Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #3,676
fresh_42 said:
Doc: Are you doing any extreme sports?
Me: From time to time I answer back my wife.

I knew I had a good response for that ...

upload_2017-5-23_21-31-22.png
 
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  • #3,677
Ibix said:
It's facing to the right? I can just about see legs on the left hand side. I think.

Yes. Here it is, cut out from the photo.
FROG.png
 
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  • #3,678
nikkkom said:
Yes. Here it is, cut out from the photo.
I would maje a lousy predator.
 
  • #3,679
Ibix said:
I would maje a lousy predator.
Don't mind, the guys we're after cannot be slipped that easy :smile:
 
  • #3,680
Ibix said:
On a side note, how does anything ever eat a chameleon? The photographer did all of the work for me here. The only thing they could have done to make the animal more obvious would be to trace the outline with a magic marker. And I still have trouble picking it out of the background...
Color blind predators?
 
  • #3,681
  • #3,682
nikkkom said:
Yes. Here it is, cut out from the photo.
It seems dried off and dead though ... like the whole scene in the photo. But it's still a frog!
fresh_42 said:
Don't mind, the guys we're after cannot be slipped that easy :smile:
Sure can't miss those!
Noisy Rhysling said:
I see nine ninjas.
Where? Can you circle them? :nb):wink:
 
  • #3,683
Stavros Kiri said:
It seems dried off and dead though ... like the whole scene in the photo. But it's still a frog!

Sure can't miss those!

Where? Can you circle them? :nb):wink:
Ninjas don't circle.
 
  • #3,684
It is now proven that J.K. Rowling is a witch.

She turned Eddie Redmayne into a Newt.
 
  • #3,685
I went to buy toilet paper today. Charmin has "mega rolls", where 18 mega rolls equals 72 regular rolls. I wanted to buy two packages of that, but decided that would be gross.
 
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  • #3,686
good for a giggle

upload_2017-5-25_18-48-57.png
 
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  • #3,689
Noisy Rhysling said:
Giggle, yes. Fact, no. http://www.snopes.com/horrors/techno/radar.asp

Cheers.

well I never stated it as a fact, after all it is a jokes forum section and next to nothing posted in this section bears any
resemblance to reality :smile:
that said there are some things I didn't like in that link you posted, they too have glossed over some realities :wink:
 
  • #3,690
Ibix said:
That's one of the less plausible tellings of that one I've heard, it must be said. Funny though.

This one's in a similar vein: https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/science-jokes-p2.847743/#post-5346238
The editorial comment at the bottom is on the money for me.

yeah that one is an oldie and a goodie ... the original version of that I read was based in the English Channel, between Britain and France

tis wonderful to watch how these stories morph over the years :smile:
 
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  • #3,691
davenn said:
tis wonderful to watch how these stories morph over the years :smile:
Indeed. The first time I heard it was on a Star Trek mailing list, where the carrier was named as the Enterprise. Captain's name not given, though. :wink:
 
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  • #3,692
davenn said:
well I never stated it as a fact, after all it is a jokes forum section and next to nothing posted in this section bears any
resemblance to reality :smile:
that said there are some things I didn't like in that link you posted, they too have glossed over some realities :wink:
I wasn't saying you were deliberately lying, I was saying that the shoes don't match that hat!
 
  • #3,693
Let's go for a new story then, as had happened to me some years ago. I have told it in a different thread about public speaking, but as we talk about funny real life stories, here it goes.

There had been a famous worldwide computer virus in the nineties. It was an email virus and its hook was the subject line: "I love you". Maybe some of you will remember. We had a lot of fun at the time competing who had the most of them in our mailboxes. It was more annoying than causing serious trouble. Anyway, the hook line became famous in a way.

As our company changed its mail system to outlook, all local IT managers worldwide had gathered in UK's headquarter for a conference on how the new architecture had been installed and to be used. At the end of the talk, we could ask questions and I wanted to know how to deal with a massive infection with a then central server, so I stood up and asked completely seriously:
"Geoffrey, just in case of "I love you"... - that was how far I got as Geoffrey all of a sudden replied: "Oh, you better don't!"
 
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  • #3,694
upload_2017-5-26_9-18-2.png
 
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  • #3,695
  • #3,696
18670794_10213170600330079_681694831093255574_n.jpg
 
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  • #3,697
davenn said:

It's next to, but not quite, impossible to find someone who can do that - it's a specific form of synesthesia.
 
  • #3,698
EnumaElish said:
It's next to, but not quite, impossible to find someone who can do that - it's a specific form of synesthesia.
Reminds me of my rules of marriage.

1. If, during a domestic dispute, the husband is found to be wrong, he should apologize immediately.

2. If, during a domestic dispute, the husband is found to be right, he should apologize immediately.

3. When in doubt, you're wrong.
 
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  • #3,699
Noisy Rhysling said:
A couple of friends super glued a baby carrier onto the top of their car and went driving around LA. The cops weren't amused.

For a few seconds I was picturing a baby aircraft carrier. :rolleyes:
 
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  • #3,700
Drakkith said:
For a few seconds I was picturing a baby aircraft carrier. :rolleyes:
Wasp, Hornet, etc.?
 
  • #3,701
Noisy Rhysling said:
Wasp, Hornet, etc.?

cva12-2.jpg

USS Hornet, you say?
 
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  • #3,702
  • #3,703
for all the true mechanical engineers out there ...

13232934_1022599441151240_7023518959099891743_n.jpg


A ship engine failed and no one could fix it. Then they brought in a chap with 40 yrs on the job. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. After looking things over, the guy reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. The engine was fixed! 7 Days later the owners got his bill for 10k. 'What?!' the owners said 'You hardly did anything. Send us an itemized bill.” the reply simply said

Tapping with a hammer. .£2
Knowing where to tap. .£9998

Don't underestimate experience.
 
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  • #3,704
hahaha

18620230_10154591241598568_87689376468122456_n.jpg
 
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  • #3,705
This is actually from the last day of my road trip, going through Kentucky on Saturday, but I thought it belongs better here.

nicetruck.jpg
 
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  • #3,706
Why Trump was more polite to the Pope in person than he had been during the campaign:

wind blown pope.JPG
 
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  • #3,707
upload_2017-6-1_21-37-26.png
 
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  • #3,708
Did you hear about the aerials that got married? The ceremony was boring but the reception was great.
 
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  • #3,709
Or the furniture factory worker who died by drowning in a vat of varnish ... terrible way to die but it was a hell of a great finish.
 
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  • #3,710
How about the person who drowned in a bowl of muesli? Pulled under by a strong currant.
 
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