Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[Livingod]

Well, seeing as how being 1/3 of any nationality is impossible, but then again, so is naming a wooden puppet Pinoccio and watching it come alive, but people tell that story anyway. So my best guess would be that she would accept to "be a real boy" but in this case it would be to be a real great-granny which would mean that if someone wanted a reading, they would have to marry her granddaughter (a.k.a. your mother) and have a child. Assuming that the child is you, then your father must have gotten a reading from your great granny.

Now there is one thing that has not been cleared up: What did your father see in his fortune?

 

[Danger]

is it possible for an individual to know the differences between a stupid quetion and a stupid anser if they do not have tuition for college but have intuition?

A 'stupid quetion' is self-explanatory. A 'stupid anser' is a 'silly goose', but the term has gone out of common usage.


I'm not really playing this, but I couldn't let that go by.

 

[Livingod]

With its nonsensical posts and many twists and turns that we forgot what the last quetion was, this thread has started to be like a FOX reality show. Let's refresh everyone's memory one more time:

Now there is one thing that has not been cleared up: What did your father see in his fortune?


P.S. Newcomers, READ THE FIRST PAGE FOR THE RULES AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR THIS THREAD!11111111112

 

[Math Is Hard]

What my father saw was a vision of three Chinese dumplings on a plate, and as he reached for the first one it said, "If you eat me, you will be smart but not wise", so he hesitated, and reached for the second one. It said, "If you eat me, you will be wise but not smart". Again he hesitated, but then he reached for the third one and it said, "If you eat me, you will be neither smart nor wise, but the pretty waitress will go home with you, and she will make you delicious dumplings for the rest of your life."

Which did he choose?

 

[Danger]

P.S. Newcomers, READ THE FIRST PAGE FOR THE RULES AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR THIS THREAD!

I'm not a newcomer; I just don't like to colour inside the lines.

 

[Livingod]

Which did he choose?

With the help of soy sauce, he devoured all three with ease. Now what did your smart and witty father do with the waitress at his house? (Or was that waitress your mother? )

 

[jimmie]

What is the most healthy food you eat?

That which is yet to be picked.

Speaking of noses, how large was the margin of victory at the Kentucky Derby?

 

[Math Is Hard]

That which is yet to be picked.

Speaking of noses, how large was the margin of victory at the Kentucky Derby?

They don't use margarine at the Kentucky Derby, only butter.

Why should one Cherchez la femme?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why should one Cherchez la femme?

Because if no one finds her she'll wander around the mall shopping till her credit card's maxed out.

At this point it would be natural for me to begin a stupid quetion with the phrase "Speaking of lost women..." however, due to technical difficulties with the zoobie brush server the lost women page cannot be found, and instead I must link you to the stolen laundry listings on e-bay where all Math Is Hard's former garments may be purchased at a fraction of their original price.

As we wait for the bids to climb, who can explain why no one's ever heard of the 7th Marx brother, Alpo?

 

[jimmie]

As we wait for the bids to climb, who can explain why no one's ever heard of the 7th Marx brother, Alpo?

In the dog-eat-dog world of entertainment, Alpo, the only un-trained brother, was too rough around the edges for depression-era schtick, and thus, was fed his walking papers, one at a time, sans gravy.

Speaking of training, what was the quickest way to get from point A to point B at the year 1903?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of training, what was the quickest way to get from point A to point B at the year 1903?

You're refering, of course, to the twin cities Point Allstead and Point Ballbrick, Idaho, affectionately known to their residents as Point A and Point B. It was frequently pointed out that the shortest route between them, straight across Lake Short, was not also the quickest route, except in the case of Sam Green, who could row faster than anyone else in the county. For most, the quickest route was by galloping horse over the south lake trail, except in the case of Martha Weston's old, strange pony, Cindy, who had only three legs and was fixed up with a stout oak replacement for the forth. Cindy, understandably, didn't gallop very fast, but people were amazed she could gallop at all.

Anyway, in 1904 Point B was completely destroyed by arson fires started by a crazed spurned lover who'd gotten into a keg of rum, and the notion of the quickest route from Point A to Point B became moot since no one had any reason to go to Point B anymore. Cindy the horse, incidentally, outlived her owner by ten years. Her new owner, Matt Jensen, was astonished after he adopted her, to find her coat grow out into black and white stripes. It seems Cindy was actually a zebra that Martha Weston had been surreptitiously dyeing to look like a brown pony. No one could make heads or tails of that.

Whatever happened to Jane Wilcox, the girl who so callously spurned the drunken arsonist?

 

[jimmie]

Whatever happened to Jane Wilcox, the girl who so callously spurned the drunken arsonist?

Possibly due to the fact that she callously rejected the new collective bargaining agreement for thousands of firefighters, she got fired. Investigators are trying to determine if the two incidents are related.

Speaking of old flames, where's your ex?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of old flames, where's your ex?

Hmmm. Arrrgh. Due, I suppose, to the fact I'm not a stalker, I couldn't tell you.

Recently when I was posting on an internet forum Arrrgh a message suddenly appeared on the screen saying that a critical security Arrrgh update intended to prevent my computer from catching the Arrrgh Pirate Worm had just been Arrgh refused by my machine Arrgh indicating it was already infiltrated.

How Arrrgh do you get rid of Arrrgh The Pirate Worm?

 

[jimmie]

How Arrrgh do you get rid of Arrrgh The Pirate Worm?

Give him a bottle of Mezcal and he'll eventually crawl to the bottom and pass-out.

Speaking of passing-out, where did all this make-up come from?

 

[Mattara]

Speaking of passing-out, where did all this make-up come from?

Make/-up/-out etc. is actually the trivial name of the phenomena, as in "you are living in a world of make-believe" or "do you want to make-out with me?". The systematic name however, is not even close both in etymology and common sense.

The reason for the huge debate about the subject during that last couple of years has mainly dealt with if it is ethical or non-ethical to continue the cruel and unscrupulous experiments. I do not dare to say what the true nature of these experiments were ( or is (?) ) out of fear for repercussions from the project's Administration. During my hidden visits, I have also noticed some shadow characters moving around the main research facility. No one seems to notice them like I do, but sometimes just sometimes, I see them interact with the others out of other reasons than to correct them in their quests for knowledge.

It is very strange indeed, how they seem to be able to move from one place of the complex to another in just a couple of seconds. Their speed is amazing. Sometimes I even see them enter a special part. I cannot see excatly where it is located or what is inside. Nevertheless, I suspect that it is important; maybe it is the heart of the compound where only upper-level personal have access to.

I've seen just a glimpse of the front of them, but all I could see was some sort of badge below their...faces...It was dark, but I could distinguish the first couple of letters. They were: M E N T... but then I lost sight of it.

Who are these shadow characters, where did them come from but perhaps more interesting; what do they want?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Who are these shadow characters, where did them come from but perhaps more interesting; what do they want?

They crawled from the febrile dreams of barn owls perishing of bird flu and they want the nail clippings from your middle toe on the left foot.

Speaking of lost women, once when I was crawling on all fours home from La Souris Perdue, café, and home for broken, misfit toys, reveling in the amazing anguish only a woman can produce in me, I stumbled over what at first appeared to be half of The Black Dahlia but which turned out to be a freshly trimmed forked tree limb. Not much more to report about that.

Yet, on the subject of The Blue Scorpion, how did such a skinny woman get outfitted with such a large rack?

 

[Mattara]

Yet, on the subject of The Blue Scorpion, how did such a skinny woman get outfitted with such a large rack?

It is very interesting that you should mention that as a matter of fact. I have yet to date not found ant solution or even comment to the issue.

This is only my personal theory, but one might speculate that it might not be as obvious as it appears to be. Conspiracy theories aside, it must be due to Operation Protegus. Although any digital records of the actions that took place during the warm and intense couple of days have been wiped out, there are still those few people among us that do remember. I am one of them.

The goal of Operation Protegus was initially the capture and execution of a high-ranking government official in Southern Kambodja. However, the real agenda would be revealed a week later. It came with gruesome retaliations from both the Kambojan special forces and domestic hategroup known as the Black Serpents. Little did we know at the time but it turned out that they had a contingency plan as well.

RACK or Rendezvou-Affiliate-Cendra-Known was the code name for our meating with the beautiful and voluptuous (or skinny as zoobyshoe put it) "Cendra". We knew this was not her real name but she was a valued informant from the other side. Ultimately, I think it was due to her intelligence (and therefore the big RACK) that we didn't capture here and torture her for information from the start.

What is the fun in being a part of a domestic hate group? I never understood that.

 

[zoobyshoe]

What is the fun in being a part of a domestic hate group? I never understood that.

The coup de grace that seems to convince most people being groomed for membership is the revelation that they will be supplied with tailored underwear with their name, first, middle and last, embroidered by hand on each and every pair.

In the days before the internet when telephonic communication was all the rage I once received a call from a woman speaking a foreign language with which I was not familiar. I don't have anything more to report about that till I get the results of some lab tests on a strange, gritty substance found in a jar of applesauce by Hector Mosquera-Castro, Chula Vista, California, U.S.A, on December 12, 2005. In the meantime, who do you favor in the upcoming crayon eating contest between last year's champ, Eddie Perkins, age 5, and newcomer, Kendra Sutton, 4, who is said to have siglehandedly wiped out her preschool's entire stock of crayolas?

 

[Mattara]

In the meantime, who do you favor in the upcoming crayon eating contest between last year's champ, Eddie Perkins, age 5, and newcomer, Kendra Sutton, 4, who is said to have siglehandedly wiped out her preschool's entire stock of crayolas?

I refuse to answer that question! I very much dislike the segregation between males and females. I'm appalled over the fact that it starts even as early as pre-school with this "boy-against-girl" contests. Oh yeah, I know that it seems innocently hidden and distorted in some lame crayon-eating madness but I assure you, I ASSURE you, it is not even close to that. I'm so aggitated that I cannot control myself right now. The real reason, yes the real reason that these "contests" like they are popularly referred to are being held is malicious beyond belief. Do you know who I blame for this? Do you? I blame the researchers at N@SA. In a secret video documentation the Executive Director of N@SA, Ekstrom confesses to have contributed billions of dollars from tax-payers to fund these acts. This is even worse than the time he claimed to have found a meteor from outer-space confirming the existence of extraterrestrial lifeforms. It is the honest truth, although it sounds like it has been ripped from some random atheist pulp litterature author. If this isn't the solution to the problem, then by all means, glaze my nipples and call me Rita (as the famous Melchett said to Edmund in the popular final episode of the enire series of Blackadder.)

How does women (or men) called Rita with glazed nipples earn a living?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How does women (or men) called Rita with glazed nipples earn a living?

Primarily as ceramic rhinoceros inspectors.

Once when I was crawling on all fours through the swap meet looking for a copy of T. Arthur Jensen's masterpiece The True Method Of Ceramic Rhinoceros Inspection For Students Of the Art I happened instead upon a ceramic rhinoceros tucked away at the bottom of a cardboard box full of old editions of Halliday and Resnick. Turning the horned beast this way and that I attempted in my own amateurish way, to inspect it, but had no luck. On the bottom, though, I found a sticker on which the words "Inspected by Rita #44277812-c" were printed.

"My God!", I exclaimed, "I've found an authentic Rita #44277812-c!" This was an amazing blunder because almost instantaneously I was tackled by a mob of Rita-inspected ceramic rhinoceros collecting swap meet goers who fell on top of me in a great pile trying to grab the precious, fragile artifact from my grasp.

How long will it take the average reader to realize there is no connection between being named Rita, having glazed nipples, and inspecting ceramic rhinoceri, and that there is, therefore, no hidden joke or pun in my anser to the previous quetion?

 

[MSI]

How long will it take the average reader to realize there is no connection between being named Rita, having glazed nipples, and inspecting ceramic rhinoceri, and that there is, therefore, no hidden joke or pun in my anser to the previous quetion?

if the reader never used eyeQ it needs he needs 20 more seconds than the time needed to realize that this is a stupid answer

why am i considered dead ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

why am i considered dead ?

You've been classified in that category due to your inability to capitolize the first word of a sentence. This is a defect common among dead people, therefore it is sometimes used as the criteria for determining if a person is alive or deceased.

If MSI begins capitolizing the first word of sentences will s/he be reclassified as living, or, as a zombie: one who has returned from the dead?

 

[Delzac]

One who has returned from the dead.( No particular reason for choosing it)

"You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I?

+ Disclaimer : The Ans to this Qns is not lewd, i will edit post to put up the correct ans, and dun flame me+

EDIT : Tent

 

[zoobyshoe]

"You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I?

+ Disclaimer : The Ans to this Qns is not lewd, i will edit post to put up the correct ans, and dun flame me+

Don't bother. The correct anser is "I am the bipolar seersucker, Quimby, and my long, green lashes will freeze your envelopes shut. No glue necessary."

Is it true that bipolar seersucker Quimby was the model for the character of "Old Flat Top" in the Beatle's song Come Together, or did he, himself, foster that rumor in a vain attempt to acquire status among the other derelicts that frequent the intersection of Paige and Alyssa streets in the rundown "Cheweybottom" section of downtown San Sierra, California, U.S.A.?

 

[franznietzsche]

Don't bother. The correct anser is "I am the bipolar seersucker, Quimby, and my long, green lashes will freeze your envelopes shut. No glue necessary."

Is it true that bipolar seersucker Quimby was the model for the character of "Old Flat Top" in the Beatle's song Come Together, or did he, himself, foster that rumor in a vain attempt to acquire status among the other derelicts that frequent the intersection of Paige and Alyssa streets in the rundown "Cheweybottom" section of downtown San Sierra, California, U.S.A.?

No. It was Gumby.

Why is this my favorite thread of all-time?

 

[Mattara]

No. It was Gumby.

Why is this my favorite thread of all-time?

To be able to answer this question with as much accuracy as possible, we need to look back to the origin of it. Strangely, this thread is number 68 here at this version of PF and the member that created it has had his or hers account put on a temporary or permanent state of http://moridin.moved.in/dosattac.exe .

Other things that people enjoy is when other people type EVERYTHING IN CAPS, Use A Capital Letter Of Every World, or ust writ leik 'is lik ur sum1 kewl or sumtin'.

However, this only gives us a superficial glance at the subject at hand. Politics is a very important part of this. Let me explain to you why.

My prediction that politics would justify, palliate, or excuse the evils of its heart came true so quickly, so brutally, so horribly, that even I was stunned by the magnitude and viciousness of it all. Politics believes that every word that leaves its mouth is teeming with useful information. That's just wrong. It further believes that we can stop cannibalism merely by permitting government officials entrée into private homes to search for delirious perverts. Wrong again! In view of politics's cuckoo scare tactics, what does it make sense for us to do now? Well, we all know the answer to that question, don't we? But in case you don't, then you should note that politics's choleric game of chess -- the jaded chess of commercialism -- has continued for far too long. It's time to checkmate this foolish blackguard and show it that when it says that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing it and the wanton dips in its gang, that's just a load of spucatum tauri. Be honest; can you in any way believe politics's claim that its activities are on the up-and-up? I cannot, mainly because if we don't soon tell it to stop what it's doing, it will proceed with its vainglorious actions, considerably emboldened by our lack of resistance. We will have tacitly given it our permission to do so.

In closing, It is dangerous for the Sweden opposition to "hack" the ruling party's computer network.

http://www.thelocal.se/article.php?ID=4859&date=20060912

Why do some people keep all of their internet/network passwords on a post-it note on their computer screen?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do some people keep all of their internet/network passwords on a post-it note on their computer screen?

As the post-it notes flutter in the breeze the motion is usually enough to deter pidgeons from landing on the computer.

Are there enough hyphens to go around?

 

[Math Is Hard]

As the post-it notes flutter in the breeze the motion is usually enough to deter pidgeons from landing on the computer.

Are there enough hyphens to go around?

Good heavens, no. Hence the Hyphen Protection Society formed in 1986 when it was discovered that hyphens were dissappearing in huge numbers. Today, only 12,000 hyphens survive in the wild, and many of them suffer from unspeakable abuse.

Why do we have to have a second nose that comes in later in life? I realize that our ancient ancestors needed a second nose since improper care of the first nose quickly wore it out. But now it just seems like a big unnecessary inconvenience for modern humans that evolution should have kicked to the curb.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do we have to have a second nose that comes in later in life? I realize that our ancient ancestors needed a second nose since improper care of the first nose quickly wore it out. But now it just seems like a big unnecessary inconvenience for modern humans that evolution should have kicked to the curb.

It's funny you should ask that quetion because I recently received an e-mail from the Board of Directors of Evolution soliciting donations to further research into methods of doing away with the second nose. Sometimes these outdated evolutionary twists linger because of mundane budgetary considerations.

Speaking of scarce punctuation, the world's dependence on middle eastern exclamation points, particularly those harvested from the rich Iranian mines, set me to pondering how it is they ended up with all the best exclamatory resources. What ancient geological/geographic factors lead to this rich concentration of fossil exclamation points in that region?

 

[Mattara]

It's funny you should ask that quetion because I recently received an e-mail from the Board of Directors of Evolution soliciting donations to further research into methods of doing away with the second nose. Sometimes these outdated evolutionary twists linger because of mundane budgetary considerations.

Speaking of scarce punctuation, the world's dependence on middle eastern exclamation points, particularly those harvested from the rich Iranian mines, set me to pondering how it is they ended up with all the best exclamatory resources. What ancient geological/geographic factors lead to this rich concentration of fossil exclamation points in that region?

I find your attitude towards history. It wasn't 'ancient'. At all. In the Middle Ages, the arabic were cut from the west of europe, therefore limiting the access to gold and exlamation points, also known as the Pirenne thesis. Although leading Sweden scientists say that the vikings plaid an important roll in trasport, I'd highly donut it.

Although the 'new' government in Sweden is ruled by liberal conservatists, will they ever fill the whole after Goran Persson (socialdemocrates)?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Although the 'new' government in Sweden is ruled by liberal conservatists, will they ever fill the whole after Goran Persson (socialdemocrates)?

It's difficult to know beyond doubt, because I haven't been monitoring myself with a meter, but I don't believe anyone has presented a quetion that inspired more boredom in me since one of Mr. Robin Parson's energetic complaints about the Canadian Prime Minister.

While it's true, and I am embarrassed to admit it, that I once had a case of nose-thighs, this was a temporary condition that resulted from completely reversible causes and responded well to treatment. What is behind the crippling heartbreak of permanent conditions of nose-thighs, and are the rumors of epidemic based in fact?

 

[Math Is Hard]

It's difficult to know beyond doubt, because I haven't been monitoring myself with a meter, but I don't believe anyone has presented a quetion that inspired more boredom in me since one of Mr. Robin Parson's energetic complaints about the Canadian Prime Minister.

While it's true, and I am embarrassed to admit it, that I once had a case of nose-thighs, this was a temporary condition that resulted from completely reversible causes and responded well to treatment. What is behind the crippling heartbreak of permanent conditions of nose-thighs, and are the rumors of epidemic based in fact?

I used to know this. But now I remember very little from the the report I wrote in third grade on causes of permanent nose-thighs. Anyway, I do remember that nose-thighs are a genetic disorder, possibly a weird evolutionary throwback. We know that the disorder is often seen in the small third-world island nation of Ptingo-Ptongo, as would be expected, as these people have very little in the way of surplus funds to pay the Evolution board. To make matters worse, they use banana peels for currency, which have no value to the Evo board. Has it reached epidemic levels? No, not globally, only on Ptingo-Ptongo, where one in 12 children are born with a set of thighs in the nasal passages.

I read once that Sweden was going to generously pay off the Evo Board to help out the people of Ptingo Ptongo, but the whole deal mysteriously fell through. Apparently the scheme was cooked up by an island tribal matriarch named Minnie, who had a dream about the King of Sweden. In said dream, he gave her things that she was needin'. What do you suppose queered the deal?

 

[selfAdjoint]

I read once that Sweden was going to generously pay off the Evo Board to help out the people of Ptingo Ptongo, but the whole deal mysteriously fell through. Apparently the scheme was cooked up by an island tribal matriarch named Minnie, who had a dream about the King of Sweden. In said dream, he gave her things that she was needin'. What do you suppose queered the deal?

That is a deliberate insult to the King of Sweden! He is not that way at all! No Nobel Prizes for you; and manic Sweish mobs are going to burn all the Ptingonian Apostolic Churches they can find to demonstrate your error. What can you do to rectify this terrible error?

 

[zoobyshoe]

That is a deliberate insult to the King of Sweden! He is not that way at all! No Nobel Prizes for you; and manic Sweish mobs are going to burn all the Ptingonian Apostolic Churches they can find to demonstrate your error. What can you do to rectify this terrible error?

Allow me to expand the details of the story: Minnie messed around with a bloke named "Smokie." She loved him, though he was cokie. In fact, though, his coke habit was self-medication for his case of nasal-thighs (rhinothighroidism, in the medical parlance). Smokie found that snorting the white powder seemed to smooth out the cellulite on his nasal thighs making their presence more bearable. The King of Sweden, however, was opposed to use of non-prescription pharmaceuticals (sp?) and, knowing Minnie was under Smokie's sway, he sought to have Ptingo Ptongo's Chinatown, where everyone went to kick the gong around, dismantled and returned to Hong Kong. In other words, he thought kicking the Hong Kong Gong was wrong. (It's not mentioned in the song, but he preferred ping pong and watching King Kong). So, to make a short story long: Smokie and Minnie wanted to have their gong and kick it, too, so Minnie the Moocher called a meeting of the matriarchs and had the King of Sweden deported back to Canada, where he's been serving as Prime Minister ever since.

Do you think I'm making this up?

 

[MSI]

Do you think I'm making this up?

i doubt ..


was israel defeated in lebanon ?