Chuck Norris Counts to Infinity Twice

[Physics_wiz]

Our (old) IC engines professor once was talking about the timing valves take to open and close. In a very serious tone he said, "valves never open and close instantly, only Chuck Norris can do that" and he just kept going through the lecture.

 

[radou]

Our (old) IC engines professor once was talking about the timing valves take to open and close. In a very serious tone he said, "valves never open and close instantly, only Chuck Norris can do that" and he just kept going through the lecture.

 

[ank_gl]

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

 

[Cyrus]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

[ank_gl]

oh sorry for that. have deleted it now. ok?
you may wish to do same

 

[matthyaouw]

"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52567

Oh Chuck!

 

[Kurdt]

http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52567

Oh Chuck!

But of course, he has to maintain this Chuck fact.

...and so, the day before the first one, Chuck Norris said: "Let there be God."

 

[EugP]

This is one of my favourites:

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

 

[slugcountry]

Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

 

[Danger]

Cyrus... joke or not, how the hell can you possibly put 'Chuck Norris' and 'Facts' in the same phrase?

 

[Physics is Phun]

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

 

[russ_watters]

That one is great, PiP.

And hey, if you've never seen it, it's new to you [me].

 

[momentum_waves]

Who is Chuck Norris, when he's at home?

 

[Cyrus]

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

 

[FizixFreak]

check norris goes to Mars without a space ship...
he just FARTS.

 

[IMP]

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it effects the economy.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris does not “style” his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

When Chuck Norris does push ups he doesn't go up the Earth goes down.

Chuck Norris can pop a wheelie, on a unicycle.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Chuck Norris understands QFT.

 

[Borg]

Chuck Norris paints like Rembrandt but uses his eyebrows to challenge himself.

Chuck Norris played golf and got two holes in one - with the same tee shot.

Chuck Norris can reach through the internet to hit people.

If you have a dream of Chuck Norris hitting you, the injuries are real.

Chuck Norris can play Darts using a toothpick.

There are two states of matter in the universe - things that have been hit by Chuck Norris and things that will be hit by Chuck Norris.

Someone foolishly tried to rob Chuck Norris and told him to "reach for the sky". Chuck beat him with it.

 

[jostpuur]

Chuck Norris can win an internet troll in a debate.

 

[FizixFreak]

chuck Norris was born in a palace..., which he built by his own hands.

 

[Dembadon]

If you have five dollars, and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

 

[nismaratwork]

Chuck Norris has a prehensile penis, which he uses to deliver the 'Dim Mak' to his most loathed opponants. He invented PCP to level the playing field, and he has ichor for blood. His gaze is capable of impregnating or steralizing someone, male or female, at up to 50 yards. He can stare down a Siberian Tiger, and he is known as, "Rowr-Squack-Cheep", or, "Lord Of The Wild" in 'animal'.

Chuck Norris drinks bourbon from a Klein Bottle that is always full. He can spit fire, and eat nails, and his beard is also prehensile.

 

[FizixFreak]

chuck Norris received his driving license at 12 seconds of age

 

[nismaratwork]

chuck Norris received his driving license at 12 seconds of age

...And prompty purchased a Ford F-350!

I think he can only die at the hands of Stephen Seagal, or a Highlander!

 

[FizixFreak]

...And prompty purchased a Ford F-350!

I think he can only die at the hands of Stephen Seagal, or a Highlander!

How dare you say that he cannot be killed by anyone if chuck Norris has heard you then you will not be alive tomorrow

 

[FizixFreak]

chuck Norris can actually impress GSP!

 

[nismaratwork]

How dare you say that he cannot be killed by anyone if chuck Norris has heard you then you will not be alive tomorrow

"Insha'Allah", he'll forgive me.

On the other hand...

Chuck Norris can kill at a distance with his mind... it's called, "Psychopunch!" I am afraid!

Chuck Norris is the avatar of Elvis.

Chuck Norris high-kicked is way out of the womb.

Chuck Norris smells like freshly baked cinnamon buns... always.

Chuck Norris poops platinum... he thinks gold is cheap.

 

[FizixFreak]

"Insha'Allah", he'll forgive me.

On the other hand...

Chuck Norris can kill at a distance with his mind... it's called, "Psychopunch!" I am afraid!

Chuck Norris is the avatar of Elvis.

Chuck Norris high-kicked is way out of the womb.

Chuck Norris smells like freshly baked cinnamon buns... always.

Chuck Norris poops platinum... he thinks gold is cheap.

well we don't use INSHALLAH for these type of things but it is alright and by the way your facts are not that funny

chuck Norris lost his virginity 10 seconds after his birth(poor nurse)

 

[nismaratwork]

well we don't use INSHALLAH for these type of things but it is alright and by the way your facts are not that funny

chuck Norris lost his virginity 10 seconds after his birth(poor nurse)

Chuck Norris was never a virgin, he was born, "a playah".

Chuck Norris breaks blocks of titanium... wood and brick is no challenge anymore.

Chuck Norris breathes fire, but his beard remains untouched.

If Chuck Norris Shaves is beard, like Samson, he loses his power.

 

[FizixFreak]

Chuck Norris was never a virgin, he was born, "a playah".

Chuck Norris breaks blocks of titanium... wood and brick is no challenge anymore.

Chuck Norris breathes fire, but his beard remains untouched.

If Chuck Norris Shaves is beard, like Samson, he loses his power.

I don't know what playah means but

Chuck norris can punch people in their souls

Chuck Norris can teach this guy how to spell

 

[nismaratwork]

I don't know what playah means but

Chuck norris can punch people in their souls
Chuck Norris can teach this guy how to spell

re: bold: That's good... maybe he can punch the soul out of your body, leaving a mindless husk behind? *shiver*

OH, and "Player" is slang for a 'ladies man', one who plays the game of picking up ladies.

 

[FizixFreak]

re: bold: That's good... maybe he can punch the soul out of your body, leaving a mindless husk behind? *shiver*

OH, and "Player" is slang for a 'ladies man', one who plays the game of picking up ladies.

Well are you a playah any ways

Chuck Norris can force noble gasses to react at STP!

chuck Norris can understand quantum mechanics!

 

[nismaratwork]

Well are you a playah

Chuck Norris can force noble gassed to react at STP!

I'm no player... I think by your standards you'd consider me to be a bit of a wimp, but you'd appreciate my respect for owmen.

Chuck Norris can reach absolute zero.

Chuck Norris' fists emit Cherenkov radiation when his punches land.

Chuck Norris poops fuel-grade plutonium, and donates it to science.

Chuck Norris wrestled, and then befriended a Grizzly Bear.

 

[FizixFreak]

I'm no player... I think by your standards you'd consider me to be a bit of a wimp, but you'd appreciate my respect for owmen.

Chuck Norris can reach absolute zero.

Chuck Norris' fists emit Cherenkov radiation when his punches land.

Chuck Norris poops fuel-grade plutonium, and donates it to science.

Chuck Norris wrestled, and then befriended a Grizzly Bear.

I assume wimp means something bad but no i consider you to be a very decent person in fact my own standards in this case are not so high any ways

Chuck Norris can use a diode in reverse biased!

Chuck Norris doesn't have con troll button on his computer cause he is always in control!

When chuck Norris was born the lions tried to abduct him and raise him as their own kid!

Chuck norris farts create more energy then a fission chain reaction!

chuck norris can make women pregnant just by staring at them!

If chuck Norris was polish the Hitler would never have invaded Poland!

Chuck norris can actually motivate me for stop being so lazy!

ALRIGHT I CANT THINK OF ANY MORE

 

[FizixFreak]

If you have five dollars, and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

If you have ten dollars and chuck Norris has five dollars ,chuck Norris STILL has more money then you.

If you have a million dollars and chuck Norris has none then you don't have much time to live.