Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[MSI]

the baker was testing his new knife

why ... birds ?

 

[Livingod]

Because man has loved them and has wanted to imitate them since the dawn of time. Hence, we have planes, paragliders, and astronauts.

How did Europeans live in the middle ages before the Crusades, when they didn't have any spices like pepper, cinnamon, thyme, and basically everything but salt?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How did Europeans live in the middle ages before the Crusades, when they didn't have any spices like pepper, cinnamon, thyme, and basically everything but salt?

Life without spice was harsh and even brutal. Many took to going to raves and overindulgence in ecstasy and special-K. There was a lot of black leather and sado-masochism. Just about everyone was a Goth back then. Cinnamon deprivation drove them to extremes of excess. The French Toast was bland, and day after day, year after year of Starbucks without a dash of cinnamon now and then precipitated a kind of mass insanity the likes of which we, in the modern world, cannot comprehend.

Recently, when I was reading the biography of Ogg, inventer of the wheel, I was impressed by how few remember this forgotten genius' accomplishments. His struggle to overcome the derision of his peers "If God had wanted man to roll, he'd had given him wheels!", and the scorn of his arrogant, Cro-Magnon physics teacher, who would wander over to him from flint knapping and say things like: "Ogg, you're a crackpot. You think you're going to roll something somewhere? Huh? You think you're going to take the effort out of pulling and dragging? Let me tell you something. There's no free lunch, Ogg. You don't get something for nothing. What you're trying to do there is perpetual motion!"

But stalwart Ogg pressed on, ablaze with the yearning to win everlasting fame as the First inventor of the wheel. "Fame! Fame! Fame!" Ogg would think to himself, "I'm a frickin' genius!'

But Ogg didn't really think of the wheel all by himself. He had learned of it through the obscure cave-wall scratchings of Grolla, father of wheel theory. These were on the wall at the back of the cave near the pile where they threw the trash, so it was messy work to go back and read them, and was the only place they would let old Grolla scratch his crackpot notions of round discs mounted on shafts.

What was his story, anyway? Old Grolla.

 

[Math Is Hard]

What was his story, anyway? Old Grolla.

ahh.. Old Grolla. I remember reading about his legacy in my pseudoancient history class, and of his ejection from cave society by the FCC (Fanatical Conservative Cavemen) group for his depictions of shafts being inserted into the central openings of disks. This was interpreted at the time to be graphical representations of cave-porn.

Speaking of unusual ancient drawings, who was the Egyptian ruler who convinced all of his people to walk, live, and convey themselves always in an observable sideways motion?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of unusual ancient drawings, who was the Egyptian ruler who convinced all of his people to walk, live, and convey themselves always in an observable sideways motion?

That was Picasspharoah, not a ruler, actually, but a ruler: he was discovered to be absolutely average in all his measurements, so they tattooed him with equally spaced divisions up and down, side to side, front to back, and forced him to be on call for whenever there was an argument about deviation from the mean average dimension of any thing in the land. In the performance of his duties, Picasspharoah frequently was required to adopt unusual postures (e.g. during measurements of camel and ox dimensions) and as records of the measurement were inscribed in stone in the form of visual representations of him at work, the famous Egyptian style was born. People all over the land adopted the lateral lifestyle.

I have a vague recollection of mention of Picasspharoah's "kohl" period. What the heck is that about?

 

[Livingod]

Picasspharoah's 'kohl' period was right before the revolution he instigated against the pharoah. It was when he was forved to work in "kohl" mines by measuring the diameter of each and every "kohl" piece. Picasspharoah was indeed racist and did not want to come home looking black. He decided it was time for a change, so he started a coup. The period between when he was conscripted to the "kohl" mines and the start of the revolution against to Pharoah Yunanlastiramadiklarimizdanmisiniz is considered the "Kohl" period.

Speaking of periods and other monthly things, why did my monthly credit card bill come out to $1980 when the only time I used it was when I went to a dark alley to rent 5 llegal DVDs (which were $.50 each)?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of periods and other monthly things, why did my monthly credit card bill come out to $1980 when the only time I used it was when I went to a dark alley to rent 5 llegal DVDs (which were $.50 each)?

The figure "$1980" is not actually a sum of money you owe. It is secret code delivered to you via the credit card company from David Letterman. You are to understand it as a reference to the first year he laid eyes on you and fell madly in love. You are further to infer it means he wants you to move to N.Y. and become his co-host.

Speaking of llegal DVD's, since when did the Welsh get into the DVD market?

 

[EnumaElish]

Speaking of llegal DVD's, since when did the Welsh get into the DVD market?

The Welsh invented DVDs. DVD originally meant Double V Diaspora; where "double V" was understood to be "W = Welsh."

When is David Letterman going to retire?

 

[rachmaninoff]

When is David Letterman going to retire?

Soon.Who listens to inane talk shows anyway?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Who listens to inane talk shows anyway?

Not me. I stick exclusively to the ane talk shows.

Anyway, I was down at the beach today, and struck up a conversation with a very ane looking gentleman at a coffee shop who was reading a book about icthyological matters of one kind or another. It occurred to me that the "Jesus fish" symbol might be called "ictheological" by some clever person. I didn't mention it because ane people tend to be annoyed by that kind of humor. All that's prelude however because the high point of the conversation was the precision bombing incident perpetrated on the person of the ane man by a squadron of highly trained seagulls.

What do seagulls have against the ane?

 

[Livingod]

Seagulls may hate how smart the ane are, compared to the inane of course. Because I was not alive in 1980 and I already live in New York, thus showing how inane David Letterman is.

So why would David Letterman send me a bogus secret code and ask me to move into the city I already live in?

One more question, if I move to the city I live in, would I be removing myself to that city, and if so, how does this work?

Please answer both questions in the next post.

 

[EnumaElish]

So why would David Letterman send me a bogus secret code and ask me to move into the city I already live in?
One more question, if I move to the city I live in, would I be removing myself to that city, and if so, how does this work?
Please answer both questions in the next post.

It's not a physical move, it's a virtual move. You need to call your DSL provider and put in a move order so they can transfer your existing DSL service from your secondary line to your primary line, so that you may cancel the second line which is costing you close to $20/month.

First you will remove yourself from the city, then you will bemoved into the city; all of this should happen virtually without any effort or pain.

When you call the bogeymen, do you need to give them the secret code, or do they have it already?

 

[Livingod]

Whether they have it or not, you don't need to give any boogeyman any code. They have their own highly classified way of getting around, such as getting under 5 year olds' beds, and they don't need any sort of code, password, or house key for that matter. So, my answer would be neither, they neither need your code, nor do they have it.

How did Boogeymen get involved with David Letterman anyway?

 

[EnumaElish]

He struck an agreement with them: Letterman will not make jokes about them, and boogeymen will use their collective power to deliver TV ratings to Letterman's Late Night Show.

If Letterman ran for president would he run as (a) a Democrat, (b) a Republican, or (c) a Canadian?

 

[Livingod]

Answer: none of the above

He would create his own party and run as a comedian.

What would his prime objectives as president be?

 

[The Bob]

What would his prime objectives as president be?

To Rock and Roll.

Why was Rock and Roll (Rock 'n' Roll) invented?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[EnumaElish]

Because it didn't exist.

What is the most useful new artifact that you personally have invented or thought of?

 

[Livingod]

Definetly an invisibility suit, or xray glasses, or rocket shoes...

Can anyone come with me to the movies on sunday?

 

[daveb]

yes, someone can.

but will they?

 

[madcat11]

but will they?

no doubt.

Is the monster-under-the-bed related to the bogeyman?

 

[jimmie]

Is the monster-under-the-bed related to the bogeyman?

Same guy.

The bogeyman diversified a long time ago when age, and sore knees and ankles, began setting in after so much bogeying. The bogeyman figured lying down under a bed for a "living" would stretch his career out.

Out of curiousity, do you prefer to stretch your career out standing up or laying down?

 

[Livingod]

I would do neither, I would be sitting, possibly ordering chinese food or playing solitare.

But speaking of boogeymen, if a boogeyman stayed under your bed, by law, can you charge him rent?

 

[jimmie]

Yeah, sure, you can charge him as much rent as you like. Collecting the rent however, has proven difficult, since the boogeyman's cache of cheques ran-out about 4 beds ago.

Speaking of freebies, why does honey cost so much money?

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

Speaking of freebies, why does honey cost so much money?

Because the bees... have such... high fees?!?

Why are the bee's knees good and the dog's bollock's good, but if I tell a girl she looks like a horse's arse I get a handbag in the face?

 

[tribdog]

Why are the bee's knees good and the dog's bollock's good, but if I tell a girl she looks like a horse's arse I get a handbag in the face?

she probably just doesn't like the accent.

Why are such sweet sayings as "Be Mine" and "Hug Me" and "Cutie Pie" on such rotten candy?

 

[madcat11]

Why are such sweet sayings as "Be Mine" and "Hug Me" and "Cutie Pie" on such rotten candy?

The candy wasn't rotten in the beginning - it's just the rebagging it year after year for ..what is it? .. Heart's day (the one in February...). I ate a "Be Mine" last year that must have come from a package initially bagged in 1968.


Do Valentines have any specific gravity to those not directly involved in the affair in which they are given?

 

[Livingod]

if by specific gravity you mean G(m_1)(m_2) / r^2, then yes, they do have some gravity to those not directly involved.

Why is it that this thing they call "love" is associated with the human heart? The longer you write and the more BS your post contains, the better.

 

[Amp1]

Because the heart is called the seat of emotion.

How can the heart be a seat of emotion when they don't have a butt to sit?

 

[madcat11]

How can the heart be a seat of emotion when they don't have a butt to sit?

A 'butt to sit' is the loose paraphrasing of the line in last quatrain of the love poem by J. F. Prufrock, "Hearts Awing" which states: "Seating the emotional lever, he held her by motion alone; Awaiting her face in the heather, once, again, to the depths he'd atone." Therefore, they do, in fact, have one.

Where is the heart, really?

 

[jhe1984]

the heart, really (commonly confused for its distant relative, the heart)
is located on each of the toes on a snake's foot...

would you like to Biggie size it?

 

[Livingod]

Biggie size the hearts on each toe on a snake's foot? I guess it wouldn't matter since snakes have no feet or toes and thus have no hearts.

But this raises another quetion: how can snakes live if they don't have hearts?

 

[Amp1]

But this raises another quetion: how can snakes live if they don't have hearts?

Simple, as they slither and wriggle fluid is forced through their bodies.

When snakes slither and wriggle, do they giggle?

 

[zoobyshoe]

When snakes slither and wriggle, do they giggle?

Only the Great Tzugonian Giggling Adder giggles. All other snakes merely carry a glint of humor in their eyes. I'm personally fond of the Western Addled Adder, which staggers as it wriggles. Then there's the Lorentz Sidewinder which winds sideways to obviate the fact it ends up in a spiral every time it tries to go slither straight in the Earth's magnetic field.

What are crab's excuse?

 

[Amp1]

Zoobyshoe,

What are crab's excuse?

C law doctrine is pinned sir, to the wall although I didn't at first see it.

In a wasteland, how many mines can you find?

 

[zoobyshoe]

In a wasteland, how many mines can you find?

It depends on how many you lost. Once when I was an adventurous lad of 45 I went trekking with a walking stick through the wastlands of the Great American Northwest to find the Lost Dutchman's Mine. He didn't lose it there, but the scenery is better. I did happen to find the lost Dutchman, himself, though just as he was scooping up the bag of cash dropped by D.B. Cooper as he jumped from the plane. This was in a dense wood. It was all very symetrical in my mind at the time: the Dutchman who lost his mine finds money someone else lost. I thought that if I could only transport myself to the southwestern desert I'd probably stumble upon D.B. Cooper finding the lost Dutchman's mine. But that was the speculation of a young zoobie. I had many rash flights of imagination like that at the time.

Speaking of lost minds, are these collected in a lost and found somewhere?