Collection of Science Jokes P2

[BillTre]

Got the first two.
I had a prof. once call skin the organ of sexual attraction.

 

[256bits]

1. Nose - is that an organ
2. Abs - when you work on it, you can get great firm abs ( they say )
3. Arms - really now, how many females raise kids with their legs?

 

[Ibix]

3. Arms - really now, how many females raise kids with their legs?

Lift with your legs, not your back.

 

[docnet]

 

[Demystifier]

Not really a joke, but a parody of public news on no-go theorems in quantum foundations.

A theorem suggests that planets may not exist

Historians of science discovered an old but forgotten text by Isaac Newton in which he proves an important no-go theorem. If measurable predictions of Newtonian gravity are true, then, Newton proved, at least one of the three propositions must be false:

1. Planets exist even if no human observes them.
2. God has a free will to set initial positions and velocities of planets as He wishes.
3. The laws governing the motion of planets are local.

Newton then argued that denying 2. or 3. would obviously be outrageous, suggesting that we should give up the assumption 1.

Newton did not publish this result in his famous Principia, probably because he was not able to prove the assumptions 2. and 3. rigorously.

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

And Kurt Cobain was the genius mind behind Nevermind, right?

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Halc]

Is is live or is it dead?
Is it both those states instead?

Is it boy or is it girl?
Each of those in different world?

Hidden states mean it's one state.
Collapse won't happen at this rate

Cat controlled by what I see?
That's so solipsist of me.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

Pythagorean means are nice and all, but throwing the median in the pot is really what turns this into random forest statistics: applying every function you can think of, and then gradually dropping the ones that make the result worse.​

 

[Demystifier]

Chuck Norris can prove the Fermat's last theorem, on a margin.

Chuck Norris can prove the Banach-Tarski paradox, without the axiom of choice.

Chuck Norris can prove the continuity hypothesis, from ZF.

Chuck Norris can prove the consistency of arithmetic, from arithmetic itself.

---------------------

Chuck Norris can reverse the thermodynamic arrow of time.

Chuck Norris can quantize gravity.

Chuck Norris can use entanglement to send signals faster than light.

Chuck Norris can measure hidden variables.

--------------------

Chuck Norris can learn everything about the red color just by reading black and white books.

Chuck Norris can make a philosophical zombie.

Chuck Norris can derive consciousness from the laws of physics.

 

[collinsmark]

(Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/discourse-2)

[Edit: I see now that @Keith_McClary already posted this in the "Bad Math Jokes" thread. https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/bad-math-jokes-2020.990191/post-6467945]

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[Klystron]

Two jokes I imagined during certain lectures:

How do RF engineers find their path through the woods?

Follow the Poynting vector →​

Was that last joke funny?

OK, but a bit on the Heaviside.​

 

[jack action]

I'm kind of deceived by this xkcd comics:

Isn't this chart also misleading, as all planets other than Earth shouldn't even show up when sized by population because a dot - no matter how small - is still larger than zero?

 

[fresh_42]

I'm kind of deceived by this xkcd comics:

View attachment 279999​

Isn't this chart also misleading, as all planets other than Earth shouldn't even show up when sized by population because a dot - no matter how small - is still larger than zero?

Here's the corrected version:

 

[mfb]

[citation needed]

 

[BillTre]

 

[mfb]

2019: Using the internet can give you a virus.
2020: Not using the internet can give you a virus.

 

[DennisN]

And now something cheerful:

Two more:

 

[mfb]

And now something cheerful

All the stars visible to the naked eye should still be around, most of them are closer than 1000 light years and will stay around for tens of millions of year or more. We are only unsure about 1 or maybe 2 of them.

 

[waternohitter]

 

[Keith_McClary]

 

[DennisN]

Translated from Swedish:

"The first soccer player has now been vaccinated"

 

[kuruman]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Frigus]

Don't drink water during studying because my teacher was saying on addition of water concentration decreases.

 

[mfb]

Physicist used April 1 for joke arXiv uploads.

The Swapland - tons of good jokes and references, mainly particle physics but also going into astronomy, philosophy, general science topics and more.
Pandemic dark matter - what if dark matter is infectious?
The Swampland Conjecture Bound Conjecture - Conjecture - we will "soon" run out of space to make more conjectures
Science Spoofs, Physics Pranks and Astronomical Antics - a review of jokes or similar things.
The Existential Threat of Future Exoplanet Discoveries - what if we extrapolate exoplanet numbers?

More:
https://arxiv.org/abs/2103.16737
https://arxiv.org/abs/2103.16866
https://arxiv.org/abs/2103.16575

CERN proposes “space elevator” accelerator

 

[BillTre]