Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[zoobyshoe]

was israel defeated in lebanon ?

Yes, by Swedish and Canadian troops lead by Mattara and Mr. Robin Parsons.
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I have before me a book entitled How to Subvert Subversion by Being Inappropriately Non-Subversive, by an anonymous subversion subverter going only by the name "Agent Charles", which was published in 1988 by Harper and Collins, NY.

On page 22 I find that the previous owner has redacted the complete page with a magic marker except for the following:

"...her smooth skin and the way the veins show gray blue on her breasts..."

and in the bottom margin I find the scrawled words: "heaven laughs at the four members of the bench it will not be for nothing".

On the next page a plate that showed a painting entitled "Peasant Girl Planting Poppies" had, apparently, been torn out, and in its place a photograph of Muhamed Ali had been pasted.

Between pages 54 and 55 I find a pressed piece of Hostess Twinkie, and on page 76 the paw print of a cat who apparently stepped in some motor oil before walking across the book.

Should I finish reading it?

 

[tribdog]

I know the book well and I know for a fact that it only contains 72 pages so the quetion "Should I finish reading it?" is meaningless and you should be asking "Will Agent Charles kindly edit his novel and add several pages of new material so that I can safely read the stuff I already have?"

By underwritting a book meant for chronic over readers is the rain forest safer?

 

[Mattara]

The exploration or even the though of exploration gives one a almost too intense pleasure that in someway needs to be countered. However, such a bold statement can be very fatal when dealing with Semirhage. She enjoys pain as well as pleasure, especially if she is the one that is causing them. Semirhage masters the little known power to torture people with pleasure. Physical torture is so out-of-date that it brings her to laughter. Your victim is never prepared for pleasure and frankly, will have a hard time to resist it. A word of cation: to much stimuli is dangerous.

Semirhage also enjoys moonligh walks on the beach and candlelight dinners. Would you date her or would you fail under the pressure from her alliance with Demandred and Messana?

 

[zoobyshoe]

By underwritting a book meant for chronic over readers is the rain forest safer?

I'm not aware that Mattara'a last post contained any sort of attempt to answer your profound and topical quetion, so I shall leapfrog his strange sexual fanasies and try to address the issue of the future of the rainforest:

I would probably date her, yes, but only if she agreed to let me be the one doing the torture by pleasure.

Having said that, I have to wonder if there's any sort of medication to help chronic over readers (it's a chemical imbalance in the brain - not their fault) or if their brains are doomed to become clogged with the fatty deposits of the unmetabolized information they continually stuff into their heads in a vain attempt to fill the emotional void of being unloved as a child and presented with an endless stream of Dr. Seuss books to keep them busy while Mommy and Daddy shot up with Horse and Crack in the kitchen, playing cards, yelling, fighting, smoking opium and skin popping whiskey, playing russian roulette with three rounds, snorting cocaine and bug powder, stirring laxatives and valium into their martinis, throwing darts at each other, burning toast, pouring food coloring on random meals (I would not eat green eggs and ham) singing along to Creedence Clearwater Revival drawing pentagrams on the walls with crayons, giving themselves jailhouse tattoos with sewing needles and soot, throwing beer bottles at mice and cockroaches, smoking hash in a bong full of spinach water, and finally passing out on the floor in a pool of their own vomit.

Are there any meds for that?

 

[tribdog]

Are there any meds for that?

for the void yes,seuss-no, crack in the kitchen-yes, cards yelling, fighting-yes, opium, skin popping-no, whiskey roulette bug laxatives-yes, singing pentagrams tattoos soot, mice cockroaches-yes(but they can't be taken with the spinach water) and finally passing out on the floor in a pool of vomit-just buy absorbent carpet and pillows.

This however is a case where the cure may be worse than the disease as the meds, (211 caplets, 182 gelcaps, 19 lozenges, 632 patches) not only weigh 18.1kg taken 3 times daily, they have a few known side effects. WHICH side is completely random and varies from patient to patient (in- and left- sides being most common) These effects will include constipated diharrea and explosive flatulence, tender nipples, unnatural hair growth (dental), and in some cases fusion of the elbows.
Alternative treatments can include accupuncture however instead of needles, 10-penny nails are required.(that's not a quantity but a size of nail ie many 10-penny nails, not 10 comma penny nails)

Why aren't 10-penny nails just called dimers?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why aren't 10-penny nails just called dimers?

Because at the time 10-penny nails were invented the dime was still two primitive, slow-plodding nickles crawling on all fours in the fog of dim intellect common to all unevolved life forms, wandering aimlessly about the planet's primevel landscape with almost no hope or chance of encountering each other, mating, and producing the first dime. When they beat the odds and finally did find each other, the price of a 10-penny nail had already gone up to 15 cents.

How did that get there?

 

[brewnog]

In medieval times, it was generally there right from the start. As time progressed, so did the dexterity of the Polish farmers, up to the point where it could actually be removed with relatively little hassle. Later, (around the 18th century), peasants began to realize that a tradition was being lost, and they started manually putting it back in again as a mark of respect for their ancestors.

What's the best kind of bean?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What's the best kind of bean?

With no evidence to the contrary, I'm going to assume what most would assume, that you're asking for the best kind of bean to place on the gatepost of the graveyard to ward off interruptions by shark footed, undead, revenances while you are performing juju rituals in the light of the waxing moon.

Newton, they say, used to use a whole fresh pod of green beans. Faraday and Humphrey Davy are rumored to have used one cooked bean of any variety available to them at the time. Rutherford liked a dried pea, and Milikan was the same, except he, whimsically, charged his first. A third hand contemporary report claims Galileo scorned this Aristotelian tradition altogether and used a zucchini, resulting in an attack by a shark footed revenance which explains why he was taken ill with no apparent cause so many times later in life. Heisenberg liked the kidney bean, but Bohr bullied him into using a white bean. This rattled him so much he was never certain if he was supposed to place it on the left or right side gatepost or if "right" and "left" referred to his own or Bohr's.

Feynman used whichever bean took the least time to acquire, and Planck used to arrive at the graveyard with a whole bag of garbanzo's which he meticulously placed on the post, one by one.

What about Einstein?

 

[rcgldr]

What about Einstein?

Our neighbor's dog, "Einstein", generally eats dog food and table scraps, including green beans.

My stupid question: Is black a color?

 

[Mattara]

Our neighbor's dog, "Einstein", generally eats dog food and table scraps, including green beans.

My stupid question: Is black a color?

Do you mean in physics, art, days of our lives or in harlem?

How do you define color?

 

[tribdog]

with a dictionary

How do you define a dictionary?

 

[rcgldr]

How do you define a dictionary?

You remove "fine" from the dictionary.

I've asked this before, so it would be stupid to ask it again.
If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman to hear him, is the man still wrong?

 

[zoobyshoe]

I've asked this before, so it would be stupid to ask it again.
If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman to hear him, is the man still wrong?

The trouble is, since you were recycling an old joke not of your own design the first time you posted it, which is not allowed, commiting that crime once again constitutes a sort of double negative which leaves us with a smart quetion, which is not allowed, and for which you will be painfully executed at my leisure.

Once when I was ambling cheerfully through a wooded area on the outskirts of Paris in 1887, I happened upon an impressionist painter seated before his easel serenely mixing hues upon his palette in preparation for a day of plein air work. I saw that he had already sketched out the scene in front of him onto the canvass in charcoal: a large elephant mounting a humpback whale in sexual congress amidst an impressive composition of Roman Senators seated on milk crates listening intentively to the farewell oration of Richard Nixon being aired on a large screen TV hanging from the bucket of a backhoe being operated by a talented cow wearing a button that said "Got Milk?" Confident it would be a masterpiece, I continued on in silence without disturbing him for his autograph, and a little further along I came upon a McDonald's restaurant. Ducking in quickly to solve a few triangles, it suddenly occurred to me there had been something peculiar, out of place, in the scene in front of the painter. I concentrated hard, trying to remember the scene, and pinpoint what it was that had annoyed me. Then it hit me: the elephant hadn't been wearing a condom.

Shouldn't we always practise safe sex?

 

[tribdog]

Shouldn't we always practise safe sex?

In your case, please. PLEASE! For the love of God, ALWAYS practice safe sex. Don't spread your DNA. Condom's are a necessity, Caulk sealant wouldn't be a bad idea either.

When it comes to caulk, whether silicon based or not, why is it spelled with an l in the middle?

 

[zoobyshoe]

When it comes to caulk, whether silicon based or not, why is it spelled with an l in the middle?

Currently accepted spelling of words in the English language began to take form in 1784 when a secret meeting of an elite subset of continental congressmen decided the best way to prevent infiltration of the new country by foreign spies would be to adopt a system of spelling so fiendishly erratic that no non-native speaker would ever be able to master it and would be discovered at their first written words. To a large extent it was a successful strategy: no foreign born person has ever fully mastered it. However no native born American has ever fully mastered it either. The secret, elite group dealt with this by reclassifying all residents of the United States as "tolerable" foreign spies, an opinion still secretly held by our president today.

Why don't grasshoppers get it?

 

[rcgldr]

The trouble is, since you were recycling an old joke not of your own design the time you posted it, which is not allowed, commiting that crime once again constitutes a sort of double negative which leaves us with a smart quetion, which is not allowed ...

Well I knew how to de-fine a dictionary, but couldn't think of another good stupid question, so I recycled an old joke, which was a stupid thing to do, wasn't it? I've could have brought up something about "It's a Small World" but resisted (until now).

"l" in caulk (what about the "u"?)

why don't grasshoppers get it?

Because they can't spell.

Why do people post in threads like this?

 

[Mattara]

Well I knew how to de-fine a dictionary, but couldn't think of another good stupid question, so I recycled an old joke, which was a stupid thing to do, wasn't it? I've could have brought up something about "It's a Small World" but resisted (until now).

Because they can't spell.

Why do people post in threads like this?

I find your insinuations offending. Excuse me while I'll engage in personal attacks.

I, for one, definitely don't believe that Jeff Reid would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform an odious act. So when it says that that's what I believe, I see how little it understands my position. Jeff Reid has remarked that truth is merely a social construct. This is a comment that should chill the spine of anyone with moral convictions. To make sure you understand, I'll spell it out for you. For starters, Jeff Reid likes to compare its inveracities to those that shaped this nation.

The comparison, however, doesn't hold up beyond some uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it's not even worth summarizing them. Jeff Reid's club appears to be growing in number. I pray that this is analogous to the flare-up of a candle just before extinction yet I keep reminding myself that I am reminded of the quote, "It presents quasi-scientific and pseudointellectual justifications for its vulgar fibs in order to convince people that violence and prejudice are funny." This comment is not as drossy as it seems because if Jeff Reid thinks its canards represent progress, it should rethink its definition of progress. If Jeff Reid had lived the short, sickly, miserable life of a chattel serf in the ages "before technocracy" it wouldn't be so keen to censor by caricature and preempt discussion by stereotype. Maybe it'd even begin to realize that nihilism doesn't work. So why does Jeff Reid cling to it?

If you need help in answering that question, you may note that every so often, you'll see Jeff Reid lament, flog itself, cry mea culpa for seeking to destabilize society, and vow never again to be so unregenerate. Sadly, it always reverts to its old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think that it's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of intolerant, scary psychics like it can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them.

If I have a bias, it is only against disdainful, mutinous bullies who promote group-think attitudes over individual insights. Now that you've read the bulk of this letter, it should not come as a surprise that Jeff Reid's musings reflect several layers of moral concern for many religions. However, this fact bears repeating again and again, until the words crack through the hardened exteriors of those who would make malodorous nitwits out to be something they're not. I am referring, of course, to the likes of Jeff Reid.

How does a complain generator work?

 

[rcgldr]

Why do people post in threads like this?

I find your insinuations offending.

Hey, it was my stupid question, no offense meant, note that I had posted already. (Busy looking up "odious" - like an "od" , "inveracities" - cities in "vera").

You didn't answer the question:

Why do people post in threads like this?

Similar to climbing mountains, "it's just because they are there".

How does a complain generator work?

Similar to a man, but louder and more often. I've included a sample video demostrating the complain generator in the second half of this video:

reftrain.wmv

grasshopper

Reminded me of the TV series "Kung Fu". In a rare episode there's a woman wanting to be a student, as usual, Master Po tells the woman, "when you can snatch this Milk Dud from my palm, then you will be ready", not realizing that the woman is already chewing it by the time he says "can".

If black is a color, is silence a sound?

 

[hypatia]

Yes, I have the record, The Sounds of Silence...by Simon and Garfunkle.

What can be done stop people from saying catsup for ketchup?

 

[Mattara]

Actually, I believe that the correct Mr. Burns pronunciation is "cetsup". Don't get me started on the number of episodes where Mr. Burns have gotten killed.

What is your favourite formula in electromagnetism? F = QvB or F = BIL?

 

[turbo]

Actually, my favorite formula is AlNiCo. It has an air of permanance.

Given that mankind has been using ink far longer than oil, why haven't the ink wells dried up by now?

 

[Yonoz]

Given that mankind has been using ink far longer than oil, why haven't the ink wells dried up by now?

Duh - ink is made from squids. It can't run out.

What does "why do the smilies keep moving?" mean?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What does "why do the smilies keep moving?" mean?

Nothing. It's a gross mistranslation of an old, old Yiddish song that used to be sung by the ink well drillers in the ink fields of southern Poland and expresses a dilema they set to song to relieve their stress while they drilled, for a famous Rabbi had discovered a line in the Torah that might or might not indicate that ink well drilling might or might not be kashrut, depending. So each day they weren't sure they were doing the right thing: it was still being debated, and it might turn out, retroactively, that they ought not to have been handling ink all this time. So they worried, and because they worried, they sang.

Now, the Polish peasants who heard the song couldn't understand the lyrics. To them it sounded like they were singing "Why do all the smilies keep moving?" Mentor Evo, being half Polish, and three quarters terminator, remembers her great, great, grandfather's stories about the song of the Jewish ink men, and utters the line once in a while when she doesn't have anything important to say or any posts to terminate. I don't know, though, she might mean "I'm not feeling terminatey today."

Anyway, the debate ended when it was determined that ink deposits in the ground have nothing to do with squid ink, and are, therefore, OK to handle, as long as you still wash your hands before eating.

It was moot, though, since the next night a new guy forgot to put the cap back on an ink well before going to bed and the whole ink deposit of southern Poland dried up overnight. The entire village relocated to New Jersy to work in the newly discovered ink fields there. Well, they left one guy behind to fend for himself.

What ever happened to that guy who forgot to put the cap on the inkwell?

 

[tribdog]

What ever happened to that guy who forgot to put the cap on the inkwell?

That's actually a very interesting and important story. Paddy O'Silverstein was thrown into the stockade and placed on display in town square. Where he spent the next several weeks being harrassed by children and spit upon by tobacco chewing women. He would have died there if it wasn't for the magnificent Melvin Belli, Attorney at law. Mr. Belli showed, beyond a reasonable doubt, that the ink well did not dry up because his client forgot to put the lid on it, but that the ink well dried up because his client put the lid on the wrong well. Mr. O'Silverstein was immediately released from the stockade to the cheers of townfolk everywhere. He was given the key to the city and a parade was held in his honor. At the end of the parade, in front of the mayor, the butcher and a candlestick maker named Pierre, Mr. O'Silverstein was led to the gallows, which were operated by Mr. Belli himself, and hung until dead. He had after all put the lid on the wrong inkwell.

Why was the butcher sitting next to the mayor when everyone knew they despised each other?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why was the butcher sitting next to the mayor when everyone knew they despised each other?

That's actually a very interesting and important story. I'll go into it later if at least ten people PM me begging to hear it.

In the meantime, let me explain that the butcher and the mayor were once rivals for the same girl. I don't remember her name for some reason. Anyway, she didn't like either of them, and wanted to be matched up with Marvin McMorgenstern, the future town drunk, though no one knew it at the time. The girl, whose name escapes me, kept the butcher and mayor busy by pitting them against each other in contests of affection, like, which one could climb the mountain fastest and bring her back a daisy (or Polish equivalent thereof) the soonest and so forth. All very trite and nothing to it. Untill...

The town went into a frenzy one morning when the body of Marvin McMorgenstern, future town drunk, was discovered with it's throat cut out by ink well # 17. He was a nice guy, so people said his demise was a shame. Too, everyone worried what would happen in ten years when the current town drunk's term of office expired. It was a sad day. Then the butcher mused aloud in an offhand way "Say, I wonder who would do a thing like that?" The mayor, standing nearby, turned to him, his rival, and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Well, you're pretty good with a knife, aren't you?"

"What? Are you meshugannah?" cried the butcher. "You think I did it?" The mayor shrugged, noncommitally, and walked away.

Now, having set the stage, I may explain at a later date why they ended up sitting next to each other.

I just can't remember: what was that girl's name?

 

[Yonoz]

Why was the butcher sitting next to the mayor when everyone knew they despised each other?

It would void his Kosher certificate. Ecclesiastes 19:5 states "Ink is to the mayor as proper meat is to the butcher; Therefor kill more disbelievers". In the diaspora there were many such cases where an ignorant butcher met with the mayor and the town was forced to feed on rats until the feuds with one of the nearby towns was resolved and a new butcher was sent. That is why the bubonic plague had struck few Jews, further adding to the suspicion against them - which was a major factor in their expulsion from what is today known as http://www.molvania.com.au/" . BTW, the local goyim at the time were bitter due to their difficult times and called the Jews "smilies". To this day there is a proverb in the Molvanian Jewry "The smilies keep moving and the gentiles keep cooking New England boiled dinners".

What the heck is a beef joint?

 

[zoobyshoe]

It would void his Kosher certificate. Ecclesiastes 19:5 states "Ink is to the mayor as proper meat is to the butcher; Therefor kill more disbelievers". In the diaspora there were many such cases where an ignorant butcher met with the mayor and the town was forced to feed on rats until the feuds with one of the nearby towns was resolved and a new butcher was sent. That is why the bubonic plague had struck few Jews, further adding to the suspicion against them - which was a major factor in their expulsion from what is today known as http://www.molvania.com.au/" . BTW, the local goyim at the time were bitter due to their difficult times and called the Jews "smilies". To this day there is a proverb in the Molvanian Jewry "The smilies keep moving and the gentiles keep cooking New England boiled dinners".

What the heck is a beef joint?

I beat you. My quetion takes presidence.

 

[Yonoz]

I beat you. My quetion takes presidence.

The question was:

Why was the butcher sitting next to the mayor when everyone knew they despised each other?

You have not provided an entire answer:

That's actually a very interesting and important story. I'll go into it later if at least ten people PM me begging to hear it.

You keep avoiding the questions. Your posts are filled with half-lies and quasi-sensical propaganda. You are only capable of presenting your skewed, slanted, segregated, superstitious views.

I'll let you have presidence because you can't do worse than the current guy.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Sore loser.

 

[Yonoz]

I just can't remember: what was that girl's name?

It was the infamous Sylvania of Österhepburg of Tchaikovski fame. His sixteenth piece, an opereta for a full ballet ensemble, 6 eunuchs and a clavichord (one of his lesser known works, truly ahead of its time) tells her story - from a magical Eastern-European childhood of blindfolded cricket hunts through difficult times of nights spent making beef sandwiches. The venerable Edith Piaf portrayed her in a WW2 cinema adaptation - a cult film in the military-industrial complex circles.

How is the military-industrial complex related to the enzyme-substrate complex again?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How is the military-industrial complex related to the enzyme-substrate complex again?

They're not really related. That's a rumor the enzyme-substrate complex fostered at the start of its carrear to garner prestige. It backfired when Eisenhower openly stated in front of a news conference he'd never heard of an enzyme-substrate complex and didn't believe in all that Freudian nonsense anyway. Still, the rumor persists.

Once, when I was crawling on all fours toward the phantom memory of a dimly remembered woman, a vague feminine presence in the distance tickling my hippocampal-amygdaloid complex challenging it to recall the only feebly etched imprint of her name, poorly impressed there by some shoddy workman using inferior, squid ink, a strangly crazed, inexplicably hostile character appeared looming before me, and shouted down at me: "You keep avoiding the questions. Your posts are filled with half-lies and quasi-sensical propaganda. You are only capable of presenting your skewed, slanted, segregated, superstitious views," and then stormed away.

You drink a lot of coffee?

 

[Yonoz]

You drink a lot of coffee?

Not nearly enough, as a matter of fact it's time I went to bed. I have to tie myself in otherwise I post April fools' pranks on internet forums in my sleep. It's a great excuse to be late for class though.
What was your greatest late excuse?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What was your greatest late excuse?

I always used to tell the professors that I was violently accosted in a dark thread by some sort of unbalanced mad cow disease sufferer who got all up into my face shouting: "You keep avoiding the questions. Your posts are filled with half-lies and quasi-sensical propaganda. You are only capable of presenting your skewed, slanted, segregated, superstitious views," and who then ate my homework.

Recently I was delighted when I responded to the sound of the clanging of the mail slot, to discover the new issue of Zoobie Cuisine had arrived. I picked it up and was about to tear the seal open when, suddenly, the doorbell rang. This alarmed me because I wasn't properly dressed. Dashing to the bedroom I scrambled to find my half hockey mask bite preventer and my straight jacket, and, donning them quickly, I stepped onto my automated dolley and wheeled myself to the door.

"Come in, please." I said

From behind the door came the sweet, occulted, West Virginia drawl I considered the most delectible sound in the world:

"Dr. Lecter?"

"Is that you, Clarice?"

"Dr. Lecter, I need your help."

"Well, helloooow Clarice! Do come in and well have a nice chat, shall we?"

"I'm not allowed to do that. You know the rules."

"Ah, yes! The rules. Well, tell me Clarice, is there some new trouble maker in your life? Some tedious serial head basher or blood-bathing dilitant out there you want me to help you catch? Why don't you tell me about him, everything you know. I'll listen and give you my thoughts. But you must do something for me, Clarice, in return, you understand?"

"What do you want, Dr. Lecter?"

"I want you to push the door open so I can see you. I want to see you, Clarice. I want to see the expressions on your face, and to look into your eyes when I speak to you. It's only polite. Will you do that for me, Clarice?"

Slowly and tentatively the door swung open revealing Math Is Hard standing there with a nice handbag and cheap shoes wearing a Jody Foster mask.

"It's nice to see you again, Clarice."

"Not to be rude, Dr. Lecter, but this isn't a social call."

"I can see you haven't been sleeping well, Clarice. Bad dreams? Has it come back? It has, hasn't it: the screaming, that terrible screaming of the lambs...? What does he do? Tell me of his heinous crimes, and I will do my best to restore the silence of the lambs...till next time."

"He accosts people in dark threads..."

"And?"

"He shouts at them. Suddenly, inexplicably. He says, "You keep avoiding the questions. Your posts are filled with half-lies and quasi-sensical propaganda. You are only capable of presenting your skewed, slanted, segregated, superstitious views."

"I see. Well, you have a very disturbed boy there, Clarice. He won't stop, you know, can't stop."

"That's not all. He has an accomplice."

"How nice. A chum."

Just then, and to my complete surprise, a stout, indistinct figure jumped from the bouganvilla bushes, loomed menacingly behind Math, and shouted: "If I have a bias, it is only against disdainful, mutinous bullies who promote group-think attitudes over individual insights. Now that you've read the bulk of this letter, it should not come as a surprise that Jeff Reid's musings reflect several layers of moral concern for many religions. However, this fact bears repeating again and again, until the words crack through the hardened exteriors of those who would make malodorous nitwits out to be something they're not. I am referring, of course, to the likes of Jeff Reid."

Anyone watch "Monk"?

 

[tribdog]

Sure, lots of people do. Even unpopular shows get some viewers. I myself have never seen an episode, but there is a good reason for it. . On my last fact finding tour to Northern Dalmatia in Croatia, I visited an old, family farm where they specialize in growing the national staple, dalmatian puppies. It is one of the few farms that has not gone commercial and still does everything the old fashioned way, up to and including using barefooted virgins to step on the puppies instead of putting them through a mechanical juicer. Their 1992 Shorthair Grenache was voted best of breed during the annual meeting of the American Sommelier & Puppy Clubbing Association back in '85. It was at that meeting that former treasurer Al De Fleur, in a drunken stupor, forgot to lock the kennel door allowing a pack of dogs to escape. These dogs were never caught and can been seen roaming the streets of Casa Grande AZ to this day. One of the decendants of this pack of wild dogs bit my best friend, the Rev. Desmond Tutu, causing him to require stitches and therefore miss my nephew's bris. Al De Fleur bears a striking resemblance to Ted Levine who plays the Captain on the television show Monk. I have vowed to never watch an episode until my nephew recovers from the infection he received during his botched bris.

Why do monks shave their heads in such a funny way?

 

[Yonoz]

Why do monks shave their heads in such a funny way?

It is said that it will ensure they are not reincarnated as a turtle. They also receive tax benefits, including $400 whenever they pass "go". In the recent Thai coup 3 monks received municipal fines after they were caught using the confusion to move houses and hotels between adjacent properties. Thai residents are eagerly stocking up on material possessions since the military's declaration it will abolish the Baht and print new currency, rumoured to be named after one of Myanus's moons. The original planning was to name the new currency after an actual planet, but the latest Pluto sex scandal shuffled the deck.
How do you do that fancy card-shuffling trick?