Collection of Lame Jokes

[Psinter]

So to get Gmail I need a First name and a Last name, eh?...

First name: Ethan
Last name: Ol

 

[fresh_42]

So to get Gmail I need a First name and a Last name, eh?...

First name: Ethan
Last name: Ol

Let me guess: He lives in Bhutan?

 

[MarkusBerg]

If your wrong and you remain silent your wise.
If your right and you remain silent your married

Lame!

 

[Ibix]

A guy in my office has got his wrist in plaster. Most of us made sympathetic "oh no, how did you break it?" noises when we first saw him. Except one guy who, without missing a beat, goes "Mate! What's the craic?!"

(I am aware that there is some debate about the spelling of craic/crack in this context.)

 

[MarkusBerg]

A guy in my office has got his wrist in plaster. Most of us made sympathetic "oh no, how did you break it?" noises when we first saw him. Except one guy who, without missing a beat, goes "Mate! What's the craic?!"

(I am aware that there is some debate about the spelling of craic/crack in this context.)

It makes no difference to me

 

[jtbell]

What do you call Mr. Potato Head after he starts posting his videos on line?

A YouTuber.

 

[Psinter]

What do you call Mr. Potato Head after he starts posting his videos on line?

A YouTuber.

I don't get it.

 

[Ibix]

I don't get it.

A potato is a kind of tuber.

 

[Psinter]

A potato is a kind of tuber.

Ahaha.

 

[lekh2003]

Ahaha.

This thread is called lame jokes, cut it with the sarcastic laughing (unless you weren't, which I can't interpret over wifi).

 

[fresh_42]

Dear Customer Service,

first I want to tell you that I'm writing this letter with my middle fingers ...

 

[jtbell]

And for those of you who didn't get the other cultural reference in my lame joke:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Potato_Head

I had one of these when I was a kid. According to the dates in the article, it must have been the original version in which you had to supply your own potato, or rather, my mom did.

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Well, at least the cop on the left seems to be laughing. This is unusual for coppers on duty, in my experience.

 

[lekh2003]

View attachment 218395

My phone was recently destroyed by an internal hardware issue and I lost at least 3 GB of high quality memes fresh from Reddit. It was a sad day.

 

[davenn]

not good

I don't rely on my phone for mass storage ... it's all done on the PC with backups

Dave

 

[lekh2003]

not good

I don't rely on my phone for mass storage ... it's all done on the PC with backups

Dave

I backed up everything, but Google photos decided that my memes weren't good enough to back up.

Edit: I was beta testing Google's apps.

 

[davenn]

I backed up everything, but Google photos decided that my memes weren't good enough to back up.

I refuse to use anything that involved storage in "the cloud" whatever the form. I don't trust them
and you have further reinforced my belief that they are a bad idea

 

[lekh2003]

I refuse to use anything that involved storage in "the cloud" whatever the form. I don't trust them
and you have further reinforced my belief that they are a bad idea

I have everything on the cloud for simple ease of access. I have several devices and the cloud makes it easy to access files from anywhere.

And cut Google some slack, they were still testing new features.

 

[davenn]

I have everything on the cloud for simple ease of access. I have several devices and the cloud makes it easy to access files from anywhere.

And cut Google some slack, they were still testing new features.

no way I would do that

cut slack ... no way on that either ... they have been a total pain in the butt with all their garbage, the way they have taken over stuff

anyway all this is totally off topic ... let's return to jokes

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 218405

That reminds me of an old one:

Did you know Cleopatra used to bathe in donkey's milk?

Really? Pasteurised?

No, only up to her tummy button.

 

[Psinter]

My phone was recently destroyed by an internal hardware issue and I lost at last 3 GB of high quality memes fresh from Reddit. It was a sad day.

When someone threatens to delete your memes if you don't speak: Nooooooooo. Not my memes! Anything but that!

(sort of a lame joke)

 

[lekh2003]

Is this not lame enough?

 

[mfb]

Ah, the good old browser downloader program.

 

[lekh2003]

I can keep em coming.

 

[jtbell]

Where do pigs post their selfies?

On Instaham.

 

[Borg]

Dear Customer Service,

first I want to tell you that I'm writing this letter with my middle fingers ...

I may actually use that one.

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 218556

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays us from our appointed duties - but we do draw the line when our car is actually buried under ice.

 

[lekh2003]

I found this gold.

 

[mfb]

This is an actual screenshot from bing.

 

[Ibix]

What's a pirate's favourite letter?

Arrrrrr.

 

[phinds]

I just found out some interesting things about vegetarians. The English translation of the Navajo word for vegetarian is "he who is lousy hunter". Also, although it's true that most vegetarians are vegetarians because they love animals, there are a few who are vegetarians because they hate plants. You can spot them in restaurants laughing demonically as they eat their brussel sprouts. Personally, I'm only a partial vegetarian. I just adore spinach and collard green plants and would never DREAM of eating them.

 

[256bits]

Phone rings.
Me: Hello
Voice: Hi. Can I ask if your refrigerator I running?
Me: Yes. It's running.
Voice: Better go catch it.
Me: Arrr