Collection of Lame Jokes

[Lancelot59]

@nismaratwork No... it's like three peoples' jokes mashed together. That's why threads like this are so good!

Say you have a set of mirrors that you only use after dark. What would you call the worst one?

Boba Fett, because he's your worst nightmirrrr

That was awful! Nice one.

Here's a favourite of mine:

Can you take a look under there?

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

 

[Lancelot59]

Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

I respond to your query with another lame joke, it's applicable with one obvious difference.

 

[Isaacsname]

Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

I'm going to put 20$ on the monkeys.

When does it go down ?

 

[nismaratwork]

Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

Pirate monkeys have guns, but Ninja monkeys have stealth and poison on their side...

I'd go for Ninjas, by a whisker.

 

[nismaratwork]

I respond to your query with another lame joke, it's applicable with one obvious difference.

Heh... this reminds me of an argument on an old forum. The debate was, "Kung Fu vs. Mixed Martial Arts"...

"MMA isn't suited for counterterrorism, animal attacks, and futuristic underwater combat. Ya got me there. Next time I'm getting attacked by a bear in the Atlantic Ocean with a bomb strapped to his chest, I'll be sure to use my Kung Fu instead of MMA." (I forget the username)

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Here at PF we want PfD's instead of PhD's.

>ubergroan<

 

[Isaacsname]

Here at PF we want PfD's instead of PhD's.

>ubergroan<

What about the BS ?

 

[nismaratwork]

What about the BS ?

BA humbug.

 

[Borek]

From my page (http://www.chembuddy.com/?left=FAQ):

Registration key should have been attached to the order confirmation mail. Save it in the directory where the program is installed, most likely c:\Program Files\ChemBuddy\program name. Alternatively open registration key with Windows notepad, copy content to the clipboard, start the ChemBuddy program, select File/Register from the menu, paste registration key content into edit field and click OK.

This is a mail I received yesterday from a customer who bought the program few hours earlier:

I have highlighted the key data code including the four lines of code. I then right clicked and found copy but no option come up to where. Nothing about clip boards etc.

Help. I need to be able to use this program that I just purchased.

And my answer:

Customer wrote:

xx> I have highlighted the key data code including the four lines
xx> of code. I then right clicked and found copy but no option come
xx> up to where. Nothing about clip boards etc.

You are on the right track. Copy means "copy to clipboard", see for
example

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cut,_copy,_and_paste#Cut_and_paste

and

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clipboard_(software )

Kind regards,

And - in a way - answer to the answer I just got from the eCommerce provider (Plimus) that sells my software:

Dear Plimus Vendor,

A new dispute has been opened by your customer for order xxx, with the reason: "Licensing issue".

Please see the dispute correspondence below:
CUSTOMER : Licensing issue - I want a refund. I could not register the program using the code key and. what Customer Support was worthless. Note that I have removed this program from my computer. What limited access that was available without registration will not serve to meet my needs.
Very poor prodcut design. I will be contacting xxx to make sure that I have either received a refund from Plimus or challenge the charge.

Have a good day,

Is it lame enough?

 

[Borg]

Makes you wonder what he was going to do with the software if he couldn't figure out Copy and Paste.

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Is it lame enough?

Muuhaha!

What a mor*n!

I could not register the program using the code key and.

Well, that’s the actual 'bug', Sir...I once had customer who spend a lot of money on samplers and MIDI software. A that time all stuff was delivered on 3.5'' floppy disks. Next day the customer came back, green is his face, and shaking groaned – I’ve been up all night and ... I CAN’T INSTALL THIS THING!

He thought that the metal shutter was a "lid" that had to be "opened" before use... therefore he had (by force) tried to remove the whole thing... without succeeding completely... and THEREFORE he could NOT put the disk in the drive!

From my page (http://www.chembuddy.com/?left=FAQ):

I think I know why your customer wants a refund... that crucial FAQ gives Error 404! ()

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." -- Rick Cook, The Wizardry Compiled​

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

The møøse snëëïzed ohn mee toïdai.


Yükk.

 

[Borek]

I think I know why your customer wants a refund... that crucial FAQ gives Error 404! ()

vBulletin garbled the link, corrected.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Blonde: What's an "ick"?
Dude: That's "IQ".
Blonde: Oh, okay.


Dude: I have a lot of cash that's burning a hole in my pocket.
Blonde: Your money's on fire!?

 

[cobalt124]

Happy St Patricks Day!

Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
Irish Stew
Irish Stew Who?
Irish Stew in the name of the Law

And what can you say about Asteroid Stew? - Its "Meteorite".

 

[HeLiXe]

Blonde: What's an "ick"?
Dude: That's "IQ".
Blonde: Oh, okay.

lololz :D I don't normally like blonde jokes but the whole ick thing is funny :D

 

[HeLiXe]

Happy St Patricks Day!

Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
Irish Stew
Irish Stew Who?
Irish Stew in the name of the Law

And what can you say about Asteroid Stew? - Its "Meteorite".

I don't get it >_<

 

[Lancelot59]

I don't get it >_<

The stew is "meaty o right".

 

[cobalt124]

Yes two jokes "I arrest you in the name of the law" and "meaty alright".

 

[HeLiXe]

The stew is "meaty o right".

Yes two jokes "I arrest you in the name of the law" and "meaty alright".

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh *feels slow*
I would have never gotten the Irish stew one! lol

 

[Borg]

I'm a day late on this one.

What's Irish and sits outside?

Pattie 'O Furniture

 

[HeLiXe]

I'm a day late on this one.

What's Irish and sits outside?

Pattie 'O Furniture

OMG I hope I didn't wake anyone lololol

 

[Lancelot59]

I'm a day late on this one.

What's Irish and sits outside?

Pattie 'O Furniture

Ha! Nice one.

Wanna hear a corny joke? A person eats corn.

Wanna hear a chauvinist corny joke? A man eats corn.

 

[nismaratwork]

I'm a day late on this one.

What's Irish and sits outside?

Pattie 'O Furniture

Ahhh... I know him, very good friends with the couple Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick!

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Ahhh... I know him, very good friends with the couple Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick!

They keep their money at the Redbank branch of the Longbranch Bank.

 

[nismaratwork]

They keep their money at the Redbank branch of the Longbranch Bank.

Good one!

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

If you want to laugh, read this post.

 

[HeLiXe]

Ahhh... I know him, very good friends with the couple Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick!

 

[Lancelot59]

Today's Cyanide and Happiness comic:

[PLAIN]http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/kitchen.png

It's Aw Man!

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

PETA
People Eatin' Tasty Animals

 

[cobalt124]

Lame self help books:

How to Cope with Insomnia - by Eliza Wake

Suffering and Overcoming Obesity - by N. E. More

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

I used to drive a Heisenberg, but whenever I looked at the speedometer I got lost.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Mom: Eat your vegetables.

Me: Cheese is a vegetable.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

What do you call a car that sneezes?


A snotrod.