Collection of Science Jokes P2

[gmax137]

Apt is such a tiny word. Embiggen your vocabulary!

 

[DrClaude]

After Schrödinger's cat, let me introduce Banach and Tarski's cat:

 

[JamalGross]

Why did the biologist go to art class? Because they wanted to learn how to draw conclusions!

 

[Orodruin]

Just created this for a friend

 

[Bandersnatch]

Witness the power of this fully operational reviewer 2!
I find your lack of commas disturbing.
The margin size is a pathway to many abilities some find... unnatural.

 

[Orodruin]

E: In time you will call me Master.
L: You're gravely mistaken. You won't reject my paper as you did my father's.
E: Oh no, my young undergrad. You will find that it is you who are mistaken...about a great many things.
V: His bachelor diploma.
E: Ah, yes, a PhD student's prerequisite. Much like your father's. By now you must know
your father can never be turned from the current paradigm. So will it be with you.
L: You're wrong. Soon I'll be published...and you with me.
E: Perhaps you refer to the imminent review of your manuscript in Atom Indonesia. Yes...I assure you we are quite safe from your pitiful ideas.
L: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
E: Your faith in a fair review is yours.
V: It is pointless to resist, my son.
E: Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your manuscript in the review process ... is walking into a trap. As is your appeal in Acta Polonica! It was I who allowed your coauthors to know the location of the editorial office. It is quite safe from your pitiful little proof. An entire legion of my former postdocs are on the editorial board. Oh...I'm afraid the manuscript will be quite stuck in an endless review loop.

Hey, this works!

 

[phinds]

Swedish astronomer Anders Celsius died from tuberculosis in 1744 when he was 43.

His rival Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit insisted that he was really 109 and had died of old age.

 

[sbrothy]

My Favorite Math Jokes

 

[phinds]

My Favorite Math Jokes

Most of which are extraordinarily juvenile, unfortunately.

 

[sbrothy]

Most of which are extraordinarily juvenile, unfortunately.

Yeh. I wasn't overly impressed either. But there they were.

 

[Swamp Thing]

William Gladstone: But, after all, what use is it (electricity)?

Faraday: Why, Sir, in all probability, one day you will tax it!

William Gladstone (pointing to a Faraday cage): And what, pray, is the use of that contraption?

Faraday: Well, Sir, in centuries to come, men will store in it the keys to their horseless carriages, in order to prevent brigands from making off with them!

 

[mfb]

"To protect people from the electricity so they don't have to pay taxes."

 

[jack action]

This explains everything!

 

[mathwonk]

I hopefully read all those math/physics jokes, and got a slight snuffle from the sequel to the usual Heisenberg joke.

 

[berkeman]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 342292

It never gets old, but you have to explain the gag more and more.

I read a story of someone coming into an IT helpdesk with a 5.25" floppy saying it didn't work and could they take a look at it. The user then produced a ringbinder, opened it, and took out the disk which had a neat pair of holes punched in it.

 

[gmax137]

I remember seeing a 5-1/4 floppy stuck to the file cabinet next to the department PC with a magnet, and the yellow sticky said, "someone left this here."

The funniest thing now is "the department PC."

edit: it was mostly used to make Lotus-123 plots with the ink-pen printer. What did we call those things? "Plotters?" where the paper moved and the plotter picked up the pens, grabbing the different colors. I can still here the weird sound those things made.

 

[Swamp Thing]

I remember seeing a 5-1/4 floppy stuck to the file cabinet next to the department PC with a magnet, and the yellow sticky said, "someone left this here."

The funniest thing now is "the department PC."

edit: it was mostly used to make Lotus-123 plots with the ink-pen printer. What did we call those things? "Plotters?" where the paper moved and the plotter picked up the pens, grabbing the different colors. I can still here the weird sound those things made.

Our HP plotter had a spring loaded claw that would pick up the pen, and a sensor to detect the pen in the claw. Sometimes the pen would stick in the carousel and then the claw would go back and try again, which was kin of fun to watch. Or if some pen slots were empty, it would try again and again, slot by slot, until it found an alternate pen.

 

[Tom.G]

Ahh... the "Good Old Days", when programmers had to actually use their software before it was released.

 

[Swamp Thing]

I used a HP 9836 for more than a decade, overlapping the time when Intel/DOS PCs began to take over. The HP used to boot from a floppy disk. The very idea of a computer "crash" was alien to me as long as I was using only the HP. Floppy disks would work reliably for years in the HP, while disks from the same pack would often fail in the PC while still new.

 

[Frabjous]

 

[DrGreg]

It never occurred to me until now that Einstein proved that a grade of $c$+ is impossible, and as for the programming language $c$++...

 

[gmax137]

So if your grade is higher than C+ (a B or an A) then you must be moving backwards in time?

 

[mfb]

Not in all reference frames.
Your mass is now imaginary, however.

 

[jack action]

 

[Bystander]

View attachment 342717​

We really do need something for these....

 

[256bits]

We really do need something for these....

Heisenberg is uncertain if the joke is funny
Schrodinger says maybe it is and maybe it is not funny
Einstein says it is relative to your inertial state of mind.

 

[Swamp Thing]

Lie Algebra : Retracted math paper.

 

[berkeman]

 

[jack action]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Borg]

I hear that his brother etc. is also prolific writer.

 

[Ibix]

One of Terry Pratchett's books features a philosopher called Ibid, the most widely cited writer on all the Disk. He actually turns out to be worthy of such widespread citation when they finally meet him, if memory serves.

 

[DrGreg]

That reminds me of the case of "Prawo Jazdy", a person who was listed on the Irish police computer system as someone who had committed numerous traffic offences using a variety of addresses.

Until someone realised that "Prawo Jazdy" is Polish for "Driving Licence".

See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Driving_licence_in_Poland#Mistaken_identity_in_Ireland

 

[Orodruin]

Until someone realised that "Prawo Jazdy" is Polish for "Driving Licence".

Not the first time linguistic challenges play a role. Reminds me of the bridge of the bridge: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puente_de_Alcántara
Obviously some spaniards asked the Moors what it was, and so the Moors answered "the bridge" (Alcantara) whereby the Spanish promptly named it the bridge of (puente de) the bridge (Alcantara).

Apparently the world is full of such examples:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_tautological_place_names

Edit: Also meet hill hill hill: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pendle_Hill