Collection of Lame Jokes

[Psinter]

Come on science. I need answers.

 

[fresh_42]

Come on science. I need answers.

Power naps!

 

[256bits]

Come on science. I need answers.

Ha ha that's a good one for everyone.
Buy a really really fast watch.
( or is it a really really slow watch )

what I do know due to science, at least for NA is that once a year I get to sleep 9 hours in 8, but then as there is no free lunch, several months later there is clawback and I get to sleep only 7 hours in 8. And once every 4 years or so they let me sleep another day ( night ) of sleep, just because they are compassionate people out there for the sleep deprived.

 

[fresh_42]

Ha ha that's a good one for everyone.
Buy a really really fast watch.
( or is it a really really slow watch )

Yep, that's the solution: Just run at 87% c while you sleep and all will be fine!

 

[Borg]

Yep, that's the solution: Just run at 87% c while you sleep and all will be fine!

Better if everyone else runs at 87% c so that their clocks run slower. Then you can sleep all you like.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 227417

Come on science. I need answers.

They say, hours (of sleep) before midnight count double. Try it.

 

[jtbell]

What's the classic meal for Groundhog Day?

Leftovers.

 

[Ibix]

What do you call jokes about current events within 23° of the equator?

Tropical topical humour.

What do you call jokes about recent developments in skin creams?

Topical topical humour.

 

[Ibix]

What's the classic meal for Groundhog Day?

Leftovers.

I hate the way it repeats on you, though.

 

[256bits]

recent developments in skin creams

Lathering the cream all over your skin below the 23 degree- would that be tropical topical topical cream?

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

this is a whole 'nother level of dopey

 

[Psinter]

How some see the US.

Non-American: "Are you from Texas? Or New York?"
American: I'm from Oregon.
Non-American: ... ... ... ... ... Is it close to Texas? Is it big like Texas? Have you been to Texas? I've heard about California... You close to New York?

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 227629

How some see the US.

Non-American: "Are you from Texas? Or New York?"
American: I'm from Oregon.
Non-American: ... ... ... ... ... Is it close to Texas? Is it big like Texas? Have you been to Texas? I've heard about California... You close to New York?

Still far far better than many people see Germany:

 

[jtbell]

From the Autocorrect Spelling Bee:

"Schadenfreude. S-C-A-R-F. Schadenfreude."

Speaking of Schadenfreude, for those of you who have been on the road for the big holiday in the US...

New Yorker magazine cartoon

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Bandersnatch]

snip

 

[davenn]

hahaha

 

[Borg]

View attachment 227693

Speaking of Winnie the Pooh... Did you know that he is banned in China?

Of course the harder they try, the more creative people get. Notice the coffee cup held by Chinese nobel laureate Liu Xiaobo before he died.
Credit: LastWeekTonight 6/17/18 show.

 

[Bandersnatch]

Speaking of Winnie the Pooh... Did you know that he is banned in China?

 

[jtbell]

Is it close to Texas? Is it big like Texas? Have you been to Texas? I've heard about California... You close to New York?

Reminds me of the New Yorker who met a tourist from Ohio.

New Yorker: "Oh really? A friend of mine moved out that way."
Tourist: "Where does he live?"
New Yorker: "Idaho."

 

[fresh_42]

Reminds me of the New Yorker who met a tourist from Ohio.

New Yorker: "Oh really? A friend of mine moved out that way."
Tourist: "Where does he live?"
New Yorker: "Idaho."

That's a good example for a one-point compactification (Alexandroff).

 

[Ibix]

Reminds me of the New Yorker who met a tourist from Ohio.

New Yorker: "Oh really? A friend of mine moved out that way."
Tourist: "Where does he live?"
New Yorker: "Idaho."

Ahem: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idaho,_Ohio

 

[davenn]

OK, this is about as lame as you can get

 

[jtbell]

Ahem: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idaho,_Ohio

For that matter, there's also an Oregon, Ohio, just outside Toledo. I drove through there last year on my rust belt road trip.

There are a surprising number of towns with the same names as states different from the ones they're located in. An amusing example is Indiana, Pennsylvania, which is the home of Indiana University of Pennsylvania (no connection to either Indiana University or the University of Pennsylvania).

 

[Ibix]

For that matter, there's also an Oregon, Ohio, just outside Toledo. I drove through there last year on my rust belt road trip.

To be honest, I only discovered Idaho, Ohio because my US geography isn't much better than the New York/Texas/California gag (I know where Florida is too!). I put Ohio into Google, then Idaho, and one of the auto-completes caught my eye...

I think my wife knows a few more states - Alaska which ones.

 

[mfb]

There is also Ohio, New York, with a population of 1000.

There is also Ohio, asteroid belt, with a population of zero.

 

[fresh_42]

Physicists found out ...

Spoiler

... but went in again.

 

[jtbell]

There is also Ohio, New York, with a population of 1000.

Ohio was increased by some of the now-defunct town of Wilmurt, which itself had been partly formed with territory from Ohio and the town of Russia in 1836.

So it appears at least some people in Ohio can see Russia from their house! No need to go all the way to Alaska.

 

[mfb]

There is also Russia, Ohio...

 

[Fewmet]

There is also Ohio, New York, with a population of 1000.

I've heard that Ohioville, NY was named by settlers who intended to go to migrate to Ohio, but stopped early and named the town after the intended destination.

(I read this in a newsletter for a rail trail in that area. Looking online for another source, I found it on Wikipedia, but it cites that same newsletter.)

 

[fresh_42]

I wanted to donate blood. But they've asked too many questions: "Whose blood is this?" "Where did you have it from?" ...

 

[fresh_42]

The two year old just ran against the door while staring at his coloring book.
I think he's ready now for his first smartphone.