Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[The Bob]

Aww, isn't that nice! I'm his friend! :shy: I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

You can call me Bonfire, or Andy, or Andrew, or even Silly if you want. It's easier than my username, amwbonfire.

And, seeing as though no one else replies to this topic, I'll answer your question.

Women are called cows because:

Cows are female, and so are women. Noticing that both cows and women could be nasty (ever been charged by a cow?), a young man by the name of... um... his name was... Henry, got the two mixed up. He called a woman a cow.

No wait, here's a more plausible lie:

Cows give milk, and so do women (when they're mothers...) Noticing the similarity, a young man called... Tony decided to call women cows, and the name stuck. It was actually first used as an endearing term that Tony used to call his lover. He called her it so much that it became her nickname. One day she left him for 4 other men (she wanted to quadruple-date), and all her friends called her a sl*t. (Sorry for the naughty word!) Anyway, they used to go around saying "Cow is a s***", and then people started thinking a cow was another name for a woman who sleeps around. Eventually cow became an insult that was said to women (it's common useage today.)

Well, I think we all believe that.

Oh man, Bonfire (why is it bonfire?). I am in pain here. Man that was so good.

Here's my new question:

Why does gravity act towards the Earth?

Because it has a big sign saying 'If anyone sees Grace Evity, tell her to come towards Earh Thome'. (using the remaining letters) And so Grace come here to see Earh (which is short for erm... Earhem).

So there you go.

Question: Why do bananas split?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[amwbonfire]

It's bonfire because my hair is orange. Bonfire's are also orange, and I thought it sounded cool.

Bananas split because it's what they do. You really shouldn't be so nosey - give them some personal space.

New one:

Why is this guys scared:

 

[Zantra]

New one:

Why is this guys scared:

He heard bush might actually be in office 4 more years

 

[Gokul43201]

He heard bush might actually be in office 4 more years

<to complete Zantra's post> How do you teach a jellyfish quantum mechanics ?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Absurd, Gokul. A quantum mechanic can no more teach a jellyfish about sub-atomic laws than a jellyfish can teach a quantum mechanic about the importance of drifting, stinging, and the electro-dynamics of purple weirdness.

I did speak to the jellies once about their views on quantum mechanics, and they put a serious question to me. I could not answer it.

If the anterioflevan, sub-excusian actualities of vitrustical particles are not found to be exclusively intrinso-paleomorphic, then why are the Velkdan-Schmidt curves of their exo-lambrians always dynamified?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

If the anterioflevan, sub-excusian actualities of vitrustical particles are not found to be exclusively intrinso-paleomorphic, then why are the Velkdan-Schmidt curves of their exo-lambrians always dynamified?[/COLOR][/I]

Crabs.

What is the best course of action?

 

[plover]

Crabs.

What is the best course of action?

Ensure that the quantum soup is bouillabaisse.

Why do the sub-excusian actualities of jellyfish never sum to an actual excuse for the existence of jellyfish?

 

[Math Is Hard]

I think this is related to Oeno's axiom/excusium: "Jellyfish existence summation values will be subject to an error margin of 12.6% if you have had more than two glasses of cabernet over the course of the calculation."

What else did Oeno postulate?

 

[Gokul43201]

What else did Oeno postulate?

That you can never catch a jellyfish, even if you are not slower than it. He called this "the Paradox of Ajillies", and its proof involves an infinite sum of sub-excusia. The paradox results from the assumption (known as Oeno's Axiom) that no sum of sub-excusia results in a halfway decent excuse.

In fact, it is widely believed that old Alfred based his Jellitivity Theory on this argument, since it suggests that nothing can travel faster than the speed of roving jellyfish.

But how on Earth did Alfred figure out that the jellies had to belong to nocturnally roving herds of the weird, purple kind ?

 

[plover]

But how on Earth did Alfred figure out that the jellies had to belong to nocturnally roving herds of the weird, purple kind ?

When "Hidden Variables Al", as Hümdinger^* called Alfred, developed the Principle of Equivocation, it revealed that nothing can escape from certain jellyfish, not even light -- unless the light is purple. That is why when these jellyfish are around it is always dark except for the weird, purple glow they give off. He deduced that the jellyfish must be wandering constantly from the fact that it never seems to stay dark longer than the end of the night, except on those rare occasions when a celestial body passes in front of the sun.

Many have theorized which celestial bodies might do this. One night when Alfred got lost trying to find his way back to his house from the Institute of Adventitious Studies in Hoboken, he was at found 3 am driving a Zamboni around downtown Edmonton, and using a hockey puck to cast shadows from the streetlights onto various objects. When asked if he needed help, he responded "Zpace jellyfish!"

Why did Alfred later call the space jellyfish his biggest blunder?


^* Ermine Hümdinger, who was a bit of a weasel, could be quite catty.

 

[franznietzsche]

If you had just finished off two barrels of the country's finest whiskey, you too would consider anything you did your greatest mistake. Alfred was lucky that his mistake was just the space jellyfish, most people usually get caught in photographs in obscene acts with some even more bizarre than the space jellyfish, the ever elusive "drunk jellyfish", known for breeding under the labels of alcohol bottles.

It was not until recently that the space jellyfish was mathematically proven to be a total fallacy, via the corollary of the Drunk Jellyfish Postulate, however i ahve not been able to find exactly what this postualte states or who first postulated it. Does anyone know?

 

[The Bob]

If you had just finished off two barrels of the country's finest whiskey, you too would consider anything you did your greatest mistake. Alfred was lucky that his mistake was just the space jellyfish, most people usually get caught in photographs in obscene acts with some even more bizarre than the space jellyfish, the ever elusive "drunk jellyfish", known for breeding under the labels of alcohol bottles.

It was not until recently that the space jellyfish was mathematically proven to be a total fallacy, via the corollary of the Drunk Jellyfish Postulate, however i ahve not been able to find exactly what this postualte states or who first postulated it. Does anyone know?

Professor Jim Turner in 1987.

Why are we talking about Jellyfish?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[plover]

Why are we talking about Jellyfish?

As noted above, Alfred E. showed nothing can escape from jellyfish, so this thread can't either.

Why might someone assume this thread could escape?

 

[jimmy p]

Why might someone assume this thread could escape?

Because the person that started this thread was Steve McQueen.

Why would this thread want to escape from jellyfish?

 

[The Bob]

Because the person that started this thread was Steve McQueen.

Why would this thread want to escape from jellyfish?

It wouldn't. It needs the poison.

How much wood would a woodchucker chuck if a wood chucker could chuck wood?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

How much wood would a woodchucker chuck if a wood chucker could chuck wood?

The Bob (2004 ©)

I once read in "Woodchucker Monthly" (a delightful read) that if the average wood chucker could chuck wood, then the average woodchucker would chuck around 600 board feet per hour. However it doesn't specify if it were Balsa wood or Ironwood.

How much oil could a woodchucker boil if he was using a gumboiler?

 

[The Bob]

How much oil could a woodchucker boil if he was using a gumboiler?

20 gallons in an hour.

Next question?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

Next question?

The Bob (2004 ©)

No.

How can that be considered a question?

 

[The Bob]

No.

How can that be considered a question?

I don't know. Thought I might try it.

What is the best flavour of crisps?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

I don't know. Thought I might try it.

What is the best flavour of crisps?

The Bob (2004 ©)

I recently sampled Flame Grilled Unicorn Steak crisps, and when dipped in creamed Dodo, produces a wonderful tingling on the taste buds.

What is best to dip weird purple jellycrips into?

 

[The Bob]

I recently sampled Flame Grilled Unicorn Steak crisps, and when dipped in creamed Dodo, produces a wonderful tingling on the taste buds.

What is best to dip weird purple jellycrips into?

Unfortunately, it is Pigeon Vomit.

Why do Unicorns only have one horn?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Gokul43201]

Why do Unicorns only have one horn?

'Cause they're not 2 horny !

And what all this gibberish about "questions" ? : Can't you guys spell ? Darned school system...what's it come to anyway ?

Okay, you don't have to answer that - it was rhetorical.

I just had a sandwich for dinner : peanut butter and jellyfish 'n' chips. Not too bad. What should I get for dessert ?

 

[The Bob]

'Cause they're not 2 horny !

And what all this gibberish about "questions" ? : Can't you guys spell ? Darned school system...what's it come to anyway ?

Okay, you don't have to answer that - it was rhetorical.

I just had a sandwich for dinner : peanut butter and jellyfish 'n' chips. Not too bad. What should I get for dessert ?

Banana and Pigeon Vomit.

What do you think you should drink?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Gokul43201]

After that dessert, hemlock would be welcome.

I keep forgetting how to diagonalize the smoked hamiltonian, in Jellium Mechanics. Can someone help me with that ?

 

[The Bob]

After that dessert, hemlock would be welcome.

I keep forgetting how to diagonalize the smoked hamiltonian, in Jeliium Mechanics. Can someone help me with that ?

Erm... I can't so let's have two question in Tangent and hope they met up.

Why do chips not have teeth?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

Erm... I can't so let's have two question in Tangent and hope they met up.

Why do chips not have teeth?

The Bob (2004 ©)

So that dentists don't get confused when you have chipped teeth.

How come mushed up chocolate ice-cream has the consistency of diarrhoea?

 

[The Bob]

How come mushed up chocolate ice-cream has the consistency of diarrhoea?

This is because it is diarrhoea.

Why does these sentence make not a smell of sense in a sensical way?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Gokul43201]

Because the anser doesn't have to be relevant to the quetion.

Did you carefully observe the correct spellings ?

 

[humanino]

It depends on the way the wind blows.

Why was Godel suffering from being certain to be ill ?

 

[humanino]

because the egg came first.

Why is the title of this thread backwards ?

 

[Smurf]

Because God Deemed it so

Which pole is farther north?

 

[Werdatothewise]

Stupid...

If you ask a stupid question to a "stupid" person do you get a stupid answer? Have I worded that correctly? If so,

Consider this.

Depends on the person and what his intelligence level and stupidity levels are percentaged at and what given direction. There is no such person who can be called "stupid" ... and no answer reply that is (given) is EVER a loss for thought.

Werdas'

 

[Werdatothewise]

Because God Deemed it so

Which pole is farther north?

Ossineke, Michigan, which is 1/2 way between the equator and the North Pole.

Ps: This is the best answer I can think of

Werdas'

 

[The Bob]

Ossineke, Michigan, which is 1/2 way between the equator and the North Pole.

Ps: This is the best answer I can think of

Werdas'

And where is your question?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[amwbonfire]

And where is your question?

Answer: Due to some technical difficulties with time, the question is running late. Weirdas, AMW Bonfire.com, Microsoft and God all apologize for any inconvenience caused. The question should be up and running within the year.

New Question: (Beta version, v0.3) Despite the cost of living, why does it remain so popular?



*DISCLAIMER: This question is version Beta 0.3, and as such it has not been completely tested. We (Members of Physics Forums, particularly The Bob... yes, let's blame him...) accept full responsibility for any damage caused to your computer, you, your family or your christmas dinner. The Bob would like to apologize in advance for any damage caused, but he can't be bothered. Again, he wishes to take full responsibilty... nae, take full credit for damages caused.

**DISCLAIMER 2: AMW Bonfire (Andy) does not take responsibilty for any damage caused to The Bob's reputation, whether intentional or unintentional. However, he apologizes for any loss of sales resulting from and defacement of The Bob and The Bob's products/services.

Thankyou.

Andy
AMW Bonfire


P.S. Sorry Bob! I was only joking!