Your wish is granted: You now know all the answers, but nobody believes you.

[Moonbear]

I wish that the squirrels wouldn't eat my nectarines this year.

Granted: They eat EVERYTHING except your nectarines this year, and when the last tree standing are the nectarines next year, they finish that off then.

I wish I had pomegranate vodka to make a pomegranate martini.

 

[wolram]

Granted: They eat EVERYTHING except your nectarines this year, and when the last tree standing are the nectarines next year, they finish that off then.

I wish I had pomegranate vodka to make a pomegranate martini.

I will grant that one, unfortunately you become addicted to them and will do any thing for another.
I wish i was the fastest man alive

 

[turbo]

I wish i was the fastest man alive

Your wish is granted, but you are not fastest with respect to velocity. Your love life takes a horrible tumble.

I wish to win the Powerball lottery.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish to win the Powerball lottery.

Granted... you won a http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/giftsunder50/6a4b/ in a lottery.

I wish i had a pizza pie.

 

[robertm]

I wish i had a pizza pie.

Granted. Now the moon in the sky is a big pizza pie. The orbit soon deteriorates and subseqent collisions and lack of title forces destroys the human species.

I wish I had more efficient lung function.

 

[wolram]

Granted. Now the moon in the sky is a big pizza pie. The orbit soon deteriorates and subseqent collisions and lack of title forces destroys the human species.

I wish I had more efficient lung function.

Granted, but now you are a fish and have to live in the ocean

I wish i didn't have to wish for any thing.

 

[AhmedEzz]

Granted: you are officially the first ambition-less person on the planet Earth.

I wish I was taller.

 

[moose]

Granted: you are officially the first ambition-less person on the planet Earth.

I wish I was taller.

You are now 8 foot tall, plus all of the extra body height is in your legs.

I wish to be the happiest person to have ever lived throughout my entire life.

 

[rootX]

You are now 8 foot tall, plus all of the extra body height is in your legs.

I wish to be the happiest person to have ever lived throughout my entire life.

Granted, but you live in hell where every one lives in depression for their whole life. So, relative to them, you are the happiest person but you get depression every second month.

I wish I didn't have to work on the weekend :(.

 

[AhmedEzz]

Your boss is fired and the new one won't require you to work on the weekend. However, since you won't work on the weekend, you are given double the regular work, which forces you to work on weekends to complete.

I wish I am as smart as the smartest member on PF.

 

[rewebster]

I wish I am as smart as the smartest member on PF.

Your wish is granted---however 'PF' is the abbreviation for Pire Friet, a planet in a distant system of which you are the only inhabitant.

I wish I had a three egg omelet for breakfast instead of just coffee.

 

[robertm]

I wish I had a three egg omelet for breakfast instead of just coffee.

Granted. 'Three Frog's Eggs Omelet' coming right up.

I wish humans were partly sustained by a layer of photosynthetic skin cells to supplement normal metabolism.

 

[rewebster]

I wish humans were partly sustained by a layer of photosynthetic skin cells to supplement normal metabolism.

Your wish is granted--and to obtain the nutrients for the photosyntheses, human feet grow roots and humans must stay in one spot.

I wish I had six fingers on both hands so that I could type faster.

 

[robertm]

Granted. And you can type faster, but a scientist has just made a huge breakthrough in mind operated computers and your talent is no longer useful, yet the extra fingers remain.

I wish my olfactory senses were hyper sensitive, and I had the brain power to handle it.

 

[turbo]

I wish my olfactory senses were hyper sensitive, and I had the brain power to handle it.

Your wish is granted. You are now a blood-hound, and your biggest joy (when not working) is humping someone's leg.

I wish my truck would get 100 mpg instead of 24.

 

[rootX]

Your wish is granted. You are now a blood-hound, and your biggest joy (when not working) is humping someone's leg.

I wish my truck would get 100 mpg instead of 24.

Granted. Every time, you go 24 miles your truck breaks down and you tow it to the service station which is 64 miles away ...


I wish I had a flying car which could be programmed to go where ever I want

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish I had a flying car which could be programmed to go where ever I want

Granted... unfortunately you have no airspace clearence and may be shot down if you try to fly anywhere.



I wish potatoes tasted of chocolate.

 

[wolram]

Granted... unfortunately you have no airspace clearence and may be shot down if you try to fly anywhere.



I wish potatoes tasted of chocolate.

Granted, but they have the same sugar content and all your teeth go bad and you gain 100lbs

I wish i had a Vincent black shadow.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Granted, but they have the same sugar content and all your teeth go bad and you gain 100lbs

I wish i had a Vincent black shadow.

Granted, but the price of oil will hit $140 a barrel. I wish I lived in the best of all possible worlds.

 

[Moonbear]

I wish I lived in the best of all possible worlds.

Granted, but it is only theoretically possible based on the Other Worlds hypothesis in mathematics, so you're confined to living a computer.

I wish I had something better than Ramen noodles for lunch today.

 

[rewebster]

I wish I had something better than Ramen noodles for lunch today.

EDIT

Your wish is granted-----you can now have Ramen noodles WITH salt (but NO water though).


I wish for something better than Ramen noodles with water for lunch today.


(hmmm--jimmysnyder--you want to edit your 'wish granted' to reflect the NEW improved 'wish granted' for MB)

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Your wish is granted-----you can now have Ramen noodles WITH water.


I wish for something better than Ramen noodles with water for lunch today.

You can have Ramen noodles with HOT water. I wish I knew what the 'other worlds hypothesis' was.

If you're in my neck of the woods, look me up and my wife and I will take you to Santoku in Edgewater, NJ for a bowl of Ramen noodles. You can't wish for anything better.

 

[robertm]

I wish I knew what the 'other worlds hypothesis' was.

Granted. http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/qm-manyworlds/"

I wish I could have been friends with Carl Sagan.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish I could have been friends with Carl Sagan.

Granted.. but your friend is now dead.


I wish I were a god.

 

[rootX]

I wish I were a god.

Granted, but everyone is atheist

Granted... unfortunately you have no airspace clearance and may be shot down if you try to fly anywhere.

I wish those guys weren't that jerks and I had airspace clearance.

 

[robertm]

I wish those guys weren't that jerks and I had airspace clearance.

Granted. You have clearance, but no plane, no license, no money, and no job; they would really like to help, but unfortunately you're stuck on the ground.

I wish that I could taste and/or see sounds.

 

[Evo]

Math Is Hard wished that she had someone to go to the Mall with.

This is a fun thread, thought I'd bump it up.

 

[BobG]

Math Is Hard wished that she had someone to go to the Mall with.

This is a fun thread, thought I'd bump it up.

I went to the mall with MIH, but, alas, Sarah Pallin was doing book signings in the book store on the exact same day we chose to go to the mall. There were lines and cordoned off areas making it practically impossible to get through to the books and we were accosted by security as possible assassins when we finally broke through the lines. Strangely, the security personnel were shocked someone might actually enter a book store to shop and were totally stumped as to how that might be accomplished. (This actually happened to me at the mall bookstore right in the middle of Christmas shopping season, no less!)

I wish I had a wench that appreciated my winch.

 

[Borg]

Granted. You have clearance, but no plane, no license, no money, and no job; they would really like to help, but unfortunately you're stuck on the ground.

I wish that I could taste and/or see sounds.

Granted. You have been transported to a room full of six year olds who like to scrap their fingers on the chalkboards that line the walls.

I wish I had a wench that appreciated my winch.

Granted. She's using it to reel in your wallet.I wish that I could safely and instantly travel to anywhere in the universe any time I wanted.

 

[robertm]

I wish that I could safely and instantly travel to anywhere in the universe any time I wanted.

Granted, you safely travel to the event horizon of a black hole and are instantly spaghettified.

I wish I didn't have an army of micro-organisms invading my pharygotympanic tubes, pharynx, and trachea.

 

[MotoH]

Granted, you safely travel to the event horizon of a black hole and are instantly spaghettified.

I wish I didn't have an army of micro-organisms invading my pharygotympanic tubes, pharynx, and trachea.

granted, you now have a neck that is long as a Giraffes.


I wish I had my own private mountain.

 

[Jonathan Scott]

granted, you now have a neck that is long as a Giraffes.


I wish I had my own private mountain.

Granted; it is in the Pacific Ocean and nearly reaches the surface.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.

 

[robertm]

I wish I could think of something to wish for.

Granted, but now I've twisted it.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

 

[BobG]

Granted, but now I've twisted it.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

Granted. But you are now Dean Moriarty's girlfriend and the two of you are riding in a car, but you don't know whose.

I wish I were a Jimmy Cliff 8-track tape sitting at the curb and that a person with an 8-track tape player found me and took me home.

 

[MotoH]

Granted. But you are now Dean Moriarty's girlfriend and the two of you are riding in a car, but you don't know whose.

I wish I were a Jimmy Cliff 8-track tape sitting at the curb and that a person with an 8-track tape player found me and took me home.

Granted, the person brings you home, puts you in the player misaligned and your casing cracks.

I wish I was dating the pin-up girl from the January 2010 issue of Transworld Motocross