Thread Killer Champions: Franzbear & Moonbear

[JamesU]

ban jelfish!

 

[Jelfish]

Spy? Me? Never! Here, you can check my cufflinks.

 

[Moonbear]

Spy? Me? Never! Here, you can check my cufflinks.

Oh, you think you can pull that one on us, huh? Let me see that tie tack of yours.

 

[Jelfish]

NO! .. ahem. It has sentimental value.

 

[Moonbear]

NO! .. ahem. It has sentimental value.

Oh, I just want to admire it.

Franzbear, don't forget to tell the nice FBI guys about your adventures on airplanes and foreign countries, and the fun you have playing with explosives, and that shack we...er...I mean Artman burned down in the woods.

 

[yourdadonapogostick]

it's a mic! i think he needs to borrow a pair of franzbear's special shoes

 

[Moonbear]

it's a mic! i think he needs to borrow a pair of franzbear's special shoes

Good idea. You go take care of Jelfish, and I'm going to head over to Quantico to see if I can help Franzbear with the FBI (and make sure he doesn't incriminate me with anything he tells them.)

 

[Jelfish]

Shoes? Do they come in US size 11?

 

[yourdadonapogostick]

here they are. try them on. we're going to the lake

 

[Moonbear]

*bats eyelashes* Hi there Mr. FBI Guy! Wow, don't you look stunning in that suit and those sunglasses. I just wanted to find out if my son was okay. You really should get him some psychiatric counseling while you have him in custody. Poor kid has had a rough life. His father ran out on him at a very young age, and he's been having these delusions about people out to kill him and some fictitious "Genco Family." Don't believe any of it, he's just out of his mind. You might have to resort to electroshock therapy or a lobotomy.

 

[yourdadonapogostick]

he doesn't need electrotherapy.

*gets out a quadruple dose of insulin*

 

[Jelfish]

here they are. try them on. we're going to the lake

Hmm. I don't think I like these shoes. They're kind of heavy.

And why do you have horns?

 

[yourdadonapogostick]

u'll wair them and you'll like it!

 

[Jelfish]

u'll wair them and you'll like it!

I'm not a baby anymore! I old enough to make my own decisions! You don't own me!

 

[yourdadonapogostick]

don't make me get out the duct tape!

 

[Jelfish]

Fine! I'll put on the stupid shoes.

Hmm.. why is there only one lace sticking out the front?

 

[yourdadonapogostick]

it doesn't matter. now take a swim.

 

[Artman]

Oh no! Jelfish, you won't be able to swim in those shoes! Here, throw this rope around your neck, I'll get my car and we can drag you out!



Well, it worked for Franzbear.

 

[Moonbear]

Meanwhile...
Franzbear is sitting in an interrogation room, just a bare bulb hanging overhead. The metal chairs are old, the old vinyl seats long ago worn off. The interrogators sit across the room in the shadows, only their silhouettes visible to Franzbear as he begins sweating from the heat of the bulb. That's when he realizes, they didn't put any ordinary bulb in that socket, it's a heating lamp!

The agent in the shadows speaks. "So, you're not going to talk, is that right?"

Franzbear sits silently; he knows if he says anything, anything at all, he's going to have to face the Genco bosses. Whatever the agents do to him, it won't be nearly half as bad as what the Genco bosses will do to him. The sweat starts dripping down his brow, and he's starting to feel a bit woozy from the heat and because they haven't fed him since his arrival.

The agent speaks again, "Well, if that's the way you want it, then I don't have any other choice."

The agent walks to the wall behind him, takes out a key and unlocks a box mounted there, he pushes a button inside the box and locks it again.

A shiny, metal box descends from the ceiling and surrounds Franzbear on all four sides. He suddenly realizes why they had a heating lamp in that socket. It's a giant EZ-Bake Oven!

 

[Artman]

A shiny, metal box descends from the ceiling and surrounds Franzbear on all four sides. He suddenly realizes why they had a heating lamp in that socket. It's a giant EZ-Bake Oven!

At first that's what he thought. Then he realized it was the "cone of silence" From the Get Smart series.

The agent took a seat across from him under the other side of the cone and said, "Okay, what is this about people trying to get you? Who are the heads of the Genco Families?"

All Franzbear heard was, "Look at that steeple in the morning dew. You were red up the flagpole anomalies." Which made absolutely no sense to him whatsoever. So he said, "I can't understand what you are saying. Could you repeat it?"

The agent heard, "I banned shut you spaying. Would Sue eat it?" So he said, "Who's Sue?"

To which Franzbear replied, "Gesundtheit..."

<Several hours later>

The agent is beginning his search for the heads of the Genco families that he got from his interrogation: Cartmen, Botoxmamma, and the three bears. I think he'll have a little trouble finding us.

 

[DocToxyn]

It's a giant EZ-Bake Oven!

(OK, so Franzbear does go into the EZ-bake after the Get Smart thing...)

Using his credentials as as toxicologist/forensic scientist, Uncle Toxyn makes his way into Quantico, waving papers, spouting big scientific words and sporting an oversize labcoat.

*DING...yoink!*

"Mmmmm...smells pretty good, but this will never do... got to have my franzbear well done. OK sport, let get you outta here."

Stuffing franz underneath his labcoat, Toxyn stealthily spirits him away from those mean old G-men.

"Ahh, here we are at the morgue. Alright kiddo, let's get you into this nice comfy bodyba...I mean sleeping bag. Ohh almost forgot your sleeping pills, I know you have trouble what with all the nightmares. I still don't know where you get all these horrible images from , jeez!"

*Cinches down this toe tag*

"It's OK, it's supposed to be tight, it just let's people know who you are so they don't have to wake you up. Now, let Uncle Toxyn zipp..uhhh..tuck you in. There, I'll just slide you in this cubby cus its nice and dark...good for sleeping. Don't worry if you start feeling warm later on, that's just the electric blanket kicking in, don't want to get cold. G'night pal!"

*Slams door, and tapes note to handle* "Cremate immediately"*

 

[Artman]

Franzbear starts yelling, "Help me!"

But his muffled cries come out as, "Melt me!" So we turn up the knob and start the cremation process.

 

[arildno]

Please; not that bloody cone of silence again!

Grabs Franzbear and traps him into my..cube of fortitude

EDIT:
Oops, I thought it was the cone of ignorance that had come up again.
well, it doesn't matter a lot. Not now.

 

[Artman]

Please; not that bloody cone of silence again!

Grabs Franzbear and traps him into my..cube of fortitude

EDIT:
Oops, I thought it was the cone of ignorance that had come up again.
well, it doesn't matter a lot. Not now.

Oh no! Not the dreaded "Cone of Fortitude!" Poor Franzbear! We'll never get him out of there! How can we save him? He'll die in... Oh wait there's a door.

<opens door>

Let's go Franzbear.

 

[JamesU]

Yoink!
*snatches franzbear*
franz, have you ever gone cliff diving? I think we should go to niagra falls. lots of rocks to break your fall. no, they don't hurt, and if they do, you won't be feeling the pain very soon after...

okay, ready, JUMP!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
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CRASH!

 

[Emieno]

Your noise can wake up people from their midnight dream that I have a younger sister...

 

[JamesU]

more n00bs!

well, I got the word that franzbear was found under the falls, and was taken to a hospital. he was actually dead for 5 minutes, but a doctor named Emieno revived him

 

[Emieno]

Nooooo, it is now 4:30 local time and I just woke up after hearing some cats mew. :-(
Franzbear will die again soon. How soon ? I don't know.

 

[JamesU]

Don't post again emieno. I need a long-time kill. don't post in this thread for a few hours

 

[Artman]

more n00bs!

well, I got the word that franzbear was found under the falls, and was taken to a hospital. he was actually dead for 5 minutes, but a doctor named Emieno revived him

That's okay, we're going to send Franz out again. It seems he forgot his concrete swim fins last time.

okay, ready, JUMP Again!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Oh shoot. He jumped before putting on his concrete swim fins again! Here you go Franzbear! Catch!
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BAM!
BOP!
Oops, that one got his head.
CRASH!

 

[JamesU]

he'll need some floaties, he can't swim...well, we still have some more concrete
CATCH!
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BAM!

franzbear, you can't catch with your head! I'll send down 4 more
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BONK!


okay, I give up, you go drown...

 

[yourdadonapogostick]

hey franzbear, do you see that on the bottom? pick it up and pull the pin.

 

[JamesU]

no! don't throw it franz, they only do that in movies.

 

[yourdadonapogostick]

yea, just hold on to it.

 

[Moonbear]

Well, actually, just set it down on the ground next to you.