- #4,131
Noisy Rhysling
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Big Mitichlorians would like to remind everyone that there is no such thing as a "sith".
Collection of Lame Jokes
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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
- #4,132
256bits
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... fyifth, sith, sevfinth, ...
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- #4,133
256bits
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Halloween coming up.
The witch, invited to a party,
"Sure. I'll come over for a spell."
The witch, invited to a party,
"Sure. I'll come over for a spell."
- #4,134
Noisy Rhysling
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I love Halloween, it's the old day of the year nobody stares at me.256bits said:
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davenn
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- #4,136
mfb
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Isn't a deeper hole easier to find?;)
- #4,137
Ibix
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That's easy - dig a bigger hole to bury the first hole in.mfb said:
- #4,138
- #4,139
Noisy Rhysling
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What shell we do then?OCR said:Can you really do that ?? ...
View attachment 213733 ⍻ ... Oh my, wait ! !
You can't keep digging a whole hole, hole... after you hit the first turtle ! ! .
- #4,140
Ibix
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Something turtley different, of course.Noisy Rhysling said:
- #4,141
stoomart
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Knock knock...who’s there?
Dishes...dishes who?
Dishes Sean Connery.
Dishes...dishes who?
Dishes Sean Connery.
- #4,142
256bits
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Doctor to patient: I am going to tell you something that is difficult to say.
Patient awaiting the bad news: OK. Doc.
Doctor: She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
Patient awaiting the bad news: OK. Doc.
Doctor: She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
- #4,143
OCR
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Try this one... lol256bits said:
" Tie twine to three tree twigs... "
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- #4,145
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I've seen so many Schrödinger jokes, that I don't know whether to laugh or not anymore.
- #4,146
davenn
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AlexCaledin said:
more goodies, but you should have put them in the science joke thread
- #4,147
Stavros Kiri
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Superposition would do just fine ...fresh_42 said:
- #4,148
DaveC426913
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The sixth sick shiek's sixth sheep's sick.OCR said:
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I wonder whether this is infectious. I recognized today that my telephone pretends to ring when called, but actually does not ring. And of course this state of superposition couldn't be observed by a single measurement.Stavros Kiri said:
- #4,150
OCR
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That's probably the worst one there is... I've never made it through without a mess up... never ! .DaveC426913 said:
One more... lolEsau Wood would saw wood... the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw... all the wood Esau saw to saw, Esau sought to saw. One day, Wood's wood saw would saw no wood, thus the wood Wood sawed was not the wood Wood would saw if Wood's wood saw would saw wood. Wood would saw wood with a wood saw that would saw wood, so Esau sought a saw that would saw wood.Esau saw a saw saw wood no other wood saw Wood saw would saw wood... of all the wood saws Wood saw saw wood, Wood never saw a wood saw that would saw wood as the wood saw Wood saw saw wood would saw wood...
Now Wood saws wood with the wood saw Wood saw saw wood...
Esau Wood
Want more ?
... .
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- #4,151
davenn
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- #4,152
DaveC426913
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I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's son,
And I'm only plucking pheasants till the pheasant plucker comes.
And I'm only plucking pheasants till the pheasant plucker comes.
- #4,153
davenn
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only naughty if you mispronounce itDaveC426913 said:
I learned a variation on that one the second line is different
I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant pluckers' son,
I like plucking pheasants, pheasant plucking's fun
- #4,154
Ibix
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Esau observed a saw cut wood that no other saw he observed would cut... wood? Is there another way to parse that so that the final "wood" is valid?OCR said:
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mfb
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It is valid if we add a comma after the first “wood”.
- #4,156
OCR
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Well, I tried !Ibix said:
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jtbell
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You call that difficult? Try:256bits said:
The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
- #4,158
jtbell
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"Hey, where'd you get that cool Halloween tie, orange and black with spiders on it?"
"On the web, of course."
"On the web, of course."
- #4,159
DaveC426913
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Beat you by 10 posts and 25 hours, 29 minutes.jtbell said:
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jtbell
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Serves me right for not reading the intervening posts.DaveC426913 said:Beat you by 10 posts and 25 hours, 29 minutes.
- #4,161
davenn
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- #4,162
DaveC426913
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A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.
The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.
The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
- #4,163
davenn
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- #4,164
stoomart
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What did the cemetary worker say when he realized he buried the body in the wrong place?
I've made a grave mistake.
I've made a grave mistake.
- #4,165
Noisy Rhysling
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One year my GF was having Thanksgiving at her house. Now she had seven brothers and sisters, their spouses, and a small army of nieces and nephews to feed. I helped her with the shopping and she promised to tell them I had to be in San Diego that weekend.
As we're trying to find a bird the size of Rodan she started grumbling about her father and brothers fighting on the drumsticks. I laughed and said, "Get this." She eyed the package and then burst out laughing.
Come Thanksgiving Day the ladies were all in on the joke and fought to keep the guys out of the kitchen. When the meal was ready Kim's Mom brings in the covered tray and sets it down in front of her husband. The squabbling begin immediately. That's when Mom starts yelling:
"Well you all just shut up!" She removed the cover to show the turkey, and the four additional legs Kim had bought. A six legged turkey.
So, of course, the guys started arguing about who gets the "original" legs.
Phase two kicked in at that point as all the women pulled out wooden spoons and started whacking the nearest guy on the head it with.
Ever after that was known as the Thanksgiving of the Chernobyl Turkey.
As we're trying to find a bird the size of Rodan she started grumbling about her father and brothers fighting on the drumsticks. I laughed and said, "Get this." She eyed the package and then burst out laughing.
Come Thanksgiving Day the ladies were all in on the joke and fought to keep the guys out of the kitchen. When the meal was ready Kim's Mom brings in the covered tray and sets it down in front of her husband. The squabbling begin immediately. That's when Mom starts yelling:
"Well you all just shut up!" She removed the cover to show the turkey, and the four additional legs Kim had bought. A six legged turkey.
So, of course, the guys started arguing about who gets the "original" legs.
Phase two kicked in at that point as all the women pulled out wooden spoons and started whacking the nearest guy on the head it with.
Ever after that was known as the Thanksgiving of the Chernobyl Turkey.