Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[Orodruin]

One Christmas, a man bought his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a gift.
The next year, he didn’t get her anything.
When she asked why, he said, "Well, you haven’t used last year’s gift yet!"

 

[phinds]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[nsaspook]

To former dictators now living in Russia.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[Borg]

Good advice.

 

[BillTre]

 

[berkeman]

Good advice.

LOL. I mostly grew up in Northern California near the coast, so hadn't driven on snow by the time I went to the University of Michigan for my graduate year in EE. After the first snowfall I was driving in the evening up to one of the more remote libraries to study, and noticed how nice and slippery the roads were. When I got to the mostly empty parking lot, I started doing donuts and drifting figure eights around the light poles in the lot, giggling and whooping and laughing hysterically while I did it. I had done a bit of street racing on country roads in my crazier high school years, and that parking lot was the same, just at 10 miles an hour instead of, well, you know.

I finally realized that if campus security drove by while I was playing in the snow, they would probably give me an expensive ticket so I stopped. Still a pretty fun memory.

 

[Borg]

I drove across the Michigan's Upper Peninsula at night in the middle of a snowstorm once. I was in the middle of the Seney stretch (150 miles on route 28 with a single town of Seney in the middle), whiteout conditions and a single path on the entire two lane road. I was only able to go 30 MPH the entire time and could only see about 50 feet or so. At one point, the track went off to the left and right and I saw tail lights in the ditch on one side and kept going straight. I don't know what was on the other side but I knew there wasn't a turn there. Snowfall totals that night were over two feet. I won't forget that drive. Fun times.

 

[BillTre]

I drove across the Michigan's Upper Peninsula at night in the middle of a snowstorm once. I was in the middle of the Seney stretch (150 miles on route 28 with a single town of Seney in the middle), whiteout conditions and a single path on the entire two lane road. I was only able to go 30 MPH the entire time and could only see about 50 feet or so. At one point, the track went off to the left and right and I saw tail lights in the ditch on one side and kept going straight. I don't know what was on the other side but I knew there wasn't a turn there. Snowfall totals that night were over two feet. I won't forget that drive. Fun times.

Sounds like something my Dad would have done. He grew up in the UP.

 

[DennisN]

 

[Halc]

I drove across the Michigan's Upper Peninsula at night in the middle of a snowstorm once. I was in the middle of the Seney stretch (150 miles on route 28 with a single town of Seney in the middle), whiteout conditions and a single path on the entire two lane road. I was only able to go 30 MPH the entire time and could only see about 50 feet or so. At one point, the track went off to the left and right and I saw tail lights in the ditch on one side and kept going straight. I don't know what was on the other side but I knew there wasn't a turn there. Snowfall totals that night were over two feet. I won't forget that drive. Fun times.

I know the stretch, and have done it in winter, but not that bad. Brother is a Yooper so we go there now & then. The road just west of Seney is dead straight and flat for over 30 miles and is the only place I know where you can see the curvature of Earth by when the truck done lights appear at night, and then like 4 minutes later the headlights pop over the horizon. Can't do that in the whiteout of course.

Bought a bad tank of gas just S of The Bridge and ran out of gas on that road short of Munising. We coasted up to this sign we saw in the distance, which turned out to say "Prison area, Do not pick up hitchhikers", and here I was with my thumb out. Worst possible place. 3rd car stopped, going the wrong way, but took me to Munising anyway where the gas guys gave me 2 gallons, and the tank to carry it, and didn't have to leave a deposit for it all, saying "You'll be back". I was. Love them Yoopers.

 

[davenn]

I have questions .............

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

I mostly grew up in Northern California near the coast, so hadn't driven on snow by the time I went to the University of Michigan for my graduate year in EE.

I grew up in northeast Ohio, so I was familiar with snow. I didn't have a car during most of grad school at U of M, and usually bicycled to my office, a bit over a mile.

One morning in 1977 IIRC, a blizzard hit Michigan. The streets hadn't been plowed yet, and they were covered with at least a foot of snow. Instead of bicycling, I put on my rubber boots and walked down the middle of the street in the ruts left by the few cars that were out.

Few people were in the physics building. After I got to my office, I turned on the radio for the morning news on the U of M radio station. The announcer recited a list of school and business closings, then said "in fact, as far as I know, the only place that's open is the Ann Arbor campus of the University of Michigan." About a half hour later, he came back on with the news that the U of M had officially closed for the day, the first time in history that it had closed because of the weather.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[davenn]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 354497

Apparently I transitioned to stage 3 at 15 …

 

[BillTre]

 

[nsaspook]

Iranian drone psyop debunked. We now know the source of the drones over New Jersey.

 

[FranzS]

That's my actual T-shirt (sorry Americans)

 

[phinds]

That's my actual T-shirt (sorry Americans)

No need to apologize. America is number 1 in MANY things. Incarceration, indifference to facts, obesity, proper use of the English language (except for pronouns, we suck at pronouns), proper pronunciation of English words, etc

 

[jtbell]

A guy asked his little nephew about his favorite Florida football team.

"Oh, I like them all! The Dolphins, the Hurricanes, the Buccaneers, the Gators, the Cinnamon Rolls..."

 

[DennisN]

An incredibly funny skit:
(regarding US measurements)

 

[jack action]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

An incredibly funny skit:
(regarding US measurements)

The short one I posted was only a part of a longer one...
...here is the full one, and in fullscreen...
...gosh, I think it's hilarious...

Washington's Dream - SNL​

 

[berkeman]

 

[Borg]

Well technically, it's before the second c.