talk to that one girl in the house. I said, what?

Anyway, he told me that she had changed dresses five times and was walking, apparently around and near me. I really didn't even notice. I guess she thought 'clothes' would make a difference.---too bad, I guess I was in a different frame of mind.

I got the first impression the girls were all sorority girls.

 

[Moonbear]

Actually, they should be getting them laundered, starched and pressed, not dry cleaned. The dry cleaners do that for shirts. I know, I had to drop off and pick up my ex's shirts for years.

Heh, beats me, I don't wear men's dress shirts, so have no idea what magical process happens between the time he takes it off and the next time he wears it...as long as it doesn't look or smell like it sat rumpled up in the corner the whole time, that's all I care about how they wash their own clothes. I take stuff to the dry cleaner that says "Dry Clean Only" so just assumed that's why men take their shirts to a dry cleaner too.

 

[Cyrus]

That reminded me of a party while at college. Groups rented houses next to college, and next door was a group of nicer looking women that invited us to a party. I wasn't in a great mood and after about two hours of standing around talking, I said I was leaving. One of my other house mates said aren't I (me) going to talk to that one girl in the house. I said, what?

Anyway, he told me that she had changed dresses five times and was walking, apparently around and near me. I really didn't even notice. I guess she thought 'clothes' would make a difference.---too bad, I guess I was in a different frame of mind.

I got the first impression the girls were all sorority girls.

Her lack of social skills in combination with what she was wearing would have made a difference. And that's what were all saying.

No one said stand on the wall looking cool in new clothes.

 

[JasonRox]

Her lack of social skills in combination with what she was wearing would have made a difference. And that's what were all saying.

No one said stand on the wall looking cool in new clothes.

Huh?

If she was really doing what he described, she was making it dead obvious.

I would have followed her to room. How obvious can you get?

Seriously, guys suck at noticing women. No offense guys.

 

[Cyrus]

Putting on 5 different outfits means she has no social skills. She could have said hi to him. Or, if she's like most women, found another guy to talk to at the party.

Changing your clothes that many times is just silly and shows no personal skills.

 

[Moonbear]

Putting on 5 different outfits means she has no social skills. She could have said hi to him. Or, if she's like most women, found another guy to talk to at the party.

Changing your clothes that many times is just silly and shows no personal skills.

I agree. I might have mistaken such behavior (had I even noticed it) as either a severe case of indecision, or that she's very sloppy and kept spilling drinks on herself. Depending on how crowded the party was, if there were a lot of people around that you couldn't possibly keep track of everyone there or what they all look like, it's even possible you wouldn't realize it was even the same person if she kept putting on different outfits, "Where'd that woman in the green dress go?"

Pick one nice dress and walk up and talk to him.

Having nice clothes on helps make you more approachable, because it gives the message that you're social not reclusive, but it won't do all the work for you. If everyone stood around waiting for someone else to talk to them, nobody would meet anyone.

 

[rewebster]

My thoughts were that she wanted me to notice her. She was 'attractive' and I think she was used to having men pay attention to her--she probably had an 'interest' in me, but didn't want to be turned down, so I think that was her way to noticed. Women do think about it from a 'being chased' a lot, and I think that was her 'bait'.

 

[Cyrus]

What you described is called playing hard to get.

The story you told is called being desperate. She was desperate for your attention. That alone is a turn off. When a woman does all that just to get attention, it makes her look too needy. Adios. (Makes a salute).

Its as bad as the guy trying to pawn off drinks to women in bars.

 

[rewebster]

ahhhh-cyrus---everyone has different ways of expressing it---we can't all act or expect (or dress) the same way/things as you


I thought it was sweet in her way of trying to get attention in her own way

 

[JasonRox]

Putting on 5 different outfits means she has no social skills. She could have said hi to him. Or, if she's like most women, found another guy to talk to at the party.

Changing your clothes that many times is just silly and shows no personal skills.

So, I'd be in her room while you'd be comtemplating about her social skills.

 

[rewebster]

I think was the 'bad boy' to her--I had long hair down to my shoulders, I played guitar out on the front porch, we had wild parties (they didn't), and I did a lot of art including portraits that I was carrying in and out of the house all the time--whether or she had heard from one of my other roommates that I was finishing up my pre-med (zoology), who knows--sorority girls like pre-med guys.

I can only guess she may have been fantasizing, because we hadn't even been introduced before that.

 

[Astronuc]

Anyway, he told me that she had changed dresses five times and was walking, apparently around and near me. I really didn't even notice. I guess she thought 'clothes' would make a difference.---too bad, I guess I was in a different frame of mind.

That is kind of strange. I probably would have asked her, "What's with the fashion show?"

 

[Cyrus]

So, I'd be in her room while you'd be comtemplating about her social skills.

Good for you. I would have been talking to another girl that isn't so desperate in the meanwhile were I in his shoes.

P.s. I wouldn't recommend sleeping around unless you want to wake up one day and find that your penis fell off from some STD (This is especially true if you live in a big city).

 

[Cyrus]

ahhhh-cyrus---everyone has different ways of expressing it---we can't all act or expect (or dress) the same way/things as you


I thought it was sweet in her way of trying to get attention in her own way

She tried way too hard. You should have told her just what astronuc said, and then walked away...slowly.

 

[rewebster]

She tried way too hard. You should have told her just what astronuc said, and then walked away...slowly.

that was just time---I had a lot of girlfriends in college---when I lived in the dorm a couple times I'd come back and my roommate told me there was a girl waiting in the room--I'd go in expecting to see someone I knew, and she wouldn't be.

One of my friends in pre-med told me in respect to women that I couldn't see the forest for the trees----

One of the wildest ones was my cousin, some friends and I went to an outdoor daytime concert, Starship and somebody, and every once in a while I'd look over to see this girl laying on the grass looking my way. The next time I looked over, she had her top unbuttoned staring right at me. I was so drunk I nudged my buddy, he nudged the guy next to him, until there was about six guys looking that way. oh, well---too much alcohol

 

[Cyrus]

that was just time---I had a lot of girlfriends in college---when I lived in the dorm a couple times I'd come back and my roommate told me there was a girl waiting in the room--I'd go in expecting to see someone I knew, and she wouldn't be.

One of my friends in pre-med told me in respect to women that I couldn't see the forest for the trees----

One of the wildest ones was my cousin, some friends and I went to an outdoor daytime concert, Starship and somebody, and every once in a while I'd look over to see this girl laying on the grass looking my way. The next time I looked over, she had her top unbuttoned staring right at me. I was so drunk I nudged my buddy, he nudged the guy next to him, until there was about six guys looking that way. oh, well---too much alcohol

You were staring at your cousin topless! High five!

 

[JasonRox]

She tried way too hard. You should have told her just what astronuc said, and then walked away...slowly.

The point is that you'd be sitting there comtemplating whether or not she's quality or not. When you clearly see someone is interested and you find them attractive or intersting, then you should go for it.

Sometimes people fail to follow all the good social traits. Sometimes you bump into someone with amazing eyes and you're speechless for a brief moment and so on. How do you not know that she was just crazy about him? And simply got childish in her ways of trying to socialize with him? Perfectly natural and personally it's sexy that someone isn't some social robot.

The bottom line is... I would got to know her while you'd be sitting comtemplating there about who she is and how unsocial she was (meanwhile it's natural).

Note: Being in a girl's room doesn't imply you're sleeping with her. Lots of girls enjoy just making out when they first meet a guy. Not all girls are sluts and not all guys are sluts.

 

[JasonRox]

Ok, for those who said she was trying too hard... that's kind of odd.

I have the sense that there are PUA people on this forum and that is trying beyond hard.

 

[JasonRox]

I thought it was sweet in her way of trying to get attention in her own way

Exactly.

 

[Cyrus]

The point is that you'd be sitting there comtemplating whether or not she's quality or not. When you clearly see someone is interested and you find them attractive or intersting, then you should go for it.

Not really. There is no contemplation involved. I would simply walk up to another girl and talk to her. How hard is that? And while I am talking to her, that other girl can strut around in 10 more outfits for all I care.

Sometimes people fail to follow all the good social traits. Sometimes you bump into someone with amazing eyes and you're speechless for a brief moment and so on.

Yeah, but I don't go run off and change my clothes. Thats NOT normal.

How do you not know that she was just crazy about him? And simply got childish in her ways of trying to socialize with him? Perfectly natural and personally it's sexy that someone isn't some social robot.

The bottom line is... I would got to know her while you'd be sitting comtemplating there about who she is and how unsocial she was (meanwhile it's natural).

Thats immature. I don't waste time on people that immature. Again, talk to another girl. It takes no effort on your part. I find a girl that flirts sexier than a girl that flaunts it so desperately.

Note: Being in a girl's room doesn't imply you're sleeping with her. Lots of girls enjoy just making out when they first meet a guy. Not all girls are sluts and not all guys are sluts.

I don't enjoy making out with random people either. You can get STDs that way too, and its nasty to smack lips with someone you don't know.

I hang around women older than me, 25 and up. So I don't understand this type of behaivor and I can't relate to it. It just sounds stupid and childish Sorry.

 

[JasonRox]

So I don't understand this type of behaivor and I can't relate to it. It just sounds stupid and childish Sorry.

So you lack social understanding for the younger crowd.

Part of having good social skills is to be able to manage and succeed in almost any social environment.

 

[Cyrus]

Yeah, I don't hang around kids who just act stupid. I hang around adults. (Most end up being college grads with jobs and apartments in DC or VA, or Grad students).

 

[binzing]

I hate people that act stupid, or are the type that act dumb in class. Not to be racist, but I notice it predominantly in Navajo kids at my schools. This is the main reason I hate/have no respect for gangsters,rappers and the like, especially when they talk about life on "the streets". Seriously, in this country education is for the most part free, and there are many opportunities for further education.

 

[chroot]

Cyrus, you're still a kid. Accept it.

- Warren

 

[Cyrus]

You're only 5 years older than me warren...

 

[chroot]

You're only 5 years older than me warren...

...and it shows.

- Warren

 

[binzing]

Ha ha, the face on the chick in your profile pic fits perfectly to that last response Cyrus. Personally, I think people should be judged by knowledge and behavior rather than age. It's like the whole bunch of BS about freshman, over which I got into an argument with a sub at my high school and (IMO) won.

 

[Cyrus]

Age before beauty warren.

 

[Poop-Loops]

So you lack social understanding for the younger crowd.

Part of having good social skills is to be able to manage and succeed in almost any social environment.

He's WAY too adult to care about the younger crowd. I mean, he wears business suits! If that doesn't just SCREAM "Mature Adult" then I don't know what does. Going bald maybe.