- #141
FizixFreak
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In the bathroom of chuck Norris you will find a roll of sand paper instead of the regular toilet paper!
Chuck Norris Counts to Infinity Twice
- Thread starter Cyrus
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In summary: Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.When Chuck Norris was born the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.I think that sums it up pretty well.
- #142
cobalt124
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No doubt Chuck Norris is invincible is every conceivable universe.
- #143
nismaratwork
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Chuck Norris doesn't ride bulls, he stares them down.
- #144
FlexGunship
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Flex originals:
Chuck Norris' Erdos number is -1.
Chuck Norris solved the "Happy Ending" problem. The conjecture is fundamentally untrue in a universe containing Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never paid too much for car insurance.
Chuck Norris doesn't even have car insurance, his cars get Chuck Norris insurance.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris can make water and oil mix like water and water.
Chuck Norris could mess up never-fail-fudge, but he chooses not to.
Chuck Norris' Erdos number is -1.
Chuck Norris solved the "Happy Ending" problem. The conjecture is fundamentally untrue in a universe containing Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never paid too much for car insurance.
Chuck Norris doesn't even have car insurance, his cars get Chuck Norris insurance.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris can make water and oil mix like water and water.
Chuck Norris could mess up never-fail-fudge, but he chooses not to.
- #145
FizixFreak
- 154
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FlexGunship said:
Not even one of them is funny chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you to death
- #146
mugaliens
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cobalt124 said:
There are precisely 11,382 known universes. It's not a coincidence that Chuck Norris has thrown precisely 11,382 roundhouse kicks.
- #147
nismaratwork
- 359
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@ last 3 postsChuck Norris is a PlanesWalker
Chuck Norris knows that 'The Highlander' is his biography
Chuck Norris took a peek inside the Ark of The Covenant, and he wasn't impressed.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a dozen king cobras, wakes and is envenomated; it's his version of coffee.
Chuck Norris eats lead and poops platinum.
- #148
Hurkyl
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Chuck Norris can tell a good Chuck Norris joke.
- #149
nismaratwork
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Hurkyl said:
Ouch...
- #150
Hurkyl
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I'm just teasing, but I found it amusing nonetheless.
- #151
mugaliens
- 197
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FizixFreak said:
No. When Chuck Norris was born, he abucted all lions and finished raising them.
- #152
nismaratwork
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Hurkyl said:I'm just teasing, but I found it amusing nonetheless.
It was very amusing, I'd even say outright funny.
Chuck Norris can kick an abacus into a microprocessor.
- #153
mugaliens
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Chuck Norris doesn't eat zuchini. He roundhouse kicks it into prime rib, cooked medium-well.
- #154
mugaliens
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Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks a cow. He doesn't buy steaks, either. Same cow.
- #155
mugaliens
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Some say Chuck Norris was spoon-fed as a child. Not true. Chuck Norris was never a child.
- #156
mugaliens
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Chuck Norris doesn't find wool scratchy. Wool finds Chuck Norris scratchy.
- #157
mugaliens
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Chuck Norris doesn't wrestle alligators. He eats them. Whole.
- #158
mugaliens
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When Chuck Norris stumbled across Gilligan's Island during a morning swim, he roundhouse kicked the island and it's castaways to Hawaii. After learning how goofy they were, he roundhouse kicked them to another desert island.
- #159
mugaliens
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Chuck Norris wrote, produced, directed, and acted in the movie Kick-***, as well as all other action adventure movies made since the 1300's.
- #160
mugaliens
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Chuck Norris once flicked a booger into outer space. It became the AllSpark.
- #161
mugaliens
- 197
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Chuck Norris doesn't polish furniture. It polishes him.
- #162
mugaliens
- 197
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The FBI and CIA once investigated Chuck Norris. They lost.
- #163
mugaliens
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Chuck Norris doesn't pay taxes to the IRS. They pay taxes to him.
- #164
mugaliens
- 197
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Chuck Norris doesn't do laundry. The dirt flies off his clothes in fear.
- #165
Hurkyl
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In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris knocks on door.
- #166
mugaliens
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Vladimir Putin fears no man.
Except Chuck Norris.
Except Chuck Norris.
- #167
mugaliens
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Chuck Norris once scanned a document, and inadvertantly created the Library of Congress.
- #168
mugaliens
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When Chuck Norris speaks, E.F. Hutton listens.
- #169
mugaliens
- 197
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Chuck Norris was hungry, but tired of the usual faire, so he roundhouse kicked a monkey into the world's first banana.
- #170
mugaliens
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The doctor didn't take Chuck Norris' appendix out. He took her out. She was cute.
- #171
mugaliens
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While visiting Egypt, a camel inadvertantly brushed up against Chuck Norris' sleeve, so he roundhouse kicked it a few thousand years into the past, thereby creating the Great Pyramids.
- #172
mugaliens
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Ever wonder why we've never been visited by aliens?
Yep, you guessed it. Chuck Norris.
Yep, you guessed it. Chuck Norris.
- #173
mugaliens
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We didn't actually drop the bomb on Japan. We dropped Chuck Norris.
Twice.
Twice.
- #174
mugaliens
- 197
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Chuck Norris is the real father, and mother, of every human on the planet.
- #175
mugaliens
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It took Egypt sixteen centuries to build the sixteen Great Pyramids. It took Chuck Norris sixteen seconds to destroy the thirteen he didn't like.