Collection of Lame Jokes

jtbell · Feb 12, 2023

Yoops! The US Postal Service put this map on the back of a pane of stamps depicting the Mississippi River last year.

BillTre · Feb 12, 2023

Poor Upper Peninsula of Michigan!
A few years a go their own state (the lower peninsula) made a map that omitted them.

Sometimes they give the UP to Wisconsin, sometimes they just merge Lake Superior and Lake Michigan.

BillTre · Feb 12, 2023

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topsquark · Feb 12, 2023

-Dan

Swamp Thing · Feb 12, 2023

jtbell · Feb 13, 2023

topsquark said:

View attachment 322195
-Dan

He must be a graduate of Bob's School of Quantum Mechanics.

(originally posted a couple of times by @robphy)

dextercioby · Feb 13, 2023

phinds · Feb 13, 2023

If it's true that we're here to help others, what are the others here for?

Do all cemetery workers work the graveyard shift?

Since the elderly are called "old people", why aren't infants called "new people"?

How come when people are asked what they would take to a desert island, no one every says "a boat"?

If a deaf person goes to court is it still called a hearing?

Since they're just stale bread to begin with, how come croutons come in airtight, resealable packages?

When they say a dog food is "new and improved" how do they know?

gmax137 · Feb 13, 2023

phinds said:

How come when people are asked what they would take to a desert island, no one every says "a boat"?

That's funny.

Mayhem · Feb 13, 2023

dextercioby said:

View attachment 322219

Wants world domination.

Language is indecipherable.

Technologically advanced.

Gets killed from a virus.

What did Indepedence Day mean by this?

fresh_42 · Feb 13, 2023

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Ivan Seeking · Feb 13, 2023

phinds said:

How come when people are asked what they would take to a desert island, no one every says "a boat"?

I almost spit my coffee all over my computer on that one. That never occurred to me. LOL!

Ivan Seeking · Feb 13, 2023

Mayhem said:

Wants world domination.

Language is indecipherable.

Technologically advanced.

Gets killed from a virus.

What did Indepedence Day mean by this?

You are confusing your alien invasions. When according to broadcaster Orson Wells, the aliens first invaded the US in 1938, they died from a virus. But when Will Smith took them on for the 4th of July, he slapped them silly.

dextercioby · Feb 13, 2023

Not a lame joke, but thr truth.

davenn · Feb 14, 2023

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topsquark · Feb 14, 2023

-Dan

jack action · Feb 14, 2023

fresh_42 · Feb 14, 2023

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dextercioby · Feb 14, 2023

fresh_42 · Feb 14, 2023

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BillTre · Feb 14, 2023

phinds · Feb 14, 2023

Guy drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through his wavy gray hair and scraggly beard. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-65, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to wait for the trooper to catch up.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
Guy paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I was afraid you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper