Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

This guy is stopped by a cop while driving:
"Did you know this is a one-way street?"
"I am only going one way."

 

[fresh_42]

If I worked at IKEA, I would have given the children's products the appropriate names.

The beds "Roara" and "Nitslip", the children's plate "Tastynasty" and the wardrobe "Dawdly" would certainly be bestsellers.

 

[WWGD]

If I worked at IKEA, I would have given the children's products the appropriate names.

The beds "Roara" and "Nitslip", the children's plate "Tastynasty" and the wardrobe "Dawdly" would certainly be bestsellers.

At McDonald's: Filet McNasty. MadMag ( RIP) did a bit on "IKrappa" , ripping IKEA. It seems IKEA took it as a compliment.

 

[fresh_42]

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2bgk6p/looks_about_right/

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 253065
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2bgk6p/looks_about_right/

Maybe re our recent "Power Tower" post, we can have infinitely-many RVs on top of each other and see what happens, i.e., if the tower converges.

 

[DrGreg]

If I worked at IKEA, I would have given the children's products the appropriate names.

The beds "Roara" and "Nitslip", the children's plate "Tastynasty" and the wardrobe "Dawdly" would certainly be bestsellers.

To understand the following joke, pronounce the punchline with a New Zealand accent.

In New Zealand, I asked one of the locals where I could buy flat-pack furniture.

He replied, "Does it look like I care?"

 

[fresh_42]

To understand the following joke, pronounce the punchline with a New Zealand accent.

In New Zealand, I asked one of the locals where I could buy flat-pack furniture.

He replied, "Does it look like I care?"

I don't know the NZ accent, but Scottish did as well.

 

[fresh_42]

He replied, "Does it look like I care?"

"Locked? Is it that late?"

 

[jtbell]

"My mission is to ensure that this sodium chloride crystal stays together."

"And your name?..."

"Bond. Ionic bond."

 

[WWGD]

It seems the new Super Quark found is the same as the existing Quark Qent. Who knew?

 

[fresh_42]

It seems the new Super Quark found is the same as the existing Quark Qent. Who knew?

 

[WWGD]

When Putin's son was in the fitting room trying on pants, he was just a little Russian dressing on the side.

 

[BillTre]

Randall Munroe abuses annoying movie name:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[mfb]

It's actually straight ahead. Always follow the wrong direction, that's the secret.

 

[mfb]

Adviceberg

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Maybe one couple got married standing on opposite sides of the International Date Line on New Year's Day?

It would make a great conversation. "Is it your anniversary or mine, dear? I can never remember..."

 

[WWGD]

Society against abbreviations is called SAA...

 

[mfb]

Maybe it is just people who live in that country and married.

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

Could be two people got married, then divorced or widowed, then one of them married someone else; thus an odd number.

 

[fresh_42]

What a lovely example to demonstrate our Berufskrankheit (occupational disease - but I find Beruf=profession fits better than occupational):

Maybe one couple got married standing on opposite sides of the International Date Line on New Year's Day?

It would make a great conversation. "Is it your anniversary or mine, dear? I can never remember..."

Maybe it is just people who live in that country and married.

Could be two people got married, then divorced or widowed, then one of them married someone else; thus an odd number.

Automatically perform on any input:

1. Ignore the true intention by all means!
2. Find a trivial example, if not possible,
3. Find a trivial counterexample, if not possible,
4. Examine all exceptional cases, with the objective function:
5. The absurdly The better, under the constraints:
6. Physically possible in our universe, if not possible,
7. Assume another universe.

 

[WWGD]

What a lovely example to demonstrate our Berufskrankheit (occupational disease - but I find Beruf=profession fits better than occupational):

Automatically perform on any input:

1. Ignore the true intention by all means!
2. Find a trivial example, if not possible,
3. Find a trivial counterexample, if not possible,
4. Examine all exceptional cases, with the objective function:
5. The absurdly The better, under the constraints:
6. Physically possible in our universe, if not possible,
7. Assume another universe.

So, Beruf Willis is divorced? He will die harder.

 

[WWGD]

What a lovely example to demonstrate our Berufskrankheit (occupational disease - but I find Beruf=profession fits better than occupational):

Automatically perform on any input:

1. Ignore the true intention by all means!
2. Find a trivial example, if not possible,
3. Find a trivial counterexample, if not possible,
4. Examine all exceptional cases, with the objective function:
5. The absurdly The better, under the constraints:
6. Physically possible in our universe, if not possible,
7. Assume another universe.

Wow, a thorough analysis of possible meanings of a joke. Sorry if I ever doubted you were German!

 

[fresh_42]

Wow, a thorough analysis of possible meanings of a joke. Sorry if I ever doubted you were German!

This was our proof to the world that we actually do have humor:


And we made this one famous:


And the country in second place where British dark humor is appreciated is us!

 

[Keith_McClary]

Possibly three people could get married in a single polygamous ceremony.

 

[davenn]

Possibly three people could get married in a single polygamous ceremony.

Ahhh, out of all the possibilities given prior, this is the one that fits
I didn't even think of that possibility myself

the original post didn't state about those that married then divorced, a partner that died etc etc
It just stated, people that got married ( nothing more or less )

 

[fresh_42]

It just stated, people that got married ( nothing more or less

But they haven't said that Utah is within the sample either!

 

[davenn]

But they haven't said that Utah is within the sample either!

I don't know if Utah would be the only place or if mormons are the only ones practicing that ?
A lot of African tribes ( and probably others) practice that sort of thing as well And on a side-note ...
Why a man would want to willingly impose the stress of multiple wives on himself, boggles the mind

 

[Vanadium 50]

And now to get back on topic...

"Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy." (Ambrose Bierce)

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

After they redo the electrical grid, US capital will be called Washington AC.

 

[jtbell]

Where did Walter Gropius's dog sleep?

In the Bow-wow-Haus.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Why a man would want to willingly impose the stress of multiple wives on himself, boggles the mind

I know a guy who was married and divorced twice - to the same woman. Would this be counted in the statistics as two or four people getting married?

 

[Ibix]

I know a guy who was married and divorced twice - to the same woman. Would this be counted in the statistics as two or four people getting married?

I know a guy who got married twice to the same woman without getting divorced.

 

[jack action]

The precise statistics of left handed and right handed people:

 

[Bystander]

precise statistics of left handed and right handed people:

..., or is it Brits & Anzacs vs. right hand drivers?

 

[fresh_42]

Cauchy dead, Hilbert dead, Einstein dead, and I'm pretty bad, too.

 

[Vanadium 50]

The precise statistics of left handed and right handed people

Or a statement on relative finger size.

 

[gmax137]

Society against abbreviations is called SAA...

TLA = Three Letter Acronym

 

[gmax137]

Wow, a thorough analysis of possible meanings of a joke. Sorry if I ever doubted you were German!

I worked with a German guy. One day someone told a joke in the office, and we all cracked up except for the German guy. "Stefan, don't you think that's funny?" I asked. He replied, "I will laugh later."

 

[WWGD]

I worked with a German guy. One day someone told a joke in the office, and we all cracked up except for the German guy. "Stefan, don't you think that's funny?" I asked. He replied, "I will laugh later."

After writing a report, including suggestions for improvement.

 

[fresh_42]

After writing a report, including suggestions for improvement.

I assume the joke was simply not funny,which happens when

• you already know it
• you saw the pun coming from far
• too stupid
• not funny
• at someone's cost who was present
• etc.

"I will laugh later" is a standard response meaning: "I cannot understand how you find something like this funny. It doesn't require any thought, and is far too shallow." It's politer than the alternative: "Sorry, but I'm not 4 anymore."

 

[gmax137]

"Sorry, but I'm not 4 anymore."

Thanks, that made me laugh out loud.

 

[jack action]

I assume the joke was simply not funny,which happens when

• [...]
• not funny
• [...]

You cannot make a more thorough analysis than this one!

 

[fresh_42]

You cannot make a more thorough analysis than this one!

It's always a good idea to place a tautology in an argument. It prevents you from being refuted.

 

[WWGD]

I worked with a German guy. One day someone told a joke in the office, and we all cracked up except for the German guy. "Stefan, don't you think that's funny?" I asked. He replied, "I will laugh later."

SNL's Sprockets with Mike Myers is my mental image. Favorite German sitcon: Who are you to judge? etc.

 

[mfb]

It's always a good idea to place a tautology in an argument. It prevents you from being refuted.

It's always a good idea to place a tautology or an argument in an argument. It prevents you from being refuted or not being refuted.

 

[Mark44]

It's always a good idea to place a tautology or an argument in an argument. It prevents you from being refuted or not being refuted.

Or not ...