What do 'nerdy' guys like in girls?

[Cuauhtemoc]

My experience: Nerdy guys like girls who wear glasses. :!) Unfortunately they usually also wear glasses, which makes for clunky kissing (imagine the stereotype of braces linking together!).

That, also since I live near the beach the trend around here is to be as tanned as possible, and I hate that. I like my girls pale.
So
Glasses
Pale
Innocent looking and moderately shy

In resume, I don't like the tall, breast implanted, tanned girl with big botox lips that is so popular around here.
And I think most guys that studied(engineers) with me agree with that.
In terms of personality, it's hard to say, I would prefer her not be too outgoing.

 

[khemist]

I must say that the banner ad at the top while viewing this post was for geek2geek.com. apparently a geek dating site LOL

 

[DaveC426913]

I must say that the banner ad at the top while viewing this post was for geek2geek.com. apparently a geek dating site LOL

The word 'girl' on a physics forum is surely a lighthouse beacon to dating site ad placers.

 

[pergradus]

I myself wish for the following:

- Inquiring mind; pursuing a strong research degree in sciences.
- Great academic background.
- The willingness to cleanse her mind of negative thoughts, such as anger and envy.
- Cynicistic, willing to make a sacrifice to help others ( strangers ) in need. Politeness at all costs !
- Great sense of humor, and good personality .
- A sex drive as low as possible, somewhere along the lines of Pon Farr. Complete lack of it would be great though.

Note that I used the verb "wish" and not "want". Finding such a mate will prove to be a daunting task.

In the end, it all comes down to 'chemistry' , referring to the intertwinement of our other good/bad attributes which define us for who we are.
It would also be wise for her to be about the same age as me ( 20 ) .

But ... I'm not a representation of the majority suffice it to say, so I don't think I've been quite helpful .

SOunds like you're just inexperienced and frightened by sex and sexual activities.

 

[Char. Limit]

SOunds like you're just inexperienced and frightened by sex and sexual activities.

Sounds like you're acting like an amateur psych.

 

[DaveC426913]

Sounds like you're acting like an amateur psych.

Is there anyone in this thread that isn't?

 

[Char. Limit]

Is there anyone in this thread that isn't?

ME! I'm a professional psych. Trust me on this, I got the degree locked away where pictures can't be taken of it.

 

[rootX]

..
- A sex drive as low as possible, somewhere along the lines of Pon Farr. Complete lack of it would be great though.

...

Are you ok? Maybe you should sit down. A glass of water? Snifter of brandy?

 

[ndabunka]

I am also older but I found this discussion while researching a general physics issue.

I find it humorous that a number of guys have posted ABSOLUTES in this thread. The girl MUST XYZ...and I think that most educated guys would agree with me... Really? I don't think so. While it is true that intelligent people can gravitate to absolutes, a TRUE scientist is open to EVERYTHING and will take all aspects into consideration rather than being so close-minded.

No sex, Really? C'Mon, sex is part of the relationship. If you don't want ANY sexual connection what is the point in finding a GIRL? I mean, you can obviously meet that requirement with a same-sex nerd, right? Sex is not the objective but rather is a consequence of the relationship. You can be mentally stimulated but if you don't sync in the bed, you might as well write off the relationship. As human's we need affection as well as mental stimulation. There are all kinds of studies that show the physical connection is important in ALL biological entities.

I've been married for nearly twenty years now. I did not get married until I was 30 and that was part of my plan/process that worked out well. I was a nerd but I was also an athlete so I'm a bit of an enigma but it's not really that weird. The PRIMARY requirement for me was a girl who could understand my mind. My wife nearly immediately understood my double entendre's, my odd off-hand remarks quoting classical literature, etc. Most of the cheerleader-types I had dated...didn't have a clue.

Looks ARE important but they only go so far. However, a smart girl will also realize that being physically fit is important to their health and adds to their attraction. I personally do not like the "twiggy" model look so the girl needed to have some curves. 150lbs was a maximum as I weighed 165 @ age 30. I also dated one or two intelligent ladies who had "put on weight" in their late 20's (Homecoming Queen who was about 145lbs & 5'4") but I quickly lost interest in them even if their had their PH D.

Career-oriented personality was a REQUIREMENT. I did not want a girl who was looking to marry the next Einstein and "pop out" babies while holding down a home. Full disclosure: My wife worked for this area's largest medical hospital for the first ten years of our marriage while raising our first boy. When my income first exceeded $150K/year, we decided that we wanted another child and she took off work for 7 years raising our second child and went back to work (at that same hospital) 4 or 5 years ago & now works part time.

Travel is important to relationships because when you visit new places TOGETHER, you get to grow your physical and mentalities together.

Religion - I find it humorous that a number of posters seem to believe that being an atheist is synonymous with science when in fact, they are associated aspects. Having the ability to ONLY be a scientist restricts your abilities IMHO. Part of being inquisitive is to research religion... Not just ONE religion, but the theories at the core of these religions and why they exist. At one point in my life I was a youth leader and I do believe that religious beliefs are beneficial for a specific sub-set of the human population and in fact, may be a necessity for our social-economic systems. However, these days many would consider me a being non-religious because I offer credence to most all religions as well as things like ancient alien theorist. Someone had to of created the aliens, right? LOL

OK, I've rattled on long enough and this detour has been entertaining but I need to get back to my hobby research on non-linear fractal resonance models... Until later!

 

[silence_kit]

I'd like to meet girls of that caliber

 

[Lancelot59]

I'd like to meet girls of that caliber

So many inappropriate jokes...

How about a nice cylon lady?

 

[cbetanco]

I don't consider myself a nerd, but others have not said the same (usually from the fact that I study physics automatically makes me a nerd).

I will be perfectly frank.

What I first look for in a girl is looks. It mind sound shallow, but I cannot spend my time having a physical relationship with someone if they are not attractive (of course, alcohol has helped me lower what I think a good looking girl is before). Usually how pretty her face determines if its a make it or break it deal for me. I can spend a night with ANY girl if they are attractive.

Now, if I want a real relationship, then I have have to up my standards. She has to be attractive AND smart. She could be slightly religious, as long as she is fun and not a complete moron.

But, if I am going to marry the girl, or at least be in a long term relationship, then she has to be attractive (very attractive), she has to be really really smart, has to be a lot of fun to be around, and definitely no real religious affiliation (would not marry a christian, jew, or muslim, but a buddhist I can forgive).

I think Seinfeld said it best when he said that women care a lot more what a guy does with his life than the other way around. If a girl doesn't really like the guy's job, then they probably don't like the guy. Guys are less picky. If she is good looking, she could be a garbage collector for all I care (NOT the girl I am going to marry though!)

 

[Lavabug]

Speaking for myself, at least some sort of general idea about science is a plus but it doesn't have to be someone with a phd in it. I would like it if they don't make a big deal out of nerdy interests/hobbies and accepts them much in the same way they would see a non-nerd's interests.

I have felt attraction towards women of all different builds, features, ethnicities, etc. so looks hold a small but nonzero level of importance. No girl looks prettier than the one I have an emotional attachment to, however. Crushes on pretty girls come and go, but a girl I grow to like all around is something I remember (and suffer!) for a lot longer.

 

[WannabeNewton]

But, if I am going to marry the girl, or at least be in a long term relationship, then she has to be attractive (very attractive), she has to be really really smart, has to be a lot of fun to be around, and definitely no real religious affiliation (would not marry a christian, jew, or muslim, but a buddhist I can forgive).

Hows that going so far?

 

[cbetanco]

Hows that going so far?

Well, I am not married yet... But I have to set high standards for the girls of my dreams!

 

[I like Serena]

Well, I am not married yet... But I have to set high standards for the girls of my dreams!

Yes, so did I... and I found her!
Then it turned out that she was not interested in me.

 

[Lavabug]

Well at least you've got spirit!

 

[wukunlin]

some of the descriptions in this thread sounds like a shopping list lol...

personally I just want someone I can be comfortable living with day to day in the long term

 

[Lavabug]

some of the descriptions in this thread sounds like a shopping list lol...

People just want their rough draft of their Santa's list proofread.

 

[HeLiXe]

The word 'girl' on a physics forum is surely a lighthouse beacon to dating site ad placers.

 

[Lancelot59]

I agree.

 

[widereader]

I have also graduated from a Science High School. As I seen how my nerdy boy classmates chose, they also opt for women that have the same intelligence as theirs.

 

[ihatesnakes]

I'm a girl, so take this with a grain of salt.
I've dated nerds before, but their shyness and awkwardness with girls goes from cute and endearing to f****** exhausting.
then I met my love, the biggest dork the world has ever seen. after dying inside little by little from being "just friends" I DECIDED to get over my I'm-not-smart-enough-for-him complex and grow a pair; I looked at him dead in the eye and said "I want u so bad I can't take it anymore. I want a kiss from u and then I want to find out what ur hands can do. I'm f****** inlove with u". it went VERY well and we've been together and crazy inlove since.
so I can't agree more with everyone who has said before me to approach him. as always in these situations, just be honest about ur feelings and relaxed about it.
sorry for my english, I'm not a native speaker.
hope this helps! cheers everyone!

 

[ihatesnakes]

uy! forgot a tip!
I have noticed that men in general, science dorks in particular and don't get me started on engineers, work better in binary. so when flirting or asking them out, ask questions so that they can only answer YES or NO. otherwise they get nervous and babble. cute little things haha. better yet, just state instead of asking, something like "hi! I want to take u out, show u a good time! I want to hear all about what interests u".
nobody takes friendliness in a bad way.

 

[DaveC426913]

ihatesnakes, a review of the PF rules might be in order:

In the interest of conveying ideas as clearly as possible, posts are required to show reasonable attention to written English communication standards. This includes the use of proper grammatical structure, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling. SMS messaging shorthand, such as using "u" for "you", is not acceptable.

also

Foul or hostile language will not be tolerated on Physics Forums. This includes profanity, obscenity, or obvious indecent language

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=414380

Yeah, we take em seriously.

 

[hindus]

First I'm don't consider my self Nerdy, but actually i have liked this post...

There may be some extremist posts on what "nerdy" guys want in girls, particularly focusing to quality that girl have to be

atheist or at least agnostic

Well, I do not agree that this quality conflicts with intelligence, simple because not all religions/philosophies have same concept of "GOD"... probably most of east Asian communities have different view of "GOD" than Cristian/Muslim/Jews definition and possible more "science friendly", research Hinduism or Buddhism if you have interest.

I will extend little this and go back to original topic: see "GOD" as variable, if you exclude it from daily life, probably every one will be cheater, lier or bully. You may see it incompatible but it is necessary to maintain some balance in society... without some kind of discipline why i would not lie to someone for my own benefits?!

It just happens that money, also invented by man, have similar effect... just remembered something funny, imagine the day we will have some device that corrects our genetic code or our cells, and most research done in medicine will be dead then, the knowledge that doctors had will not serve then, it just how some Artificial intelligence may replace our thinking capabilities...

Back on topic:
Nerdy people like understating girls, who understand how important is to view a comet passing by every 500 years, rather than going shopping for Gucci handbag in some shop promotion.

Nerdy people like when girls that have some interest of their area of knowledge, if you ask how big is Cannis Majoris, he will explain with passion.

Nerdy people like girls who will not make fun of them, of make them fell embarrassed in front of others.

Nerdy people like girls who can express themselves clear, and logical.

Nerdy people may like girls who dress simple or elegant rather than too sexy (this one is subjective).

Usually nerdy people don't like to use insults when communicating... so try not use, f*** or s*** words.

Usually nerdy people take relationships very serious, therefore they may not like girls who prefer short term relationships.

Nerdy people like girls who have some kind of vision of their future, like having scientific project or research.

Nerdy people don't like girls who only are there to have fun and no interest at all to learn or obtain knowledge, they prefer type who are "hungry for knowledge".

Nerdy people don't like girls that call them nerdy, it alienates them.

I personally like girls with long black hair

 

[HeLiXe]

"I want u so bad I can't take it anymore. I want a kiss from u and then I want to find out what ur hands can do. I'm f****** inlove with u". it went VERY well and we've been together and crazy inlove since.

*faints* I think my pair is very small because I cannot imagine myself doing this. -_- I've had some crushes before but the thought of doing this makes me feel like drinking a spoon of castor oil. Maybe this is why nerdy guys usually hook up with non nerdy girls

 

[wukunlin]

I have noticed that men in general, science dorks in particular and don't get me started on engineers, work better in binary. so when flirting or asking them out, ask questions so that they can only answer YES or NO.

that is probably true in my case. when asked an opened ended question,
I don't want to give a short straight answer because some people find that cold and indifferent.
I don't want to drag out my answer for too long because some people can be very impatient.
I also have to find the middle ground quickly or some people think I don't feel like talking to them.

 

[DaveC426913]

that is probably true in my case. when asked an opened ended question,
I don't want to give a short straight answer because some people find that cold and indifferent.
I don't want to drag out my answer for too long because some people can be very impatient.
I also have to find the middle ground quickly or some people think I don't feel like talking to them.

The trick is to answer in such a way as to engage the other person. Answer in a way that encourages them to talk as well. That way you have a dialogue.

 

[Loess]

hey ihatesnakes I might try out the Binary theory. I'm female and a planetary science graduate but also a musician. I really like this guy who's also into Physics, I do find it hot in a guy!. I am hungry for science knowledge and I do get excited when talking about Physics, Astronomy etc. so I guess I'm looking for good conversation.

 

[hindus]

Loess: do you have black long hair? i want be in line too... joking!

Yes, you definitely should engage in conversation, and i believe it will be easy for you since you have interest on his area of knowledge.

Remember all us are different in some way, and since you are musician, best first to know what type of music he likes, and not try to enforce your type of music but create atmosphere where he create interest on it.

By the way: happy new year to all

 

[netgypsy]

Finally found time to read this thread aloud to several family members including a former nerd married to a former nerdette. When they finish drying the tears of laughter from their eyes I'll share some of their comments.

Nerdy guys really like hot women but not overtly hot - understated hot. The type you can sit down with and discuss quantum theory when you both know that there are other things you'd much rather be doing. A nerdy guy is confident of his intellect but not in his ability to attract a drop dead gorgeous girl so a girl looking for a date with a nerdy guy doesn't need to kill herself to look fantastic and hot because nerds are not stupid and will probably figure that the really gorgeous girl has an ulterior motive for wanting to go out with them so 8 out of 10 on the good looking scale is fine. You can always bump up your appearance later when you know each other better. Think of the pleasant surprise when the nerdy guy you're going out with on a regular basis suddenly sees you at your hot (no not suggestively hot) - and gorgeous best for some very special occasion.

Nerdy guys really like a girl who will talk to them and show interest in them. They aren't that hard to get a date with unless you are a real "woofer" to quote our resident nerd guy. The nerdette says the secret is to find a current nerd who is in the process of evolving into a really hot guy but has no clue women find him attractive since they never did before. She says when you find one of these, grab him and carry a big stick to run off the other girls trying to grab him.

Nerd hunting girls also need to make sure the nerd they have targeted is not one who has to feed his own ego by dating someone he thinks is not as intelligent as he is. These are not worth your time. A true nerd is really turned on by an intelligent, fun, confident woman who let's him know just how much she appreciates him for what he is and for what he can become. There is nothing more flattering that having a person REALLY listen to you, pay attention to what you say and truly enjoy your company. This is important to all guys but more so for nerds because they don't get a lot of female hero worship during their younger years. But be careful initially, take things slowly and make sure you really really like the guy before he falls for you

Happy nerd hunting.

 

[Loess]

Thanks for the feedback netgypsy and hindus. It's kind of hit and miss with this guy. I think I'm going to go on the theory that he knows where I am and if he wants me he just has to let me know.

 

[Loess]

Hey well things did develop with the guy, they did for one night only, he couldn't get enough of me and then dropped me like a hot potato. It all happened too quickly. Unfortunately this guy has a high traditional intelligence but is somewhat lacking in emotional intelligence. Its strange how intelligence can be strongly skewed to one side.

 

[netgypsy]

Better that he do it that quickly than string you on. Remember the warning about nerdy guys who have to constantly feed their ego? Sounds like you found one. The chase is fun and once caught, no more chase, no fun. This is not a guy you want to waste time on.

Also a bit higher number than average of the very intelligent don't think they have to play by the rules if they don't deem the rules reasonable so watch out for this type also.

Real men, nerdy or not, know that women are human and showing respect and interest in any person is what you do when you care. I'm still gagging over Stephen Hawking comments about women. If you read the replies you will see that many many men know exactly what a woman wants, that it isn't "rocket science" to expect respect and genuine interest, and that men who want a partnership with a woman will have no problems finding one who will have his back forever, if so desired.

Nerdy guys/girls who want something to worship need to find a religion. If they want a really fun partner, companion and all the benefits that go with it, find a smart, funny, hot, kind, strong woman/man. Someone who knows your potential even when you don't. The journey's too short to spend it with someone not worthy of you.