Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

This might have something to do with the intermediate vector bozo, a.k.a. moron.

 

[mfb]

Bozone ( n.): An air layer surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

It has been observed that multiple bozones can overlap, creating a Bozo condensate at low intellectual energy.

 

[Mark44]

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

Spoiler

The outside

 

[Mark44]

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes.
By that time, you'll be a mile away, and you have his shoes, so you can say anything you want about him...

 

[Ibix]

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

The down side.

 

[Klystron]

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

Spoiler

The outside

Yes, but the delectable Möbius-Klein duck only contains one side.

!kcauq

 

[Ibix]

Yes, but the delectable Möbius-Klein duck only contains one side.
View attachment 249819
!kcauq

The Möbius-Klein duck's favourite song is a version of Dem Bones:

Head bone's connected to the tailbone...

 

[davenn]

My pirate friend's rather obese parrot sadly died recently.
I asked how he was feeling.
"Arrrr, it's a huge weight off my shoulders."

 

[Auto-Didact]

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

My pirate friend's rather obese parrot sadly died recently.
I asked how he was feeling.
"Arrrr, it's a huge weight off my shoulders."

Speaking of which, it's Talk Like a Pirate Day! Arrrrgh!

 

[mfb]

A special one, because the year matches the date! 19.9.19.

 

[Borg]

There's a palindrome in there too. 91919

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

The Egyptian doctor that fixed my back is a Cairo practor.

 

[WWGD]

To be sure people lack capacity for detail but we should not mistake this for Minimalism or Simplicity principle (KISS). Minimalism eliminates extraneous redundant pieces in order to concentrate on core details. KISS invites...

Rock'n Roll all night and party every day...

 

[jtbell]

Why did the pirate ship's crew mutiny against their captain?

Because his restless peg syndrome was keeping them awake all night. Aarrrrh!

 

[fresh_42]

Why did the pirate have a restless peg syndrome that was keeping them awake all night?

Because they sold him a woodpecker for a parrot! Aarrrrgh!

 

[davenn]

Husband: "Doctor, I'm worried about my wife. She thinks she's a pair of curtains."

Doctor: "Tell her to pull herself together."

 

[davenn]

with apologies to those from there …. maybe, sort of

 

[davenn]

cant remember if I have posted this before …..

What a dreadful night. I dreamt something bit me on the neck...

I even got up to check,
but the mirror's not working!?

 

[WWGD]

When you read Philosophy before going out riding, you're putting Descartes before the horse.

 

[WWGD]

cant remember if I have posted this before …..

Yes, it was on a post about deja Vu...

 

[jtbell]

Husband: "Doctor, I'm worried about my wife. She thinks she's a pair of curtains."

Doctor: "Tell her to pull herself together."

A few days later...

Husband: "Now she thinks there are people crawling in and out underneath the curtains."

Doctor: "OK, I'll prescribe her a tranquilizer."

Husband: "A tranquilizer?"

Doctor: "Yes, she's two tents."

 

[davenn]

I asked my wife "What do women really want?"..She said
"Attentive lovers"... Or maybe it was "A tent of lovers."
Actually, I'm not sure..I really wasn't listening.

 

[fresh_42]

I asked my wife "What do women really want?"..She said
"Attentive lovers"... Or maybe it was "A tent of lovers."
Actually, I'm not sure..I really wasn't listening.

Maybe it wasn't an XOR

 

[mfb]

A tent of attentive lovers?

 

[davenn]

A tent of attentive lovers?

haha what ever floats her boat

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

Looks like the volcano has the same thought.

 

[homerwho]

It sure felt like it on campus..I think its still defacto premise is constant.

 

[jtbell]

What did Idaho? A potato field.

 

[jack action]

HOW TO INSTALL HUSBAND :

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy :-

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance. This is particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0!
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another
valuable program, Romance 9.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and FOOTBALL 4.1
What can I do?
Regards
Xxxx

Reply :

Dear Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command- ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 , then only it will automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5.
Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0 Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system.
So please be careful!
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0
We recommend: Cooking 3.0
Good Luck Madam !
Regards

 

[fresh_42]

Most people write Congrats because they don't know the spelling of Congrajulashions.

 

[strangerep]

[...] know the spelling [...]

Heh, this reminded me of a (now very old) joke...

Why did Michael Jackson title his 7th album "Bad"?

Spoiler

Because he couldn't spell "Pathetic".