Avoiding homelessness on short timescale

[G037H3]

You finally got out of that place I take it? If so, well done. Does this make things better or worse for you?

Not quite. I met someone and they're coming to visit in less than a week; if they want me, I'm moving down to Portland o.o

 

[JaredJames]

Not quite. I met someone and they're coming to visit in less than a week; if they want me, I'm moving down to Portland o.o

Hmm, slightly concerned you're going to fall into exactly the same situation again.

I thought "get owner" was one of your last things to do.

Be careful. I'll be blunt, if it goes to sh*t I don't think anyone here will give you any sympathy again.

Aside from that, good luck.

 

[staddum]

Not quite. I met someone and they're coming to visit in less than a week; if they want me, I'm moving down to Portland o.o

Could you please explain that "if they want me" a little better please?

 

[JaredJames]

Could you please explain that "if they want me" a little better please?

You might want to read back through the last few pages.

 

[cobalt124]

Hi Goethe, drop the "get owner" thing and sort yourself out. You're using it to sort things out for you and it won't work, it can't. We can only sort out our own problems, other people, "owners" or whoever, can only help us avoid our problems and only temporarily. It will give you a pointless life where you are not even present to experience it, only somebody who has chosen that feeling good about a situation is some sort of life choice, it isn't. Get yourself sorted out FIRST, then look for an "owner" when you can do so on your own terms then you can be someone who is there experiencing these feelings on your own terms, and things will turn out a whole lot better for you, I guarantee it, it won't turn to siht, because YOU will be there to stop that happening. The way it is now, you're setting yourself up to be a helpless victim, and (I believe) blindly trusting total strangers who may not deserve that trust. Think on it, please.

 

[story645]

If this new plan goes south, http://www.youthcare.org/index.php/services/shelter2 is a shelter in Seattle that explicitly says that its residential programs house trans youth. Get in touch and see if you can get on their waitlists.
http://www.cityofseattle.net/humanservices/youth/altservices.htm .

As for the owner thing, uh you sure it's not tied to being abused? I'd strongly encourage putting abused on your list of things you want to get counseling for.

Of course the Canadian bank and Chase took $110

For the record, a friend said that's kind of standard for international money orders.

 

[Mech_Engineer]

I have a few small changes for xxChrisxx's 5 fold path to success:

1. Stop moaning! (most important)
2. Get out to your local MaccyD's for a garbagety job.
3. Get paid whilst searching for a better job.
4. Find better job.
5. Quit garbagety job after being accepted to the better job (important distinction).
6. Repeat and profit!

One of my not-so-wise friends told me this amazingly smart piece of advice once: "Don't quit your job until you get a better one."

 

[G037H3]

Hi Goethe, drop the "get owner" thing and sort yourself out. You're using it to sort things out for you and it won't work, it can't. We can only sort out our own problems, other people, "owners" or whoever, can only help us avoid our problems and only temporarily. It will give you a pointless life where you are not even present to experience it, only somebody who has chosen that feeling good about a situation is some sort of life choice, it isn't. Get yourself sorted out FIRST, then look for an "owner" when you can do so on your own terms then you can be someone who is there experiencing these feelings on your own terms, and things will turn out a whole lot better for you, I guarantee it, it won't turn to siht, because YOU will be there to stop that happening. The way it is now, you're setting yourself up to be a helpless victim, and (I believe) blindly trusting total strangers who may not deserve that trust. Think on it, please.

You don't seem to understand the functional aspect. I thrive under structure+direction, I do poorly on my own. It's pretty simple, really.

If this new plan goes south, YouthCare is a shelter in Seattle that explicitly says that its residential programs house trans youth. Get in touch and see if you can get on their waitlists.
Seattle.gov also has a list of services for GLBTQ youth that provide things like support groups and paid internships. For legal services, there's Street Youths Legal Advocates of Washington.

As for the owner thing, uh you sure it's not tied to being abused? I'd strongly encourage putting abused on your list of things you want to get counseling for.

Thanks for the links.

No, it's not from abuse. -_- Vanilla people commonly make strange assumptions such as this. Yes, there are *some* people who seek out D/s because they were abused; it's obvious who they are because they can't handle stress.

The posters here seem to believe that there is only one form of submission, and that is submission in a basic, societal sense. There is another, in which a person can open themselves to development and change, while (in my case, especially) being much more functional. I care about others; I don't really care about myself. So an opportunity to make someone else happy will result in more done then if I'm on my own.

I have a few small changes for xxChrisxx's 5 fold path to success:

1. Stop moaning! (most important)
2. Get out to your local MaccyD's for a garbagety job.
3. Get paid whilst searching for a better job.
4. Find better job.
5. Quit garbagety job after being accepted to the better job (important distinction).
6. Repeat and profit!


One of my not-so-wise friends told me this amazingly smart piece of advice once: "Don't quit your job until you get a better one."

Yes, this is likely what will occur. If I can't get a job, I'm just going to program all day until I'm worth throwing a project at. :P

 

[NeoDevin]

it's obvious who they are because they can't handle stress.

You?

 

[cobalt124]

Hi Goethe, I'm afraid I understand perfectly well and I know where it leads.

Saying "I am x, y and z" and this is it is a "choice of one" and can only lead in one (bad?) direction. Saying "My situation is x, y and z, but could it be p, q and r?" means there is somebody there making a choice even if the choice will be "x, y and z".

This D/s thing - if you wanted a situation where you did both the "D" and the "s" I could see that as less harmful to you and more consensual from you, but (I believe) you only do the "s" thing ("choice of one") and you are leaving yourself open for abuse (I apologise if my language is crude here I don't fully understand D/s, I do fully understand the "s" feelings that may be behind them).

I know these "s" feelings can be very strong, and can seem like everything at the expense of everything else. This is the aspect of them that needs challenging.

You seem to be choosing your location dependent on "s". Choose it dependent on job, or at least not on "s".

I hope you are clear that this is not linked to abuse, I could not comment as I don't know enough, but if you are that's good, I hope it's not just a false horizon because your hopes have been lifted in Portland.

Agree with Story645, and emphasize that you should go for the counselling and thrash this out. You have nothing to lose doing that.

I can handle stress now, that is why I can continue posting here.

Quote - "The posters here seem to believe that there is only one form of submission, and that is submission in a basic, societal sense. There is another, in which a person can open themselves to development and change, while (in my case, especially) being much more functional. I care about others; I don't really care about myself. So an opportunity to make someone else happy will result in more done then if I'm on my own."

Like I say I don't know much about D/s. A lot of years ago I saw a TV programme where a couple in a D/s relationship were interviewed. The ("s") guy was sat at some womans feet saying basically what you did and it just didn't look right. I suspect you would do the same without the bat of an eyelid.

That you can change for the better seems to me to be illusory. You will stay as you are and never changed. You have arrived at your destination at ?years old.

You have to be able to care about YOURSELF FIRST before you can begin to care about anyone else. How can you "Do unto others as..." if you don't know who you are (and I don't believe you do, but I may be wrong). CARE ABOUT YOURSELF, that's important (capitals for emphasis not shouting).

You seem to be making someone else happy at your own expense, which adds credibility to the notion that the source of this is abuse.

Hope you get a job. Take care.

John

 

[story645]

No, it's not from abuse. -_- Vanilla people commonly make strange assumptions such as this.

I think it might stem from the abuse 'cause abuse victims are often dominated, controlled and manipulated by their abusers, sometimes to the point of losing their self-identity, and often develop a pathological need to please their abuser.(http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32347 ) As people often model the relationships they see or had growing up, I'm afraid that you've fallen into that pattern and that's why you're seeking out that lifestyle choice. If you hadn't been abused then I wouldn't worry so much that it's linked up, but given your background yeah I think you should explore it a bit in therapy. Granted, I don't have a strong background in clinical psych, which is why I encourage you to talk with someone who does.

So an opportunity to make someone else happy will result in more done then if I'm on my own

Been there, done that, got so damn burned out I didn't like people anymore. I don't encourage it. Also you're not truly that way if you need the other person to direct you in how to make them happy, 'cause then you're just a breathing doll and those are only fun for so long. What you don't seem to get is that to truly make someone happy, you've got to be happy too. You said that your friend bailed on you 'cause the friend thought that you were too emotionally needy and that's likely 'cause you don't know how to function on your own.

If I can't get a job, I'm just going to program all day until I'm worth throwing a project at.

You need to build up some type of resume to get programming jobs too, as they're competitive and all.

 

[PhDorBust]

Just call police on drug addict.

 

[JaredJames]

Just call police on drug addict.

And when they release her?

 

[Mech_Engineer]

You need to build up some type of resume to get programming jobs too, as they're competitive and all.

Not to mention, you'll be competing against people with college degrees in computer science. If you really want to be a programmer, you need to get yourself a job and consider getting at a minimum a few certifications in programming languages, or maybe an associate's or trade-school degree.

 

[G037H3]

You?

no, not me

 

[G037H3]

Hi Goethe, I'm afraid I understand perfectly well and I know where it leads.

Saying "I am x, y and z" and this is it is a "choice of one" and can only lead in one (bad?) direction. Saying "My situation is x, y and z, but could it be p, q and r?" means there is somebody there making a choice even if the choice will be "x, y and z".

This D/s thing - if you wanted a situation where you did both the "D" and the "s" I could see that as less harmful to you and more consensual from you, but (I believe) you only do the "s" thing ("choice of one") and you are leaving yourself open for abuse (I apologise if my language is crude here I don't fully understand D/s, I do fully understand the "s" feelings that may be behind them).

I know these "s" feelings can be very strong, and can seem like everything at the expense of everything else. This is the aspect of them that needs challenging.

You seem to be choosing your location dependent on "s". Choose it dependent on job, or at least not on "s".

I hope you are clear that this is not linked to abuse, I could not comment as I don't know enough, but if you are that's good, I hope it's not just a false horizon because your hopes have been lifted in Portland.

Agree with Story645, and emphasize that you should go for the counselling and thrash this out. You have nothing to lose doing that.

I can handle stress now, that is why I can continue posting here.

Quote - "The posters here seem to believe that there is only one form of submission, and that is submission in a basic, societal sense. There is another, in which a person can open themselves to development and change, while (in my case, especially) being much more functional. I care about others; I don't really care about myself. So an opportunity to make someone else happy will result in more done then if I'm on my own."

Like I say I don't know much about D/s. A lot of years ago I saw a TV programme where a couple in a D/s relationship were interviewed. The ("s") guy was sat at some womans feet saying basically what you did and it just didn't look right. I suspect you would do the same without the bat of an eyelid.

That you can change for the better seems to me to be illusory. You will stay as you are and never changed. You have arrived at your destination at ?years old.

You have to be able to care about YOURSELF FIRST before you can begin to care about anyone else. How can you "Do unto others as..." if you don't know who you are (and I don't believe you do, but I may be wrong). CARE ABOUT YOURSELF, that's important (capitals for emphasis not shouting).

You seem to be making someone else happy at your own expense, which adds credibility to the notion that the source of this is abuse.

Hope you get a job. Take care.

John

If my situation is viewed in terms of only (or primarily) caring about myself, then the issue of functionality comes up. If I'm too depressed, disorganized, and lacking of self-discipline, then it doesn't really matter how much I *want* to do something, as it will fail regardless. I'm conscious of my weaknesses, and seek to play to my strengths while developing. I doubt I'll be fully mature until about 30 or so.

If the person has connections and can help me get a job, that shows that getting a job in Portland > rushing to get a job here.

I know that none of this is for certain, they and I are in a negotiation phase, and I've already communicated all of the things that I won't take from them, &c.

I'm sure it's not linked to abuse. I'm in my head all the time; I'm bad at fending for myself. I have more important things to think about than $ and such. >_>

I intend on counseling, when it is feasible.

 

[G037H3]

I think it might stem from the abuse 'cause abuse victims are often dominated, controlled and manipulated by their abusers, sometimes to the point of losing their self-identity, and often develop a pathological need to please their abuser.(http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32347 ) As people often model the relationships they see or had growing up, I'm afraid that you've fallen into that pattern and that's why you're seeking out that lifestyle choice. If you hadn't been abused then I wouldn't worry so much that it's linked up, but given your background yeah I think you should explore it a bit in therapy. Granted, I don't have a strong background in clinical psych, which is why I encourage you to talk with someone who does.


Been there, done that, got so damn burned out I didn't like people anymore. I don't encourage it. Also you're not truly that way if you need the other person to direct you in how to make them happy, 'cause then you're just a breathing doll and those are only fun for so long. What you don't seem to get is that to truly make someone happy, you've got to be happy too. You said that your friend bailed on you 'cause the friend thought that you were too emotionally needy and that's likely 'cause you don't know how to function on your own.


You need to build up some type of resume to get programming jobs too, as they're competitive and all.

Not everyone that's into BDSM/D/s is there because of a history of abuse. Maybe 15-20%. I have natural tendencies, and others have similar natural tendencies. It's different than the norm; that doesn't mean it's automatically bad or wrong.

By about 6 I had emotionally detached myself from others to avoid more frustration with the failings of others. If someone is capable of receiving me, then I should not treat them in the same manner that I treat others.

 

[G037H3]

Not to mention, you'll be competing against people with college degrees in computer science. If you really want to be a programmer, you need to get yourself a job and consider getting at a minimum a few certifications in programming languages, or maybe an associate's or trade-school degree.

median web programmer salary is $85K, and few people are actually good at programming, so I'm not super worried about being able to find freelance work (I don't want to work in a corporate environment, obviously)

being talented+having knowledge >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> certifications and some small degree

programming is a craft, it's about creating things; if I am naturally talented, and work hard enough at it, then getting projects should not be a problem

 

[story645]

median web programmer salary is $85K, and few people are actually good at programming, so I'm not super worried about being able to find freelance work

*headdesk* Uh, the real world doesn't work that way, 'specially since the dot com bubble crash led to tons of web programmers with lots of experience being out and about without a job. The best paying web programming jobs are still in-house and consultant work, both of which require you to get out their and meet with people. Go to the http://www.meetup.com/Seattle-Py/ meetup and listen to their job announcements and the requirements different companies have. You'll quickly find that most of the places that might be willing to hire you are start-ups with wonky stability that don't always have seed capital or non-profits where you'll work for next to nothing. Also, web programming isn't trivial what ever you may think. Right now the market is super-saturated with people who can code, so most of the well paying jobs either want a CS degree, which shows that the person may know about things like architecture, good software practices, writing maintainable code, etc, or a degree in a domain related field (math, art, etc.). Also, just about every decently paying job wants you to be fluent in multiple programming languages, frameworks, and technologies.

If you really want to be a programmer, you need to get yourself a job and consider getting at a minimum a few certifications in programming languages, or maybe an associate's or trade-school degree.

That doesn't even work anymore for many jobs. My mom get hers by doing the night school thing and having a BA related to the specific type of programming she does, but she says that now her company almost exclusively hires CS people, an attitude I've been seeing all over the place.

Not everyone that's into BDSM/D/s is there because of a history of abuse.

I fully agree with you, for lots of people it's their kink or their lifestyle choice depending on how hardcore they are (minor S/M is a staple of the romance industry); I'm just throwing out that it might be a factor for you because of your background.

If I'm too depressed, disorganized, and lacking of self-discipline, then it doesn't really matter how much I *want* to do something, as it will fail regardless.

Therapy and getting out of a stressful environment! Seriously, speaking from lots of personal experience here.

 

[Math Is Hard]

median web programmer salary is $85K, and few people are actually good at programming, so I'm not super worried about being able to find freelance work (I don't want to work in a corporate environment, obviously)

Interesting. I only have a handful of friends at that salary level or higher, but they are at the management level, supervising other programmers. All have computer science degrees and about 15-20 years of work experience.

 

[G037H3]

Interesting. I only have a handful of friends at that salary level or higher, but they are at the management level, supervising other programmers. All have computer science degrees and about 15-20 years of work experience.

I currently live on less than $10K a year, so $30K for 20-30 hours a week is okay. :) I don't intend on working full time, I have studies, which are more important.

 

[xxChrisxx]

being talented+having knowledge >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> certifications and some small degree

I have some small questions about this (I think I know the answers I just want to know I'm right)

Do you mind letting us know how old you are? (some people don't want to that's ok)
Have you ever had a proper (full time work) job before?


As the above is simply... lol.


The fact of the matter is companies are usually conservative, they don't like new, they like track record. So being talented is indeed more important than qualifications in the long run. However you must have demonstrated talent in the setting you wish to work in before anyone will hire you for a job.

Then comes the catch, to demonstrate talent you must have already been hired. To get hired you must have a tack record of talent. The way to 'get your foot in the door' is qualifications.

The only way to cirvumvent this process is to get the know someone on the inside and have a good network of contacts. As 'who you know' trumps just about everything else.

You may not like it, or agree, but that's the way the world works.

 

[G037H3]

I have some small questions about this (I think I know the answers I just want to know I'm right)

Do you mind letting us know how old you are? (some people don't want to that's ok)
Have you ever had a proper (full time work) job before?


As the above is simply... lol.


The fact of the matter is companies are usually conservative, they don't like new, they like track record. So being talented is indeed more important than qualifications in the long run. However you must have demonstrated talent in the setting you wish to work in before anyone will hire you for a job.

Then comes the catch, to demonstrate talent you must have already been hired. To get hired you must have a tack record of talent. The way to 'get your foot in the door' is qualifications.

The only way to cirvumvent this process is to get the know someone on the inside and have a good network of contacts. As 'who you know' trumps just about everything else.

You may not like it, or agree, but that's the way the world works.

19.
No.

I don't want to work as part of a company, other than maybe as a consultant.

 

[xxChrisxx]

19.
No.

I don't want to work as part of a company, other than maybe as a consultant.

Then you will most definitely need a good track record (which you don't have), infinitely more so than working in a company, who will train you.

There is a reason almost everyone has the same career path for a professional job.
Uni -> Intern/Graduate job -> Management/Senior role -> Consultancy.

Consultancy is where the money is, however it's brutally competitive and people with many years (in some cases decades) experience are all fighting for the same job.


Ask yourself, and answer honestly.

Would you hire a 'consultant' (or indeed anyone) with no formal training, no track record of completing a job?


I'm really not trying to piss on your bonfire here, but you really need to take a good look at what your goals are.

 

[Danger]

If you are capable of moving to Canada, and can occasionally wash a dish, I offer you free rent. I need home-care, which AISH is willing to pay for. Buy your own groceries, don't give me **** for lying around naked, and we could have a deal.

edit: Sorry, but you will also have to watch my choice of TV shows. I have 3 TV's, but they all run off of the same cable box.

 

[G037H3]

Then you will most definitely need a good track record (which you don't have), infinitely more so than working in a company, who will train you.

There is a reason almost everyone has the same career path for a professional job.
Uni -> Intern/Graduate job -> Management/Senior role -> Consultancy.

Consultancy is where the money is, however it's brutally competitive and people with many years (in some cases decades) experience are all fighting for the same job.


Ask yourself, and answer honestly.

Would you hire a 'consultant' (or indeed anyone) with no formal training, no track record of completing a job?


I'm really not trying to piss on your bonfire here, but you really need to take a good look at what your goals are.

There are other ways of showing capability. Such as putting a resume online in the form of completed programs. I would probably make puzzle games and such.

 

[G037H3]

If you are capable of moving to Canada, and can occasionally wash a dish, I offer you free rent. I need home-care, which AISH is willing to pay for. Buy your own groceries, don't give me **** for lying around naked, and we could have a deal.

edit: Sorry, but you will also have to watch my choice of TV shows. I have 3 TV's, but they all run off of the same cable box.

I can't immediately move to Canada. Also, if I moved to Canada, I wouldn't have any $ for food. And I hate TV.

Thanks for the offer, though.

 

[xxChrisxx]

There are other ways of showing capability. Such as putting a resume online in the form of completed programs. I would probably make puzzle games and such.

You can argue about it all you want but people don't care unless you've done work before. You may think it should work like that, but in the working world it just doesn't.

The first question when someone looks at your CV is: Are you qualified? If the answer is no then the process just stops.

Once you've passed all the tick boxes, then they look at how good you are.


So keep doing what you are doing as it's not wasting time, but don't be surprised when you find out that you need to take a qualification to even be considered for a job.

 

[Danger]

I can't immediately move to Canada. Also, if I moved to Canada, I wouldn't have any $ for food. And I hate TV.

Thanks for the offer, though.

Oh, bummer...
On the bright side, though, I've been hoping for a female attendant.

 

[JaredJames]

I have a family member who is an amazing mechanic. Truly is the most talented and knowledgeable person I have ever seen when it comes to cars. He makes other mechanics look rubbish, especially those in big auto repiar companies. (Plus they are honest about their prices and don't invent faults to boost the cost).

They have 30+ years experience and are incredibly talented, and yet they cannot get a decent paying job. The reason, they don't have any qualifications. There's nothing to show they 'know what they know'. As such, unless the person hiring knows them well, it's very much a case of taking their word that the knowledge and skill is there. They're best paying job was over the last 5 years where they ran their own garage for a while, earning around £10,000 per year. Which is appauling for someone with his capabilities.

Goethe, unless you have qualifications it is only your word that says you know how to program. Given you have no previous jobs or work experience your word on this subject really doesn't mean sh*t.

There are numerous pages here now Goethe, please re-read them and try to take some of it in. Even after all of this you are still arrogant and overly confident.

Goethe's >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Reality

Ya with me?

With so many people, qualified people, out there. Having no qualifications only serves to hinder your chances. You would be better off sorting yourself out with a basic job and place to live and then attending classes on the subject. At least then you have something behind you.

As someone said above, the first question is "are you qualified". If you fail at that hurdle the interview from that point on is worthless.

Remember, a resume is you telling someone you can do the job, a qualification is somone else telling someone you can do the job. There's a big difference.

 

[Mech_Engineer]

I currently live on less than $10K a year, so $30K for 20-30 hours a week is okay. :) I don't intend on working full time, I have studies, which are more important.

At 30 hours a week, that's $19.23/hr assuming no vacation time ($28.85/hr for 20 hrs/wk). There's no way you're going to get that with your attitude and skill set. Try for around $10/hr, and it might happen... but it won't be programming!

 

[JaredJames]

There are jobs on the net for independent programmers to bid on. Some are relatively simple, others are quite complex.

The simple ones are generally bid at around $50. Based on their descriptions, I'd say they involve at least 5 hours of work for someone fairly competent in coding. This figure would be at least trippled for a beginner.

Goethe doesn't seem to realize how competitive the market is and seems to think $30,000 per year for someone without qualifications is a realistic figure. It isn't.

I find myself constantly getting annoyed in this thread because Goethe is ignoring all advice given and so arrogant to the reality of things that failure is almost guaranteed.

We say you need to do x, y and z, Goethe agrees. 2 days and ten posts later, all advice has been ignored, x, y and z are out the window and we're going ar*e backwards. It's ridiculous.

 

[story645]

I would probably make puzzle games and such.

You and every other high school grad who took basic and thinks they know how to code. That's such a bare minimum that it's basically what my lab requires before we let students touch any of the ongoing project code; it won't get you far when you're trying to find a job in the real world, especially in tech saturated markets like Portland and Seattle.

As for possible quals: Design and maintain a website that has over a 50K users, contribute heavily to some very popular open source projects, be a database admin for some non-profit, publish some really popular iphone and facebook apps. Things of that sort sometimes count, especially if the company is a start up or heavily ensconced in tech culture or just happens to really need someone to work on mobile web apps. But most of the above require serious time, decent coding skills, and answering to/playing well with others.

 

[Evo]

median web programmer salary is $85K, and few people are actually good at programming, so I'm not super worried about being able to find freelance work (I don't want to work in a corporate environment, obviously)

being talented+having knowledge >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> certifications and some small degree

programming is a craft, it's about creating things; if I am naturally talented, and work hard enough at it, then getting projects should not be a problem

I don't know who told you those salary figures, but here is what you can expect in seattle being a full time web designer.

http://swz.salary.com/salarywizard/...bSearchByOption=0&txtKeyword=Designer+I+-+Web

Freelance, you'll be lucky to make a fraction of that as an unknown teenager.

 

[dmatador]

Who are you to say that there are few good programmers out there? That is so idiotic it hurts. Can PF please stop giving into this self-serving pity party thrown by the self-proclaimed (from what I can see, not so) genius?