Collection of Science Jokes P2

[Borg]

You know that saying about having rocks in your head?

 

[Hawksteinman]

I'd tell you a joke about chemistry, but all the good ones Argon, and you'd think them Boron

 

[PhotonSSBM]

Ah yeah mathematics girl. I'm like $e^{2x}$; you can differentiate me all night long, and I only get bigger.

 

[mfb]

Integration makes you smaller?

Spoiler: Alternatively

d/dy

 

[PhotonSSBM]

Integration makes you smaller?

Spoiler

Alternatively: d/dy

Integration is the pillow talk of mathematics :)

 

[Hawksteinman]

a little astronomy comedy from days gone by ... used to enjoy Pink panther cartoons when I was a kid


there is, in this cartoon, ( as in all cartoons) a number of serious breaking of physics laws

Oh the scientific inaccuracy!

 

[kuruman]

How come $< \psi |H|\psi>$ and $< \varphi |H|\varphi>$ got to be $H|\psi>$ and $H|\varphi>$?

Spoiler

They took off their bras to prove that they are real.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Today is the day!

 

[jack action]

Knowing that $\frac{1}{\infty} = 0$, prove that $\frac{1}{0} = \infty$.

Solution:

1. Rotate both sides 90° counterclockwise: $-18 = 0$
2. Add $8$ to both sides: $-18 + 8 = 0 + 8$ or $-10 = 8$
3. Rotate both sides 90° clockwise: $\frac{1}{0} = \infty$

 

[jack action]

Show that $x = 1$ for $2x + x^2 = 3$.

Solution:
$$2x + x^2 = 3$$
$$2x^{\rlap{/}3} = \rlap{/}3$$
$$2x = 1$$
$$x = 2-1$$
$$x =1$$

 

[mfb]

Related:$$\frac{1\rlap{/}6}{\rlap{/}64} = \frac 1 4$$
$$\frac{1\rlap{/}9}{\rlap{/}95} = \frac 1 5$$

 

[DrGreg]

In fact, all numbers are equal to each other.

Let $a$ and $b$ be any two numbers. Define$$
c = a + b.
$$Multiply both sides by $a - b$:$$
ac - bc = a^2 - b^2.
$$Reaarrange:$$
ac - a^2 = bc - b^2
$$Subtract $ab$:$$
ac - a^2 - ab = bc - ab - b^2
$$Factorise:$$
a(c-a-b) = b(c-a-b).
$$Cancel:$$
a = b.
$$

 

[jim mcnamara]

Legal got all upset about a leap second, and when US daylight savings changed to a longer duration, legal went into a histrionic coma. After all, since calendars use numbers, then they must be higher math.

Sound familiar? then this one's for you:

https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/supervillain_plan.png

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

What's an Astronormer?

 

[DennisN]

What's an Astronormer?

An astronomer who looks at planets, moons, stars and nebulas, but refer to them as "just various celestial objects"?

 

[fresh_42]

What's an Astronormer?

Not sure. Either those you deal with
$$
R_{\mu \nu} - \frac{1}{2}g_{\mu \nu} R = \kappa T_{\mu \nu}
$$
or those who deal with

 

[davenn]

What's an Astronormer?

hahaha good catch
I didn't notice the typo

 

[mfb]

An astronormer makes the distance to all objects equal to 1.

Good for asteroid defense, bad for supernovae.

 

[256bits]

Wouldn't that be if they filmed Cheers in space.
A different actor though, not the same Norm.
He would be an Astro-Norm-er

 

[fresh_42]

What's an Astronormer?

Now the physicists definitely went too far with their renormalization mania.

 

[fresh_42]

Wouldn't that be if they filmed Cheers in space.
A different actor though, not the same Norm.
He would be an Astro-Norm-er

There are similarities:

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

A couple of more...

 

[ISamson]

I know an interesting limerick about time travel:

There was a young lady of Whight,
She traveled much faster than light.
She traveled one day,
In a relative way,
And arrived on the previous night.

(Relative way refers to relativity)

 

[DennisN]

Ok, time for limericking...

I once got a cat from Comox
he liked to play inside my socks
he wanted to run
but physics is fun
I bought him a poisonous box

 

[DrGreg]

A mathematical limerick that I've posted before (in another thread)...

$(12 + 144 + 20$
$+ 3\sqrt{4} )$

$\div 7$
$+ 5 \times 11$​

$= 9^2 + 0$​

Spoiler

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven​

Is nine squared and not a bit more.​

By Leigh Mercer

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

A: "What is the integral of 1/cabin?"

B: "log cabin."

A: "Nope, houseboat--you forgot the C."

 

[fresh_42]

"God exists because arithmetic is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it." (André Weil)

 

[fresh_42]

A student turned to John von Neumann: "Excuse me, Professor von Neumann, could you help me with this analysis problem?" Von Neumann: "Well, if it's fast, I'm very busy." Student: "I'm having trouble with this integral." Von Neumann: "Show me. ... Ah, the result is $\frac {2} {5} \pi$". Student: "I know, but I do not understand how to get it." Von Neumann: "Well, let me see again. ... The answer is $\frac {2} {5} \pi$". "Student (annoyed):" Yes, I know the answer, but I do not know how to derive it!" Von Neumann: "What do you want, I have now calculated it in two different ways!"

 

[davenn]

with all the strong solar activity at the moment, thought this would be appropriate

 

[fresh_42]

Earth.

Yes, I know, mostly harmless and its inhabitants worship small colorful printed papers.
But have you ever seen it as a cloud chamber, which is populated by lifeforms who get excited when bombarded with high energy particles?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Earth.

Yes, I know, mostly harmless and its inhabitants worship small colorful printed papers.
But have you ever seen it as a cloud chamber, which is populated by lifeforms who get excited when bombarded with high energy particles?

That's probably because it gives rise to free spectacles and ... they save "small colorful printed papers"! ...

 

[jack action]

 

[collinsmark]

[Source: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/bagels]

With mouseover, "Also, four cream cheese tubs... of destiny or whatever."