Best Pickup Lines: Two Funny Ones to Try

[Moonbear]

What you're talking about is a sports bar. I don't go to sports bars because I don't watch sports (sorry, I aint a real man).

No, I'm not talking about a sports bar, I'm talking about a local neighborhood bar. Sports bars are the bars plastered with TVs in every corner. I don't go to sports bars either, because nobody there wants to talk to anyone, they just want to sit and watch a game and drink their beer.

The best bar around here is the one where you'll come out smelling more like the grease from french fries than cigarette smoke. Great bar food there...completely unhealthy, but tasty. If you go with a small group of people, you can get a table, but aside from the actual bar, they also have a long table at bar height running the length of the room where people on their own can sit with other people...it's like sitting at the bar, except someone could actually sit across from you too, so makes it easier to strike up conversations with other people. Then again, even if you're sitting at a table there, you're not going to be left out of conversation. People regularly shout questions across the room there or strike up conversations with people at adjacent tables. It's nice. Everyone goes there to be friendly and have a good time. No pretenses, no obnoxious drunks (at least I've never seen any there), nobody prowling for hook-ups. It's also a place where there are no class boundaries. It doesn't just cater to students, or the yuppies, or blue collar workers, etc., it has everyone in there...it's a place where the university faculty can be equally comfortable with the custodial staff, or secretaries from local businesses, or the soccer mom, etc. It's nice. Just one TV, sometimes folks watch the game. But it's not like in a sports bar where they're glued to it. It's more something they glance up every so often to catch a score. Okay, the exception being on days when our football team is playing, but the whole town watches football those days, so even the mall is playing the game broadcast over their speakers.

Ok, so are wingmen for insecure guys, then? Like, they can't get a girl on their own, so they have to friend to boost their confidence...and get a girl for them...

I never heard the version they're supposed to boost up their buddy before this thread, and never experienced that. I'd be really turned off if a guy seemed to be hanging around with a puppy who could do nothing but brag about him. It would just seem weird. Usually, the version I've heard of, and seen, is more that the "wingman" converses with the less desireable of two women when there are only two out together. The idea is that it increases the chances of a guy getting the target if she isn't feeling bad about abandoning her friend, since her friend is also having a good time with a guy. It's not needed with larger groups of women, because singling one out won't leave the rest sitting around bored.

Of course, the hilarity begins when the "pointman" doesn't get his target, but the "wingman" ends up actually liking the one he's talking to and winds up dating her.

 

[fileen]

Ok, not a pick up line but it works. A friend of mine picks up girls by walking his dog up to campus, letting go of him, and then running around chasing him. He gets dozens of girls this way! It seems crazy but they just flock around him in attempt to catch fluffy and console the clearly upset hunky owner. He leaves with hundreds of numbers. Id like to say it wouldn't work for me, but I know it would. Cute little mutt being chased by hot single guy... yup that about does it for me.

 

[turbo]

You don't even have to go to those lengths. Dogs are incredible ice-breakers. One year in college, I lived across the street from some people who had a very smart and friendly springer spaniel, and they pretty much ignored him. I'd drop over and "kidnap" Bilbo and take him for long walks. He learned to heel very quickly and he would always come when I called him, so I didn't have to leash him. Spend an hour or so sitting on the library steps with a dog, and you'll meet more ladies (in a non-threatening environment) than you'll ever meet in a bar.

 

[Borek]

Jeans, scruffy trainers and nerd joke T shirts will never go out of fashion!

Oh I am afraid you might be wrong. Granted, they can be cute at times. Not all people will get them, ok, and to be honest, I don't get them most of the time. I tend to stare with a blank look. It takes a long time for me to get something, and most of the time it has to be explained. Even then, it hits me like 10 minutes after, and I randomly laugh, lol. Being blonde can do that

Depending on what one looks for ATM nerd joke T shirt may help in target preselection.

 

[SticksandStones]

I never heard the version they're supposed to boost up their buddy before this thread, and never experienced that. I'd be really turned off if a guy seemed to be hanging around with a puppy who could do nothing but brag about him. It would just seem weird.

Heh, well it's supposed to be more subtle than what I described.

 

[JasonRox]

You don't even have to go to those lengths. Dogs are incredible ice-breakers. One year in college, I lived across the street from some people who had a very smart and friendly springer spaniel, and they pretty much ignored him. I'd drop over and "kidnap" Bilbo and take him for long walks. He learned to heel very quickly and he would always come when I called him, so I didn't have to leash him. Spend an hour or so sitting on the library steps with a dog, and you'll meet more ladies (in a non-threatening environment) than you'll ever meet in a bar.

I found speaking french in public works best. Americans love it or atleast all the ones I met do.

 

[JasonRox]

Heh, well it's supposed to be more subtle than what I described.

What do you mean? Instead of whispering tips to you, you have an ear piece?

 

[BobG]

I hate wingmen.

I only know of two I would trust. The first I had to like... be tough on him because he would do things I hated. He started listening, and it started working much much better. But usually, you're on your own. So much better.

John Alden was a lousy wingman.
The Courtship of Miles Standish

 

[JasonRox]

He never learned to shut up.

 

[Evo]

I've never called dibs on guys when going out with my friends...hmm...maybe that's why they always got all the guys.

Did you ever go to meat markets with the sole purpose of hunting men? We weren't there because we wanted to listen to music or have drinks, we were on a mission.

 

[JasonRox]

Did you ever go to meat markets with the sole purpose of hunting men? We weren't there because we wanted to listen to music or have drinks, we were on a mission.

And you say men shouldn't treat women like a piece of meat.

 

[Evo]

And you say men shouldn't treat women like a piece of meat.

Hey, meatmarkets exist. They're not your regular corner bar. People go there to be noticed and to pick people up. You don't treat anyone badly, but everyone knows why you are there. Men are looking for women and women are looking for men.

Places I went to socialize with friends were different. But going out with Cindy or Terri meant naming your targets. Cindy would claim every guy worth looking at while I was still walking through the door. It was actually a good rule so that we wouldn't get upset about being interested in the same guy.

 

[JasonRox]

Hey, meatmarkets exist. They're not your regular corner bar. People go there to be noticed and to pick people up. You don't treat anyone badly, but everyone knows why you are there. Men are looking for women and women are looking for men.

Places I went to socialize with friends were different. But going out with Cindy or Terri meant naming your targets. Cindy would claim every guy worth looking at while I was still walking through the door. It was actually a good rule so that we wouldn't get upset about being interested in the same guy.

Hmmm... sounds like Cindy would be a bad wingman if she were a guy. With me, you can never call anyone... that's actually kind of demeaning, counter-intuitive and the least effective thing to do. Like you said, to avoid being upset. Well, you shouldn't be making emotional attachments to someone you don't even know, so her lack of capability of managing emotions leads to you girls catering to them which is not constructive to her or you.

No one calls anyone their territory with me. If someone does, then I'll walk away and literally never talk to them for the rest of the night. Avoids me knowing who he is "calling" so I can always just say... "You never told me." And I'm right.

 

[Cyrus]

No, I'm not talking about a sports bar, I'm talking about a local neighborhood bar. Sports bars are the bars plastered with TVs in every corner. I don't go to sports bars either, because nobody there wants to talk to anyone, they just want to sit and watch a game and drink their beer.

The best bar around here is the one where you'll come out smelling more like the grease from french fries than cigarette smoke. Great bar food there...completely unhealthy, but tasty. If you go with a small group of people, you can get a table, but aside from the actual bar, they also have a long table at bar height running the length of the room where people on their own can sit with other people...it's like sitting at the bar, except someone could actually sit across from you too, so makes it easier to strike up conversations with other people. Then again, even if you're sitting at a table there, you're not going to be left out of conversation. People regularly shout questions across the room there or strike up conversations with people at adjacent tables. It's nice. Everyone goes there to be friendly and have a good time. No pretenses, no obnoxious drunks (at least I've never seen any there), nobody prowling for hook-ups. It's also a place where there are no class boundaries. It doesn't just cater to students, or the yuppies, or blue collar workers, etc., it has everyone in there...it's a place where the university faculty can be equally comfortable with the custodial staff, or secretaries from local businesses, or the soccer mom, etc. It's nice. Just one TV, sometimes folks watch the game. But it's not like in a sports bar where they're glued to it. It's more something they glance up every so often to catch a score. Okay, the exception being on days when our football team is playing, but the whole town watches football those days, so even the mall is playing the game broadcast over their speakers.

I really can't think of many bars like that around here. I know they had something similar to that in Mass when I was there. I think you should buy me dinner at said bar.......you have beautiful eyes.

 

[JasonRox]

Moonbear, I noticed you made the comment about class differences again. Is there a reason for this?

I never felt this in any bar I've been too. My buddy is umemployed and always goes to bars/clubs where it's common everyone is wearing suits because they just got off work... Lawyers, Professionals, etc... Never had any issues.

If it's like that in the US, that sucks.

 

[SticksandStones]

I don't understand how you go out without the intent of meeting people. Seriously, I never run into a smoking hot chick and think to myself "Oh, she's hot. I would talk to her, but I didn't set out to meet people on this excursion. Perhaps I'll run into her in another setting."

That goes double if she talks to me first.

Anytime I leave my bed is a chance to meet people.

 

[Cyrus]

I don't understand how you go out without the intent of meeting people. Seriously, I never run into a smoking hot chick and think to myself "Oh, she's hot. I would talk to her, but I didn't set out to meet people on this excursion. Perhaps I'll run into her in another setting."

That goes double if she talks to me first.

Anytime I leave my bed is a chance to meet people.

I think you are sticking your neck out by making statements contrary to what anyone has said.

(SEE Moonbear. Never talk to the police or PF. If you say one thing, people extrapolate it to mean many other things you never intended. Read mcknia's reply to mgb_phys)

 

[Topher925]

Anytime I leave my bed is a chance to meet people.

Do you have a bar in your living room?

 

[JasonRox]

I think you are sticking your neck out by making statements contrary to what anyone has said.

(SEE Moonbear. Never talk to the police or PF. If you say one thing, people extrapolate it to mean many other things you never intended. Read mcknia's reply to mgb_phys)

Haha, I know. I didn't even know what to say after that comment. I was like... what?

 

[noumed]

Do you have a bar in your living room?

Perhaps he sleeps on the streets.

 

[SticksandStones]

I think you are sticking your neck out by making statements contrary to what anyone has said.

(SEE Moonbear. Never talk to the police or PF. If you say one thing, people extrapolate it to mean many other things you never intended. Read mcknia's reply to mgb_phys)

I guess I misunderstood what she said then. In that case I apologize.

 

[Moonbear]

Moonbear, I noticed you made the comment about class differences again. Is there a reason for this?

Responding to Cyrus' comments about those really snooty bars. The type he's showing are expensive and will be filled with only the people who can afford expensive and enjoy showing it off (or pretending they can afford it, which is worse).

Then again, when you live in college towns, there are also a lot of "student" bars. Not many other people go to them, because they're overrun by students (i.e., very immature, sometimes not even legal drinking age), and then nearby, a few bars trying to get the non-student crowd who go the other extreme and are rather expensive and inhabited only by a MUCH older crowd (not really a class difference there, more of an age difference). If you get away from campus a bit more, the bars are more mixed crowds, which I like better.

 

[turbo]

Responding to Cyrus' comments about those really snooty bars. The type he's showing are expensive and will be filled with only the people who can afford expensive and enjoy showing it off (or pretending they can afford it, which is worse).

Then again, when you live in college towns, there are also a lot of "student" bars. Not many other people go to them, because they're overrun by students (i.e., very immature, sometimes not even legal drinking age), and then nearby, a few bars trying to get the non-student crowd who go the other extreme and are rather expensive and inhabited only by a MUCH older crowd (not really a class difference there, more of an age difference). If you get away from campus a bit more, the bars are more mixed crowds, which I like better.

In smaller, rural towns, there are likely to be lots fewer bars, and the client mix can be explosive. In the town where I live currently, there is one bar, and ALL types of people show up. When I was in my 20's, that place used to get police visits every Saturday night. You had local married couples coming out for some music and a few beers, meat-market types wanting to score, young kids with just enough brains to be dangerous, and people looking for trouble, etc, etc. It was not uncommon to see a fist-fight every 45-60 minutes. The place is now owned by a friend and fellow biker, and he clamps down on the crap pretty quickly to protect his business. Previously, the place was owned by a guy whose son hung with would-be "outlaw bikers" (posers) and his friends caused no end of trouble.

 

[cristo]

In smaller, rural towns, there are likely to be lots fewer bars, and the client mix can be explosive. In the town where I live currently, there is one bar, and ALL types of people show up.

One bar in your entire town? Wow, I can't imagine that. The smallest village I've been to over here has more than one pub and these are tiny places. That said, drinking is what we're best at

 

[turbo]

One bar in your entire town? Wow, I can't imagine that. The smallest village I've been to over here has more than one pub and these are tiny places. That said, drinking is what we're best at

When your town is very rural and has maybe 700-800 residents, it might be hard to support more than one bar. For Jim to pull in enough business at the bar, he has to rely on locals for the daily nut and pull in people from surrounding towns with music/dancing on weekends. It's a tough business. One time (before my reactions to perfumes got real bad), he had a short-notice cancellation, and a friend of mine and I put together a pickup band consisting of me on vocals, lead and rhythm guitar, my friend on lead guitar, another fellow sharing guitar duties with some vocals, a bassist, a really hot drummer, and my sister on vocals. He promoted us (lightly) as "to be announced" with some hints that the band might be good. We packed the place, kept the dance-floor filled all night, and he had the best bar receipts of any night all that year. After closing, as he paid us, he begged us to keep the group together, promising that he would clear his calendar ASAP and make us his house band. It was tempting, because we would have had storage space at the hotel for our gear, it was a short drive for most of us, etc. Ultimately, it would have meant that 5 of us would have had to quit other bands and leave them in the lurch, so we didn't do it. It was a very luck confluence of his short-notice cancellation and the lack of engagements for the people we managed to pull together. It's nice to do something you enjoy for an evening and take home $100+ each for doing it.

 

[WarPhalange]

"You have pretty eyes. I think I'll take them."

Based off of:

http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=the+shaving+athf&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&sa=N&tab=wv&oi=property_suggestions&resnum=0&ct=property-revision&cd=2#q=the%20shaving%20athf%20-hakusho-&emb=0

Skip to 7:00

EDIT: okay, it's the first video on the left with the picture of the onion with spider legs. You know what, thanks to Google being so lame, the joke is ruined.

 

[mcknia07]

(SEE Moonbear. Never talk to the police or PF. If you say one thing, people extrapolate it to mean many other things you never intended. Read mcknia's reply to mgb_phys)

What...did I say something wrong or bad?

 

[JasonRox]

Cyrus is so vague about his statements. I can extrapolate anything from them.

Oh really.

 

[Cyrus]

What...did I say something wrong or bad?

He made a joke and you gave a serious reply to it.

 

[Cyrus]

Cyrus is crystal clear and sooo good looking!

Oh really.

 

[mcknia07]

He made a joke and you gave a serious reply to it.

Oh, I thought he was being totally serious, my bad.

 

[JasonRox]

Oh, I thought he was being totally serious, my bad.

Don't say "my bad".

 

[Cyrus]

Don't say "my bad".

Don't say "Don't say "my bad"."

Yes, I'm very good looking. I Get it.

 

[mcknia07]

Don't say "Don't say "my bad"."

Yes, I'm very good looking. I Get it.

Oh, you really think that's the case. Maybe you misinterpreted what I said then...or didn't say...

 

[mcknia07]

How does it always seem to come back to the thought of me having this huge crush on you?