Funniest Member Award Nomination: Time to Strut Your Stuff!

[PhY]

y=mx+b!

*I am intelligent*

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

liar...

 

[Moonbear]

Oh, no, no, Ivan is *definitely* funnier than I am.

Oh, and don't forget Moonbear, Moonbear is a riot!

(sorry MB, but my fear of being fed to a volcano is second only to my fear of getting water splashed on my face)

(oh wait, that water thing is a secret)

Oh no, I'm horribly, horribly boring. Way too serious all the time, never have any fun, nope, the volcano god would be highly displeased if you were to toss me in. Just ask Cyrus, he'll tell you all about how I torture kittens by keeping them locked indoors...would a funny person do that?

 

[Moonbear]

I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with this, it might be performance anxiety, but do we have to post pictures of our 'members' to enter... the contest? Is a slight curve funny? And what about the females... statistically there must be one or two around here... ok maybe.

Or are they the judges?
Gosh darn this is embarrassing.

Oh, wait, sorry, I probably shouldn't laugh at that. Don't worry, I'm sure lots of guys have that problem.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Volcanos don't like gray meat.

 

[Astronuc]

Volcanos don't like gray meat.

No problem, we'll slather you with the appropriate habanero marinade. Turbo and I can whip up something real quick.

BTW, thanks for the nomination. I owe you one - a big one!

And thank you MIH, turbo, and radou for the endorsements.

Based on this, I've decided to run for "Leader of the Free World" bypassing the US presidential elections next year. My first act as LofFW will be to anesthetize GW and Ahmadinejad so they don't harm themselves or anyone else. Or maybe we could just put them under the cone of silence.

He should get his own colour and fanfare when he enters a forum.

No, I think I need an invisibility cloak. Clearly I need to work on my inconspicuity.

 

[RetardedBastard]

They can probably scream quite well too. (A prerequisite to satisfy the bloodthirsty volcano gods.)

"bloodthirsty"? That's it... you've crossed a line, pal. You should know better than to break forum rules by engaging in religious bashing. I expect the mentors to rectify this immediately.

 

[Hurkyl]

"bloodthirsty"? That's it... you've crossed a line, pal. You should know better than to break forum rules by engaging in religious bashing. I expect the mentors to rectify this immediately.

Um, he meant it quite literally. The volcano gods thirst for blood, which we quench via sacrifices. You wouldn't want them to dehematate now, would you?

 

[turbo]

No problem, we'll slather you with the appropriate habanero marinade. Turbo and I can whip up something real quick.

Yup, the way my hands burn after making habanero relish, I expect Ivan might welcome a cool dip in a volcano after we slather him with it.

 

[RetardedBastard]

Um, he meant it quite literally. The volcano gods thirst for blood, which we quench via sacrifices. You wouldn't want them to dehematate now, would you?

"Um," and when will otherwise rational people such as yourself (and possibly Turbo-1) understand that these stories are purely metaphores -- not meant to be taken "literally?" It is unfortunate that your response to me violated the forum's no speculation rule. I fully expect you to cite a peer-reviewed scientific journal backing up your "dehematate" idea (whatever that is) unless you are *asking* for a Warning!

 

[Hurkyl]

Shall I take you to meet them in person?

 

[turbo]

I assure you that the volcano gods are bloodthirsty. Here is a citation:

http://www.uncoveror.com/volcano.htm

 

[Evo]

"Um," and when will otherwise rational people such as yourself (and possibly Turbo-1) understand that these stories are purely metaphores -- not meant to be taken "literally?"

I guess you haven't noticed that for the past few years every winner of the Funniest Member Award disappeared. Danger squeaked by because he shoved some of Moonbear's sheep subjects into the volcano, then proceeded to hide in the upper forums.

It is unfortunate that your response to me violated the forum's no speculation rule. I fully expect you to cite a peer-reviewed scientific journal backing up your "dehematate" idea (whatever that is) unless you are *asking* for a Warning!

I believe there was an article published in the peer reviewed journal "Dehematation Quarterly".

 

[Evo]

I assure you that the volcano gods are bloodthirsty. Here is a citation:

http://www.uncoveror.com/volcano.htm

Well, there you go, proof.

 

[RetardedBastard]

Shall I take you to meet them in person?

I would like that very much.

 

[RetardedBastard]

I assure you that the volcano gods are bloodthirsty. Here is a citation:

http://www.uncoveror.com/volcano.htm

Well, there you go, proof.

Sorry, but a formal review of this article is so hopeless that I'm surprised it managed to even get past the filters and get published. A proper scientific analysis should have considered various other possible explanations and conducted experiments under laboraty conditions before ruling any of these other possibilities out. For instance, isn't it equally likely that the Volcano God actually is not drinking the blood of his victim, he mearly pretends to so as not to insult the hostess of the dinner party? A researcher paper on the subject must take this into consideration. This guy isn't even *pretending* to understand the subject of Holy Volcanology. And besides, I hear that this Rama Ho Lama, the leader of this research institution, still holds out hope for Uri Gellar. Seriously! So, are you, or anyone else, telling me that Volcano Gods really are blood-thirsty based on this so-called research? I hope not.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I assure you that the volcano gods are bloodthirsty. Here is a citation:

http://www.uncoveror.com/volcano.htm

Aw man.. we've been doing it wrong. We're supposed to be throwing in virgins. No wonder Danger and Tribdog got coughed out like furballs.

 

[RetardedBastard]

Aw man.. we've been doing it wrong. We're supposed to be throwing in virgins. No wonder Danger and Tribdog got coughed out like furballs.

In another equally valid reference frame, Danger and Tribdog previously had some spicy Mexican food and "let out" a volcano! :)

 

[Evo]

Aw man.. we've been doing it wrong. We're supposed to be throwing in virgins. No wonder Danger and Tribdog got coughed out like furballs.

Oh, that would explain why Pengwuino was accepted...

 

[turbo]

Note that the accepted exchange rate (male to female) is 10:1. We can get a lot more bang for the buck throwing females in. If we push a couple of the Sisters in, maybe the volcano gods would regard the subject of virginity as a non-issue.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Oh, that would explain why Pengwuino was accepted...

I miss all the penguins we used to have around here. Even if they did steal the fish.

 

[Kurdt]

Didn't Pengwuino claim he hadn't been around for a while because he had a girlfriend? Was that a last ditch attempt to escape the volcano? It all makes sense now.

 

[Evo]

Didn't Pengwuino claim he hadn't been around for a while because he had a girlfriend? Was that a last ditch attempt to escape the volcano? It all makes sense now.

Yes, but it was too late...he was still a virgin.

 

[wolram]

virgin? i only know of one and it flies away as soon as one gets aboard.

 

[Astronuc]

Well, am I in the running?

Is it worth reading up on pyroclastic flows and lahars, and how to avoid getting roasted and scorched?

Does the winner get on of those cool thermal suits?

Does the winner get a choice of volcano?

I'll probably think of more questions when the contest gets started.

 

[Huckleberry]

I think Astro is going to be history. Get yourself ready to be flame-broiled.

Your only hope is to go into a rant and upset as many of your supporters as possible with much poking of sharp sticks into sensitive areas and bludgeoning of heads with heavy stones. Then you stand a chance of not winning funniest member. Unfortunately, you would probably lose the community spirit award forever. The volcano gods show no mercy.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

virgin? i only know of one and it flies away as soon as one gets aboard.

I know where to go to find virgins. In front of the Library in NYC, you will find a pair of lions. These lions are trained to pounce upon any virgin that walks by.

 

[Math Jeans]

Ok. Here is my shot at irrelevant humor:

What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

You can't! A mosquito is a vector and a mountain climber is a scalar!


(This is one of those jokes that you don't get and suddenly start laughing the next morning.) Unless you are a member of PF of course .

 

[Math Is Hard]

It's almost volcano feeding time...

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/05/images/volcano.jpg

 

[Kurdt]

It's almost volcano feeding time...

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/05/images/volcano.jpg

That looks more like a flaming mole hill than a volcano.

 

[Moonbear]

Aw man.. we've been doing it wrong. We're supposed to be throwing in virgins. No wonder Danger and Tribdog got coughed out like furballs.

 

[Math Is Hard]

That looks more like a flaming mole hill than a volcano.

I wouldn't taunt it if I were you.

 

[turbo]

I wouldn't taunt it if I were you.

Fess' up MIH! That was picture of your Junior High Science Project! A little PhotoShopping goes a long way! If there had been a team of volcano-appeasers on the peak preparing to throw a virgin into the caldera, I might have been convinced. FAKE volcano!

 

[Kurdt]

Looks like the National Geographic couldn't find a picture of the real volcano and thought that sticking a flare in a mole hill with some dramatic back lighting would do the job

 

[Math Is Hard]

That's not real! The victim has to be bound and be tossed in by a rather large crowd-surfing party with drums, chanting, and stuff. The volcano gods will not be satisfied by such a lame effort and we will all suffer the consequences. Perhaps a MIH sacrifice would suffice, or maybe MIH and Moonbear. I'll miss you both but for the common good... bye!

heh. No way, Jose. Moonbear and I have immunity

I wonder if the volcano likes spicy food. I figure with all that hotsauce and salsa you eat...