Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

You're overthinking it.

Isn't that a symptom of schizophrenia?

 

[fresh_42]

Isn't that a symptom of schizophrenia?

Depends on whom you ask

 

[256bits]

Can doctors with multiple personality disorder give second opinions?

 

[Ibix]

I asked for a second opinion, and he says "You're ugly too".

 

[BillTre]

 

[Swamp Thing]

I asked for a second opinion, and he says "You're ugly too".

I wish there was a dislike button, because this isn't lame and it doesn't belong here.(Actually, I clicked the Like).

 

[Ibix]

I wish there was a dislike button, because this isn't lame and it doesn't belong here.

It's the way I tell 'em.

 

[Borg]

From Gene Weingarten this weekend.

Into a bar walked a lady named Sondra.
Her face was angelic, her body spelled trouble.

She said to the barkeep, "I'll have an entendre,
.. And, come to think of it, make it a double."

No thinker was he -- he was more of a doer.
So the barkeep just smiled ... and then gave it to her.

 

[Ibix]

Reminded by @fresh_42's Weird News post about police finding a hiding drug suspect because he farted, this Dominic Deegan comic. A little context is needed: the black haired gentleman is a knight, searching for two thieves who he knows are hiding nearby.

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

I don't see what's funny about that last one...

<cynical>

 

[BillTre]

 

[mfb]

A mouth in motion tends to stay in motion unless a saturation force acts on it.

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 247002

I

My Taiwanese friend has Taipei personality. (Ouch.

That's for those who say I don't recycle. This joke is at least fifteen years old.

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

@starbucks
" The bathroom is in really bad shape"
"Should we call a plumber?"
"No, really, really bad, more like a priest"

 

[fresh_42]

That's for those who say I don't recycle. This joke is at least fifteen years old.

Do you know this long line on the interstate 80? Th

@starbucks
" The bathroom is in really bad shape"
"Should we call a plumber?"
"No, really, really bad, more like a priest"

"Someone placed a bomb in the bathroom!"
"Oh, we need to call the bomb squad!"
"No. You don't!"
(Texas lightning.)

 

[WWGD]

Do you know this long line on the interstate 80? Th

??

 

[fresh_42]

??

Yeah, was a not so good joke from childhood days:

We say old jokes have a long beard. And what's longer than this line?

 

[WWGD]

Yeah, was a not so good joke from childhood days:

View attachment 247080

We say old jokes have a long beard. And what's longer than this line?

Ah, number 43!

 

[tnich]

Here's a joke I remember from second grade:

Mark: What's red and goes ding dong?
Andy: A red ding dong?
Mark: Right! What's blue and goes ding dong?
Andy: A blue ding dong.
Mark: No, they only come in red.

 

[Swamp Thing]

English:
"Publish or perish".

German:
"Papiere, bitte".

Spoiler

(papers, please)

 

[Keith_McClary]

Careful, your post may inspire more lame age jokes. To wit:

"I am so old my printer writes in cuneiform."
"Uses only the finest Babylonian mud, from Ur!"

Clay tablets

 

[davenn]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

"He is very poor."
"How much poor?"
"He is extremely poor, terribly poor. He understands nothing except money."
A lame translation of a few lines from a story in Bengali.

 

[Steelwolf]

Heck, that is not poor at all, MY Family was soooooo poor that not only could we not afford to pay attention, our family started the entire Attention Deficit.

 

[Swamp Thing]

Clay tablets

But why clay? I can't believe the fraudsters chose clay just to make this joke possible.
If I want to put something into a box to simulate the heft of a phone, what's my most logical choice?

 

[Steelwolf]

On those cuneiform tablets it is an obviously distinct text Ur.

 

[WWGD]

What is Gibbs Sampling?
Gibbs is not sampling anything, stop spreading rumors!

 

[davenn]

 

[256bits]

Ok. Let's not be too sexist here.
Obviously woman also need a reason to not press the issue. ( hha that's a pun )

 

[256bits]

"He is very poor."
"How much poor?"
"He is extremely poor, terribly poor. He understands nothing except money."
A lame translation of a few lines from a story in Bengali.

Just like my uncle's wife.
She could afford nothing but hand-me-downs she used to say.
"To go shopping for new clothes, Bob has to hand me down money from his paycheck."

 

[davenn]

@jtbell 's current roadtrip had me thinking of this giggle