Collection of Lame Jokes

[Aufbauwerk 2045]

One of the Doctor's new friends enters the Tardis for the first time. She is accompanied by Adric.

Friend: "Why is it bigger on the inside than on the outside?"
Adric: "Because it's dimensionally transcendental."
Friend: "What does that mean?"
Adric: "It means it's bigger on the inside than on the outside."

 

[Stavros Kiri]

A)

I think he's ready now for his first smartphone.

Or it's smart to phone and ask a counselor to see if he is ready first! ...

B)

The two year old just ran against the door while staring at his coloring book.
I think he's ready now for his first smartphone.

Or he may just be already using Wi-fi ! ...

 

[jtbell]

There is also Russia, Ohio...

The correct local pronunciation is "roo-shee", with the emphasis on the first syllable.

We Ohioans do have a way with pronunciations of "foreign" names. Not far from my hometown is Vienna, pronounced "Vy-enna". And down near the Ohio River is Rio Grande, pronounced "Rye-oh Grand".

 

[Stavros Kiri]

So it appears at least some people in Ohio can see Russia from their house! No need to go all the way to Alaska.

There is also Russia, Ohio...

Well they can see Russia but not Moscow! ...

 

[mfb]

Well they can see Russia but not Moscow! ...

Moscow, Ohio

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Moscow, Ohio

Well but it's not in Russia [Ohio] ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

End Times Jokes:

"I am god and I decided there will be no End Times! ... I should be on my way now, because I hear an ambulance! ..."

+ another one (opposite view): "There will be no End Times! Simply there won't be enough time! ..."

And the busy people's approach: "End Times!? There's no time for that! [Are you kidding? There's more important things to do! ... Lol]"

 

[davenn]

I think he's ready now for his first smartphone.

And the busy people's approach: "End Times!? There's no time for that! [Are you kidding? There's more important things to do! ... Lol]"

and speaking of smartphones and personal "end time" ……

 

[Stavros Kiri]

and speaking of smartphones and personal "end time" ……

View attachment 227875

He missed the alerts too! ...

 

[jtbell]

M gives agent 007 his next assignment:

"I want you to go to this party. Mingle. Meet people. Make friends... Bond, James. Bond."

 

[fresh_42]

What we charge for an hour work:

• NORMAL: $40
• IF YOU WATCH: $60
• IF YOU HELP: $80
• IF YOU ALREADY BEGAN: $120

 

[davenn]

haha

 

[Psinter]

I don't even know how they come with these anymore. Lame funny nonetheless.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What we charge for an hour work:

• NORMAL: $40
• IF YOU WATCH: $60
• IF YOU HELP: $80
• IF YOU ALREADY BEGAN: $120

+ • If you've already "fixed it": $100,000

 

[jtbell]

 

[davenn]

 

[Fig Neutron]

Well he was one of the most vulgar characters. They had to bleep out every single word he said.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

Another flashback to fifth grade:

"What's that in the ditch?"
"Gomer's pile."

(cultural reference for those not familiar with 1960s TV shows in the US)

 

[Borg]

Another flashback to fifth grade:

"What's that in the ditch?"
"Gomer's pile."

(cultural reference for those not familiar with 1960s TV shows in the US)

They ran a bunch of these on Jeopardy recently:

A pleasure trip for Suri's dad

Spoiler

Tom's cruise

Cherry stone for Angelina Jolie's life partner

Spoiler

Brad's pit

Bird belonging to a movie "Gladiator"

Spoiler

Russell's crow

Breakfast meat belonging to the movies' "Hollow Man"

Spoiler

Kevin's bacon

Rule of conduct by which 2004's "Alfie" lives

Spoiler

Jude's law

Walking stick for 1966's "Alfie"

Spoiler

Michael's cane

 

[fresh_42]

I recently met a girl. She promised to call me after work. Poor girl, she now works in the 72nd hour.

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

View attachment 228204

brilliant

 

[davenn]

Would you want to be mummified after you die, if it was a choice ?

No, it sounds like a pyramid scheme

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

Dear IsaAC:
Do you like me?

_____ Yes.
_____ No.
_____ There is as yet insufficient data for a meaningful answer.

(credit: XKCD)
(reference: The Last Question)

 

[Ibix]

(reference: The Last Question)

Ah! I didn't get that comic at all - I'd forgotten that story. Thanks. I can always rely on PF for reliable citations even if I don't know I need them...

 

[davenn]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 228376

All that vs "sea of stupidity" ...

 

[jtbell]

Did you know that after retiring from biology, Charles Darwin took up artistic paper-folding? He became very good at shapes of plants and animals, and even wrote a book about it: The Origami of Species.

 

[DrGreg]

Did you know that after retiring from biology, Charles Darwin took up artistic paper-folding? He became very good at shapes of plants and animals, and even wrote a book about it: The Origami of Species.

That's odd. The story I heard was that he took up cookery, and became very good at finding the right herbs and spices for many plants and animals. He wrote a book, Of the Oregano on the Species.

That was after his study of the plants and animals of a West Coast American State.

Spoiler

On the Species of Oregon

 

[fresh_42]

That's odd. The story I heard was that he took up cookery, and became very good at finding the right herbs and spices for many plants and animals. He wrote a book, Of the Oregano on the Species.

That was after his study of the plants and animals of a West Coast American State.

Spoiler

On the Species of Oregon

I'm getting old. I could have sworn it was On the spices of Oregon.

 

[fresh_42]

"Your room looks like hit by a bomb!"
"That's Peng Shui."

 

[davenn]

I did contemplate putting this in "Science Jokes" thread ……..

To the Astronomy Club:
Der Sirs,
Tx 4 taking the thyme to reed my letir.
I am very upset with yor articel on how to make a reflecter telescop.
It doesn't work LOL.
This is the steps I walked to get the Astra foter.
Borrowed a parabolik parrybolik curved mirror from somebody who found it at the plaice where he works.
Dont have any a pipe tube thing so I hung it up with welding rods an string.
Also don't know what a eye peace is so just used my camera as the viewr coz I can always see picsures in the back thingy.
As u knw the moon was e clips 2nite & maarz closer so I tryed to take them.
Please advice.
Tx.

 

[Borg]

If you replace "Please advice" with "I have proved that Einstein was wrong", you get the crackpot version.