Collection of Science Jokes P2

[jack action]

Canadians will understand:

 

[WWGD]

Someone maybe told this one already:
Heisenberg is driving when he is stopped by a cop.
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am"
"You were going 107 miles an hour".
"Good, now I'm lost".

 

[WWGD]

Why are auto mechanics like actors?

Spoiler

They often have to wait to get the parts

The version I know is:
"What do you do for a living?"
"I am an actor"
"Really, in what restaurant?"

 

[artis]

A nuclear power reactor is being brought back to full power from a sudden shutdown.
Manager comes into the control room and asks "why haven't we reached full power yet?"
Control room senior operator replies "We are waiting for Xenon"
Manager replies "I don't know the last name of that Xenon , but once he is back to work and we are at full power I want to see him in my office!"

 

[collinsmark]

Ha!

(Source: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/coffee-3)

 

[256bits]

Canadians will understand:

View attachment 252655​

My height and weight on my driver's license is in metres and kilograms, so there is always an exception to the rule.
By the way, ask me how much I weight or how tall I am it is in pounds and feet ( and inches ). go figure.

 

[davenn]

Canadians will understand:

View attachment 252655​

go figure.

Having holidayed in Canada recently, My wife and I were constantly giggling at the crazy mix of imperial and metric eg.

everything on the restaurant menu was metric except for the steak size 15 oz or whatever it was ...
it was a tiny wizened up bit of meat? in the middle of the plate. I usually go for a 300 - 400 gram steak.
Not huge but a respectable chunk

D

 

[Ibix]

My wife and I were constantly giggling at the crazy mix of imperial and metric eg.

Some friends came over to the UK from Spain and wondered why we sell milk in units of 1.136 litres. Two pints, in metric.

 

[DrClaude]

Some friends came over to the UK from Spain and wondered why we sell milk in units of 1.136 litres. Two pints, in metric.

And I like my bear in 341 ml bottles

 

[mjc123]

Small bear! How do you get it in the bottle?

 

[Ibix]

And I like my bear in 341 ml bottles

0.6 pints? Really? We mostly get beer in half or pint sizes. Bottles are typically 500ml and cans either 330ml (same as a fizzy drink) or 500ml.

According to the old prole in 1984, half a liter of beer "just don't satisfy", but a liter's too much. Winston, who is after information, cynically notes that he ends up buying him two halves anyway...

 

[mfb]

And I like my bear in 341 ml bottles

That sounds cruel.

 

[jbriggs444]

That sounds cruel.

Ooooh, I got one...

It would bearly fit.

 

[DrClaude]

0.6 pints? Really? We mostly get beer in half or pint sizes. Bottles are typically 500ml and cans either 330ml (same as a fizzy drink) or 500ml.

Yes, really. It's 12 UK fluid ounces.

 

[256bits]

Ha - We still buy eggs by the dozen, lettuce by the head - is that a metric or imperial unit of measure?

 

[256bits]

Ooooh, I got one...

It would bearly fit.

got me a thinking -
Something to ponder about late at night in bed when you can't sleep.
Is bare meat when they take the fat off?

 

[Ibix]

Yes, really. It's 12 UK fluid ounces.

Ah - what the 330ml cans approximate, I presume. I don't think I've seen 341ml bottles, though - maybe I haven't looked.

 

[DrClaude]

Ah - what the 330ml cans approximate, I presume. I don't think I've seen 341ml bottles, though - maybe I haven't looked.

Then let me make some free publicity for my favorite beer:

 

[Ibix]

Then let me make some free publicity for my favorite beer:

Canadian? Not sure it's available in the UK, but I'll keep an eye out.

 

[Ibix]

Ha - We still buy eggs by the dozen, lettuce by the head - is that a metric or imperial unit of measure?

The lettuce one is metric. The imperial version is the off-with-his-head of lettuce.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

The alt-text on that one is good too - "More likely: Click on all the pictures of people who appear disloyal to [name of company or government]"

 

[davenn]

Some friends came over to the UK from Spain and wondered why we sell milk in units of 1.136 litres. Two pints, in metric.

OMG, seriously, I would be wondering as well, it wasn't just done to 1litre, 2litre etc ?

 

[Ibix]

OMG, seriously, I would be wondering as well, it wasn't just done to 1litre, 2litre etc ?

We used to sell it in pints, or simple multiples thereof. When we switched to using metric officially there was a huge outcry about it - largely from the type of conservative who (to quote David Eddings) "wouldn't change their underwear if they didn't have to". Carrying on selling in pints, just labelled differently, was a form of social judo. By changing literally nothing except the number on the bottle (and we'd had dual labelling for years anyway) they were more or less totally disarmed. And sensible metric quantities have slowly crept in - beer in 500ml cans isn't uncommon now, for example.

To be fair, I think there were concerns that shops would stop selling pints and start selling half litres but not change the price - a per-volume rise of over 13%. And since exactly that happened the other way around, at least in some places, when Europe introduced the Euro (many things got their prices rounded up to the next multiple of 5 cents, never down), there probably was some genuine concern.

 

[DrClaude]

Canadian? Not sure it's available in the UK, but I'll keep an eye out.

It's from a microbrewery in Montreal.

 

[DennisN]

Family Guy - How the Universe was made

 

[jack action]

Physicists & Mathematicians:

"You can't approximate every constant we worked so hard to prove."

Enginneers:

$e = \pi = 3$

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Keith_McClary]

SMBC
http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/clouds-2
http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/should
and
Rabbits Against Magic
https://www.gocomics.com/rabbitsagainstmagic/2019/11/24

 

[mfb]

Rabbits Against Magic
https://www.gocomics.com/rabbitsagainstmagic/2019/11/24

Oh no, what a rabbit hole you sent me into.

 

[jack action]

Instructions: Insert an exclamation point where needed.

I want to kiss you 6 times​

​

Normal people:

I want to kiss you 6 times!

Math people:

I want to kiss you 6! times

 

[fresh_42]

​

Normal people:

I want to kiss you 6 times!

Math people:

I want to kiss you 6! times

That was actually my first thought: 6! together with the question: where else would it make sense?

 

[DrGreg]

Normal people: I want to kiss you 6 times!

Math people: I want to kiss you 6! times

That reminds me (not actually a joke but a curious fact). Did you know that 10! seconds is exactly 42 days? Maybe that was the ultimate question.

 

[fresh_42]

That reminds me (not actually a joke but a curious fact). Did you know that 10! seconds is exactly 42 days? Maybe that was the ultimate question.

Makes sense.

Earth was a giant supercomputer designed to find the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. Designed by Deep Thought and built by the Magratheans, it was commonly mistaken for a planet, especially by the ape descendants who lived on it.

But as "days" varies in time, they have to hurry up reading the output.

 

[mfb]

Inspired by the lame jokes thread:

Why didn't Hamilton travel more?

Spoiler

If a city had a dead end there was no path for him.

Edit: Hmm... working on it.

Why did Hamilton get lost so often?

Spoiler

He couldn't find a path.