Why does my social life suck so much?

[JasonRox]

If you're trying to appeal to American women (or Asian women) and not European women, go with styles that are appealing where you are.

All women love it. American, Canadian, European, whatever.

I have accessories, like watches, bracelets, necklaces, rings and things like that. I have several of them so I can wear accessories that match the outfit or "vibe" I want to set.

One of the things I do a lot though, as silly as it sounds, is wear a hockey hat. I'm dressed all preppy with a hockey hat basically. It's against all fashion rules, but it's my style. It makes me stand out. People notice me a lot more. They love the hockey hair, so no complaints there. I am looking for a nice hairstyle though. That's not easy.

 

[binzing]

And a business suit? Please.

What, you've never seen a striped suit?

 

[lisab]

One of the things I do a lot though, as silly as it sounds, is wear a hockey hat.

Um, wouldn't that be...a helmet? Well yeah, that does sound silly. But I'm neither hockey-nor-fashion savvy. Who am I to say...?

 

[rewebster]

Um, wouldn't that be...a helmet? Well yeah, that does sound silly. But I'm neither hockey-nor-fashion savvy. Who am I to say...?

I guess as long as its not a hockey mask:

http://www.columbiacostumes.com/Thumbnails/Thumbnail%20Masks/hockey_mask_tn.gif

 

[Moonbear]

All women love it. American, Canadian, European, whatever.

Not all. I sure don't.

One of the things I do a lot though, as silly as it sounds, is wear a hockey hat. I'm dressed all preppy with a hockey hat basically. It's against all fashion rules, but it's my style. It makes me stand out. People notice me a lot more. They love the hockey hair, so no complaints there. I am looking for a nice hairstyle though. That's not easy.

The thing about finding your own style is that once you understand the rules, you are free to break them. I think it gets back at the confidence part. If you're just schlepping around wearing anything because you couldn't bother to care, people can tell. But, if you're proudly showing off your own odd style, then it's saying something about who you are and you exude confidence, which is the most attractive part of it.

 

[rewebster]

My only comment about fashion is that's just as possible to look overdressed as it is to look underdressed. Sometimes, honestly, jeans and a hoodie is the most appropriate look you can have. You'd look a little weird if you drag-ass into your 8 am calculus class wearing a crisply starched dress shirt and Princeton-style sport coat with a little matching handkerchief in the pocket.

I'm often just as impressed by the variety in someone's wardrobe, but I'm the sort of guy who thinks it's perfectly normal to scuba dive and snow ski in the same weekend.

- Warren

actually I don't know any men involved with 'fashion' or have fashion talks--except for the ones on TV

 

[chroot]

actually I don't know any men involved with 'fashion' or have fashion talks--except for the ones on TV

Seriously, I could never walk into a classroom at 8 am wearing the crap that Cyrus suggests with a straight face. At best, people will think you're trying way too hard.

- Warren

 

[Astronuc]

Seriously, I could never walk into a classroom at 8 am wearing the crap that Cyrus suggests with a straight face. At best, people will think you're trying way too hard.

Agreed!

 

[Moonbear]

Seriously, I could never walk into a classroom at 8 am wearing the crap that Cyrus suggests with a straight face. At best, people will think you're trying way too hard.

Or that you just got a new girlfriend.

Pinstripe suits are of course way over the top for classes. I'm probably not a good person to ask anymore, because med students DO show up with dress shirts and ties for 8 AM classes...if they have the 8 AM class the same day they have to be in the clinic, they are expected to dress professionally for that, and they are never allowed to dress like a complete slob. We haven't had any problems with it this year, but last year, we had a student who wore old sweatpants with holes in them for the gross anatomy lab and we had to embarrass him by pulling them up for him during class when they started slipping off exposing his boxers while his hands were too dirty to do it for himself. We had to remind him of the professionalism rules for med students, which are greatly relaxed from what they were not very long ago (it used to be that they were expected to show up in professional attire every day, including ties for the men).

 

[Cyrus]

Seriously, I could never walk into a classroom at 8 am wearing the crap that Cyrus suggests with a straight face. At best, people will think you're trying way too hard.

- Warren

Well, for one its not crap. Its expensive clothes. Two, I said I always dress nice, not just to go to class, because as an adult, I know how to dress myself. Three, I could care less what a bunch of slobs in an 8 am class think about me. I have style and confidence, and the times I see someone wearing something nice I tell them to keep it up because they look good.

If you had confidence, you would be able to wear what I posted with a straight face.

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

Ahhhh, sweat pants and a hoodie. The comfort of going to morning lecture looking like you rolled out of bed is worth the lack of style. I don't have a problem socializing with class mates at all, plus - who cares, isn't one of the perks of being in a science program the fact that almost everyone looks just as bad as you no matter what you wear?

I don't neglect the fact that looking professional is very important, but dressing up for lectures is a bit much imo (not saying it's a bad idea though).

 

[Cyrus]

I hope you don't get into the habbit of rolling into your 8 am workplace like a slob for your boss. You're a scientist. You're going to work in a professional atmosphere. Get used to it.

Even the days I had an 8 am class (I didnt live on campus, I woke up at 6:45 to be there at 8), I still dressed myself as an adult. Stop with the excuses.

 

[Astronuc]

Well, for one its not crap. Its expensive clothes. Two, I said I always dress nice, not just to go to class, because as an adult, I know how to dress myself. Three, I could care less what a bunch of slobs in an 8 am class think about me. I have style and confidence, and the times I see someone wearing something nice I tell them to keep it up because they look good.

If you had confidence, you would be able to wear what I posted with a straight face.

http://img255.imageshack.us/img255/9858/dilbertwhair2hu9.jpg​

[/URL]

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

I hope you don't get into the habbit of rolling into your 8 am workplace like a slob for your boss.

Well obviously not, dressing smart at work is important; I agree. If I go out I make an effort to dress nice, but not for lectures man.

 

[Cyrus]

http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/79/atrcoll1.png​

[/URL]

 

[Evo]

Well, for one its not crap. Its expensive clothes. Two, I said I always dress nice, not just to go to class, because as an adult, I know how to dress myself. Three, I could care less what a bunch of slobs in an 8 am class think about me. I have style and confidence, and the times I see someone wearing something nice I tell them to keep it up because they look good.

If you had confidence, you would be able to wear what I posted with a straight face.

Like Moonbear, I do find men that dress nice, even if it is casual, to be more interesting.

 

[Moonbear]

Well, for one its not crap. Its expensive clothes.

Do you really equate cost with quality? I don't. Expensive crap is still crap.

Though, as for "rolling" into 8 AM classes, I don't see how pulling on a nice sweater and trousers requires any more effort than a hoodie sweatshirt and jeans. On the other hand, I wouldn't say someone has to show up to their 8 AM classes perfectly groomed every day, but more that you know how to wear what's appropriate to the occasion. If you just want to be warm and comfortable to drag yourself across campus on a cold, rainy morning and that means wearing a hoodie and jeans, fine. But, when you're awake and getting ready to meet people for lunch, or going out for the evening, or have a meeting with your professors, change into something nicer. One needn't dress like they are a runway model to just look neat and clean.

 

[Moonbear]

Well obviously not, dressing smart at work is important; I agree. If I go out I make an effort to dress nice, but not for lectures man.

Since part of the OP was about attracting women, and since one of the places to meet women in college is in your lectures, if there's an interesting woman in your 8 AM class, then you might do better at catching her attention if you dress a notch above all the other guys in jeans and hoodies. If there's nobody of interest in that class, there's no need to worry about whose eye you're catching.

 

[Poop-Loops]

I hope you don't get into the habbit of rolling into your 8 am workplace like a slob for your boss. You're a scientist. You're going to work in a professional atmosphere. Get used to it.

Thanks. I'll remember to tell my professors that. "Hey, some guy on the internet said a scientist should dress nicely for his boss. You're wearing a shirt that you just messed up with your chalky hands. Ergo, you are a bad scientist.

All the people I have worked with or for in my university (engineers and scientists) dressed normally, i.e. jeans or khakis, dress shirt or t-shirt. No fancy stuff.

I'm much more productive when I dress comfortably, not when I wear stuff that costs more than my weekly salary that I'm trying not to mess up.

"God dammit, Poop Loops! You haven't gotten anything done today!"

"Yeah, but hot damn, I look good!"

Even the days I had an 8 am class (I didnt live on campus, I woke up at 6:45 to be there at 8), I still dressed myself as an adult. Stop with the excuses.

Oh cry me a river. I wake up at 6am to get to an 8:30am class because the bus ride takes so long in the mornings.

When I went to community college, I had a 6:45am class. Yes, 6:45am. The drive was only 15 minutes, but I still had to get up early enough to eat something and get there.

 

[Astronuc]

http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/79/atrcoll1.png​

[/URL] Close. My beard used to be that dark.

 

[hypatia]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW_QCRGvT-g&feature=related

 

[GeorginaS]

8 a.m. classes.

I'd point out that an awful lot of people begin work every day at 8 a.m. So what the big deal is about arriving somewhere at that time, and not being able to look presentable when you do so, is failing my ability to understand.

 

[Poop-Loops]

The problem is what you define as being "presentable".

 

[Evo]

The problem is what you define as being "presentable".

Clothes that are clean, that fit, that have no holes or tears. That you wouldn't sleep in or work out in.

 

[Moonbear]

The problem is what you define as being "presentable".

There are a heck of a lot of people who need to show up to work at 7:30 AM wearing a suit. Surely the rest of the world can manage to get to work or class by 8 AM in something that approximates business casual, which is certainly presentable.

 

[JasonRox]

The thing about finding your own style is that once you understand the rules, you are free to break them. I think it gets back at the confidence part. If you're just schlepping around wearing anything because you couldn't bother to care, people can tell. But, if you're proudly showing off your own odd style, then it's saying something about who you are and you exude confidence, which is the most attractive part of it.

I agree.

And lots of girls like it anyways.

Note: A baseball hat or whatever you call them, but hockey related.

 

[Cyrus]

Thanks. I'll remember to tell my professors that. "Hey, some guy on the internet said a scientist should dress nicely for his boss. You're wearing a shirt that you just messed up with your chalky hands. Ergo, you are a bad scientist.

All the people I have worked with or for in my university (engineers and scientists) dressed normally, i.e. jeans or khakis, dress shirt or t-shirt. No fancy stuff.

I'm much more productive when I dress comfortably, not when I wear stuff that costs more than my weekly salary that I'm trying not to mess up.

All my professors wear professional attire. Some wear suits, every day. Never once has any of my professors wore a t-shirt. Ever. ~50% wear a tie with dress pants but no blazer.

Who teaches a class in a t-shirt? Get real.

 

[Poop-Loops]

My professors wear dress shirts. The people I worked with over the summer at the physics lab (engineers, post docs, grad students, research professors) didn't mind wearing t-shirts.

This whole concept is so bizarre to me. Who decide that a t-shirt = bad whereas a business suit = good? They are uncomfortable, hence bad.

Honestly. The people who wear business suits are:

1) Politicians
2) Lawyers
3) Management types

Why would I want to be like either of them? I actually want to contribute to society.

 

[Cyrus]

You make so many generalizations, its very clear to me that you have no idea what your talking about.

A suit is not uncomfortable (Maybe yours is because you spend all your time complaining and not learning how to buy one that fits you).

 

[Moonbear]

All my professors wear professional attire. Some wear suits, every day. Never once has any of my professors wore a t-shirt. Ever. ~50% wear a tie with dress pants but no blazzer.

Who teaches a class in a t-shirt? Get real.

Well, I did know one crazy old professor who taught in sweatpants, but that's what happens when you teach in sweatpants, you get a reputation for being a "crazy" old professor. Actually, since the sweatpants were often red, and he had a full, white beard, he looked a lot like Papa Smurf.

I wear jeans when I have to go to work on weekends, but never to teach. Considering the faculty have to arrive to work before students show up to classes (even if we walk into the classroom after you, we've been in our office preparing beforehand), and we manage to dress professionally, there's no reason for the students to be showing up in whatever they wore to bed the night before. To show up in your pajamas, or what could be pajamas (i.e., sweatpants), gives off a pretty anti-social vibe...sort of the "I don't give a darn what you think, leave me alone in my own world" message. Jeans are fine if they aren't ripped, and even a newer t-shirt is okay, just not the old, faded, stained, torn t-shirt you've had since junior high. You can look decent and blend in. If you want to stand out from the crowd, and give off the vibe of "I'm really confident and am not afraid to be noticed," then dress nicer than just the usual jeans and t-shirt look every other college student wears.

The thing is that once people get to know you, jeans, t-shirts, etc., are all fine and won't change their opinion of you, but before they have gotten to know you, your appearance is the only first impression you can make. If you look more "put together" people will assume you do have your act together. You don't want to go to the other extreme of looking like a clown either, because then people will notice you but not take you seriously at all.

 

[JasonRox]

I don't even remember the last time I wore a t-shirt out. I sometimes wear a t-shirt with a blazer, but not just a plain t-shirt.

Personally, I find my style really comfortable because all the clothes I wear fit me properly. I think that's the key point people are missing. People think the clothes they wear are more comfortable than suits or other proper attire. You know why that is? It's because they NEVER wore a suit or attire that FIT PROPERLY.

 

[Moonbear]

My professors wear dress shirts. The people I worked with over the summer at the physics lab (engineers, post docs, grad students, research professors) didn't mind wearing t-shirts.

Think about what that says about heirarchy. I used to wear jeans to work in my first job as a research professor, until I realized that most of the people in my department didn't even realize I was faculty...they assumed I was just another post-doc. When I started dressing nicely on a regular basis, I quickly got more respect from other faculty...a pay raise too. Always dress for a position higher than you have, and people treat you like you belong in that position.

This whole concept is so bizarre to me. Who decide that a t-shirt = bad whereas a business suit = good? They are uncomfortable, hence bad.

If you get a suit properly fitted, it is not uncomfortable. I've actually reduced my wardrobe down to only 3 pairs of jeans, mainly for doing things where I need the heavy fabric to protect me, like when crawling around the ground or in the attic to fix something. Compared to well cut slacks, or a tailored suit, jeans feel stiff and horribly uncomfortable now. There's an entire range of professional attire in between t-shirts and suits that are completely acceptable, but if your suit isn't comfortable, it isn't cut right. Take it to a tailor...you're going to need a suit that fits right for when you go on job interviews, because you sure don't want the distraction of a suit that's pulling in the wrong places when you need to be on your top game during an interview.

Honestly. The people who wear business suits are:

1) Politicians
2) Lawyers
3) Management types

Why would I want to be like either of them? I actually want to contribute to society.

So you assume that people who wear suits don't contribute to society? If you want to stay a lackey your whole life who gets passed over for promotions, dress in jeans and t-shirts every day. If you want to move up and be a decision maker and leader, gain more responsibilities and earn more money, dress the part. This is serious career advice now, not just about how to socialize.

 

[Poop-Loops]

Clothes that are clean, that fit, that have no holes or tears. That you wouldn't sleep in or work out in.

So... jeans and a t-shirt?

There are a heck of a lot of people who need to show up to work at 7:30 AM wearing a suit. Surely the rest of the world can manage to get to work or class by 8 AM in something that approximates business casual, which is certainly presentable.

"Business casual". Can you define that?

Also, just to be clear, I never meant to imply that because I have to get to school early I dress like slob or something. I was just saying that getting up at 6am is no big deal. If anything, I am agreeing with you all on this point.

 

[proton]

Since part of the OP was about attracting women, and since one of the places to meet women in college is in your lectures, if there's an interesting woman in your 8 AM class, then you might do better at catching her attention if you dress a notch above all the other guys in jeans and hoodies. If there's nobody of interest in that class, there's no need to worry about whose eye you're catching.

theres a hot girl in one of my smaller classes. there's also a acquaintance/friend in that class, but he's even nerdier than me. ill try to get her to study with us, but the problem is that we've only spoken a couple times, so she may feel uncomfortable with us?

 

[Poop-Loops]

Think about what that says about heirarchy. I used to wear jeans to work in my first job as a research professor, until I realized that most of the people in my department didn't even realize I was faculty...they assumed I was just another post-doc. When I started dressing nicely on a regular basis, I quickly got more respect from other faculty...a pay raise too. Always dress for a position higher than you have, and people treat you like you belong in that position.

Was the pay raise because you had stayed there for a while? Did you get a raise slower than others or did the higher-ups actually tell you that you are getting a raise because you dress nicely. Phd? What's that? I like your tailor. Here is $5k/year extra.

If you get a suit properly fitted, it is not uncomfortable. I've actually reduced my wardrobe down to only 3 pairs of jeans, mainly for doing things where I need the heavy fabric to protect me, like when crawling around the ground or in the attic to fix something. Compared to well cut slacks, or a tailored suit, jeans feel stiff and horribly uncomfortable now. There's an entire range of professional attire in between t-shirts and suits that are completely acceptable, but if your suit isn't comfortable, it isn't cut right. Take it to a tailor...you're going to need a suit that fits right for when you go on job interviews, because you sure don't want the distraction of a suit that's pulling in the wrong places when you need to be on your top game during an interview.

No, when compared to jeans and a t-shirt, a suit will always be uncomfortable. You have that stupid jacket thing to wear, a tie, a button up shirt that you need to tuck in to your pants, and pants that aren't even that great to begin with. And assuming you have feet, you probably need some business-type shoes. Great.

Then you get sent to a cubicle or lab for 8 hours where nobody looks at you.

So you assume that people who wear suits don't contribute to society? If you want to stay a lackey your whole life who gets passed over for promotions, dress in jeans and t-shirts every day. If you want to move up and be a decision maker and leader, gain more responsibilities and earn more money, dress the part. This is serious career advice now, not just about how to socialize.

Note to self: dress nicely = get promotions

Do something useful but dress badly = don't get promoted

Conclusion? People who wear business suits don't necessarily contribute anything to society. Look, I don't see how this is any different than you being passed up for promotions because you are a woman instead of a man. I'm sure you'd get pissed, too. Granted, you can't do anything about that, but how is me changing my wardrobe going to change my productivity? It won't. It's superficial. Why are you all so caught up in something so superficial?