Why does my social life suck so much?

[gravenewworld]

Dressing well is very important. Despite what people say, they do judge you on how you look. 95% of people aren't models, but if you dress well you can make your physical attributes look much better. Recently I have been wearing a lot of soccer jerseys out to the bars that I bought from all of the countries I have been to. You won't believe how much attention I get from just wearing them. Brazilian girls talk to me all the time ( I never knew there were so many studying here) whenever I wear a Flamengo jersey. Real Madrid and Portugal's national jersey also attract a lot of attention.

Portugal actually has a really nice national jersey
http://www.nike.com/index.jhtml?l=n...d-104725&re=US&co=US&la=EN&cp=USNT_KW_Froogle
http://www.worldsoccershop.com/shop-by-country-portugal-portugal-national-team-portugal-07-09-away-soccer-jersey.htmlSoccer jerseys are interesting, make it easy to start a conversation, are comfortable to wear, and really don't cost a lot compared to high end fashion stuff.
Basically to dress well in America means to dress like an everyday European would. Europe is always well ahead of the US in fashion, but always way behind the US in pop culture.

 

[rewebster]

but dressing older but trendy is dressed based on personality, not body type, right? what do you mean by body type anyway? not wearing clothes that are too big or small? my clothes are already like that

What are you really looking for?

Friends?

girlfriend?

social contacts?

sex?

I've read over most of the thread---dressing in 'acceptable' clothes for each area is one thing--buying trendy clothes if you're young, keep a super clean look, smile a lot, and go to places where women want those type of men if you want a girlfriend or sex can work--for just 'sex', if you present yourself as a good piece of meat--you'll find that. More often than not, though, just dressing in 'better' clothes that you're comfortable in, and being yourself works too-----a lot of it is how and what you want--that helps to know 'what' to go after. As you get older, you get to feel more comfortable usually in who you are. If you try to be someone you're not, everyone will see through that.

What I see, too, is that a lot of people don't mind hearing advice--but very few take it---usually because the advice doesn't fit exactly or closely enough to feel useful.

I know this one woman who is constantly slightly unhappy with how her life is going and talking about how 'things' just aren't 'right'--but at the same time, she doesn't do anything differently to make a change in her life. She thinks that she's made it so far the way she is, and even though she's not really happy, she's not not going to do much differently to see if it can bring something new and different into her life to maybe make her happier.

Just making a small change (knowingly) in some aspect of your attitude about what you're thinking about in that new direction can sometimes open new doors.

---

I've learned not to expect too much too quickly--if it happens, though, be ready for it.

 

[andrewj]

i am a junior and just transferred to my new school. i don't want to end up really awkward and lonely and have horrendous hygiene like a couple of my professors. I'm not THAT introverted, I've met plenty of people and made a few aquaintances but no real "friends", and small talk all right (i think). I've only been involved in a few conversations beyond small talk so far, and most of the time i had nothing to say due to my lack of knowledge. probably because i don't see movies, watch tv, listen to music, play video games all that much. the only i thing i really follow that people talk about is sports. but if i start focusing on those things, then my academics will slip, but i want to go to a good grad school in math or physics. i can't seem to turn my acquaintances into friends since they all have different class schedules and live in the dorms, and i dont. i spend most of the day alone, studying in the library or on the computer. but i guess this is all my fault since i never really tried to be social until recently

if that's not bad enough, I've NEVER been on a date! what i really fear is that even if a girl started seeing interest in me, she'll be freaked out by the fact that i have absolutely no social life whatsoever.

on the plus side, i think I'm improving on my shyness and confidence each day. but I'm still very insecure

how can a math/physics nerd like me get a better social life? should i even try or instead just focus purely on academics and grad school only? but i know this is college and I've got to make the best of what is remaining, right? its going to be all work afterwards

why don't you support manchester city and become that extra special person

 

[TomMac321]

man find 5 or 6 good frinds that's all you need then just have fun the rest follows popularity sucks in the long run i had it now look at me i can't spell fialing high school collages don't want me and all I am good at is phisiscs but my other grades are so bad that the good schools for phisiscs will not take me don't waste your time find your true frinds and you will be fine

 

[chroot]

Hmm.. lots of crazy ideas about fashion here.

1) The pictures Cyrus posted are of guys who absolutely do look like dorks. Sorry, it's true. The truth is that people on TV or on movie screens can get away with looks that, for some reason, command respect in that context. If they wore those same costumes down to the grocery store, they'd just get laughed at. This guy here, second from the right, is absolutely laughable dorky.

2) Banana Republic is the domain of blue striped button down shirts and orange sweaters. I used to shop there quite a bit, but I'm full up on blue striped button downs. I have a couple of nice sweaters from BR that I wear frequently during winter, though, so I can vouch for their quality.

3) A lot of adult women are actually pretty turned off by the whole metrosexual, near-queer kind of fashion that a lot of college kids seem to get into.

- Warren

 

[Huckleberry]

I think they look pretty dorky too, but I'm a jeans and t-shirt guy. How a person dresses is the very least of my concerns, though it does grab my attention when I see something out of the ordinary. Cyrus is right that this is more like the fashion that is found in Europe.

Anyway, I thought wearing pajamas, flip-flops and bed-head hair was the 'in' thing to do on college campuses these days. I was floored the first time I saw someone walking to class in their pajamas with a bookbag. I figured they either are very lazy or work very hard and have to cut corners in their schedule to find time to sleep.

 

[Moonbear]

I think they look pretty dorky too, but I'm a jeans and t-shirt guy.

They look worse than dorky. The one Chroot pointed out definitely looks dorky. C'mon, untucked plaid shirt buttoned up to the top button, unkempt hair and what sort of glasses are those? That looks like something my grandfather would have worn. The other guy in the middle has facial hair that was dorky when I was that age (though I liked it then because I was dorky too...I have photos of one of my friends with a beard and hair like that and just laughed at how dorky we looked back then...of course that's back when he still had hair). The one on the far right might have looked okay if he tucked in his shirt and combed his hair (notice the cowlick), and surely sideburns aren't still in style, are they? And the one on the far left looks like he just leapt out of the '60s or '70s. My father used to have that hairstyle, which I think is more from the '50s. Watch Three's Company, and you'll see the character jack wearing that sort of sweatsuit top...it looked dorky then, and still looks dorky now.

Anyway, I thought wearing pajamas, flip-flops and bed-head hair was the 'in' thing to do on college campuses these days. I was floored the first time I saw someone walking to class in their pajamas with a bookbag. I figured they either are very lazy or work very hard and have to cut corners in their schedule to find time to sleep.

Oh, good grief! Yes, they guys don't do that, but the female students show up in what I could only best describe as pajamas...those sweatpants with "PINK" written across the bums and flip flops. I'm SO glad I teach med students where we have professionalism codes they have to follow. How does anyone expect to be taken seriously when they show up with "PINK" on their butts? Save it for the slumber parties. If I can drag my butt to work dressed professionally and having to arrive BEFORE the students to class to get everything set up to teach, surely they can take 5 min to throw on actual clothes and comb their hair. Even when I was in college, there were always a few students who would just show up to class with a cap or hat on to cover up the fact that they hadn't washed or brushed their hair. Eeeewww, skeevy! If you want to stand out from the crowd, do it by looking good, not by looking like the biggest slob.

 

[Moonbear]

3) A lot of adult women are actually pretty turned off by the whole metrosexual, near-queer kind of fashion that a lot of college kids seem to get into.

I object to the term "queer" and haven't seen that many college kids getting into the metrosexual fashion trends (maybe that's more common in the more metropolitan areas). But, I know the look you mean, and it's not so much a turn off as it is that it's not a turn on. If a guy looks too "pretty" rather than masculine, women want to be his best friend and go shopping with him, not date him. But, the younger women seem to go for it, and since those guys are usually younger guys, that seems okay.

 

[Huckleberry]

I'm inept when it comes to fashion. I have no idea what is popular with the kids these days. It all seems pretty strange to me. Actually, it seemed strange to me even when I was in high school. That was also the time when the bus bully used to call me McFly (from the movie Back to the Future) because my hair was long and wild and liked to fly out the bus window as it drove down the street. The funny thing is that it didn't really bother me that he made fun of my hair, but I was upset that Marty McFly was the character played by Michael J. Fox and the character that he inteded to insult me with was Doc Brown, played by Christopher Lloyd. I mean, can't he even get the reference right? Geesh! I didn't bother correcting him. Yeah, when it comes to fashion I try to keep my opinions to myself. I shaved my head just this weekend. (a habit I stuck with from the military, not from being bullied)

I still find the whole pajama thing a little odd. I have to say though, I do find it pleasantly stimulating in a way that is unfortunately distracting to the classroom. Also, those girls were about 10 years younger than I was, so it was even more disconcerting to me that I felt that way. Hmm, maybe I should go back to school.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Cyrus is no douche - he's a doll! I love that he says outrageous things to girls. It's all in good fun and he's a riot.

I thought the outfits he picked out were cute, but what do I know. I'm sitting here in sweatpants with PINK stamped on the bootie.

 

[chroot]

I'm sitting here in sweatpants with PINK stamped on the bootie.

Are you... really? Be warned that Huckleberry may find that pleasantly stimulating...

- Warren

 

[Huckleberry]

Cyrus is no douche - he's a doll! I love that he says outrageous things to girls. It's all in good fun and he's a riot.

I thought the outfits he picked out were cute, but what do I know. I'm sitting here in sweatpants with PINK stamped on the bootie.

Prove it!

 

[Moonbear]

I still find the whole pajama thing a little odd. I have to say though, I do find it pleasantly stimulating in a way that is unfortunately distracting to the classroom. Also, those girls were about 10 years younger than I was, so it was even more disconcerting to me that I felt that way. Hmm, maybe I should go back to school.

One of the other women I've discussed this with and I both feel sorry for the guys in the classes with these young women. We figure they're probably horribly distracted and have to carry their notebooks in front of them when they stand up. I haven't asked any of the male faculty what their opinions of the students' attire is, mostly because I don't want to know.

Cyrus is no douche - he's a doll! I love that he says outrageous things to girls. It's all in good fun and he's a riot.

I thought the outfits he picked out were cute, but what do I know. I'm sitting here in sweatpants with PINK stamped on the bootie.

Thanks for making me feel old. But it's a Sunday and you're clearly not in class, so that's fine. Do you wear anything like that to class, or just for bumming around the house/looking cute for your guy?

 

[cemar.]

Hit up the campus bar have a few drinks and youll be surprised how easy meeting people comes.
Just be yourself that's actually what's going to make people want to be around you.
As for the hot girls ... come on. It's not a hot girl that is going to make you cooler, or happier. By the sounds of it, you don't think you fit into your definition of "cool." so why want to be around people who have nothing in common with you?? But honestly, join a club that interests you and youll meet people with your interests and youll think they are cool. In college popularity doesn't exist. Every one is cool for who they are. If you want to be around certain people just do it.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Thanks for making me feel old. But it's a Sunday and you're clearly not in class, so that's fine. Do you wear anything like that to class, or just for bumming around the house/looking cute for your guy?

I probably would wear them to class if I didn't have to go to work first. (Actually, I guess that depends on the class - in a 300-student lecture, probably, but not in one of my small seminar classes.) I have two warm-up sets from VS and they are so comfortable and they are in such pretty colors. One has a logo on the butt, but it is stamped pretty high up, and the jacket covers it. You should get some, MB! You'd look adorable in them.

 

[moe darklight]

This guy here, second from the right, is absolutely laughable dorky.

hey! that's exactly how I dress!

there's nothing wrong with dressing dorky. you see kids like my friends who think they're all cool with their dying fetus or black sabbath or rancid shirts or whatever, but let me ask you: when you walk into a bar full of punks and metal fans dressed in chains and all that crap, and you see one guy with a jew-fro wearing a bright green flannel shirt and tight jeans... who would you say has the biggest cojones out of that bunch

 

[lah214]

ok, first, life really isn't THAT serious. You have one shot to live it, and nobody ever gets out alive anyway, so you mine as well have fun in the process. Talk to people! Why do you care if they don't like you? (Which, unless you are mean, cocky, or insulting, most people will like you at least a little bit.) Put yourself out there, and try to have fun; what's the worst that could happen? Even if someone makes fun of you, just get over it, try not to care, and HAVE FUN!
I mean, I'm not saying to completely ditch the studying. You should definitely keep your grades up, life just shouldn't be ALL about school and work. And don't think that girls don't like you. I'm a girl, I'm on the swim team and the tennis team at school, I have a lot of friends, and I'm pretty outgoing. But I also LOVE physics, plan on majoring in it, and I just learned how to solve the rubik's cube! I LOVE talking to the "geeky" guys in my school, and I'm friends with a lot of them. The two things that I find most attractive is intelligence and humor. The guy has to have a brain, that's the first thing. The second thing, is that I have to know that I can have fun with you. So go play a sport! Go skydiving! When you're 87 and looking back, you're not going to remember that test you should've studied harder for, you're going to remember the amazing times you've had, and that one crazy night that you let go and had fun!

SO GO HAVE FUN! Don't bother to think about what other people think of you. If you're having fun, people will want to have fun with you.

 

[Moonbear]

You should get some, MB! You'd look adorable in them.

My summer intern tried telling me this too. Then again, I suppose scrubs are a whole lot like pajamas in terms of comfort...though not nearly as cute looking. When I teach the gross lab, I wear scrubs and a lab coat with my "Mad Scientist's Union" patch on it (med students are geeky too and find it as funny as I do...I cut it off of a too-large black labcoat that zenmaster got for me when we were still dating and sewed it onto a proper white labcoat...it seems very appropriate for gross anatomy). Lately, I have been spending most of my day in scrubs...one set for the gross lab, which really do get gross, and one set for the farm, which get dirty but not as gross. It's nice to get to put on real clothes after wearing scrubs all day...even nicer to get a hot shower when I know what I smell like even if nobody else would recognize the odd perfume-y smell as embalming fluid.

 

[Cyrus]

Hmm.. lots of crazy ideas about fashion here.

1) The pictures Cyrus posted are of guys who absolutely do look like dorks. Sorry, it's true. The truth is that people on TV or on movie screens can get away with looks that, for some reason, command respect in that context. If they wore those same costumes down to the grocery store, they'd just get laughed at. This guy here, second from the right, is absolutely laughable dorky.

2) Banana Republic is the domain of blue striped button down shirts and orange sweaters. I used to shop there quite a bit, but I'm full up on blue striped button downs. I have a couple of nice sweaters from BR that I wear frequently during winter, though, so I can vouch for their quality.

3) A lot of adult women are actually pretty turned off by the whole metrosexual, near-queer kind of fashion that a lot of college kids seem to get into.

- Warren

Yes, ill give you that. Those guys are a bit dorkish. (I Just did a quick google search of fashion to post some pics up quickly). However, the point was to show a variety of style, and how that dorky look can work on some people and not others. Thats why I pointed out that he should find a style that fits his body.

As for the whole metrosexual thing, no way. Alot of the adult women I talk to like it (25+).

 

[Cyrus]

They look worse than dorky. The one Chroot pointed out definitely looks dorky. C'mon, untucked plaid shirt buttoned up to the top button, unkempt hair and what sort of glasses are those?

Nope. His hair is styled like that on purpose. Thats his look.

And the one on the far left looks like he just leapt out of the '60s or '70s.

Its a retro style.

Despite what you say, they are in theme with their 'look'. I didnt say you had to like their look. I didnt say I like their look. I am just pointing out its one type of style. Even though you two don't seem to get that.

I would post pictures of styles I like but the websites are all flash and I can't link them.

 

[Moonbear]

Nope. His hair is styled like that on purpose. Thats his look.

Fine, but it's a dorky look. If proton wants a less than dorky look, that's not the way to go.

 

[Cyrus]

Here are more places you can look proton

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/category.jsp?itemCount=8&pushId=&id=M_APP_OUTERWEAR&startValue=9&selectedProductColor=&navCount=3&prevVisit=true&navAction=poppush&sortby=&popId=

http://men.style.com/details/fashion/slideshow/v/05152007JEANS

http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/details/fashion/0607/denim/00004f.jpg

http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/details/fashion/0607/denim/00006f.jpg

 

[Beeza]

Do you really think it matters how you dress for class? I mean I'm a TA and still wear hoodies. I don't think the whole professionalism thing really matters. I would prefer a teacher that dresses comfortable instead of in a suit every day.

 

[Cyrus]

I don't dress for class. I dress nice all the time, becuase you never know when you might meet someone new and make a good impression. Theres no reason not to dress nice, apart from being lazy.

 

[Beeza]

I don't dress nice because I just plain don't care. Anyone that would write me off based on how I dress can kiss my butt anyway :)

 

[Moonbear]

Here are more places you can look proton

Those are better (though, for the last one, tuck the shirt tails in!...I think it looks so stupid to have all those nice clothes and layers and have the shirt tails untucked).

Do you really think it matters how you dress for class? I mean I'm a TA and still wear hoodies. I don't think the whole professionalism thing really matters. I would prefer a teacher that dresses comfortable instead of in a suit every day.

Yes, it does matter. And, you should dress more professionally as a TA too...you'll get more respect from your students if you look like you care rather than showing up looking like you just rolled out of bed like they did. There's also a misconception that you can't be comfortable and dress nicely at the same time. Comfortable can be achieved with properly fitting nice clothes too. I've actually realized that jeans are really UNcomfortable after dressing professionally all week long.

 

[Cyrus]

I don't dress nice because I just plain don't care. Anyone that would write me off based on how I dress can kiss my butt anyway :)

Dont worry. I am too scared you'd pound my head in if I said anything to you!

Those are better (though, for the last one, tuck the shirt tails in!...I think it looks so stupid to have all those nice clothes and layers and have the shirt tails untucked).

Again, that's the style of his look.

 

[Beeza]

Those are better (though, for the last one, tuck the shirt tails in!...I think it looks so stupid to have all those nice clothes and layers and have the shirt tails untucked).



Yes, it does matter. And, you should dress more professionally as a TA too...you'll get more respect from your students if you look like you care rather than showing up looking like you just rolled out of bed like they did. There's also a misconception that you can't be comfortable and dress nicely at the same time. Comfortable can be achieved with properly fitting nice clothes too. I've actually realized that jeans are really UNcomfortable after dressing professionally all week long.

You really think so? This is interesting to hear from your point of view (as a professor). I found the students really liked me, and I got excellent reviews last semester. I thought dressing "like" them would make them more comfortable asking questions etc. Maybe I will have to switch things up this semester and see how it affects the class. Academia has been a difficult adjustment for me--especially controlling the language that comes out of my mouth.

 

[Astronuc]

Here are more places you can look proton

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/category.jsp?itemCount=8&pushId=&id=M_APP_OUTERWEAR&startValue=9&selectedProductColor=&navCount=3&prevVisit=true&navAction=poppush&sortby=&popId=

http://men.style.com/details/fashion/slideshow/v/05152007JEANS

http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/details/fashion/0607/denim/00004f.jpg

http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/details/fashion/0607/denim/00006f.jpg

[PLAIN]http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2007/04/19/Suit1_narrowweb__300x457,0.jpg[/QUOTE][/URL] No thanks.

I dress business casual these days - slacks or jeans and long or short sleeved business type shirt. I rarely wear a vest or coat, and I avoid suits as much as possible.

In college, I generally wore jeans and T-shirts, and I had a set of dashikis, which I often wore in class or during the evening. I never had any difficulty meeting people. I had many friends, male and female. I dated several women, but I kept those relationships cordial and platonic. There was one serious relationship before I met the woman I married.

 

[Moonbear]

Again, that's the style of his look.

And again, it doesn't mean it's a good look. There are a lot of "trends" that just plain look stupid, there always have been and always will be.

You really think so? This is interesting to hear from your point of view (as a professor). I found the students really liked me, and I got excellent reviews last semester. I thought dressing "like" them would make them more comfortable asking questions etc. Maybe I will have to switch things up this semester and see how it affects the class. Academia has been a difficult adjustment for me--especially controlling the language that comes out of my mouth.

They'll also like you just because you know your stuff, it's that they'll respect you more if you look the part. I'm not saying show up to class in some stodgy old 3-piece suit and bow tie (that would just have them laughing), but khakis and a nice shirt will go a long way toward looking like you're the one in charge of the classroom. Them being open to asking questions has more to do with your personality than looking like you're one of them. The students ask me plenty of questions, even when I'm the professor who knows the least about the subject (the one who knows the most is VERY long-winded...friendly enough and really wants them to learn, but the students don't have time for his long answers to every question, so I'm learning to listen to his answers and then give the other groups the "condensed" version).

 

[scorpa]

. I'm not saying show up to class in some stodgy old 3-piece suit and bow tie (that would just have them laughing)

I had a neuropathologist show up to my class the other day to lecture us...wearing an orange checkered suit that looked like it was from the 70's, a BOWTIE and a combover...thus earning him the nickname of Dr.Bowtie. He even had those large round glasses that people wore many many years ago. I was shaking I was trying so hard not laugh, I'm sure my face was beet red to. It was a long two days trying to get through that class without laughing hysterically.

 

[Cyrus]

http://www.gogomag.com/talkingheads/caps/tvh/images/msnbcmen/p01.jpg

 

[scorpa]

Ha this guys bowtie was about 3x the size of the one is cyrus' picture. I swear he stole it from a clown.

 

[Moonbear]

Ha this guys bowtie was about 3x the size of the one is cyrus' picture. I swear he stole it from a clown.

https://mywebspace.wisc.edu/qleonard/web/MUSIC/AITDJB/AITDJB%202005/AITDJB%202005%20Eric%20bowtie%20072805.jpg

It's a style too.

 

[Cyrus]

Thats an insult to style.