Collection of Lame Jokes

[Adesh]

View attachment 262311

I didn't get that joke. Somebody please explain.

 

[Ibix]

I didn't get that joke. Somebody please explain.

The skull is in the pelvis. Someone who "has their head up their ass" is someone with utter immunity to facts because they have carefully arranged themselves so that they cannot see them. Also anything coming out of their mouths will be well mixed with stuff that normally comes out the other end of the body. A typical politician...

 

[Keith_McClary]

Hydroxychloroquine Side Effects
...
Psychiatric
Common (1% to 10%): Emotional lability (sudden changes in emotion and behaviors of inappropriately high intensity that may include sudden bouts of anger, dysphoria, sadness, or euphoria)

 

[WWGD]

The skull is in the pelvis. Someone who "has their head up their ass" is someone with utter immunity to facts because they have carefully arranged themselves so that they cannot see them. Also anything coming out of their mouths will be well mixed with stuff that normally comes out the other end of the body. A typical politician...

You have now joined many of us in having the questionable merit of being a joke explainer. I'm writing a book " 100 jokes explained".

 

[DrGreg]

You have now joined many of us in having the questionable merit of being a joke explainer. I'm writing a book " 100 jokes explained".

To paraphrase an old saying, "Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies."

 

[WWGD]

To paraphrase an old saying, "Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies."

May I quote you for my book? ;).

 

[DrGreg]

May I quote you for my book? ;).

Before you do that, try googling the phrase "and the frog dies" to see who else has said it.

 

[WWGD]

Before you do that, try googling the phrase "and the frog dies" to see who else has said it.

I ended up with results on something on " When the doves cry" ;).

 

[fresh_42]

I ended up with results on something on " When the doves cry" ;).

Internet is stupid. It has to be: "When the storks rattle ..."

 

[Klystron]

One of our presidents, possibly JFK, given to puns; allowed time for the Russian translators to explain his jokes to the Soviet premier. Using the above analogy, he was
"dissecting the frog while it lived". Vivisection!

 

[Keith_McClary]

joke explainer

Even worse:

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for February 08, 1995

 

[WWGD]

Even worse:
View attachment 263541
Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for February 08, 1995

Calvin and Hobbes go ' Meta'.

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

Patient: "Doctor, I have this song running through my mind all the time -- 'The Green, Green, Grass of Home'."
Doctor: "Sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome."
Patient: "Really? I've never heard of it"
Doctor: "It's not unusual."

 

[fresh_42]

Patient: "Doctor, I have this song running through my mind all the time -- 'The Green, Green, Grass of Home'."
Doctor: "Sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome."
Patient: "Really? I've never heard of it"
Doctor: "It's not unusual."

Oh, thanks. Now I have this Delilah earworm.

 

[Ibix]

Oh, thanks. Now I have this Delilah earworm.

Why, why, why, d'you have that?

 

[davenn]

20% off everythi

 

[mfb]

Except animal food.

Sorry, German "insider" joke that won't be understood outside.
A large German hardware store chain (now bankrupt) had a long-running ad of "20% off of everything, except animal food". People wondered why animal food was excluded, but it was probably just marketing strategy - make people talk about it. And it did work.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 263661

We should give due credit for this. Miami Herald has a similar headline:
https://www.miamiherald.com/news/nation-world/world/article25161682.html

 

[jack action]

Baptism 2020

 

[Klystron]

Baptism 2020

View attachment 263676​

That priest displays excellent shooting stance: proper foot angle, good balance, shoulders straight, both eyes open, elbow relaxed on shooting arm, firm grip on water pistol. Also positioned to duck behind baptismal if the baby returns fire.

Does he throw the salt like a sumo wrestler?

 

[davenn]

 

[phinds]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

Reading The Economist while eating breakfast this morning, I was struck by the following sentence: "A plan to reboot the Euro area was ground down to a budget of homeopathic insignificance." It then occurred to me:

Anyone prescribing homeopathic medicine should be required accept homeopathic payment: an empty envelope that used to have money in it.

 

[WWGD]

Reading The Economist while eating breakfast this morning, I was struck by the following sentence: "A plan to reboot the Euro area was ground down to a budget of homeopathic insignificance. It then occurred to me:

Anyone prescribing homeopathic medicine should be required accept homeopathic payment: an empty envelope that used to have money in it.

A phrasing I have found strange is, often referring to famous people : " How was x as a person?" What else was x if not a person?

 

[phinds]

A phrasing I have found strange is, often referring to famous people : " How was x as a person?" What else was x if not a person?

I don't find that strange at all. Hollywood folks are "on" in public, not so much, or not at all, in private. "As a person" means when not "on". I know exactly how that goes. All my career, I was "on" any time I went to a job interview, but not so much the rest of the time. EVERYBODY is "on, at least to some extent, on a first date.

 

[Keith_McClary]

These poor folks are stranded far from home because of Covid-19.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]