Collection of Lame Jokes

[jack action]

The worst job I ever had was putting soft drinks in order of fizziness.

It was soda grading.

 

[jack action]

Host at restaurant: "Do you have reservations?"
Dad: "Yeah, but I think we'll still eat here."

 

[jack action]

 

[Orodruin]

Host at restaurant: "Do you have reservations?"
Dad: "Yeah, but I think we'll still eat here."

This reminds me of my honeymoon. In the restaurant of the 4-star hotel in Garmisch-Partenkirchen where we were staying:

Wife (looking over the menu of the day): What do you recommend?
Waiter (whispering tongue in cheek): Another restaurant.

 

[davenn]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[jack action]

This meme... it always cracks me up:

 

[berkeman]

 

[jtbell]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jtbell]

What's another name for a sad cranberry?

A blueberry.

 

[berkeman]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 353931

See also https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/collection-of-lame-jokes.25301/post-7057252

 

[jack action]

View attachment 353931

It doesn't beat that one:

 

[jtbell]

Then there's the story about a guy named B N Jones (single-letter first and middle names) who enlisted in the army. After he explained "no, the letters really don't stand for anything", the recruiter filled out the enlistment papers with "B (only) N (only) Jones".

On the first day of boot camp, as the drill sergeant called the roll, he paused a couple of seconds, then barked out "Bonly Nonly Jones". And that was what everybody called B N during his army stint.

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 353906

Oh, the classic:

 

[Arjan82]

Oh, the classic:

Stolen from 'allo 'allo!, but cannot find the sketch....

 

[berkeman]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

Host at restaurant: "Do you have reservations?"

Yes, some Apache, Navajo around the corner.

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 353966

There is so much wrong there. First, even by the logic of the post, if they were a on three-hour tour, the farthest they could have gone during the tour was 20.7 miles. Second, they were caught in a storm, so the cruising speed is irrelevant. Third, it is said nowhere in the theme song that they landed on Gilligan's Island within 3 hours of the start of their journey.

 

[jbriggs444]

There is so much wrong there. First, even by the logic of the post, if they were a on three-hour tour, the farthest they could have gone during the tour was 20.7 miles. Second, they were caught in a storm, so the cruising speed is irrelevant. Third, it is said nowhere in the theme song that they landed on Gilligan's Island within 3 hours of the start of their journey.

What I do not understand is how they failed to notice the camera crew.

 

[davenn]

There is so much wrong there. First, even by the logic of the post, if they were a on three-hour tour, the farthest they could have gone during the tour was 20.7 miles. Second, they were caught in a storm, so the cruising speed is irrelevant. Third, it is said nowhere in the theme song that they landed on Gilligan's Island within 3 hours of the start of their journey.

That just adds to my doubts of the reality of it all

 

[phinds]

 

[DrGreg]

Today, the interior of the restored Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris was revealed.

(That's not a joke, it's true. Now for the joke.)

The floor tiles are oriented that way to make it easier for the archbishop to move around.

Spoiler: I don't get it

Bishops can move only diagonally.

 

[phinds]

The floor tiles are oriented that way to make it easier for the bishops to move around.

I can only assume this was done tongue in cheek, or as the French say, sur un ton pince-sans-rire.

 

[Borg]

Today, the interior of the restored Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris was revealed.

I missed seeing it by one day.

 

[Borg]

When you tell your pet to sit and it doesn't quite hear you correctly.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[sbrothy]

https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/duh

 

[phinds]

Factoid #1:

 

[phinds]

Factoid #2:

If you were to take all of the veins and arteries in your body and stretch them end to end ... you would die, so don't do that !