Programming Jokes: Lame, Science & Math Jokes!

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[BillTre]

 

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Reporter: "Sir, how do you respond to allegations that you refuse to document your code?"
Developer: "No comment."

 

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Is this borderline genius? Worst case scenario, you double the time for a brute force attack. I could even imagine fine-tuning it with the perfect percentage of 'failed' first attempts to balance best UX and account protection.

 

[sbrothy]

In the webcomic Schlock Mercenary a human tries to explain "rubberhose cryptanalysis" to an alien. The alien is disgusted pointing out that any member of his race needs a good long brutal ironpipe beating to give anything up. In his words:

"Your race is weak!"

:)

 

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[Wrichik Basu]

 

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[DaveC426913]

View attachment 340847​

 

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[BillTre]

View attachment 343898​

So, its not a bug?

 

[phinds]

So, its not a bug?

NO dammit! It's a FEATURE. Just like Tesla cars catching on fire.

 

[Gifovaco]

We have threads on lame jokes and science jokes. But then, we also have a thread on bad math jokes. So, why not create one specifically for programming jokes?

Let me start:

Court Code:
Case "defendant", "guilty" To "innocent", Dismiss Case

 

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*Everything works*: Why do we even pay you IT guys?

*One thing is broken*: Why do we even pay you IT guys?

 

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Anadromous fish are more vulnerable in rivers, since the lack of salt means you can quickly crack passwords using rainbow trout tables.​

 

[berkeman]

View attachment 348238
Anadromous fish are more vulnerable in rivers, since the lack of salt means you can quickly crack passwords using rainbow trout tables.​

We are going to need @BillTre to decode this joke, I'm afraid...

 

[berkeman]

 

[Ibix]

We are going to need @BillTre to decode this joke, I'm afraid...

Anadromous fish travel up river to mate - salmon are a famous example. Some rainbow trout are anadromous.

Rainbow tables are a password cracking tool. Salting passwords is a defence against the technique.

 

[berkeman]

Anadromous fish travel up river to mate - salmon are a famous example. Some rainbow trout are anadromous.

Rainbow tables are a password cracking tool.

Well okay, it is all obvious to me now. Er, thanks...

 

[collinsmark]

Genie: Master, I shall grant you 3 wishes, as per the custom. You now have 3 wishes.
Me: I wish for 0 wishes left.
Genie: Granted. You now have 255 wishes.

 

[KingGambit]

Vic 20 had Basic.
IBM came out with a Basic interpreter as part of its software package along with DOS if you bought an IBM PC.
Apple came out with Basic.

A lot of home learners acquired Basic as the language of choice by default.

Yeah, that was.. almost 40 years ago. ROM BASIC, and I think I still remember the Alt plus key.
Alt+A, ABS
Alt+B, ?
Alt+C, COLOR
Alt+D,
Alt+E,
Alt+F, FOR
Alt+G, GOTO
Alt+H, HEX$
Alt+I, INPUT
Alt+J,
Alt+K, KEY
Alt+L, LOCATE
Alt+M,
Alt+N, NEXT
Alt+O, OPEN ?(question here)
Alt+P, PRINT
Alt+Q, is there one?
Alt+R, READ
Alt+S, SCREEN or SAVE?
Alt+T, THEN
Alt+U, USING
Alt+V, VAL
Alt+W, WHILE
Alt+X, is there one?
Alt+Y, is there one?
Alt+Z, is there one?

 

[KingGambit]

I recall someone asking for confirmation that one is true and zero is false in C, to which some genius replied "1".

Actually,
in C
A = 5 > 4, then A becomes 1

if (11 /* any non zero*/) printf("TRUE"); else printf("FALSE"); it will print TRUE


in BASIC
A = 5 > 4, then A becomes -1
if 11 then print "TRUE" else printf "FALSE" REM any non zero

 

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[Tom.G]

Welll... Just don't leave alone!