Chuck Norris Counts to Infinity Twice

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In summary: Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.When Chuck Norris was born the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.I think that sums it up pretty well.
  • #106
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris' speedometer measures in miles per second.

Chuck Norris picks his teeth with other people's teeth.

Starfish Prime was not a nuclear test. Someone challenged Chuck Norris to a belching match.

Chuck Norris got his driver's license at 16. Seconds.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
 
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  • #107
Gravity is just a convenience Chuck Norris allows. It may be revoked at any time.
 
  • #108
FtlIsAwesome said:
Gravity is just a convenience Chuck Norris allows. It may be revoked at any time.

Oh, that needs to be a signiture. :smile:
 
  • #109
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.


Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chainsaw.


Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident and still managed to walk it off.


Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make him drink.
 
  • #110
FtlIsAwesome said:
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.


Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chainsaw.


Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident and still managed to walk it off.


Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make him drink.

Chuck Norris can, "...Talk all four legs off an Arcturan Mega-Donky..." (Douglas Adams)
 
  • #111
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.
 
  • #112
The warriors from the ancient times believed in bloodshed and violence the modern day warriors believe in..., Chuck Norris!
 
  • #113
FizixFreak said:
Forget chuck norris forget techno viking this guy is the next big thing

[PLAIN]http://twentyonwards.blogs.com/.a/6a00d834522e1369e2011570521c98970c-800wi

He is the chuck Norris of Pakistan and he is much better the American version.

He's the man! Don't mess with this guy!
 
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  • #114
Chuch Norris never eats honey, instead he chews on bees.
 
  • #115
cobalt124 said:
He's the man! Don't mess with this guy!

Well he really is the man just look how manly he looks in this picture

jaquette.jpg
 
  • #116
Whoa! He looks like he's just eaten the lions!
 
  • #117
Why did you think he killed them in the first place?
 
  • #118
He felt peckish and fancied an quick snack.
 
  • #119
FizixFreak said:
MMA is gay and wrestling is not??

Who says I’m a gay wrestler?? :bugeye: :bugeye: :bugeye: (:biggrin:)

FizixFreak said:
[URL]http://www.jokesunlimited.com/jokepics/1269.jpg
[/URL]

I like those "earphones"! Gooo for it baby! :smile: :smile: :smile:
 
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  • #120
FizixFreak said:
:smile::smile::smile:

wrestlingcamp.jpg



:smile::smile::smile:

Never get the champ in behind!

:smile::biggrin::smile::biggrin::smile::biggrin:
 
  • #121
When the physicists in year 2512 finally could solve the equations all the way to BB t0 – they found... one of Chuck Norris farts!
 
  • #122
DevilsAvocado said:
Never get the champ in behind!

:smile::biggrin::smile::biggrin::smile::biggrin:

And i though he only liked little kids it seems like he also liked big muscular wrestlers:smile:
 
  • #123
Chuck Norris once had sex on the hood of a car and some of his seamen got into the engine. Optimus Prime was born.
 
  • #124
Chuck Norris never loses things, things lose Chuck.
 
  • #125
A photon challenged Chuck Norris to a race. Chuck won. How? By applying a greater than infinite amount of acceleration within a finite time. He can handle the g's, since he's more than infinitely strong.
 
  • #126
Chuck Norris knows the exact value of pi.
 
  • #127
Chuck Norris beat Superman. Four times. Without kryptonite.
 
  • #128
OK, I'll bite:

nismaratwork said:
Chuck Norris can, "...Talk all four legs off an Arcturan Mega-Donky..." (Douglas Adams)

But only...

[PLAIN]http://twentyonwards.blogs.com/.a/6a00d834522e1369e2011570521c98970c-800wi

... can persuade him to go for a walk afterwards.

He whose name dare not be mentioned, apparently. Who the hell is he?
 
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  • #129
cobalt124 said:
OK, I'll bite:



But only...

[PLAIN]http://twentyonwards.blogs.com/.a/6a00d834522e1369e2011570521c98970c-800wi

... can persuade him to go for a walk afterwards.

He whose name dare not be mentioned, apparently. Who the hell is he?

He is actually an actor from Pakistan MAULAJUT is one of the characters he played which made him unforgettable too bad he died in 1996

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sultan_Rahi

Here is the proof that he is better than chuck norris

 
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  • #130
DR13 said:
Chuck Norris once had sex on the hood of a car and some of his seamen got into the engine. Optimus Prime was born.

I always had a hunch that optimus prime was born that way:smile:

Chuck Norris is so manly that when he has sex with women they turn into men.
 
  • #131
FizixFreak said:
I always had a hunch that optimus prime was born that way:smile:

Chuck Norris is so manly that when he has sex with women they turn into men.

Wow, I hope that happens AFTER intercourse, or that must get reeeaaaalllly awkward. :smile:


Chuck Norris eats Lead, breaths Radon, and poops Polonium 210.

Chuck Norris hides a hand and half sword in his beard.

Chuck Norris IS The Matrix.
 
  • #132
nismaratwork said:
Wow, I hope that happens AFTER intercourse, or that must get reeeaaaalllly awkward. :smile:Chuck Norris eats Lead, breaths Radon, and poops Polonium 210.

Chuck Norris hides a hand and half sword in his beard.

Chuck Norris IS The Matrix.

You are right it would be really awkward like he is making love to a women and then suddenly...,"whats that on your pubic bone":smile:

Chuck Norris does not have a chin under his beard...,there is another fist under there.

Its a myth that chuck Norris grew his beard in his teens...,he was born with it.

Most babies are born crying when they are born chuck Norris however was born while smoking a cigar.
 
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  • #133
Chuck Norris can live in the vacuum of space; his beard protects him.

Chuck Norris can punch someone into the previous day, and causality is too scared to argue.

Chuck Norris has fists of degenerate neutron matter.
 
  • #134
No man can get an erection when he is near chuck Norris because no one gives chuck Norris a "pointer".
 
  • #135
FizixFreak said:
No man can get an erection when he is near chuck Norris because no one gives chuck Norris a "pointer".

:smile:

Chuck Norris is the secret behind Viagra; it's his beard trimmings, boiled in water.
 
  • #136
Chuck Norris sleeps with his eyes open.
 
  • #137
Chuck Norris CAN eat his cake and have it at the same time!
 
  • #138
FizixFreak said:
Chuck Norris CAN eat his cake and have it at the same time!

Chuck Norris knows if Schrodingers Cat is Dead, Alive, or Both... he can make it Both even after observations have been made.
(physics version of havign cake and eating it too)

Chuck Norris can hear a cry of distress across the globe, and punch just as far.
 
  • #139
nismaratwork said:
:smile:

Chuck Norris is the secret behind Viagra; it's his beard trimmings, boiled in water.

You are WRONG Viagra pills are actually boogers from the nose of chuck Norris.
 
  • #140
Neil Armstrong wasn't the first man on the Moon. Chuck Norris was.
 

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