Chuck Norris Counts to Infinity Twice

[FizixFreak]

In the bathroom of chuck Norris you will find a roll of sand paper instead of the regular toilet paper!

 

[cobalt124]

No doubt Chuck Norris is invincible is every conceivable universe.

 

[nismaratwork]

Chuck Norris doesn't ride bulls, he stares them down.

 

[FlexGunship]

Flex originals:

Chuck Norris' Erdos number is -1.

Chuck Norris solved the "Happy Ending" problem. The conjecture is fundamentally untrue in a universe containing Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never paid too much for car insurance.

Chuck Norris doesn't even have car insurance, his cars get Chuck Norris insurance.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris can make water and oil mix like water and water.

Chuck Norris could mess up never-fail-fudge, but he chooses not to.

 

[FizixFreak]

Flex originals:

Chuck Norris' Erdos number is -1.

Chuck Norris solved the "Happy Ending" problem. The conjecture is fundamentally untrue in a universe containing Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never paid too much for car insurance.

Chuck Norris doesn't even have car insurance, his cars get Chuck Norris insurance.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris can make water and oil mix like water and water.

Chuck Norris could mess up never-fail-fudge, but he chooses not to.

Not even one of them is funny chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you to death

 

[mugaliens]

No doubt Chuck Norris is invincible is every conceivable universe.

There are precisely 11,382 known universes. It's not a coincidence that Chuck Norris has thrown precisely 11,382 roundhouse kicks.

 

[nismaratwork]

@ last 3 posts

Chuck Norris is a PlanesWalker

Chuck Norris knows that 'The Highlander' is his biography

Chuck Norris took a peek inside the Ark of The Covenant, and he wasn't impressed.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a dozen king cobras, wakes and is envenomated; it's his version of coffee.

Chuck Norris eats lead and poops platinum.

 

[Hurkyl]

Chuck Norris can tell a good Chuck Norris joke.

 

[nismaratwork]

Chuck Norris can tell a good Chuck Norris joke.

Ouch...

 

[Hurkyl]

I'm just teasing, but I found it amusing nonetheless.

 

[mugaliens]

When chuck Norris was born the lions tried to abduct him and raise him as their own kid!

No. When Chuck Norris was born, he abucted all lions and finished raising them.

 

[nismaratwork]

I'm just teasing, but I found it amusing nonetheless.

It was very amusing, I'd even say outright funny.

Chuck Norris can kick an abacus into a microprocessor.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't eat zuchini. He roundhouse kicks it into prime rib, cooked medium-well.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks a cow. He doesn't buy steaks, either. Same cow.

 

[mugaliens]

Some say Chuck Norris was spoon-fed as a child. Not true. Chuck Norris was never a child.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't find wool scratchy. Wool finds Chuck Norris scratchy.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't wrestle alligators. He eats them. Whole.

 

[mugaliens]

When Chuck Norris stumbled across Gilligan's Island during a morning swim, he roundhouse kicked the island and it's castaways to Hawaii. After learning how goofy they were, he roundhouse kicked them to another desert island.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris wrote, produced, directed, and acted in the movie Kick-***, as well as all other action adventure movies made since the 1300's.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris once flicked a booger into outer space. It became the AllSpark.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't polish furniture. It polishes him.

 

[mugaliens]

The FBI and CIA once investigated Chuck Norris. They lost.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't pay taxes to the IRS. They pay taxes to him.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't do laundry. The dirt flies off his clothes in fear.

 

[Hurkyl]

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris knocks on door.

 

[mugaliens]

Vladimir Putin fears no man.

Except Chuck Norris.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris once scanned a document, and inadvertantly created the Library of Congress.

 

[mugaliens]

When Chuck Norris speaks, E.F. Hutton listens.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris was hungry, but tired of the usual faire, so he roundhouse kicked a monkey into the world's first banana.

 

[mugaliens]

The doctor didn't take Chuck Norris' appendix out. He took her out. She was cute.

 

[mugaliens]

While visiting Egypt, a camel inadvertantly brushed up against Chuck Norris' sleeve, so he roundhouse kicked it a few thousand years into the past, thereby creating the Great Pyramids.

 

[mugaliens]

Ever wonder why we've never been visited by aliens?

Yep, you guessed it. Chuck Norris.

 

[mugaliens]

We didn't actually drop the bomb on Japan. We dropped Chuck Norris.

Twice.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris is the real father, and mother, of every human on the planet.

 

[mugaliens]

It took Egypt sixteen centuries to build the sixteen Great Pyramids. It took Chuck Norris sixteen seconds to destroy the thirteen he didn't like.