Collection of Lame Jokes

[etotheipi]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

They sell these over here:

Translation: Out of my way you unnecessary social contact.

 

[jtbell]

The country's biggest ketchup producer didn't anticipate the huge demand for those small packets for takeout orders and even table service (shared ketchup bottles being a no-no nowadays).

In Heinzsight, it should have been obvious to them.

 

[DrGreg]

The country's biggest ketchup producer didn't anticipate the huge demand for those small packets for takeout orders and even table service (shared ketchup bottles being a no-no nowadays).

In Heinzsight, it should have been obvious to them.

There was a TV show about tomato sauce recently. If you missed it, it's still available on ketchup.

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[berkeman]

Oh my gawd, Jack. That took me way too long to figure out.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

Two truck drivers.
"Do you see the bridge over there?"
"Yeah, so?"
"It says 13 feet but we are 14 feet high."
"So what. Have you seen cops anywhere?"

 

[Borg]

Two truck drivers.
"Do you see the bridge over there?"
"Yeah, so?"
"It says 13 feet but we are 14 feet high."
"So what. Have you seen cops anywhere?"

Maybe they were here? 161 crashes and counting.
http://11foot8.com/

 

[jack action]

I stood waving at my neighbour for 10 minutes this morning before realising she was cleaning her windows.

 

[DennisN]

Which is worse – ignorance or apathy?

Answer:

Spoiler

I don't know and I don't care.

 

[Keith_McClary]

They've got an awful lot of Covid in Brazil.
(I didn't pay $11 for the right to post the cartoon.)

 

[DaveC426913]

They've got an awful lot of Covid in Brazil.
(I didn't pay $11 for the right to post the cartoon.)

I don't get it. But I'm not good with song lyrics.

 

[jack action]

 

[collinsmark]

View attachment 281213​

For anyone who didn't get it:

Spoiler

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unix_time

 

[DaveC426913]

For anyone who didn't get it:

Now that one I got.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Looks Good on Paper by Dan Collins for April 10, 2021

 

[jtbell]

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Phillipe Floppe.

 

[dRic2]

This is not a joke per se but I found it very funny.

I was watching a youtube video of a physicist giving a lecture and at some point he said:
"If you can generate a closed-form analytic solution, then it stands to reason that this is a faster solution than any other methods (i.e. you just plug the numbers into a formula)"
Then a mathematician raised his hand and said:
"It depends on your definition of closed-form, analytic, and faster."

 

[jack action]

 

[Keith_McClary]

"If you can generate a closed-form analytic solution, then it stands to reason that this is a faster solution than any other methods (i.e. you just plug the numbers into a formula)"
Then a mathematician raised his hand and said:
"It depends on your definition of closed-form, analytic, and faster."

And other issues:

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

A friend of mine had a pet pig for a while.

He got rid of it because it kept hogging the couch.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Jim Benton Cartoons by Jim Benton for March 18, 2021​

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 281400

To borrow from SG-1 on virgin birth:
"It's supposed to have happened once before."
"She's referring to..."
"I know the one of whom she speaks, Daniel Jackson. Darth Vader."

 

[Borg]

View attachment 281400

Reminds me of this shirt that I saw recently.

 

[jack action]

 

[Keith_McClary]

From a Google Image search page:

 

[BillTre]

Stork delivering baby:

 

[fresh_42]

This stork looks like a heron.

 

[DaveC426913]

This stork looks like a heron.

Not all herons bear apes.